Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Bawdy (Body?) Personality

Here is another sculpture from that sculpture garden that I visited with my grandson earlier in the month.  This garden was created as a lovely quiet place by parents to honor a special daughter that had left them way too early,  so it was with great thankfulness that I followed the paths.

I brought my granddaughter when it was her turn to visit us.  She came primarily for the little fairy houses that had been created by various people in the community.  But she also loved the paths and ramps and ability to kick up her heals in a big open space.  Running is one of her favorites things to do.

Below is a photo showing her reaction to the same statue of the girl in pigtails that my grandson saw (That photo is in a prior post in case you missed it).  Her response was very different as you can see.  I think this says something about her personality and perhaps something about the fact that she is very familiar with the female body and not so much in awe as perhaps my grandson was.  (I will tell you that her comment was on a different part of the body than would be most obvious.) What do you think about my thoughts?

Monday, August 20, 2012


Sometimes you let your husband help with the laundry...but you have to realize it may not be done exactly as you do it!  This is how I found a blouse hanging in my closet today.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

That Talk We All Avoid

My 7-year-old grandson is visiting us this week. He had a free week from his summer schedule and we are thrilled to be able to share this time with him. Seven is a magical age. I had forgotten how wonderful it is to pal around with a seven-year-old! There are a few things we have to push him to do and others which we let him opt out of as his days are super scheduled most times. This generation rarely has time to do nothing. We give him that and unlike his sister, who has to be endlessly entertained, he can amuse himself for hours with a Lego kit or a craft project.

We have a local sculpture garden (out here in the boonies) and they have an annual "Fairies in the Garden" exhibit. They make it fun for the kids by creating puzzles and mazes along with the fairy houses.

I took him once again this year, because I know he soon will be too old for such silly stuff and I will be too old for the more exciting stuff he will want to do.  ( I have little desire to shoot down a zipline.)

He is now of an age where he notices more things in this sculpture garden beyond the fairy houses, and that has led to greater discussions...such as "What is a torso?"  and comments such as, "She looks scary without her arms, don't you think?"  This sculpture below almost led to another whole new discussion for which I had not prepared.  Grannies, beware!

I love how intrigued he is by this magical girl in pigtails.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Signs of This Time

My trip north through Maine toward Prince Edward Island and back through New Hampshire provided lots of opportunities for photos, many of which I have deleted upon my return already.  I will not bore you with them all, but here are a few that certainly reflect the area and are very different from what I might see in my neck of the woods.

Best place for breakfast in Bar Harbor.

Great place for a lobster roll at the ferry crossing.

Quote of Lucy Maud Montgomery, author of Anne of Green Gables.  Taken where she grew up.

Enough said...or written!

There were no skiers that I could see!

We didn't, but there were plenty of places where we could!

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Thursday Thoughts #36---13 Things That Annoy Me

The world if full of annoyances which if not ignored will drive us to tearing our hair and screaming into the night sky. So we ignore them as best we can. Today I will list some of my favorites.

THINGS THAT ANNOY ME  (Listed in the order in which they burble to my consciousness...nothing 'pops' into my head anymore):

  1. Salad Kits.  These can be found in the produce section and they are plastic bags filled with chopped greens, and perhaps, a plastic bag of dressing as well.  I do admit that if you do not know how to chop lettuce you should stay away from knives.  But a SALAD "KIT"?  Puhleeze...just shred the lettuce with your hands and buy a bottle of dressing.
  2. Any 'Housewives of'  Television Show.  No further comment, except if you enjoy these you need to go to more of your family reunions for entertainment.
  3. Comments from My Children on How I Spend My Time.  Yes, I do spend inordinate hours taking and processing photographs.  Why does no one comment on how much time a chef spends perfecting his skill, a weekend boat builder in spending years on his hobby, your husband and his sports related stuff?
  4. Cleaning the kitchen sink and finding 5 minutes later it is covered in tea leaves.  Enough said.
  5. Lowfat Yogurt.  This stuff tastes like something weird and certainly NOT yogurt.  Ice cream and yogurt have to have fat in them or they are not worth eating.
  6. Plastic Wine Stoppers.  Real cork has been proven to be the more environmentally friendly way to go and metal screw on tops have been proven to be a better way to seal wines for aging.  I HATE plastic wine stoppers and you cannot tell you have one until you remove the aluminum wrapper and spend an hour trying to pull out the stopper!
  7. Provocative clothes for any girl under 14.  You can complain about childhood promiscuity and the danger of pedophiles...but if your kid wears a bikini or tiny skirt I am ignoring you.  If your 14-year-old wears white skin-tight slacks I am going to hit you up the side of the head.
  8. People who assume you have an open book in front of you on your lap because you are bored and want to talk to them.
  9. Congress.
  10. Picky Eaters.  Wasted time trying to plan a meal or choose a restaurant that makes them happy.
  11. People who read over my shoulder.  I apologize, but it is a quirk I cannot contain.  Hubby knows better!
  12. Mosquitoes after the rain.
  13. Late Acceptances.  After inviting my son and his girlfriend down for the 4th two weeks earlier and not hearing from him we gave up and decided to head to the city for fireworks.  He calls at 1:00 that very afternoon and asks if he can come down with his gal!
Anything particularly annoying for you these days?  (The oyster photo has nothing to do with this post...isn't that annoying?)

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Essential Things You May Have Missed Out On

It amuses and amazes me everyday how I have become that old person who looks back on life and wondered how I ever got through it without all the aids, gadgets, networks that are available today.

I raised two delightful and complicated children back then.  We did not have seat belts in cars and my friends who smoked were allowed to smoke while we went somewhere.  Miraculously my children survived both these dangers.  I unknowingly fed them foods in containers lined with carcinogenic plastics or probably sprayed with dangerous pesticides.  School lunches included the vegetable ketchup to balance the repast.  Abandoned refrigerators and mean dogs were the greatest fear in neighborhoods.

Because I am a technologically savvy grandma, I purchase gifts from my grandchildren via that new magical mall, the Internet.  These companies then automatically assume I need paper versions of their inventory as well and my mail box begins to regurgitate colored catalogs of items beyond my wildest dreams.

There are gates and locks and containers that even an enterprising raccoon would have difficulty surmounting.  Children now have their own luggage when they travel, and sunglasses and helmets when they are out riding in that dangerous but very comfortable stroller.  With the added cup-holder and side music speakers, as Fran Lebowitz says, they are never leaving that stroller.

In the latest version of one of these missives offering "thoughtfully selected products," I have the opportunity to purchase a Potty Watch that alerts small children with lights and music to remind them to go to the bathroom at preset intervals...I cannot help but think of a child who would become dependent on this and could not go to the bathroom without the know, that idiot CEO at the board meeting!  I could buy a pillow that supports good posture in small children when they sleep...unless they sleep sideways across the bed as does my grandson #1 or with the pillow over their head as does my granddaughter.

There is even a strange device that one uses to remove mucus from the noses of little ones who have not mastered the art of blowing.  The mother puts it against the child's nostrils and then puts a little plastic tube in her mouth and proceeds to suck on the tube.  The text assures us that the mucus goes into a tissue and not the mother's mouth.  It still looks very unsettling in the photo (above) of mother and child using it.  The real clincher is that the publisher claims it has been used by European parents for years.  (They probably write in the European version that it has been used by North American parents for years.)

How did our baby "animals" survive without this stuff?  What new wonders will be available to my grandchildren when they begin to raise their little ones?  All of these do not belay the real dangers of global climate change, air pollution, water pollution, crime, drugs and daily stress that our little ones have to battle.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Survey or Was It?

Let us say that you have a local bank where you do most of your business.  Let us say that after the bad news on banks in years past, you really like this bank because it did not get bad press.  You like this bank because it provides good service and is conveniently located in both your town and also in the grocery where you shop.

Let us say that after numerous phone calls, from a phone number ID of Pittsburgh, PA which you did not recognize, you decide to finally answer the phone.  Let us say that the call is from the marketing headquarters of your bank and they really, really, really, really love your patronage and want to survey you as one of their favored customers.   (No, neither of your accounts is in the 6 figures.)  They want to know what it is that you like about their bank, and what it is that you don't like, and what you would recommend for better service to you, their valued customer.  I suggested higher interest rates which brought a chuckle on the other end.

Now answer me this question:

Why after this 8 ( golly it seemed like 20) minute phone call which you had to break off yourself with a false excuse, do you now know that the bank interviewer is 38, has a girlfriend, they are Redskins fans, they both love to garden, he will use your term 'therapeutic' in relation to gardening if you don't mind(?), they never buy tomatoes from the store...although the farmer's market can sometimes provide a decent tomato, the interviewer's mother is 70, both he and his mother lost a chunk of money in the market crash (through investments with Leighman Brothers), after which he fired his investment counselor, and as a final tidbit of info, he is now concerned because his mother is on a fixed income? Why is he telling me this?!!  I am not a Chatty Kathy, so I did not pull this out of him.  As a matter of fact, I barely got a word in edgewise except for answering a rare question or two.  As I stood impatiently talking to this man and staring out my front window, I almost thought it was a joke and that I was part of some 'you got punked' show expecting Brad Pitt to show up at my door cell phone in hand and big grin on his face.  Fat chance.

After several commiserating comments on my part which I was able to make while the interviewer took a breath, I then insisted I HAD to go.  He responds with, "Well, I still have several more questions to ask you.  Perhaps I can call you back later or in a few days?"  (Not in your wildest wet dreams, kiddo.)  With a smile in your voice you recommend he do that and then hang up the phone and make a promise to yourself not to answer any more phone calls with the ID Pittsburgh, PA.  (I now wonder if he was trying to get personal information out of me and this wasn't a bank call after all?  He did find out that I like to garden and I am not a Redskins fan.)


Thursday, March 31, 2011

Is That Fear I Feel Rising?

Fear when used with rational consideration of all the data can be a useful tool that is designed to protect us from possible danger. Fear when used with a lack of control and based only on emotion can be a disaster.  When fear becomes panic and we stop relying on the gray cells, then we are in for punishment.  I think the stories coming out of Japan show tremendous courage but also lots of rational thought.  Bold actions facing the fear were taken by individuals that saved many lives even though just running away would have resulted in the person insuring the safety of his/her own life alone.

Two months ago when I was staying at a friends home in central Florida, I had lots of time on my hands.  They live on several acres in lovely tropical woods and on a large freshwater spring.  I could take early morning or late evening or even mid-day walks and totally disappear from the site of the house for long periods of time.  The weather was comfortable, and except for the few rains, I was having fun with my camera capturing all the exotic stuff.

Florida is filled with beauty and this is mixed in with exotic alligators, poisonous snakes, and an odd plant danger or two.   I had the privilege of seeing a wild bobcat saunter across the front lawn one morning.  My walks were usually by myself, and being conscious of this, I was careful although not fearful.  During one morning I came across this snake skin beside the path.  This was a REALLY long snake, and so I became somewhat concerned.  There had been a 10-foot (non-indigenous) python seen crawling across the nearby road two winters ago on this property...but it was also found frozen to death in a nearby drainage pipe two days later.  AND what I had heard about pythons was that they NOT did sneak up on you and attack you as you were walking.  They look for much smaller prey.

Unless animals see us as dinner or cannot see a way out, I think in 99% of the other cases they try to avoid us.  I decided that a snake skin is not a snake and moved in slowly for a closer look.

Who knows what scratched ankles, broken limbs or painfully stubbed toes (not to mention damaged camera) I might have incurred had I followed my first instinct to run screaming down the path back to the house?  Fear is a guidance counselor...not a drill Sargent.  If you are having trouble understanding this on the photo above.

(As a post script for all who are afraid of mother nature, afraid of there not being enough (of whatever) to go around, afraid of the news, afraid of people who look, act and think differently than are in for a very long scary ride.  I am so sorry.)

Sunday, December 05, 2010


Working on Thursday Thoughts... and since, perhaps, some of you are stopping at the blogger bar on the way home hoping to find some lovin' comfort here is all I could dredge up between now and then.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Truth, the Whole Truth

I sometimes take hundreds of photographs on a day trip. I used to be conservative and clearly egotistical thinking that I should be selective and only try to take the 'best' shots.  I also felt going through 300 photos when I got home would be a headache. It isn't really...just deleting 99% is the tedious part.  I find that among those 300 there is usually one or two worthy of a post or adding to my collection. I realized that just posting these 2 or 3 was not a fair or realistic story of my photographic trips. So below is a more accurate photographic journey that I took in the canoe just a few weeks ago.  (The 3% will be posted on my other blog in the future.)

It was a beautiful if somewhat nippy fall morning.  We drove up to the landing at a small river that flows into a small bay that is a protected area for wildlife.  The foggy mist was just lifting from the water and made for a nice but not great early morning shot.  I had to carefully stand in some squishy wet grass that was just beginning to thaw from the early frost and to lean out across the water.  It was hard to see where the land ended and the deeper part of the river bank began.  I only got a few toes wet and cold which is the sacrifice one makes for a photo.

The air was crisp and the sky was a perfect November blue.  Some of the trees were still clinging to their colored leaves and the water was like glass.  I had my camera, my paddle, my paddle-mate, my warm gloves, my travel mug of hot coffee and a package of donuts.  Perfect for this little Queen, I thought.

I was able to manage a paddle stroke and a sip of coffee while resting my bismarck on the bow of the canoe.  I had the rhythm going.  Of course it helps that your mate does 90% of the paddling while you eat and drink.  As we got to the wider part of the river we could hear the geese that were sheltering in this preserve.  The sound of gunfire was intermittent in the distance which must have been making them leery.

We heard the geese chattering long before we rounded the grassy point and actually saw them tucked against the marsh. I immediately recognized the photo op and quickly set down my coffee cup which promptly spilled on my foot warming my previously chilled toes...but I got the first shot before the geese were bolting.  I watched them gently swimming away from us and grumbling to each other as I dabbed at my now warm foot with my wool neck scarf and uprighted my travel mug.  I lowered the camera and removed my gloves and took a bite of the frosting sticky donut and noticed the geese didn't fly.  I licked my chocolate frosted fingers as I pondered the hesitation of the geese.

Suddenly without warning and just to the back of my left shoulder a large flock of ducks broke the silence screaming in panic.  I rarely can get photos of our wild ducks, the above photo being a prime example.  They are very leery and so my heart jumped at seeing so many and so close as they raced across the bow of the canoe quacking and flapping.  I grabbed my camera covering the hand grip with frosting and snapped this blurry tilted photo above.  Then while trying to manually focus for a better shot I got more frosting on the lens!

I grabbed the damp wool scarf at my feet and brushed it across the lens quickly and leaning back in the canoe snapping this shot above my head as the ducks banked left toward another marsh.  Please notice the framing, the focus and the artistic use of lint which is not something I have seen on many photos.  (You should click on the photo for the complete experience.)

Oh, yeah, I also got this sharp photo of a hawk...feel free to identify!

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Home Sweet Home

I have a lovely patio beneath my deck at the back of my house.  I have carefully placed some rattan furniture that we bought while living in Indonesia which I painted weather-resistant white and paired it with some plastic furniture (on it's last seasonal legs) that I inherited from my mother-in-law who lived in Florida.  I bought a cute little outdoor rug (actually fought with two gay guys over who would get to purchase it).  We have a small iron fireplace unit.  And yet, after all this careful design we use this place only a few times a year as we are busy people.

Yesterday I went out there to clean the place of leaves and spider webs to get ready for some company that were coming.  One of the faded cushions with the ties that have long since broken was flopped over and the chair was covered in wind blown leaves.

Or so I thought!  Those determined little wrens will build a nest anywhere.  I have chased them outside of my garage many times.  Fortunately there were no eggs inside this nest.  Maybe they were just practicing and this was just a 'test nest'.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Signs of the Times

Heading up north to take care of two really special people (you can guess who). Thought I would leave with some sign humor while I was gone. Of course, my sense of humor may leave something to be desired.

After our brief bike ride I was disappointed to see the above sign.  I always like to scare the tourists.  

You know that you live in a rural area when you see signs like this one above.  You will need to click on the photo to see what it says.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

You Cannot Choose Your In-laws

My life is too short to worry about the views of others and the choices made by my adult children and minds that cannot be changed.  Anyway, my daughter was far into the relationship with my then-to-be S.I.L. before I had even met him.  But I have grown to love him in spite of our substantial differences.

He is a good Catholic (I will not even dwell on my prejudicial fears there..fears about the religion not the people) but my daughter said he did not expect her to convert.  He got a point from me for that.

He is very good looking, well groomed and extremely well-mannered.  He gets points for that although I think he does spend a little too much time on appearances.  (He even gave my 4-year-old grandson a brief lecture on the various ways hair gel can create a look before the pre-school holiday program!)  In balance, he does run and exercise to keep in shape and while vain, it means he will remain healthy into old age.

He is romantic beyond words and loves his children and wife with a passion and gets lots of points for that.

He is hard-working and a good provider and gets points for that.

He has longstanding loyal and honest friends which attests to his character.

He spends too much of his free time either playing golf, watching football or playing fantasy football on the computer...but all people have their vices and his does not involve alcohol or other women.

I did get a clue about some of our basic differences when he tried to shut off the skylight in the bathroom until my daughter explained what a skylight was!

I got another clue about our differences when he told my daughter that he felt we were somewhat prejudiced because we valued higher education so much.  (He doesn't read anything unless it is on a computer screen or in Entertainment Magazine.)

I got another clue when my daughter explained his surprise that she had such strong ethical rules and honesty standards (stronger than his) even though she did not attend church on a regular basis. (This was after he hit a car while attempting to park several spaces ahead and slightly damaging the other car's side mirror.)

I got a clue when we learned he was an ardent Republican and totally had no passion for environmental issues.  He also thought our prior president was pretty smart.

One more clue was provided recently when he told my daughter he thought we were a little strange for taking in an injured wild bird and then spending the time to drive 3o miles to a rescue shelter. 

But the final clarity of how deeply we were different came when he noticed the number of cookbooks on the shelf in my kitchen and asked why more than just one or two would ever be needed.  My life will always be spicier and more interesting and perhaps I can add just a little spice to his life.

I do think that differences in people are what help the world go round and help test our values and beliefs.  We just have to realize we cannot change people and we can only change ourselves.  (It has taken me almost my full life to learn how to live this!)

These two young people do make a well-matched couple as was in evidence when they were visiting their friends over the New Year's weekend.  They were staying up late playing cards, when the mistress of the house where they were staying saw a tiny gray mouse dart under her refrigerator and proceeded to scream in panic as she jumped on the couch.  My S.I.L. followed in like manner and with the same panic stood on a nearby chair.  My daughter and the man of the house got a broom and bucket in an unsuccessful attempt to corner the little free-loader.  There is a pattern and balance to life that works out in the end.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Style Maven, NOT

Among the many gifts brought home from my husband's recent trip to Indonesia was the silk batik fabric below.  It was a gift from the people he was assisting.  It is supposed to be used for making a shirt.  It is so lovely and since I no longer sew, we will have to find someone who can turn this into something usable and something to show off.  Maybe a blouse for me?

Below is a photo taken on the "short-sleeve shirt" side of my husband's closet.  You can tell from the aloha shirts and the multicolored shirts that he has Pacific and Asian tastes.  At first glance, one might think that he was gay.  Well, he is gay, very gay...but not that way.  He is a strong man, secure in his manhood to be able to wear this stuff.  He actually was once a hunter and lifts weights and does SCUBA.  I wonder what Queer Eye for the Straight Guy would say about THIS closet inventory?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Not Mr. Roger's Neighborhood

I just had my wrapping paper order delivered by a multi-millionare...well her mom is one anyway. They came via kayak. Is this an unusual neighborhood or what?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Long Hot Summer Stilllife

I am guessing the summer has been too long and too hot when the vegetables lean back on the counter and start smirking at on photo to see what I mean. Sigh. Smart aleck cucumbers. I have my grandson visiting all week, so may be to busy to blog much.

For those charming readers who asked...

Yes, I finished going through the trunk but am still reading my college letters home. That is taking more time. I did sort them (anal retentive person that I am) into chronological order so that my parents responses are correctly interspersed with my letters. My mother is very much a "Gracie Allen" when she writes. I am sure that most people other than my generation have no idea what I am talking about, but you can Google or Bing this scatterbrained character.

You asked about the dinner which was a lucky win so I didn't try Grannies potato soup. Pescatarians eat only seafood protein. So:

Cucumber salad (sour cream and mint dressing)
Striped Bass in a tangy Thai marinade
Steamed crab with basil/butter/olive oil/ lime sauce for dipping
Corn on the cob
Toasted French baguette slices with either garlic butter or tangy roasted tomatoes and basil from the garden on top.
For dessert:
Vanilla ice cream with heated fresh peach slices in brown sugar and butter as a topping.
Hot tea/coffee to help finish the meal.

It was a cholesterol busters meal to die for.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

I Am a Surprise, My Grandaughter Seeps, and My Grandson...well!

My grandson told me the other day that his mother said he had three surprises waiting for him when he climbed into the car from pre-school and two of them were people. I looked at him with a questioning frown and said "People??" He looked up at me with those warm brown eyes and silly smile and said "Yes, you and Doc!" Doc is what he calls his grandfather and we had just arrived that evening to spend the night. I like being a surprise even better than being surprised.

My granddaughter woke up from her deep night's sleep the first morning after her visit and called out to me, "Neena!" "Neena!" When I opened the door to the room where she had been sleeping she peered at me through the mass of hair hanging in front of her eyes and smiled. "I seeping!" she said. (I think she meant sleeping, but she also seeps when she sleeps if you know what I mean.)

While racing through the Wal-Mart yesterday toward the toy section with my 4-year-old grandson to select the 'promised' toy, we had to go past the women's lingerie section. There at the end of the aisle was a 'full' display of padded bras in bright colors with ribbons and lace. Xman could not stop himself (what male can?) and running to the display actually pinched the middle of one bra cup and with a gleam in his eyes smiled up at me and said "Boobies!" (Remember, he is 4!) This precocious 4-year-old has already asked the anatomy questions on the difference between boys and girls to his pre-school teacher and she had to send a 'smiling' note home to the parents to explain that she had referred these anatomy questions to them. (My daughter is saving the note.)

Next weekend my step- nephew who is in his 20's is visiting us with his new girlfriend...whom his parents have not yet met. Therefore I have strict instructions to keep my eyes open and tell them everything as well as take pictures because they think the pictures on his Facebook page are not good enough! I must put on my spy cloak, I guess. At least I have not been requested to deal with anatomy answers or sleeping arrangements!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Signs of the Times

Each of these photos was taken in the good old USA except for the hot pepper sign which was taken in Puerto Rico and the 'stuff' sign from Nassau. Signs taken in other countries and written in English can be even more funny! I wish I had owned a digital camera in my travels years ago.

So this is how he got started! And even thus he has come so far.

Not sure but it looks like popsicles are doing the carving?

Cute sign outside a Puerto Rican restaurant. Those Latinos have such a good sense of humor.

I posted this photo a while back. This is outside an oyster shucking house and it means what it says. The ladies do not like being photographed in their working garb.

I don't think anyone would want to let their pet roam in this mine field. (click to enlarge)

Posted this photo a while back and it was taken in Nassau. I just liked the fact that they admitted they sold stuff rather than treasures and souvenirs.

And what can I say about this one? Those in Florida know exactly what this means but for the rest of us...I like my Cubans hot...but pressed?

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Turtle School - Olde Style

I hereby declare today "Tabor's Blog Silly Day." I think my brain is slowly melting from the increasingly warmer weather and longer days. It seems that I can no longer form words with my fingers...q2m0mng, enowj naoeoinh! (Click on images to be able to read!)

(Taken on a nearby freshwater lake.)