My life is too short to worry about the views of others and the choices made by my adult children and minds that cannot be changed. Anyway, my daughter was far into the relationship with my then-to-be S.I.L. before I had even met him. But I have grown to love him in spite of our substantial differences.
He is a good Catholic (I will not even dwell on my prejudicial fears there..fears about the religion not the people) but my daughter said he did not expect her to convert. He got a point from me for that.
He is very good looking, well groomed and extremely well-mannered. He gets points for that although I think he does spend a little too much time on appearances. (He even gave my 4-year-old grandson a brief lecture on the various ways hair gel can create a look before the pre-school holiday program!) In balance, he does run and exercise to keep in shape and while vain, it means he will remain healthy into old age.
He is romantic beyond words and loves his children and wife with a passion and gets lots of points for that.
He is hard-working and a good provider and gets points for that.
He has longstanding loyal and honest friends which attests to his character.
He spends too much of his free time either playing golf, watching football or playing fantasy football on the computer...but all people have their vices and his does not involve alcohol or other women.
I did get a clue about some of our basic differences when he tried to shut off the skylight in the bathroom until my daughter explained what a skylight was!
I got another clue about our differences when he told my daughter that he felt we were somewhat prejudiced because we valued higher education so much. (He doesn't read anything unless it is on a computer screen or in Entertainment Magazine.)
I got another clue when my daughter explained his surprise that she had such strong ethical rules and honesty standards (stronger than his) even though she did not attend church on a regular basis. (This was after he hit a car while attempting to park several spaces ahead and slightly damaging the other car's side mirror.)
I got a clue when we learned he was an ardent Republican and totally had no passion for environmental issues. He also thought our prior president was pretty smart.
One more clue was provided recently when he told my daughter he thought we were a little strange for taking in an injured wild bird and then spending the time to drive 3o miles to a rescue shelter.
But the final clarity of how deeply we were different came when he noticed the number of cookbooks on the shelf in my kitchen and asked why more than just one or two would ever be needed. My life will always be spicier and more interesting and perhaps I can add just a little spice to his life.
I do think that differences in people are what help the world go round and help test our values and beliefs. We just have to realize we cannot change people and we can only change ourselves. (It has taken me almost my full life to learn how to live this!)
These two young people do make a well-matched couple as was in evidence when they were visiting their friends over the New Year's weekend. They were staying up late playing cards, when the mistress of the house where they were staying saw a tiny gray mouse dart under her refrigerator and proceeded to scream in panic as she jumped on the couch. My S.I.L. followed in like manner and with the same panic stood on a nearby chair. My daughter and the man of the house got a broom and bucket in an unsuccessful attempt to corner the little free-loader. There is a pattern and balance to life that works out in the end.
If we saw a mouse in our flat, I think it's the cat who would leap on a chair in terror.
ReplyDeleteI love your S.I.L. He sounds a lot like my daughter's spouse and she was very mature in her choice of a husband, unlike her mother who married out of lust at age 19 to a very unsuitable fellow. I give thanks to God every day that my daughter picked a good guy. I will add that my S.I.L. would battle the mouse or a lion if either showed up.
ReplyDeleteHow boring life would be if we were all the same.
ReplyDeleteI will melt....LOL I used to be fearless, but after a nasty accident long, long ago, I'm no longer fearless driving in the rain.
ReplyDeleteMy eldest is accomplishing so much in such a short time...just five years. I've not been there for her for much of her drug addictions and alcoholism at it's worst. She was homeless, a badly battered woman, with four kids adopted out of the system. With the birth of this fifth child, life seemed to turn around for her. She fell into a program that worked, Sister Clair's, and has paid back her bills, is now into her second year of college, and as of yesterday has a drivers license again with a SUV. All she has is one day at a time. All I can do is tell her that I am here regardless.
I give you kudos for giving your S.I.L points for his good qualities. You are a fair mother-in-law and, although you have many differences, you see that he is good to your daughter and grandchildren and that's the important thing.
ReplyDeleteLove your post. My three S.I.L's are the best too my daughters and excellent fathers to my grandchildren. I could write similar - but family is reading what this mom, grandmother and M.I.L writes.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I have the thought - I should not have shared my enjoyment of writing and posting
I was doing okay till I hit the part about the prior president....
ReplyDeleteI empthize completely. Our daughter-in-law is from such a different world that her folks won't speak to us. But I've grown to love her despite that. Heck, I couldn't be more different from my wife and our marriage has worked for 24 years.
ReplyDeleteSo interesting....he is the lucky one to have in-laws like ya'll. To embrace all kinds, not being fearful how their differences will impact our lives and those we love (daughter and grandkids) is how we all should be.
ReplyDeleteIt takes all kinds.
An interesting look into your SIL's life. Our daughter's first husband read nothing but Sports Illustrated after he graduated from college, and I do mean nothing.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like he needs to be educated about animals, but if he is good to your daughter and their children - he's a keeper.
You have such a fair and balanced way of looking at things - and people. Most others would simply harp on the differences and leave it at that. You manage to find the good and the commonalities. Inspiring.
ReplyDeleteNow I need to work up the wherewithal to assess my own extended fam members in a similar light. God help us all :)
I enjoyed reading your thoughts about your SIL. He sounds like a good guy to me :) He just needs to spend a little more time observing nature to understand your love and concern for Zorro and the other creatures. Give him time :)
ReplyDeleteAnd BTW I agree with his assessment of President Bush ;)
It's great that we can have good relationships in spite of our differences. Tolerance is a valuable characteristic, but not always an easy one to practice.
I have mixed feelings about the mouse :)