Who has the Stomach for It?

(Finally got a chance to post this during a late lunch.)

I Don’t Have the Stomach for it Anymore

A few weeks ago I was surfing television looking for something to distract me and help wind down the day. I came across “Into the West” on TNT. This short series was produced by Steven Spielburg which certainly lends some cache in terms of credibility and entertainment. So, even though the series has started the week before, I was intrigued and decided to watch Chapter 3 and Chapter 4. Beginning credits were attractive and set a gentle western scene. Everything is filmed in gentle sepia tones creating a historic mood. Costumes and props are clearly made to look authentic. The actors themselves are well cast and in some instances represent actual historic characters. The actors’ faces, for the most part, are not common to television viewers and so the character is allowed to come through. The history of the development of the western territories is told following the lives of two families.

OK, enough background. Why didn’t I finish watching Chapter 4? I frequently stop watching a movie, TV Show, sports game when I think it is getting late and I need to go to bed, old grandmother fart that I am. It drives my husband nuts that I can get up in the middle of a show and head to bed without wondering how the episode ends. (Of course most of television is so derivative that there is no time lost pondering the ending on my part and I’d rather get to my book.) But, this is not the reason I didn’t watch the finish of this show. I turned off the set because I was crying so hard, I just couldn’t watch any more. The blatent violence and loss of innocent elderly and children just kicked me in the gut, and, Spielburg makes it all so real…the fact that is was real history…just couldn’t do it. It was a beautiful and tragic story of our history. I really wanted to watch it all, but I couldn’t.

I don’t know if this has to do with aging or just the years of images that have been burned in my mind, or 9/11, but I don’t have the stomach to watch such violence—even in the news anymore. I was watching BBC last night, because they actually report the news (not just the stories about beautiful white girls that are missing or pedophiles gone amok) and they were showing the genocide and starvation happening in Darfur. I looked for 10, maybe 15 seconds, and I had to change the channel. I could not bear it. Switch to “Friends” or “Everybody Loves Raymond” as something totally mindless to cleanse the palate.

It just seems that my nerves are raw and fringed these days or there is too much reality on TV. Psychologists say that “Violent programs on television lead to aggressive behavior by children and teenagers who watch those programs. I wonder what it leads to in baby boomers such as myself?

Nothing to say

The sweet M-I-L of my daughter joined us on a beach outing a few weekends ago. She is a deeply religious Catholic and if all Catholics were like her the Church would be a shining example of what Christiantity is supposed to be. You cannot help but love her. But here is the conversation that left my tongue bleeding as I oh so carefully bit it...!

My daughter: "Mom, you need to tell me the words to Hail Mary so when my son is in school or church I can help him with it."

M-I-L: "It is really pretty easy. You need a rosary. Do you know about that?"

My daughter: "Yes.'

M-I-L: "You know, I say the Rosary every single day. I made a promise to God years ago, when I wanted my first child . (M-I-L went through a NUMBER of miscarriages before the birth of her first.) I promised God that if he gave me a child I would say my Rosary every day after that. Of course, some days I am too busy so I make sure to say it twice the next day. I am afraid that God might do something bad to my child if I didn't"

???? God Help me, please????

Woke up too early this morning!

Discovered this exercise on Kenju's blog (which is a very good read by the way). I welcome any and all readers who have missed this to share their list if they are so inclined.

10 Things I have done that you probably haven’t.

1) Weaned a calf

2) Physically restrained a 14-year-old who had pulled a knife on a teacher the previous year

3) Eaten dog with farm workers on the island of Mindanao

4) Slept in a grass hut on the island of Babledaup

5) Lived on the side of an active volcano

6) Traveled half-way around the world with a six-week old baby.

7) Played the front end of Rudolph-the-Red-Nosed Reindeer in a play I wrote

8) Been bitten on the heal by a wild monkey

9) Been taken out to dinner by my hotel wait staff

10) Paddled out of the living room of my house by canoe

A Lot of Miles on the Old Dog

I think I save too much. All the memories. Only three of these are active. There is a fourth now in Korea.

Organizing Your Life

Here it is early on Saturday. I have an entire weekend to do what I want...or need to do being the Puritan Work-Ethic person. My hubby was off for a two-day trip to Louisiana. He came back in the middle of Tuesday night and left at 5:00 Wednesday for a week-long trip to Korea. So I am on my own. OK, I admit it. I love him and I really like our time together. But I especially LOVE being alone as well. So, I am actually looking forward to these next days when I only have to answer to my needs.

But being the Puritan that I am, here is my list of 'to-dos' (in no order) that I made sleepily last night while surfing the TV before bed--there is nothing on television.

1)Exercise at least 60 min. on Saturday and Sunday (I have totally fallen off my exercise routine since we moved.)
2)Go through the four-drawer file cabinet and weed, weed, weed.
3)File all the stuff in the plastic bin that sits in front of the file cabinet.
4)Clean the apartment.
5)Organize all the piles and boxes still in the bedroom so I can get dressed in the morning!
6)Create two spreadsheets. One to track the financial activities on the housebuilding and one to track the actual actitivies on the housebuilding.
7)Laundry(?) if I can get the washer.
8)Organize the bookshelves where I just piled stuff during the move.

And, of course, per Carol's last entry, What am I doing right now? I am blogging first thing.

My daughter called last night to see if I wanted to do something with her and our cousin on Sunday. So that removes half the weekend. My daughter is a sweetie and gets people to do stuff for her that amazes me. She had to go back to work on July 5. Her future babysitting arrangement can't take place until September. So she got her mother-in-law in to drive down from three states away to babysit for the last two weeks; she is paying to fly in a distant cousin of ours from Michigan ("Studying nursing and knows how to give a baby CPR.")for the next two weeks; and then I take over for the first week and the last week of August. They still need someone for the middle of that month and it looks like hubby will have to take a week off and she herself will have to also take another week of leave.

At least she and I know how to organize our time.

Potter Passion vs. Wusthof

As lover of books I have to admit that I haven't read a single Harry Potter book (apologies to Hedwig)! I have so many other books still on my list to read and I am an anal retentive so must read from number one in any series and that just hasn't happened. Besides, I hate pressure to read a book before the movie. Amazon.com said it was planning on selling 50,000 copies per hour! A lot of hype out there.

Of course if you peruse the news you will see there are all kinds of stories about who to, when, where, and how these copies will be delivered. And then just type "Harry Potter" in Google's news engine and you will get a bunch of interesting stories surrounding this passion. It sort of reminds me of the passion for the tulips years ago....;-)

What is it about us that makes us push to be the first to read the book, see the movie, buy the fashion statement? Does it lose it's value if we don't get it at the earliest?

My rush usually ends up in a sale item issue. Overstock finally got one of the few brand names of knives I was looking for! I put in an order for the "high likelihood of early sellout' item ( see photo) for my new kitchen. My current knife set is 30 years old and incomplete along with a lot of bits and pieces of knives from elsewhere along the way. NOW one complete set! AND at 50% off. Who can beat that?

Music Meme

1. Total volume of music files on my computer:
I downloaded some stuff a long time ago…can’t find it. So don’t really have any music on my PC!

2. The last CD I bought was:

Since I have been moving, I haven’t been shopping. But two months ago I bought Mediterranea by Johannes Linstead.

3. Song playing right now:
”Street Sounds” by Brazil Chill

4. Five songs (tunes) I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

(Yes, I AM CHEATING. Sorry I have to do albums or CDs and not in any order because I am all over the place in my moods! And I could go on and on.)

1) Cool and Unusual - Artist: Martin Simpson (for afternoon dreaming)

2) Amici - Artists: The Opera Band (for creativity or [on low]after-dinner conversation with friends)

3) American Deluxe - Artists: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (for house cleaning)

4) Slowing Down the World – Artist Chris Botti (for, well, you know)

5) Graceland – Artist: Paul Simon (for the memories)

5. Five people to whom I'm passing the baton (if they haven’t already received it!):
Manababees

Danny

Jason

Chris

Sis

Carol at the Outpost

Hooters

There is news this morning that the Panda couple at the National Zoo appear to be future parents...at long last. These huge animals will have a baby that weighs about 4 ounces and is the size is a little larger than a golf ball. The zoo keepers said that after the birth, they were going to leave the first-time mom and baby alone and let nature take its course rather than try to guide the nursing process.

This started me thinking about 'nature taking it's course.' If I was living in the wild, had never had a baby, had never seen a mother and baby and gave birth to my first child, would I naturally know how to nurse? Society intellectualizes the process of nursing. We don't like to think of ourselves as biological animals and we certainly like to think of breasts as sexual organs and not feeding organs.

We hide the nursing process, by making mothers go into dark corners or cover their bodies as much as possible when they nurse in public. My daughter purchased two "hooter hiders" so she can live a somewhat normal life and feed her baby boy when among friends or in public.

Having lived for years on a tropical island where natives went topless and where nursing was the same as eating, I grew very comfortable with this biological function of ours. There were stories where years ago missionaries came to the islands to convert the 'heathen' natives and one of the processes was to cover the top of the women with blouses and shirts since boobies had something to do with sin. The story goes that this lasted a short while as the women (those nursing) soon cut holes in the shirts at exactly the most useful place so they could feed their babies easily.

Today I am off to my grandson's baptism...a process that comforts some in the family and which has a little bit of an unsettling effect on others.

It is a Scary City, Blogdom

I have a few dozen blogs that I try to read on a regular basis and share my limited-intelligent comments and unrequested advice. This past week two of my bloggers (both ‘young folk’) seem to be dealing with serious crises in their lives. I know the details of one but the other has dropped off the blogosphere. In Blogdom, you really get to know some folks pretty intimately. You cannot read their eyes and their smiles, but I am realizing that it is not fun when you can’t take someone out to coffee, hold their hand, bring them a cold bottle of wine, or just let them know you are there for them and will pick up the mail and feed the pet!

Please keep good thoughts, prayers, some good Chi going for these two Blogger friends of mine!

Wrong Number!

As much as I hate to admit it, something happens as your reach the ‘Golden Years’ in terms of getting a good night’s sleep. I have always been a light sleeper, but every few nights I am rewarded. I actually do not wake up every two hours and drift back to sleep…instead, I actually SLEEEEP deeply through the night. Well, last night was one of those wonderful nights until 1:30 AM when the phone rang.

This was the first call we have gotten in the apartment bedroom, so it took hubby a short while to think about where the phone was and then answer it, but not before he said ominously…Uh Oh. (He was thinking it was our son with a problem of some kind. You can tell the teen years have left their scars.)

Well, as you can guess from the title of this blog, it was a wrong number. I couldn’t get back to sleep for hours! I actually think that wrong numbers after midnight ought to have a fine attached to them!

The Dream House

Several people who now know that we have broken ground on the lot are asking how the 'dream home' is coming. Being the exacting soul that I am, I keep thinking of putting on the brakes for a minute when they say this. This is not my 'dream home.' A 'dream home' means to me that I could have everything I would want with no compromises. I am a perfectionist and I could have it exactly the way that I wanted it, if it was a 'dream home.' Instead this home will be my retirement home and filled with lots of compromises...liveable compromises...but compromises just the same due to geography and money limitations. This doesn't mean that I am not excited about all the possibilities ahead. It just means that I am a realist and will always be holding my breath for the next surprise compromise.

Jim Blandings : “It's a conspiracy, I tell you. The minute you start they put you on the all-American sucker list. You start out to build a home and wind up in the poorhouse. And if it can happen to me, what about the guys who aren't making $15,000 a year? The ones who want a home of their own. It's a conspiracy, I tell you - -against every boy and girl who were
ever in love.”

Here is the view we get from the dining area table. I think winter snow storms are going to be breathtaking.

The view from my 'living room' window five floors up. Nice. Doesn't seem like the city at all.

Our First Free Day in a LONG Time.

We have only a few boxes and things to sort. so we took the day off and went out in the boat. Hubby has waited 25 years to own such a boat, and we really don't get out in it often enough. Of course, you can save years for a boat and then every year it costs money to run and maintain. I posted a traditional picture of the osprey and the little cove that we disappeared into to eat our store-bought lunch of ham sandwiches and chips. (I still have enough trouble finding things in the apartment kitchen! The only thing I have lost so far is one of my re-chargeable batteries for my digital camera)

The day was gently overcast in the A.M. with temps in the low 80's. Perfect for boating. Winds were at least 15--so we stayed out of the Bay and in the river. We would have liked to take some friends, but the apartment move made it a last minute decision.

It is still an effort to get out in the boat, since all the boat gear and coolers have to be stored at the old house, which is a mile away. Landlady was very generous and let us keep the keys to the garage door.

Today is the last of the unpacking--where to put and/or store dozens of lighbulbs, cleaning supplies and sorting out two of the three tool boxes we own. I even got my roots dyed (which were starting to look like a really bad hair day), and I cut hubby's hair. I have cut my husband's hair since we first got married and lived overseas and found it hard to get a barber. I think he has been to a real barber less then 10 times since we were married.

And I have added some photos to the housebuilding blog.

Now off to run a few errands. Can't seem to get into the laundry room on a Saturday. Something I will have to adjust to while we live here.

A quiet cove for a nice lunch.

An osprey which we inadvertantly disturbed as we passed the boat marker.

Moving is a nightmare. But I knew that.

I do not have internet or cable at the apartment, but I can write this in MSWord on my PC and then paste when I get to work tomorrow. It is late Sunday night after dinner at the absolutely BEST Chinese restaurant—and I have eaten in a lot of them. It is only a block from my new apartment! I am surrounded by boxes, boxes, boxes and some furniture that needs to be reassembled. But the bed is done and made.

Of course, the day we moved the high hits 91 degrees with a relative humidity varying between 39% and 66%! I guess we either got this type of weather or rain. Thank goodness ( or God or the Gods) we did not get rain. We hired William – an ex-husband of a friend. He was recommended as hard working and strong, but not the brightest bulb in the room—so says the X-wife. Well, he did just fine and seemed bright enough. Then Hubby drove by the Duron paint store (this is another blog) and picked up a 38-year-old from El Salvador (Alessandro), who spoke no English, but was also very hard-working. My husband speaks a reasonable amount of Spanish. My son and his friend, both strong, also showed up. With Hubby’s back surgery and all the strain and pushing he has been doing these past weeks, he was smart and didn’t do any lifting.

We were going to try and make both the trip to the apartment and the trip to the storage in one rental truck load. But this proved to be too ambitious and we ended up having to make two loads. We even threw away two wooden chairs and some other stuff along the way.

The first trip to the apartment, they didn’t have the pads in the elevator as promised, Hubby went to get that arranged while the rest of us started unloading boxes unto the dolly. On one of the trips, as we were waiting for the elevator, a middle box started buzzing like an angry bee or a bomb waiting to go off. Alessandro looked at me a little startled. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders not having a clue what the noise could be. When we got to the apartment I tore open the box to get the irritating noise to stop. It was this !! I’m sure when Allesandro saw it, he thought it was something else.

I had wisely made a floor plan on graph paper of all of the furniture so that they could place boxes in the middle of the room and the furniture in the correct area. Even with this good planning, after everyone left, I realized that we would have to move the computer desk next to the TV or the cable guy would make me run all the cable across the room. Which, like dominoes, meant we had to move some boxes to clear a path to move the smaller book case to the former desk area so that the light switch and thermostat are not covered, which in turn meant moving the large bookcase into the small bookcase place, etc., etc.

Since this is neither my permanent nor long term home, I only care about efficiency not aesthetics in getting the furniture in place. I do still have a little feng shui thing going each time I move. It IS sort of in my soul and I don’t consciously think about it, but I can sense an uncomfortable feeling when things are placed incorrectly and try to move them.

Well, enough for tonight. I am going to sleep the sleep of a baby boy grandchild.

Ok, so Imelda and I went to the same school!

I am busy packing today and took a short break to blog. Since I will be unplugging the computer tonight and unable to get internet access until next week at the apartment, I will not be blogging anytime soon unless I do a little from work on the weekend. (I will soon be living across the street from work...what AM I thinking?)

Anyway, we have started clearing the lot down near the water and so most of my blogging and picture loading is at that site today, since we are so excited that things are actually moving in a forward direction.

We have been packing and hauling boxes every single afternoon to the apartment which is only a mile away and to the storage unit which is about a mile in the other direction. This Saturday we will hire some day help and get the furniture moved to each of these locations. I was getting some snarling from my hubby in the packing of our clothes yesterday. It appears that I actually do have about 40 pairs of shoes, boots, sandals, etc. But, you know what? I actually wear all of them throughout the year. Well, he has at least 100 duck-bill caps! So there!

We are raising oysters under the dock. We sampled some this week. They are very nice and put the more expensive restaurants to shame!

Here is the same room after paint and new furniture!

Putting the cable at son's new pad. Note the newly finished walnut stained floors!

Fecundity of Inanimate Objects

Please note that the following items reproduce when you are not looking:
Hangers
Garbage bag wire ties
Plastic shopping bags
Jars of fingernail polish
Jars of salsa
Rags
Types of wire connectors
AND
Wine corks

A Quickie.

What is the best age to be and why?

26. You are at the beginning of everything important in life and
actually have control as an adult for the first time and you have freedom if you are unattached. This doesn't mean that my
age now is not good to answer all those stupid fifty-something articles.

What is your strongest virtue?

It’s probably a toss-up between honesty and discipline…but I have become
less honest and more introspective as I have aged. My discipline is a
standing joke in the family. I think they call it anal-retentive.

What virtue do you wish you had?

Again it’s a toss up between faith and patience. I have to work at both.

What is the most creative thing you have done this year?

A poem I wrote for my grandson (which I have yet to deliver) and some
photography work from a few trips I took.

What do you least like about people you hang out with?

Their narrow view of life.

What do you like most about the people you hang out with?

The fact that they love me and want to hang out with me.

Why do you answer these questions?

To help me understand myself a little better, perhaps. But probably because I don't have a life!

My son says he takes off his shoes in his new condo to protect the freshly re-finished floors. I take off my shoes also!

Movin on.

We are moving. Took 5 loads of boxes to the storage unit. We now have 7 shelves full of stuff in the 10X15 foot unit. We have also taken a small load or two to the rental apartment. I now have to inventory furniture and decide what can fit in the apartment, what can fit in storage, what is able to be stored in the non-climate controlled shed and what goes to Goodwill tomorrow.

First, I have to pour another glass of wine!

Sound or Noise?

Moving from this rental house will mean leaving behind some familiar nightly noises. I won’t call them sounds because they really are noise. We live exactly one house away from two gas stations (Yes, they are side by side.). At approximately 4:00 A.M. several times a week, at least one of the stations is getting its underground tanks filled. This means the sound of a large truck backing with its warning beep going off. This is followed by very loud clanking, which I think must be the tank covers being removed and set on the concrete beside the hoses. Sometimes I can even smell the fumes as they drift over to my house!

We also sleep only two blocks from the fire station. Their alarm and the sirens from their trucks are usually heard at least one night a week heading to the nearby freeway or into the neighborhood.

The local hospital is about six blocks on the other side of us and their sirens can also be heard frequently.

In addition to all of this noise, we get the rush hour evening and morning traffic sounds as we are two blocks from a MAJOR intersection.

The apartment we are moving to will have some of these sounds, but I am hoping with less intensity and frequency. I think the traffic outside the bedroom window will be the worst. But we are on the fifth (top) floor of the complex with large trees outside the window, so I am hoping that will be a buffer.

And, when we move to our retirement house in the ‘Four-Acre-Woods” and on the water, I am hoping that the primary noise will that of birds, insects and wind. (Of course, across the water there is a guy who has equipment to install docks!)

I am adaptable for the most part to changes in my environment. When we lived in Indonesia, our bedroom, which had jalousied (slatted) windows, was directly behind the local Mosque. The rooftop speaker faced our bedroom window and at sunrise every morning the call to prayer came in loud and clear. After a few weeks we slept through it!

I do think that noise does cause stress on our physical well-being even if we adjust and adapt. A few weeks ago, Newsweek published a lengthy section on hearing loss. The article included a statement that hearing loss in the twenty-thirty something generation may be greater as they get older because of the wide-spread and lengthy use of earphones for listening to music. While they addressed volume that also said this has an adverse effect on our hearing since it screens out background noises and wider range noises. I am hoping they are incorrect.

My son, who is an audio engineer, once said that audio engineers have a working-life-span of about 20 years, because after that time their hearing is not as discerning and they have to move into management or do something else. It is interesting that the technologies (visual and computer) for sounds cannot replace an engineer’s biological ears totally.

I have not discussed at all the use of sound for control of people. NPR did a program on that use by the Israeli Military…ugh.

I will miss this backyard view when we move from this house. This tree has seen many moves I am sure.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzz

After the long drive up to Connecticut the males on the trip needed a break while daughter and I unpacked. Precious photo I thought.

Buiilding my house and moving on at the same time

Settlement for the construction loan FINALLY went through. So I have been blogging there and since clearing of the road, etc. actually starts next week I will probably begin the diary of that process on my other blog. This means weekly trips to the land 70 miles away.

This weekend I will start to pack the miscellaneous in the kitchen (all those huge platters and casserole dishes that I have not really used since we moved into this tiny house.) We drop off the rent deposit to the apartment today as well. Maybe we will be able to move in clothes and small stuff on Sunday. I am so eager to get this move over with as it is the third in as many years!

I am one of those anal types that do things way ahead and then regret the exaggerated efficiency. For instance, on May 24 I sent in an address change card to the Post Office and marked that I wanted mail delivered to my new address starting June 24. Those of you smiling know exactly what happened. The person at the post office stopped delivering mail on May 24! My husband told me I was too efficient. I just want some lead time. So it took me an entire week to get my mail back...it will be interesting to see if it stops coming on June 24. We will be out of the house, but still checking the mail until the end of the month.

We also have to get out of here because I started buying nice linens and towels (all my stuff is 20 years old) and my boss gave me a Pack and Play and needless to say, things are filling up here again after my clean out. MUST STOP SHOPPING! This is probably displacment for all the gardening I can no longer do.

I will try to stop by Son's condo and post a picture. I am eager to see how it looks since he got some new furniture.

OK. I Now Accept That My Job has Died

I think I mentioned a while back that my job was morphing. I am slowly losing my budget. What actually happened is that another department has now taken on the mission from the department that funded me. While I have spent the last few months kissing butt, spending hours finding ways to assist, working on committees and using higher ups to encourage continued funding, I think I need to accept that my retirement years are going to fizzle out like cold water on a sparkler. "They" are re-inventing the wheel and I had hoped that my years of experience would save them some time and mistakes...but they want to do this on their own. (This department has the reputation of being controlling and secretive even among their own staff.)

I realized it this week when I was pretty much eliminated totally from a big push for a press release on something that we have worked on for years before this new department took control. I was 'accidentally' left off the list for meetings and while told the announcement would be on my website, I now find that because I was out at a doctor's appointment today, they were going to put the link up (tomorrow) on their department's website. When I emailed between doc visits I was generously told I could link to their page!

In an email earlier this week "they" emphasized that they would need lots of help in distributing packets, setting up panels, etc. at various venues and when I volunteered to do ANYTHING they needed, I was pretty much ignored and sent a schedule via email if I wanted to attend.

This doesn't mean I will lose my job, just that I have a few years of boring activities to fill before I retire. (I actually could BS my time and no one would probably get concerned.) Unfortunately, I need to be doing something useful and intellectually demanding...so...that is the challenge for my future. Fortunately, my boss likes me and is on my side.

If I was younger, this would be a devastating blow to my ego and career. See, getting old has its benefits.

Also, and MORE IMPORTANT, the mole was a benign keratosis which doc froze like the gum commercial.

At Loose Ends

Been busy...just got back from a weekend babysitting in Connecticut while my son-in-law and daughter went to a wedding. Really nice weekend and not too many rough spots and probably worth some blogging just for the memories when I have more time.

Hubby is now in Maine at a meeting and since Son has moved out I am ALL ALONE in my house for the next 4 days. Weird feeling. I don't mind being alone after the intense weekend of people and babies and confined car traveling...but still a little odd.

I have a doctor's appointment with the dermatologist tomorrow to get a mole removed. It has started growing like mad and both itches and is tender, and since my sister died of melanoma, I am a little concerned. But, just a little. It is not the Buddhist way to worry about things you have no control over. I tend to have lots of moles and as I have aged, lots of strange skin changes. Lost my fear of ugliness a long time ago when I could not longer hang on to my youth ;-).

So, I am now going to unpack, go through my weeks mail (which just arrived yesterday--this is another long blog about being too efficient) and then a long relaxing bath.

Question for Twenty-somethings

This post may be a little racy for some...no not THAT way. I found an extra bathroom rug at my house and took it to my son's place and decided to store it under his sink in the bathroom while he was helping his dad with the AC unit. (As background he has slept in the house one night thus far.)
As further background there were some of his things, like TP under the sink already.

I had to move somethings to squeeze the rug in the back and saw a small strange box. Being the curious snooper, I turned it around as I placed the rug behind it. It was a box of tampons. Any ideas? Is this something I don't want to know?

Two Women Driving in a Car with a Baby in the Backseat

"Hey, Mom, how would you like to go to St. Kitts in November?"

"I don't know, Hon, I am taking two weeks off in August to babysit your boy."

"It could be fun at that time of the year."

"Yes, dear, but, on top of that, we will be in the middle of building our house and need to be nearby for construction issues."

"Oh."

"Also, it costs money. We just don't have that to spend right now with the house and all."

"But it would be for free."

Thought crosses Mom's mind that someone else will be paying for this babysitting...?

"We will be staying at a Marriott and you have all those Marriott points and Dad has a lot of United miles for travel, right?"

Right, have fun at your friend's wedding, Honey.

Things I will Miss and not Miss

I will miss those spontaneous conversations in the late afternoon when our paths crossed before he headed out to work at night.

I will miss his help in lifting, moving, mowing.

I will miss the young people who occasionally dropped by to go somewhere with him.

I will miss the smell of his aftershave.

I will miss his hugs.

**********************************************************

I will not miss scattered pennies on every floor of the house.

I will not miss turning lights off that have been left on all night or the refrigerator or microwave or dryer door that gets left ajar.

I will not miss two months of laundry piled high on the floor.

I will not miss dirty glasses EVERYWHERE.

I will not miss dirty dishes in the sink.

I will not miss having to be quiet on Saturday mornings until noon.

Saturday May 28

4:45 awake--can't exercise because basement is full of son's junk
5:30 need coffee so I get up and make some
6:00 do some blogging waiting for others to get up so I can make some noise
7:00 hubby is up, change sheets (son is taking our bed to his condo--long story) and take apart bed frame as quietly as possible
7:30 breakfast
8:00 start laundry and fold son's clothes from the pile on the sofa and the pile in the dryer
8:30 Husband backs out trailer and starts to work on connecting to car--lights don't work since this is a new car--requires getting electrical cord son threw out and splicing and taping.
9:00 Son's friend shows up to help (son still in bed, of course)
9:05 wake up son and remind him he has reserved condo elevator from 9:00 to 1:00
9:15 crazy people moving furniture, boxes, yelling at each other
10:00 start loading car and trailer, I make some iced tea for everyone
11:30 hubby, son and his friend head to the condo--twenty minutes away
11:45 I start to finish cleaning carpets in sons bedroom and living room (have to return carpet cleaner by 1:00!
12:45 I head out to the supermarket to return carpet machine
1:00 I take package to post office to mail gift for dad on father's day--dozens of little children running around, people from Asia and Africa trying to communicate in English
1:30 Starving, heat up some leftover Cornish game hen and eat two chocolate covered graham crackers and drink a quart of sparkling water--now feeling very full
1:35 Big ugly storm clouds forming--hope they get the stuff inside!

My son is moving out this weekend. Can you tell?

One for the Books

I work with books everyday since I deal in information, education, and outreach with my webwork. In addition, I love books. They are an addiction for me. I never travel without one or two in my backpack. I keep one in my purse to read while waiting for people. I have the hardest time weeding my book collections each time we move.

I grew up with a mother who read to us each night. We were not well off in terms of money, so sometimes she had to read adult books to us for entertainment. I am sure that she cleaned them up as she read them to us, we as children would never know. I remember a time when I was about six and we were in transitional living status while my dad was changing jobs. We were in this cute little house in a small mountain town with very little to keep us (me and my brother and sister) entertained. On the shelf were some books that the prior owner/renter had left behind. One was a western about a cowboy named Red Ryder. My Iinternet research found at least one book written by S.S. Stevens that has Red Ryder in the title. Well, each night my mother would read us a chapter from this book before bedtime. I am not a big fan of westerns and I actually cannot remember the story at all today, but at the time we sat on the floor glued to her knees to get every word.

Yesterday, my daughter called half laughing and half crying. She said her newborn son was just like his father. When I asked her to explain, she said that every time she picked up one of the many childrens books that she had in the baby room and started to read to him, he would cry. She tried reading while looking at him, while looking at the book, with expression, without expression, soto voce, etc. Each time he would crinkle his face up and cry. She could sing to him, listen to all kinds of music with him, dance with him, and all of these activities brought him joy…but the open book thing he did not like. Her husband does not read so that is why she compared the baby to him.

“What are we going to do, mom?”

I answered that we would keep on trying and just wait until he can start to understand words, focus on pictures, etc. Her response was, “I want you to come down to the house this weekend and try to read to him. I want to see what he will do.”

I just couldn’t help laughing. What a joy he is going to be.

The hyper spazz society I live in

I headed to the office kitchen today for a break and saw someone was there ahead of me using the microwave. I wanted to heat some tea water and waited. Below her (the someone) and in front of her on the floor were two crumbled paper towels that had missed the wastebasket which is tucked beneath the counter under the microwave.

She proceeded to avoid them and after removing her food, I bent over and picked up the paper towels, tossed them in the basket and then put my cup in the microwave.

She looked at me a little horrified and said she hadn't wanted to touch the towels and that is why she left them there. I explained to her that I planned to wash my hands, which I did. Now, please note, these paper towels had no visible food or stains on them. They were just white crumpled paper towels.

Someone help the American people. They are not long for this world!

Don't Get Dooced.

Yes I am blogging at work, but it is now my lunch hour. I have been working 6 hours straight and I am wiped or whipped or whatever. Too many meetings and too many small projects and programs to justify my existence. That is another story, but probably not for blogging because of the following reason: I sent some advice (unsolicited which is what I always provide) to Hedwig-the-Owl regarding her job interviews and then I found more support for my advice. Urban Dictionary actually has the definition of this phenomenon where your blog can cost you your job! Poor Heather B. Armstrong.

Bloggers talk about their family and work relationships, this personal stuff goes out to the Web where potentially millions can read it and then it will be archived somewhere forever...it will be baaack to haunt them someday. It is amazing what people will share with the world, myself included.

This parallels another phenomenon. Celebraties willing to share intimate details of their lives with their fans and virtual strangers. I remember an interview Oprah had with Sting's wife where she talked about them trying Tantric sex to strengthen their marriage. I mean get a grip!. You are telling all of these strangers in Oprah's audience about your married sex life. And she is not the only celebrity. What about that nightmare hodge-podge of homemade videos from Brittany and her husband? (I'll admit I haven't seen it...I really have no interest in her life. And, yes, I realize the money machine was behind this.)

Is this a reflection on the isolation we all are feeling due to the busy structure of our lives? Does it reflect something else in the culture that we need to share this stuff with people we don't know and says something about our inability to communicate with people we do know? Or is this just a byproduct of our high technology society?

Condo mania

This is the condo that I spent all of Saturday and most of Sunday painting. This photo was taken before we started. What is shown is the wall between the dining room and the bedroom--I think the bedroom was a sunroom porch at one time. There are three open window frames and some weird gauze curtains for privacy. Clearly the prior owner didn't know how to sew or they would have hemmed the curtains. They even put some elaborate valance in navy blue on the dining room side! Something really heavy and totally inappropriate for the space. This picture was taken looking out from the small bedroom looking out into the living area. 600 square feet and all this luxury at a price you wouldn't believe!

Early Sunday Morning

I think I will have to change the Weekly Wino to Monthly Wine Musings since I haven't entered anything since mid-April. I've been putting away the wine, but not contemplatively. Just squeezing in a nice respite at days end before the million things I do before and after dinner. I now have 4 (yes 4) plastic bags filled with my clothes to donate or throw out. This is surprising since I have already done this same exercise twice before and cleaned out closets. I guess I have a lot more stained, torn, out-of style-clothes than I thought.

I am sitting here waiting for my spouse and son to drag themselves out of bed so that we can go painting again. H. and I put in 8 hours yesterday on walls and trim in the boy's condo. C. (the boy) stayed about 6 hours later to continue the project. Floors are being sanded and refinished on Monday so we are on very strict timeline here. Wish those males would get up...we all went to bed about the same time...!

Decorating Da Vinci style??

What makes life so great is NOTHING stays the same

It is an interesting time in my life and the lives of my children. About two to three years ago when my son was too busy with college and friends and my daughter was too busy with a weekend social life and her husband, my husband and I made a conscious decision that we had to go forward with our lives. We would have to fill our weekends with our own interests and hobbies because our children were busy with their lives and could not fill ours. We knew that we would have to settle for seeing them every few months, even though they lived very close.

Therefore, on weekends our project was to find a quiet country place to which we could retire. It had to be on the water for my husband’s comfort. I only needed a view…mountain, stream, valley…didn’t make a huge difference to me. Waterfront property on the other hand is very, very, very expensive…even if found in remote areas of the East Coast. So it took many weekends to find something. With some compromise we found a narrow, very expensive lot and decided that this would be our retirement home. It was a little more than an hour from where our children might be living, but we wouldn’t get to see them much anyway with their busy social lives.

Well, here is my warning to all of you who have very social children in their early twenties. When they reach their mid-twenties to late twenties, they suddenly need you. They need your expertise on financial matters; your free time for babysitting; your weekends for socializing when their spouse is gone and baby is the only company. And, perhaps most interesting, your male child will suddenly want your opinion on furniture, wall colors, floor refinishing, and kitchen cabinets! It seems as if my entire life has changed its focus in a matter of weeks.

My weekend—THIS weekend—I am probably going to be keeping my daughter company shopping for something…don’t know what the errand is yet. I have also learned that I will be helping my son paint his condo as well as check out a furniture module he wants to purchase. I sat with my son just now discussing a “da Vinci theme” with warm colors. We were learning how to pick and match and discussing whether a natural floor stain would look better rather than a walnut stain after he refinishes his condo floors. My free time on the weekend is gone. And, of course, since I love them both and want to spend time with them, I will find another way to get my errands done. I know that this ability to spend time with each of them can change in the blink of an eye.

By the way, you would have to know my son to realize how outstandingly strange this is to be discussing ‘da Vinci decorating themes”.

Brittany Spears Look-Alikes

I have often felt that our culture is in demise in terms of art and style. The one commodity that we export in surplus to the global economy is our entertainment industry. They gobble it up in spite of the fact that it has become mediocre and thus lacks uniqueness, lacks depth, lacks introspection, lacks surprise, lacks insight and of course lacks truth.

I do firmly believe this. We will eventually find much greater art emerging from India, Afghanistan, and wherever else it is encouraged to flourish and wherever money does not drive it to death.

And even though I believe all of the above is true, we still have those cultures that are in love with our culture. They are fascinated with us.

I was reminded of this today when I got on the elevator with two young Asian girls. They were in their 20's and dressed casually as girls dress in this country. Yet something about their body language, their smiles, told me they were visiting foreigners to our campus. The real give away was evident as I turned to face the mirrored elevator door. I clearly saw them check out my new shoes and slacks and evaluate my clothing style. Only girls this age from another country would be checking American styles this closely. I am too old for our American girls to care what I wear.

God is Truth

Well, I learned my lesson a few days ago and am composing this blog in MSWord…instead of online. I did several blogs which disappeared into thin air with a Blogger response something like…’Houston, we have a problem, we know it, we are working on it, we won’t get back to you on it…so try again later.” I was so irritated having spent so much time on the blogs. Then I saw that most of my posts to other sites also never made it…although I got no such error message! It is sort of like being in parallel worlds, but we don’t know when the lines converge.

I was reading on of manababies blogs regarding her relationships with close and distant relatives and the death of her grandfather. I have had so many of the same feelings. I am the one blood relative of my immediate family (now that my younger sister passed away) that lives on the East Coast, all the rest of them live in Colorado. They have gone through various stages of their relationships with each other. I have missed it all being out here living my life. I miss that, and while I have tried to keep my children close to them through expensive plane visits over the years and picture exchanges, etc., it is not the same thing as living within driving distance. I often wonder what I have missed and how my feelings for them would be different if we shared more of our lives.

I do know that the death of my sister a few years back really brought us all much closer together. It was the big neon sign on the wall that said ‘Time is passing…How are you living out YOUR life?’ We started emailing more often and trying to make plans together. Then the recent death of my mother brought my sister and I much closer as we went through the process of obituaries, dinners, etc. I began to realize that my sister is a very unspiritual person. She gets irritated by religious myth and really irritated by people who practice religion on holidays and family funerals only. She got into a little spat with my sister-in-law who was raised as a Catholic but doesn’t attend church anymore and hasn’t for decades. My sister-in-law at the last minute wanted to have us ‘light a candle’ for mom at a church in downtown Denver. She clearly wanted us to go with her. I am pretty anti-Catholic…but only for myself. What others believe, what ‘myth’ they follow, that is their choice. Clearly my sister felt this was very hypocritical of my sister-in-law and said she was going to stay home and finish the obituary for the newspaper. This was not a word fight—just subtle tension one notices under the service. I saw my sister-in-law’s request a little differently. I didn’t see it as my sister-in-law trying to take control of stuff or being hypocritical, just maybe a calling deep inside her from a prior Catholic life to do something symbolic. I went with her and actually felt it might be good for me in some spiritual way. Unfortunately it was Sunday with back to back masses and so we sat through a mass and didn’t get to light a candle as we had to leave early. (The sermon was on the ‘dictatorial relativism’ that was pervading our society…the priest was clearly talking to all the liberals such as I at the service.)

My brother (the conservative one) was with Mom when she died. She passed in a matter of an hour or so, he and Dad were the only ones there. He says that she squeezed his hand and looked up at him, briefly and smiled just be fore she died. I am assuming that she actually did that, as I don’t think he would be trying to make it easy for us. Mom was cremated at her request. We had a small viewing at the funeral home for immediate family but no funeral or memorial service. The big family dinner was mostly people looking at pictures and reminiscing. It was not a formal sit-down but a buffet at my brother’s home. There was no real opportunity for words to be spoken in memory of my mother. Clearly some of the old Italian relatives there were confused about the informality of it all. My dad was probably relieved as he hates ceremony of any kind. I wished there had been an opportunity which forced me to say something…but I am getting more Buddhist and realize that the center of me is at peace and what surrounds me and what decisions are made outside do not need to be fought over. Not in this instance anyway. My mom knows I loved her, my family saw me give six weeks to her care and they know I loved her, I spent many hours with her, so I am at peace and do not need symbolism to solidify it. On the other hand, if we would have had a funeral Mass, I could have dealt with that process also. The priest would have called my views here dictatorial relativism…nope, it is truth. An as Ghandi said, God is truth.

Man and the Center of the Universe

I am currently reading "Ismael: An adventure of the mind and spirit" by Daniel Quinn. It was featured in book stores back in 1992 when I bought it and I am just now getting around to reading it after finding it on the bottom of a book shelf. (Amazing what packing your household belongings will unearth.)

The story premise is sophisticated, but the dialogue between the two characters and the character development is not, so I am a little disappointed. The theme appears to be all about Man seeing himself as the Center of the Universe and the problem with that premise.

Along these lines, I attended a lecture today by a scientist from the Smithsonian Institution who works with dingoflagellates and other small stuff in the marine environment. His research is all about the algae that causes algal blooms (i.e. red tides, etc.) in the bays and oceans. This research has uncovered through the years new knowledge that what was once thought as cellular parts of an algal organism is in reality a parasite that later emerges (Alien style) and takes over the algal organism. The speaker showed an actual video on this process and it does emerge exactly like the Alien did from the human gut!! (This is, of course, an oversimplification of his decades of research, as he has discovered lots more interesting stuff...but my point and I do have a point...)

Ok, what is my point here? Well, one of the questions from the audience was 'how can we use this information on algal parasites to control the growth of the "bad" algal blooms' and this question was coupled with another question about the new research on non-indigenous oysters also being introduced to the Chesapeake Bay for much of the same reason--control of algal growth. This scientist, in spite of his love of research and desire to culture the parasites and watch them interact with the algae, made a clear and important point. This control approach was all about treating the symptoms of the disease in our oceans and not preventing the disease.

And I guess my statement here is that mankind causes much of the earth's problems and then spends much intellectual effort trying to control the universe to fix these problems which he alone has caused. All he has to do is stop causing the problem in the first place.

(For those of you not into science, we need to control the agriculture runoff, cattle allowed to wade into streams, building and development inland, toilet flushing, car driving, global warming etc. and the algal problem in our oceans will diminish greatly. Of course, this does mean some economic sacrifice on our part--duh.)

The Bible says that man was put in dominion over the plants and the animals. I don't think so. They seem to get the rhythm of life without our interference. We are the ones that keep screwing up!

OK. Enough blogging. Just glad to get access back after days.

Just a sleepy smile.

It is a weakness, I know.

Ok, only one little story. Daughter, C, called this evening to tell me that Xman was smiling in his sleep, which he sometimes does, only this time he 'giggled, chuckled' a little. He is only four weeks old, now. He definitely has the personality of my daughters mother-in-law. She is such a sweet upbeat person! I will post a smiling shot soon. I will also keep these cute stories under control. Think back to that first love affair where you doodled in your notebook, you paced in your room and if you were driving you had to drive by his/her house whenever possible. (Unless you were a really lost soul and your first love affair was with a celebrity.) Anyway, you can forgive me.

Happy Mother's Day!

(Thought I would share this from my office email)

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby .........

Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal," is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct ...

Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring ......

Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good."

Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices .....

Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.

Somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math.

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first.

Somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books ......

Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery ....
Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.

or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back .....

Somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married ....

Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home ...

Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her ......

Somebody isn't a mother.

The Constant Traveler

Full Fathom Five’'s recent post was about travel. She was ‘looking back’ sort of freeze-framing her life before her travel to England to visit a sister. She was reviewing all the negatives and positives about travel. I have traveled so much in my lifetime and to many different countries, sometimes for a short business trip or vacation, sometimes for a longer stay (a month) and sometimes to live (years). In each instance there was some negative and some positive experiences. Even today I will still get a little concerned about missing the flight, getting a seat, finding my destination when I arrive. But if I have traveled within a few months, this concern is very small and at the back of my mind.

If it has been almost a year or longer since I traveled, my concerns do have a tendency to grow. If I travel with my husband, the concern lessens greatly, because there are two minds on the details.

Travel in some ways is easier and some ways more difficult than it used to be. The new security measures where you have to remove jackets, shoes, handbags is a hassle. Those of us who are older try to get the shoes and jackets back on speedily - but it is with some effort. In addition, having to keep a boarding pass and ID out and ready increases greatly the chance that you will drop it or leave it somewhere. (Several times I have actually put the damn things in my mouth in order to put on shoes or jacket. This is something the security people just love to see, as you can imagine.)

The easier part of travel has to do with the technology. I actually made my recent reservation to visit my family after my mother’'s death by talking to a computer at United via telephone. I was able to get a ticket and give it my membership number and VISA, etc. without much problem! When I arrived at the airport passengers now check in at an electronic kiosk and don'’t get to a human being unless you have to check bags (as some of you now know). The only other time you talk to an airline person before boarding is if you need to get a seat assignment or if someone frisks you. I envision a future where we deal with NO staff until the stewardess appears at our seat.

The travel process changes so often that I am amazed people seem to get through it as easily as they do.

My boss just returned from a conference in Belgium. She was delayed by weather to New York and missed her international flight along with a number of other people and had to stay overnight in a nearby hotel. She told me about an Arabic woman (elderly) that traveled from Florida and was heading back to her home in Saudi Arabia. She spoke no English. A young man from Africa took sympathy with her, seeing her struggling with the flight changes and the lack of Delta Airlines support, and actually got her bags at another area, rechecked them and her into another flight and sat with her until she could board, before he headed off for a hotel since his flight was also delayed! I guess this little story shows that in spite of the technology, human citizenship is still an important element.

Travel is always an "Alice in Wonderland" experience. The stress either makes you grow or shrink. Remember that!

Back on that swing called LIFE

I am back from the memorial and may post on it when I have digested all that happened. It was NOT sad...well, not lots of sad...just little times. It was actually very therapeutic. I am closer to my baby sister and my baby brother and still like my Republican other brother in spite of his schizophrenic approaches. You can read about parental death and talk to others about their experiences, but it is just like getting married or having children. Until you do it, you don't really understand what it is all about and even then each person's experience is so unique that it is hard to translate to others. (This is why I am hesitant to discuss spirituality--it is so unique and private.)

I do so appreciate the comments and emails from those bloggers in my neighborhood. They are most comforting and let me know that there are still people in the world who actually think about and care about others...including ephemeral souls that only exist in the bytedom to me.

I am having dinner with friends that we haven't seen in months tonight.

Tomorrow I am taking dinner to the parents of that new love of my life. What an affair I am having with him and how I missed him when I went out to Colorado!

I wish you all falling pink petals and cool breezes. (Whoops, is that a little to Oprah for you?)

Another Milestone

I never read anywhere that when you hit your late fifties or early sixties in age, after the kids move out and start their own lives, you get five minutes of down time. You get a weekend to assess where you are in life and where you want to be. Then you are thrust on the life time roller coaster called "Milestone a Minute." Because stuff happens so fast, you don't get much time to dwell on the meaning of it all. Maybe next year...

Mom passed away at 4:00 AM this morning. I am relieved, of course. I keep running scenarios through my mind of how hard it was for all the siblings and wonder who was there, etc. While she had difficulty breathing, it was a peaceful passing. Of course, I regret that I was not there to say goodbye, but I am not going to beat myself up over this. This regret is all about me, not others. I was there for my mother-in-law years ago, so maybe I helped someone through this gate.

Dad wants me out (at least that's what Sis says). So, even though there is no funeral or memorial planned, I am flying out this late afternoon to go through another milestone in my life. I get to be a bulwark or maybe a better word would be a stanchion? My philosophy is always One Day at a Time and one more long airplane ride.

Free Tuesday

When 'one' gets busy with back-to-back meetings at the office, 'one' should not eat the yogurt in the early afternoon that was brought for breakfast eating. If you do, you will find yourself up all night with a belly ache and 'pooaereah.' The good thing is that now it is almost 11:00 and I feel much better.

BUT, I am not going into work. One, I don't want to. Two, it will take an hour or longer to find parking at this time of the day--even though I have paid parking in the garage! Three, I have a life. Right now it involves more packing. (I want this second to the last move (for a while) done, done, done.) I need interior decorating, I need gardening, I need space for hobbies, I need a yard to play with my grandson! I will hold my breath for another 10 months, but I should be on a totally new track by that time or I will be going crazy. I am not good living in limbo and waiting for distant deadlines. I am one of those annoying people that get stuff done ahead of time so that I can hurry up and wait. I am a nester and need a long term nesting place.

Then again in a second thought, I keep wondering if I will adjust to the sound of quiet broken by the little birdsong or wind in the trees, and the view of trees and more trees out my window. Or, will I miss the sound of my neighbors children playing in the street, the sound of morning traffic on the nearby freeway (and sirens) and the quick walk to the Post Office or grocery store?

This is what spring is all about. But, it lasts only a few days here.

The Old Apple Tree

More future apples. These apples all go into the tummy of the resident squirrels. I had pruned it hard last year, since it looked diseased and this year it is rewarding me with tons of blossoms.

Future apples. This is one of the apple trees outside my kitchen window. I have yet to eat an apple from it.

Firefox is a little too foxy for me!

I am not losing my mind and my son is not a sloppy surfer. I found the problem here. Unfortunately none of the extension downloads are working for me! So now I am going to Opera and will keep that as my browser with links so when this happens again with Firefox, which for some it has, I will be safer!!!!

My work of art from Color Me Mine. The day I spent with daughter two weeks ago. This is pretty primitive, but since it is the very first bisque pottery I have ever glazed, I am proud I got it done. Lesson learned is when they say three coats and let it dry between three coats, they really mean that! I have lots of rough spots.

Strange Saturday Morning

I sat down at the computer this morning after getting Hubby off to Hawaii and decided to surf some blogs on the net. I brought up my Firefox browser and lo and behold got that first-time user window asking if I wanted to use the 'default' profile. I clicked yes and then got a response that the default profile is ' in use do you want to create a new one?' Heck,yes.. lets just get on the Internet here. I put in my name as the new profile and then discovered that I no longer have access to the thousand or so bookmarks I have carefully created on my PC because I am a new user of the browser.

I went 'exploring' for them across my harddrive without luck. i imported bookmarks from the IE browser which I rarely use and got back about 30-40% of some of the stuff. Can't find my blog friends links, my garden links, shopping, reading, writing...UGH!

So I went on my blog to at least add the commenters from the last year or so. It was then that I discovered two of the older blogs which I hadn't visited in a while have gone into the black hole of bytedom. Another blogger had said goodbye last month, so there was some closure to that, but it is strange to find that bloggers whom you shared ideas with are now gone, and it is really forever, because you are not going to accidentally bump into them again and recognize them like you do neighbors who have moved away.

What the h.... did my son do to my computer yesterday that lost all the bookmarks?

This little mockingbird was too shy to pose forward. But I took his picture anyway!

And now an afterdinner walk to work off the calories.

Salmon dinner cooked by husband. He made it up! Tasted great.

Real Simple, if only it were...

My daughter got me a subscription to the magazine "Real Simple' which is the new, younger generation's version of Good Housekeeping or Redbook I am surmising. It is thick with lots of ads as well as articles (although most of the articles are about stuff you can buy). When I was in Junior High we had a project where we got our favorite magazine (mine was probably Seventeen) and we were told to paste paper over all the advertisements. It was a good illustration of the huge percentage that any magzine devotes to ads and the very little bit of information articles for the money you spend. But, I digress.

My daughter makes lots of money ( I am guessing about $9o,000 or $100,000 when you add bonuses. She has only been working about four years! Her husband makes a little more.) Those golden handcuffs are hard to give up. She is planning on going back to work in three months, but I already see the pain in her eyes when this is brought lightly into the conversation. We live in an area where a standard three bedroom house is about $400,000. There is lots of pressure to work. I wish that I was going to be living nearby as this would make the decision easier, but I am not.

In the May issue of Real Simple it is fortuitous (maybe) that there was an article titled "What's a Mother to do?" It covers the debate over whether a woman should return to work or stay at home after the birth of a child. They interview four women with their grown daughters and each have chosen different paths. I find this article so interesting because it really touches a sensitive cord with me. I stayed at home with both children until the youngest was ten. I was not rich, but I was also NOT poor. I didn't have to work. We didn't eat out, go to movies, and I only had two outfits for church. But these were not sacrifices in my mind.

The sacrifices for me were falling behind in my career and never really making the better salary, spending time without adults for endless days which is really hard, missing out on a creative side of my self that I had to shelve and the long hours - working seven days a week. The good stuff was knowing my children were being raised by someone who would die for them, someone who was close to their gene pool and therefore understood them, and getting to see all that wonderful special stuff that children show as they reach each new challenge.

There are no good choices. The magazine article seems to make it appear that there is no wrong way. But I think that oversimplifies. There is really no right way either. Whichever road you choose, you make important and long-term sacrifices. And the idiocy in this debate is that most women do not have a choice!

Sweet to the point of sickening

Yeah, yeah, grandmothers can be so annoyingly in love. Get a grip, there is more to life. (No there's not!)

Today her in-laws are driving in from out of state to spend the night. Brother-in-law is staying with his family at a nearby hotel and mom and dad-in-law are staying with them. So I am giving them lots of space to enjoy and I will be running my own personal errands (of which I have many on this beautiful Saturday) and then on Sunday we go down late P.M. and I will clean the house for her. Aren't I just the best ;-)?

I promise next blog will be about something important and will have my usual succinct and insightful thoughts.

The most beautiful person in the world today!

I can see! I can see!

I felt like the invisible man the last few days, but lo and behold, Blogger has redeployed my 'One Day" website. I can view it! I was afraid to try a complete re-do of the website thinking it would do some weird reformat or something and all the files would go into the nether regions of bytedom.

While technology was glitching, I do have a real life and was busy with my daughter and new grandson! He was born at 8:23 PM on April 5 after 9 hours of labor. (Obstetrician said due date was April 10 and it would not be born on time, so they set a date for induction on April 20. Even with all this new science doctors are still just making educated guesses.) My son, the baby's uncle, has nicknamed the little guy Xman and since the parents don't seem to mind, that is what he will be for a while. I cannot begin to describe all the feelings going through me. Watching my hulking son hold his tiny nephew was priceless.

It IS just like riding a bike. All the baby stuff comes flooding back and I feel very comfortable going into grandma mode for my first one. I spent all day yesterday baking casseroles, desserts, vegetables dishes, etc. and then we packed it all and took it to the new parents' house. They were discharged from the hospital around noon and when we got to their home at 4:30 PM all three were out like hibernating bears. The baby fell asleep in my arms and I held him for at least 2 and half hours, just couldn't put him down.

I think the new daddy is in the most shock. He had no idea that this would involve so many details in life and so much lack of sleep. But he is so much in love with this new person, he has no complaints. My daughter, on the other hand, seems a little more laid back. She is working hard on breast feeding, and when I remember the ups and downs I had with that, I can empathize. Fortunately, it all worked out and I was able to breast feed both of them for almost a year.

Today hubby is back at work full time for the first time since his operation. I think he got a burst of energy from holding his grandson.

We are going for a drive this afternoon to me with our builder and look at the draft of the adjusted plans. Things are going slower than we hoped and I will blog why on my house building blog.

In between all of the above and my work I am driving around the city looking for a condo or coop with my son. He did bid on one condo in a nice young area of town, but lost out to someone who bid 30% over the selling price with an added escalation clause. Is this real estate market ride ever going to end?

Well, this weekend, I hope to get some of my own stuff done.

Pre Mother's Day Celebration

Today is the day my very pregnant daughter has set aside for some activity with me as a mother’s day thing. She will be a new mother herself on the actual Mother’s Day. She is showing up about noon and bringing a 'light' lunch. Then we are off to some secret activity. Weather is miserable and it has been pouring rain on and off all night and should continue throughout the day. I hope this does not interfere with our plans. Actually, just getting to spend most of the day one on one with her is worth all the gold in the world to me. Spending time with those you love where you can focus on each others ideas and plans is so rare in a busy life and I know as her life gets busier, it will be much rarer.

We (Hubby, son and I) have been looking at condos to purchase since we have to move out of our rental house in a few months. My son is pretty stressed as he wants his own place, and at his age really does need his space. We are giving him his 'wedding money' and then loaning him another $10k and I think it will result in him buying a one bedroom for just himself. Real estate here is outrageous and without our help, he would find it very difficult to purchase anything. His job now seems stable and he has paid off all of his debt except for some of his low interest student loans. He is almost 27 and certainly does need breathing room. He works the night shift and seems stressed about not meeting any 'smart' girls with this schedule. He indicated to H. that he doesn't have too many years left to meet the right girl at his age and living in a better (echo generation) neighborhood would help. (I wish I knew why his old girlfriend broke up with him. They made a really good couple.)

In addition, since I have to work in this area much longer before my retirement, Hubby and I are stressing about whether buying a condo for ourselves or just continuing renting an apartment is the best solution. Since I will only be up here two to three nights a week, renting a place seems such a waste of money. We can commute if all else fails, but I would have to work less hours in the day since the commute is 1 1/2 hours each way. Buying a condo is a big financial commitment for that time period and means we will be pretty poor which I am saving even more towards retirement. Then I would spend the rest of each week in our new home. H. is going back and forth about just exactly when he would retire...he has a much more flexible financial situation. And all of this has to come to a head by JULY! H. and son are looking at more places this weekend.

I met with a downtown realtor this week and son and I looked at two places. They were both supposed to be two bedroom. One was one of these brand new ‘New York style’ loft condos. It had granite and stainless steel kitchen, pedestal sinks, sliding etched glass doors between the rooms, and big windows looking outside. Sounds great doesn’t it. Well, it was way outside out price range (over $460K) and really awful for living while nice for showing. The size of the whole condo was only 800 square feet the second bedroom had no privacy and the closet was the size of small broom closet. The bathrooms while new had no cabinets or even floor space for storage cabinets. The dining area was a sitting area and food prep area all in one. And the windows looked out over a car repair lot and run down industrial area! So much for the styles in New York! The second place was in an older building, cheaper in price, but much more charming, about 1200 square feet. The kitchen was a disaster with really old appliances, and there was absolutely no place to park anywhere near the building which would be a crisis for my son a 2:00 AM.

I so look forward to the time when my life is once again in a rut.