It is an interesting time in my life and the lives of my children. About two to three years ago when my son was too busy with college and friends and my daughter was too busy with a weekend social life and her husband, my husband and I made a conscious decision that we had to go forward with our lives. We would have to fill our weekends with our own interests and hobbies because our children were busy with their lives and could not fill ours. We knew that we would have to settle for seeing them every few months, even though they lived very close.
Therefore, on weekends our project was to find a quiet country place to which we could retire. It had to be on the water for my husband’s comfort. I only needed a view…mountain, stream, valley…didn’t make a huge difference to me. Waterfront property on the other hand is very, very, very expensive…even if found in remote areas of the East Coast. So it took many weekends to find something. With some compromise we found a narrow, very expensive lot and decided that this would be our retirement home. It was a little more than an hour from where our children might be living, but we wouldn’t get to see them much anyway with their busy social lives.
Well, here is my warning to all of you who have very social children in their early twenties. When they reach their mid-twenties to late twenties, they suddenly need you. They need your expertise on financial matters; your free time for babysitting; your weekends for socializing when their spouse is gone and baby is the only company. And, perhaps most interesting, your male child will suddenly want your opinion on furniture, wall colors, floor refinishing, and kitchen cabinets! It seems as if my entire life has changed its focus in a matter of weeks.
My weekend—THIS weekend—I am probably going to be keeping my daughter company shopping for something…don’t know what the errand is yet. I have also learned that I will be helping my son paint his condo as well as check out a furniture module he wants to purchase. I sat with my son just now discussing a “da Vinci theme” with warm colors. We were learning how to pick and match and discussing whether a natural floor stain would look better rather than a walnut stain after he refinishes his condo floors. My free time on the weekend is gone. And, of course, since I love them both and want to spend time with them, I will find another way to get my errands done. I know that this ability to spend time with each of them can change in the blink of an eye.
By the way, you would have to know my son to realize how outstandingly strange this is to be discussing ‘da Vinci decorating themes”.
Wow. Harry Chapin's 'Cat's In the Cradle' and back again.
ReplyDeleteA Da Vinci theme! I like it!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if, perhaps, my in-laws have gone through the same thing. After all, when they moved to their 'retirement home', my husband was living in California and I'm sure his sister was busy nurturing her social life. Now that we're all living nearby, in our 30s and settling down, his parents are 2.5 hours away. Not really far, but then again, not really close. Anyway, I never really understood why my in-laws wanted to move far away, but your blog entry has made me understand their decision a little more. It's not so much "about us"; they were simply trying to move on with their lives. And yet, they still try to help us when they can.
I understand your worning. Since my daughter, in her mid-twenties, came back from the States after living there for seven years, our (my hubby and I) life has changed a lot. We now see her and spend time together very often, which we really enjoy. However I don' think it will last for a long time because sooner or later she will find someone with whom she lives for the rest of her life. In addition there is no certainty that she will live in Japan in the future, too. So anyway I seize the day.
ReplyDeleteIt is so strange that our life styles do not merge as we would like. I don't think this was as common in the 'olden days.'
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