Honest Memories

I spent a small fortune to have a dozen video (VHS) tapes converted digitally for preservation this past month.  (HA! Like converting them to X's and O's makes them safe from destruction!) I had not looked at these tapes for years even though we have saved an old TV that has a VHS player built in.  I still have more than a dozen more, but need to save up money to have them converted in the fall.

They packed the tapes very well upon return and then inside a tiny gray envelope taped to the inside top of the box I got this below!  The black item above is the normal "thumb drive" that you can get at the drug store or office supply store which I placed next to the actual memory device I got.

That little tiny silver item is the "pinky" drive they sent me with about a dozen 10-minute movies on it.  I am wondering if I need to paint it red to keep from losing it!  I did not know they made memory sticks this tiny.  It seems like a rather jarring representation of your life (in movies) of Thanksgiving dinners and Christmas mornings and vacation trips.  This is what we have been shrunk to.  Talk about feeling like insignificant stardust!

I also heard my "leadership" voice-over as I got people organized or explained what was being recorded authoritatively.  I am sad to say that I was (probably still am) a bit annoying with my desire to capture it all.  Maybe you can remember hearing your recorded voice for the first time and wondering why you sounded so different.  Well, this was even more "enlightening."  I felt like apologizing to everyone in the movie.  Oh well.  If we saw ourselves as we really are, we would be much more perfect.

Now I have to find some movie software to work on these files and give them some headings and historical context (if I can stand listening to my voice).  I used to work with something years ago, but remember I hated working with movies...maybe there is something cheap and quick out there.

Saving Life

Over 30 years ago, and I have written about this before, I used to send out research articles to agriculture scientists on "greenhouse gases" and "greenhouse warming." At that time, many of the articles said we had about 15-20 years to turn this situation around.  We were creating a warming of the planet by releasing fossil fuels that had been captured for millions of years.  That was back in 1989 and people who were busy with their lives ignored it. It was before the Internet became so easily available, mostly government and universities were beginning to get access to databases...not the common man.  Therefore, most people did not read these articles, besides they were boring.

Yesterday I was watching Fareed Zakaria's television show which appears twice on Sundays on CNN. (Avoiding the drumbeat of this divisive administration that CNN loves to pound.)  He manages to capture hugely important issues and condense them to five-minute reports, for those of us who missed the issue.  He has a truly global perspective which our tribal views may miss.

Yesterday Zakaria interviewed an author about a book written 30 years ago on climate change.  "The End of Nature," considered by some to be the first book on climate change.    This author now has a new book out titled "Falter."

Today is Earth Day...please honor it in some way that is environmental.

Good Morning

Awfully busy but also spending time with my camera outdoors instead of blogging or reading your blogs. I will be back sooner rather than later. (Note the plants I am putting in pots for the Plant Sale.)

You Are a Fly on the Wall

(Background to the text messaging below.  S is a former colleague where I worked prior to retirement.  We are not super close, but last year I said I would invite him to our house in April...which I never did.  He HAS been here a few years ago.  The text message that I refer to below left off with that invite.)


S:
saw you were online and thought to say hello

ME:
Hello! Saw my message above and feel guilty about not making arrangements for having you guys come canoe or boat. Are you interested?

S:
oh, I will ask the wife
I am, but not sure how excited she would be
she liked it before

ME:
We could do hiking in the local park instead??

S:
she is a slow walker
canoeing might be better

ME
ooookaay. Check for an April weekend and will see if we can coordinate.

S:
I will ask her right now

ME:
good

S:
well, she is on phone
I will ask when she gets off
what have you guys been up to

ME:
No problem. I am off to do lots of laundry today. Was up in the city to meet up with my brother and sis in law and then babysat grandkids. Now a bit exhausted with a looong list of errands.

S:
my experience is that one gets busier after retirement
not a bad thing, just doing more of what you like I planted radish and collard sees in garden last weekend

ME:
Actually I loved Jan. because I did not have much to do! I am behind on seed planting although husband has the spring garden seeds in.

S:
I have much to do to get mine ready
including new fencing to keep out deer
My flower beds need wedding and then mulching....

Weeding

ME:
I am working on a free software setup for our mastergardener volunteers, I need to call window cleaners, I have to clean the bird bath, move the outside plant shelf, get the wood off the porch, do some more detail stuff for our visa to China, take my car up for an environmental check....

S:
Sharon says she is "not opposed" to being on the water
not a huge ringing endorsement of the idea, but she is onboard (so to speak)

Me:
motor boat or canoe?
Second weekend in April??

S:
that would work
canoe is OK with me. Sharon will be alright with it.
I will get her exercising more in the coming weeks to get ready

ME:
Ok. Lets set the 14th for and let me know if you are planning on staying overnight.

S:
oh, 14th
I was confusing with the weekend before
yes, that will be fine
I will get back to you on the overnight
we would probably come back home

ME:
Ok. Going to pull laundry out of the dryer.

S:
alright, let us talk again
soon
adios

APR 1, 2019, 11:57 AM
ME:
Looks like our painter is coming on Saturday, so we have to be here for that. What about Sunday?

APR 1, 2019, 2:33 PM

ME:
Sorry, I got confused. We scheduled for next weekend? That would be the 13th??

SUN 7:28 PM

S:
yes, I was thinking we would come next weekend
13th? your painter coming on 12th?
let me know when we should show up

MON 8:28 AM

ME:
Let me get back to you this afternoon as I am off this morning to help some children learn how to size oyster spat! This week is full!

MON 2:50 PM

ME:
13th is fine. We have been juggling repair projects. You can come down anytime you get here, but let us make sure we keep an eye on the weather!!

MON 6:11 PM
S:
yes, ma'am
so, late morning/early afternoon. it will take us about 2 hours, I think, to get there

ME:
It takes us 1 1/4 hours from (suchandsuchcity), IF there is no real traffic problem.

S:
we live a little further, so probably will take two hours
I will talk to wife and see how soon she wants to wake up. She sleeps in a bit

ME:
Whatever works for you. We can keep up-to-date by phone or text.
We are now sitting in the dark due to the storm!

TUE 9:23 AM
S:
do you use gmail? you can get in touch with me via Hangouts

TUE 11:05 AM
ME:
I do not use Hangouts, too much info to them, but I do have #######@gmail.com. I have several IM apps and they confuse the hell out of me!

TUE 5:55 PM
Me:
I will use your email
At a meeting now, but have some questions for you tomorrow!

WED 12:38 PM

S:
I will be outside this afternoon, but have my phone with me.( ###-###-####)

Chat Conversation End

For further information, these friends are also vegan and that means a shopping trip for food for me or a study of best restaurants.  After watching the rains the night before and morning phone call on the day of the meet up we decided, since it was raining off and on all weekend, we would postpone...but no future date has been set.  I am thinking the wife is very relieved and we may not revisit this again.....

Who Am I? Thursday Thirteen

I am the old lady with the wind-blown gray-white (fuzzy) hair standing on her deck in that soft spring sunshine and seeing the first bumblebee of the season hovering around the citrus trees which are in bloom and recently moved from inside my house.

I am the old lady that talks to the bee encouraging him not to give up in his search for the Kafir lime blossoms and the Meyer lemon blossoms that are tiny and hidden within the waxy green leaves of the branches. He does give up and heads into the strong breeze, but I have not given up hope that he will be back.

I am the old lady that talks to the birds telling them her deck feeder has been taken down as the weather has warmed and they need to go the feeders in the yard or fend for themselves.  I watch as they come to the window and cock their heads in frustration like children I have put on a diet.

I am the old lady that gets such a pleasure from completing her lists and then makes more lists!  What is up with that?

I am the old lady that embraces the term Nonna, and I have never felt dread in reaching that honorific.  

I am the old lady that swears on rare odd occasions and my husband is surprised as I never used to do that in my younger years.  I explain to him that my frontal lobe is shrinking.

I am the old lady that sees the world and the reason for living in a much different perspective and very sharp vision, as the world turns a bit faster and I like to share this discovery with others, even though they may find it a bit tiring.  

I am the old lady that gets more compliments these days and respects them less because people are always complimenting old folks the elderly because they are on the doorstep of death, which can be frightening to the one giving the compliment and perhaps thinking it is a way of warding off evil and slowing their own approach to my domain.

I am the old lady that has no fear in wading into politics but knows that anger only fuels those who are fearful, ignorant, and unable to see both sides.  One must be calm and carry on while showing data.

I am the old lady that looks back on youth and wonders why she did not see that she was attractive in her youth and why she focused on stuff that made no difference in the grand scheme of things.

I am the old lady that admits she has regrets but files them away to selectively pull out when her grandchildren reach their teenage years, as one of mine has!

I am the old lady that has the wisdom to realize how rare it is to be married to someone who sees the joy in observing 4 Ospreys in flight high against a clear spring blue sky, or two male mallards fighting over a female near the shoreline, or two green leaves emerging from a pot, and calls to me on his cell phone to share.

I am the old lady who realizes she is one of the millions and throws wide her arms to an old lady sisterhood.

Linda Got it Right!

How appropriate that Linda Letters got 110% on my guessing game in the prior post! She is in sync and a very detail person! Do not go visit her blog if you have garden envy issues. She and her husband have created little bits of paradise everywhere.

For the first time this year, we hired a young man to help weed and mulch. He actually did most of it as hubby cleaned out the shed and worked on the garden tools and I cleaned out the house.   Hubby got distracted by an old golf club he found in the shed....

The man who helped with our landscaping is actually 42 and we hired him from a church program where they help lost souls find rehabilitation. He used to be an electrical engineer, also worked as a carpenter and spent seven years in prison for killing someone with his car while under the influence. He is 6 foot 3 and a gentle bear of a man. He tends to work very slowly and methodically, but our beds have never looked so good and I feel no guilt in not spending the five days out there with him. (Hoping and praying for his return and getting a job.) We used a half dozen cubic yards of mulch.  What a luxury to be able to get all my seedlings planted, all my container pots painted, and ready things for the plant sale.  April is a crazy month.

We also hired another man who owns a cleaning company to power wash the house, bleach-wash the gutters and deck, and hand clean my dozens of windows. I gave up on doing it last year as I had so many interruptions. Everything was covered in dirt and algae from two years of neglect. Now the house sparkles as if new!

We rewarded ourselves with a lamb chop BBQ dinner on the newly washed deck.  (Now all I have to do spray paint that table in the coming week!)

Spring can be exhausting and demanding, but it is so welcome!

Captions

Life this week has been non-stop and I am so tired. Guess what this photo below is all about and guess if I ever refer to them.  (I am so ready for some TV show tonight with a smooth-talking, tall, dark and handsome spy with some European background scenery and a wild action plot with some romance at the end...know what I'm talkin about?

Spring Cleaning Downton Abbey Style

I have finally made it up to the top shelves and the deep, dark and dusty shelves of my kitchen.  After throwing out plastic plates and some containers, I found the wooden box that I had known was there but forgotten about. I had used the contents a half dozen times in my mid-married years and then got very busy and put it up and away.

I had forgotten how heavy it was and it was a bit of a balance as I climbed down my small kitchen stairs to put it on the counter. Many of you already know what is inside.

It was a second marriage for both mother-in-law and my father-in-law. They were young and up and coming in Detroit. This was a wedding gift maybe or being as my father-in-law was a blustery man who liked to impress, perhaps he bought it for his wife one anniversary?

It is a very large set of silverplate/silverware? by Kirk which was a famous manufacturer. I think my mother-in-law said it was silver plate, but it looks like silver to me. "Founded in 1815, in 1970, Samuel Kirk’s company was “America’s Oldest Silversmiths."   “America’s Oldest Silversmith” was acquired in 1979 by The Stieff Company and was renamed The Kirk Stieff Company. Operations at the old Kirk Avenue factory were quickly moved into the more modern Stieff factory in the Hamden section of Baltimore."  There is even a cool book on the Internet that I may print out.

I see the larger set of silverware selling on E-Bay for between $1,500 and $2,000 dollars and this set is huge with even more in storage beneath. I called my daughter and told her it was hers to inherit because I will never spend the needed time cleaning silver or having enough formal parties to justify such use. It seems such a shame to just let it sit in a brown box for more decades. She wanted it and I hope she uses it. She entertains far more than I.  Sending it to a more appreciative home.  Some of the flatware even has grandma's initials.

Spring Cleaning Zen

Posted a photo of this table on FB as a "giveaway" although many might have thought I was wanting to sell it as I did not specify. I would like to get money for it, but I would like to get it out of this corner even more.  It folds out to dining room size. I may replace it with an old, small oak roll top desk so that I have a place for a lamp. No one sent me a message that they might want it...

Stuff! Old people have too much stuff! I gave away an oriental rug last year to an animal habitat center for their rummage sale. The same pattern and size were being sold on the Internet for between $1,000 and $2,000 dollars! It was a big, heavy, old rug that was kept in a roll in the basement for years. I had tripped over it many times on my way to the shelf for paper towels. It had belonged to my husband's parents, and we had no room large enough for it.  See a third of it still rolled up below.  I do not know if it sold at the rummage sale. (Taking the standard deduction this year, so all this stuff is truly donations.)

We replaced the old cast iron BBQ with a new one this year and that is on its way to the thrift shop...if they will accept it. It still works but has a problem with baffles cooking evenly.

I have a collection of baby furniture from my daughter to hold for my son.  It appears that my son cannot have children...so do I give away the crib and other stuff?  Do I hold out hope they will adopt?  Do I just leave it in the stairwell under the basement stairs?

I have too much food as well as stuff.  I reorganized (did not say cleaned out, although a batch of expired stuff made it to the trash can) my pantry.  I have food in there for years.  How many types of rice and pasta does one need?  One would think I lived through a major recession!  

I am going to try to live a more Zen life.  I think it is healthier to not keep things that one does not use.  Life is too cluttered already.

Now I am going out to get rid of too much in the way of weeds.  That I really have too much of!!!

The High Wire Balancing of Hi-Tech

I will begin the post with something I stole from my son's house. I actually asked him if he or his wife used it and he said no. I asked if I could have it and he said yes. BUT it really belonged to his wife who got it as a promotional gift months earlier and she was in NYC at the time. It is a computerized coffee/teacup. You charge a battery in the bottom of the cup through the saucer, you set the temp from about 120f to 145F and your drink stays hot from the first to the last drop. It takes a bit of intelligence, acumen, tech-experience, etc. to get the App to show you what is happening on your computer...only took me under an hour! I even selected the color for charged and for heating. It pulses when heating. It works reasonably well and I like having a "hot" drink from start to finish. Would I buy one of these? Never. Too expensive. Also, there are other ways to ensure hot coffee, like a travel cup and I also feel the cup is too small.

My next techie thing was a gift I got for Christmas...a VERY expensive wireless headset. (My kids have connections and probably got a discount). I would never have bought such a high end one of these, but I do LOVE it. I can quietly listen to my digital courses, listen to my favorite podcasts, and even watch TV from my laptop without disturbing others. The sound is phenomenal...so I have to start using it for music. Since it is wireless I can go to the kitchen and make coffee while listening or if carefully holding my head, put in another load of laundry. This little device only took me three days to figure out how to connect to my laptop AND my computer in various modes. Would I have bought this for myself...now after using it for months? Yes! The sound quality and noise canceling are really good.

My old cell phone was very old. I could not upgrade any Apps and my son explained it was time for me to get a new one with much more memory. I decided it would be nice to have a phone with a better camera lens and so I got a high-end Google Pixel. They were on sale in the shop and they always set it up nicely so that you pay for it over time through your phone bill, thus naively avoiding the sticker shock. Maybe in two years, I will actually own it. I love the ease of use and extra memory. I have not downloaded many new Apps, except this morning I spent an hour trying to figure out how to connect to my DSLR through the house Wi-Fi and to the phone. I kept going through the assistance directions on my laptop, but it never seemed to let me get to the next step. I wanted to use it for remote control of the DSLR with ease like the guy on the YOUTube video showed. I did succeed in spilling the hot coffee on the tray on the cushion next to me. Thus I spent the next 15 minutes washing coffee off the couch and changing my clothes! 

I do have a remote control for my camera, and I also have a delay timer on the DSLR, but what fun it would be to see through the phone before snapping me in the group photo!  Oh well, another day.

I am surrounded by techies.  My 13-year-old grandson was impressed that I had replaced my old clunker cell phone with this new one. I was feeling a little guilty that I get praise from him by spending a small fortune on technology.  Yes, two of the grands were into technology big time when we were up there grand-child sitting.

Where she gets those legs???

And Hubby was not going to be outdone reading his book on his Kindle at the same time.

But there is still one primitive soul at the house that does his high wire act the old-fashioned way...and I was just a bit jealous.

Let Me Add a New Term to Your Vocabulary.

The lady that likes to hibernate is being forced into the usual crazy spring schedule: weekends doing a scheduled weekend of grandchild sitting, a weekend birthday, family flying in from Colorado for a VERY BRIEF meetup where we drive up to the city to see them just for lunch (long involved story of two weddings), a dinner out with friends, spring projects such as getting a window washer in ( I have always done this myself, but find it just too draining), finding some yard help in this very rural area, and finally being roped into assisting a reefball project in the county.  

You may ask, "What are reefballs?"  Please go to this link and read to your heart's content. 

It took us over half the day to complete what is called the "build" part of the project.  We missed the second day which was the "hatch" because we had to drive up to the city.

Photos below for those who like to build projects that improve the environment:

 Molds are sprayed with sugar water to prevent the cement from adhering when the mold is opened.

Our illustrious leader explained how to put together the molds.  He covered safety as well and did a bang-up job!

The high school students were then released to team build their molds.

A layer of sand goes on the bottom to protect the  cement from adhering to the plywood platform.

 New floats (air bladders) are inserted and an air pump inflates them part of the way.

 About 9 plastic small balls are slipped down the side of the mold to create the holes so that fish can swim in and out.

The students were then taught how to mix cement.

They carefully added the wet cement and others tapped on the sides and top to vibrate the cement down the sides to the bottom. 

These troopers made about 16 reef balls before the day was over.

A grant helped get money for all new tools which we tried to keep clean after use.  Note that they are leaning against other reefballs made a few months ago.  The primary reason for the build is to get oyster spat to attach and help purify the Bay.

Harbinger

The first "harbingers" of spring are the rewards for the work you do in November and December, and this work is drying bulbs, dusting off their dirt and cutting away all the dead stuff, wrapping them in the newspaper, and storing them in the dark basement; and when you cannot stand another long dark winter day, bringing them up and partially burying them in fresh potting soil in freshly cleaned pots that are soaked in hot water.  The bulbs wake up with an extreme urge to find the light, flash their brief beauty to live again another year...much like us.

I was sitting on the floor in my kitchen enjoying the peace of a very quiet morning. Hubby has been gone on a reunion-type trip for four days, my house heating system has been broken for the same four days (which makes it even quieter than normal), and there is all the rest of the stuff going on in my life that I will avoid burdening you about.  I needed the resilience of seeing the rare sunrise through my "harbingers" of spring's showy skirts against the kitchen window from a new low angle with camera in hand.  Amaryllis dance the samba, so who can ignore the joy in that?

The wooden floor in the kitchen is colder than usual and my nose is a bit colder than usual, and soon I need to move my old joints and collect the wood from the rack on the front porch and get a warming fire going.  We have lots of wood because my forest is dying and hubby made sure he split a lot before he left.  The trees are tall and should live longer, but they cannot fight the dramatic shifts in climate that did not challenge their ancestors.  I have at least six species of woodpeckers moving in with their hammering and shredding, very content about all of this.

The weatherman has promised 60-degree weather in the days ahead, which also will probably mean the repairmen will arrive much more promptly since I need them less now.  No one stocks parts, parts are held in warehouses in other states, and repairmen give you 5-hour windows and show up at the exact time the window closes to do their work.  Only us retired folks can deal with this.

Each evening I have snuggled down in the heavy quilt at night as a blanket of 27-degree air hung around the windows begging to get in.  Each morning, once the chill is off with a warming fire, I can do chores and blogging and cooking and forget I am not a pioneer woman.

Shot with hand-held telephoto...guess it is not that cold.

Out of Pocket

This is going to be a very difficult week ahead for me. Without going into the details it involves a loved one and a test for the family.  I do not think  I will be  able to  have  energy to post in the coming days, but I will still be here,   just focused elsewhere.   Please send good  vibes into the universe or helpful prayers to your spiritual leader that we will have a successful outcome for all.  Thank you!

Playing along with Words for Wednesday.

I got my "Words for Wednesday" prompt from Messymimi who got them from the link provided on River at Drifting Through Life.  This Wednesday's words are:

1. passport 2. movies 3. puffed 4. complete 5.transport and 6. bleach. 

 The "and/or" second set is  1. avenue 2. helicopter 3. fair 4. clearly 5. foolishness and 6. ability

My effort at something creative using  the words is below...if you feel like joining in check at Messymimi above:

"The rising sun hit the window bleaching the sky across the desert: this piercing sun and the jerky transport of the train shook me awake. I immediately placed my hand reassuringly on my passport as I began to clear my head. It was winter, but the calm weather should have dissuaded my foolish thoughts about the helicopter not being there at journey’s end. I fingered the folder paper and re-read the directions which clearly stated I was to catch a cab at Avenue E by 10:00 A.M..  I had experienced this kind of foolishness only in the movies, and while life is not fair I had somehow thrown myself into the unfairness of something odd and frightening just to see if I had the ability to prove my love and complete my possible destiny. As we slowed pulling into the station I saw the steam from the brakes feather the air against my window, puffed clouds naturally reminding me I needed a cigarette."

Paperwork and Brain Fog

Aging is supposed to be something we accept with grace as the trade-off for living a longer life, and other than a few "dammit"s  now and again, I think I am dealing with it as best I can. 

As mentioned in a post a while back, we are planning a lengthy trip to China. We used to live in Asia and traveled to a number of Asian countries.  While I had not been to China over my life, I avoided such a trip wanting instead to place resources, time and money, to learn more about Europe.  Recently, my sister and sister-in-law encouraged us to join them on a China adventure and wanting to spend time with my relatives who live so far away, I decided to spend the money. The trip requires completion of a 4-page visa including attaching a few other documents and copies of documents. The trip organizer also included a rather lengthy set of instructions for all the paperwork. I put it off over the holidays. In January my sister sent me an email wondering if we had made our plane reservations since we needed to do that before filling out the Visa.   For some reason, I thought this was also a reminder to hurry and get Visa stuff done.  Another example of aging since I panic and do not think things through and do not ask for clarification as I plod forward.  We made our plane reservations a few weeks ago.

It took me three days to complete the Visa application (which is valid for ten years - China really loves us!).  I would spend three hours each morning and then put it aside for my sanity's sake.  I kept making mistakes because I realized that I was just filling out the PDF and not reading the directions on how and what to fill out!  As I age, I think I know more than I know and I hate the tediousness of directions anyway.  I used to be more careful about directions, but now I like plug and play stuff far more or resort to bribery to get someone else to do it.  Finally, I started to re-complete the application by reading whole sections of the directions.  That improved my accuracy slightly when I reviewed both of our sets of papers.   Finally, on the third day of this nightmare and after a few emails from my two sisters, I went through the application step by step, line by line. (For some reason in our inclusion of all the hotels and dates, they do not want to see you are going to Tibet - Political? - so we followed those directions and I omitted information on that stop.) Thank goodness this is all done electronically or I would have wasted reams of paper and expensive toner ink.  I scanned our driver's licenses, attached a check, completed the return address form and tucked in our passports.

I was sooooo proud of myself that I poured a glass of wine.  That afternoon I drove to the drugstore and bought a FANCY stiff envelope for mailing of the paperwork including our passports to a service that will do all the running around at the Chinese Embassy as well as send whatever is necessary to our travel company.  They said it could take up to 6 weeks for processing, so I should be sure we did not need our Passports before that time.   No problem!

Today I got an email from one of my sisters explaining that we should not send the stuff off more than 6 months ahead of the trip!  This would be seven months ahead of time when I counted my mailing.  I am hoping they will give me a pass...please.  If they send it back in a week or so, I will just have to return it, because it will then be in the correct time frame. (I actually expected them to send them back for some minuscule error anyway.)

I think sitting around all winter and passively watching birds, passively taking photos, passively eating carbs, and passively binge-watching TV in the evenings has overcome the blood-gorged pathways that send nutrition to my synapses when I ran the elliptical and lifted my weights two or three times a week.  You can't win.

The Giant Night and the Devil Moon

Sleep is a big deal in our society. Lack of sleep is also a big deal and has generated 1,000s of articles discussing causes, cures, temporary or permanent relief and so on. My husband sleeps like a full-bellied infant. I sleep like a watchful night guard. I can drift off to sleep usually fairly easily, but if I get a tickle in my throat or on my foot or hear my husband snort a few times I am awake and must start the relaxing process all over again.

My bedroom is well-designed for the end of a busy day. The only distractions are small and medium stacks of books in regimental rows, along with two e-readers and the landline and a clock radio on the end tables. I work at keeping the bedroom as zen as possible, to the point that I took down a bunch of pictures a few years ago and have not got around to replacing them with something more sleep-inducing. I still need to add some small photos or art to the wall at the foot of the bed.

I work at this because I have periods of insomnia. I avoid alcohol, caffeine, and sugar in the evening. I read my Kindle on the non-blue light mode; I do not read the news or social media or text friends and family.  I keep to a routine as much as possible and being retired this is 90% possible.  I keep plants in the bedroom in the winter to purify air and create a non-wintery mood.  In the photo above the plants are on a stand in the window behind me as I take this photo.  About the only thing I do not have is a noise machine.

Good sleep for an individual can range from 6 hours to 9 hours a night depending on the individual and his/her metabolism.  My fitbit does tell me I average 7.5 most nights.  Please note the first two items on the list below are Friday...I guess I really caught up with a nap, although I know for a fact I did NOT nap that long, my naps rarely lasting more than 30 to 45 minutes.  Maybe I was just reading and lying VERY STILL?

Some doctor's say that insomnia is a psychiatric disorder.  I am not that willing to submit to that.  I think it is chemical, but then chemistry impacts our psychiatric response to things, so who knows.

I have noticed that full moons are usually a trigger for my sleeplessness.  I close my non-blackout curtains but still seem to find myself wide awake around 2:00 A.M.  I lie restless for 20 minutes while my mind goes through a roller coaster of 100's of subjects, issues, problems, etc.  Eventually, I throw back the blankets and get up to find some way to fall back asleep again.

Two nights ago I was mocked by the full moon.  It seems to want to "parhteee" in the black and piercing, cold, winter air while all is still and oh so quiet.

I have no desire to dance. I feel like a zombie and am just thankful I do not have anything on my schedule for the next day!

I put on my slippers and take my camera outside.  I forget to check the settings and in the dark attempt a few photos with no tripod but also no shakey caffeine drug.

While it is indeed freezing the water is not and dances with the moon to the quietest of waltzes.  At least the moon has some company.  It is light enough that I could go for a walk without a flashlight.

Eventually, the cold seeps into my hands and shoulders and I cannot control the shake of the camera and get the watery photo above.  I look to the inviting warmth of the light through my kitchen window.

It is time to go inside.  Maybe I can wrap myself again in blankets and warm slowly to a coziness and finally get the sleep I deserve!

Social on Unsocial Media

There are days, especially those short and gray and cold winter days, when I spend too much time on Facebook, reading and laughing at memes...you know what those are, right? I also get a peek at the lives of the very few people I have met only peripherally but who I friended because I knew them through Blogger for years.  (I do not friend friends-of-friends unless I know them.)  I am able to throw rotten apples at those elected officials that are really rotten at the core (pun intended), and I throw more incisive comments at my elected officials that are walking too moderate a line and I hit the like or love button for those elected officials (mostly not mine) who are carrying a torch for Democracy, freedom of speech and transparency.

I follow friends I have made that live hundred and thousands of miles from me.  I  watch their children grow and have children of  their own.  If it was not for FB I  would not be  able to follow their lives as closely.

I also post photos that are manipulated slightly or greatly because it is an addiction that I have to share.  I love the play of light and color and shape and shadow.  I post these photos whether they are worthy or not, because I am moving through my 70th decade and do not give a ####.

My son is no longer on FB because he has serious and difficult issues in his life and FB  can be a dangerous sink-hole when you are trying to get your life together.  Most people are just trying to get through the day when they post a photo of their breakfast or their good-looking barista.  Others are posting the best of their life and making it all look so easy.  A few are honest and post both the lows and highs.

My daughter is  on FB and posts just a few photos of her many travels with family or the girl's weekend stuff that women her age post.  All of them are in perfect shape and dressed fashionably whether on the thin or chunky side with perfect glossy hair and a glass of  wine or a plate of dessert in the foreground.  It is hard to be a 40 something I am thinking!  She is not shallow as she posts rarely,but ... she sometimes posts the family skiing, or cheering, or concerting, or attending a sports event...you get the idea.

My sister and brothers will rarely comment on anything and never post.  I comment more on their kid's posts.  I am young at heart.

My daughter comments every so often on my posts.  But I  cannot tell you how it makes my heart sing when she asks about a photo, a bird photo, and asked its ID!  She did this today and my heart just bloomed.  She does not care about birds as I do and the very fact that she noticed certainly made me feel like I had just been sucked  into her planetary orbit ever so briefly as she rushes off on her hundreds of errands and meet-ups in other space dimensions.

Some Days...

Some days there are flowers and some days they are forgotten. Today is a flower day.

Happy Valentine's Day. Love someone today. Throw a kiss to the bird on the tree or pat your neighbor's dog or kiss someone...anyone.

Old Ladies Just Want to Have Fun

When I was young and with toddlers I lived in Indonesia. I am sure I have mentioned this a few times before on this blog. I had a maid/washerwoman, a cook, and a yard/nightwatchman. I did not have any appliances so everything in the house was manual labor.  Also, culturally we were supposed to hire servants because our wealth in the community was too obvious and the U.S. wanted a better profile for its civil servants.  It all balanced out because I truly needed them.  Shopping for food took a half day three days a week!

It took me a short time to adjust to having strangers in my house, perhaps an unusually short time because I am not uncomfortable around people I employ if I trust them and like them. I am an introvert, but when you employ someone you can see them as often or "unoften" as you like.  My cook was Muslim and my maid was Catholic and the night watchman, Jaga Malam, was a young good looking man in his late teens who seemed so sweet I could eat him. I must have been a good employer as they all stayed with me for the two years and we became friends. (Other Americans had trouble hanging on to their staff and I think one of the husbands had a "hand" problem and one of the wives was a perfectionist bitch.  Another family were Christian missionaries and refused to have anyone not Christian in their home, which narrowed the servant pool greatly.)  God knows I need all the various religions I can get and I thought about them all.

Anyway...where was I going with this?  Oh, yes.  There was/is a lot of poverty in Indonesia.  It was not unusual to have beggars come to our door offering odd things to sell for money.  It was not unusual for me to see a woman in rags and in one case stark naked, offering an empty rice bowl for food.  I was young and very busy trying to teach at the mission school and raise a family and adjust to living outside my homeland, therefore I was able to hand some money over and shelve the images to the back of my mind before they touched my heart and soul.  I grew up with a family that lived pay check to pay check, so perhaps I was hardened to the hardness of life.

Somewhere when I had passed middle age, my children were out on their own and we began to live an upper-middle-class lifestyle (or maybe it is just middle class), I started to see such things as poverty with more insight.  When I travel now, I truly enjoy the food, the music, the art, the history, but I hate seeing poverty.  It grabs me like a clawed hand and throws me back against the wall.  It grabs my gut and shakes it roughly.  I become angry at the injustice of life across the globe.  I am a liberal in the purest sense that I believe most people want an honest and fair living and the prevention of that goal is usually due to large, wealthy, powerful corporations that lie.  As an example here is an incident that happened in Santarem, Brazil where Cargill has left a polluted imprint and poverty is tremendous and Cargill has not come through on its promises to raise the standard of living.

I have burned into my brain the sorrowful face of a Brazilian man in his 40s or 50s who offered to take us around his town on his bicycle cart.  The rain was drenching as we left an elaborate cultural school dance show and we just wanted to get back to our boat and get dry and sit in a stuffed chair on the foredeck and catch our breath and clear our heads from the sugary rum drinks they had passed out before the show.  

The man was small and dressed all in dark grays as he held in front of his chest a sign in English offering tours.  My husband speaks enough Spanish to explain to him that we could not go because of the rain.  He was still standing near the wall with the sign as we stood in line and pulled out IDs to get back on the cruise boat.  I asked my husband to go offer him some money...enough for a ride, enough to feed his children, enough to make me wash guilt from my mind that evening.  I hated doing that because he wanted to work, he did not want charity.  I knew that.  He accepted, but I could not watch his face and turned away and do not know if he was relieved, embarrassed, or reflected numbness.

Would he tell his wife that he got one customer in spite of the rain?  What work did he do when the Cruise ship was not in town?  Why did life rob him of his dignity in this way?

That evening we ordered a lobster dinner to celebrate the nearing of the end of our trip.  The lobster tasted great.  My guilt did not overcome my enjoyment of the meal.  Lobster is still an expensive ritual in my life.

BUT, I just want to go on a trip to exotic areas of the world and have fun.  I do not want to bring home so much reality.  His face stays with me to this day.  This fall I am going to China!

How Many Face Lifts Can You Have?

There is an actress who used to be on a U.S soap opera.  Her name is Susan Lucci. I used to watch soap operas when I was stuck at home with babies in diapers, and although I did not  watch her show, she was very famous. These shows were a compulsive distraction for many housewives stuck at home and I am guessing  they still are. The people were all beautiful and protected from aging, except for the token octogenarian with money and power who was either well loved or extremely feared. The women wore  the height of fashion whether it was a tennis outfit or  ball gown.  The sets were usually rooms in luxurious mansions.  The lives of the characters were always exciting and dramatic and unusually melodramatic in their multiple love affairs.  Anyway Ms. Lucci was the evil seductress for decades. Her character was the one you loved to hate.  She never aged and was always glamorous for her 31 years on the show becoming the highest paid soap opera star and finally winning an Emmy in 1999.

This week she was in a fashion show to promote heart health. She is 72 (her birthday only a few days from mine) and has had serious heart issues. Her close call has motivated her to be an advocate for living a lifestyle for heart health. She was layered in some off the shoulder red dress which hugged her 110 pound body frame with flowing layers of cloth turning her into a brunette Barbie. She still wears high heels and somehow her feet went out from under her and she hit the runway with her bottom. The photos of the incident are truly delightful as she looks as if someone had surprised her with a fun ride. She does not break her stride or sense of grace and got a standing ovation. She is 72 and looks 40 if you don't zoom in too closely and notice all the lifting.  She seems like a truly nice and normal person even being married to her first husband for decades.

I just strikes me oddly how we  are the same age,  took  totally different  paths in our lives  and she looks  like she could be a daughter that  I had early in my life.  Better living  through chemistry?