Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder

Dali in the Church

Blue Sunday Worship

Two different interpretations of a cathedral photo I took in Sicily this past fall. The first is pretty abstract and reminds me of melting candles in cathedrals. The second is more traditional. Both were done on the computer without the smell of turpentine or the chance of spilled tempura. Which do you like more?

Out of Place Life Story #7

In every person's life, most likely when they are crossing that uneven bridge between childhood and adulthood, but many times happening even later, there are times when you go to a social gathering or you are among strangers and you know immediately you do not fit. You are suddenly and coldly an alien on the side of the planet where you have just landed. This has happened quite a few times in my life, maybe due to my insecurities or maybe due to my conservative (don't laugh) nature or maybe my plain impatience with society and unwillingness to "fit in."

In graduate school in Hawaii, as a very poor student only months away from obtaining a teaching certificate, I and a date from Nicaragua (another life story) went to a party at one of the houses near campus. Neither of us knew the party givers very well, but we sensed almost immediately upon entering the dark living area that we were out of our place. The group of young men and women were very casually sitting around the floor draped around furniture and each other and talking in quiet tones as if they had known each other for many years. The sweet smell of marijuana took its laid-back time reaching us as we both sat on the floor with our backs to the wall. It may come as a surprise to readers, but I never tried the stuff. I knew it was against the law and while I may have gotten three sheets to the wind on good beer in my college days at the dance hall near campus, I was not going to risk losing my teaching certificate (my ticket out of poverty) just to try some illegal buzz.

Everyone was facing a screen at the end of the room with a slide projector set up at the opposite end. There was some food on a table behind the furniture, but no one seemed to be interested. In a short time familiar psychedelic 60's music started and the projector was turned on. The slides seemed to be about some camping vacation that several of the people in the room had taken, although it was too dark for me to really tell who in the room matched with the slide photo. Pictures of the camp set-up, food cooking and people sitting around a fire were the first part of the show. No one in the room did any talking, everyone just watched. The following slides of the next day's camping were a little different. Everyone had seemed to misplace their clothes and the weather in Hawaii was warm enough that no one on the camping trip seemed to notice that they were all naked. Looking back on this show, I realize it was not as shocking as I thought at the time. I wasn't all that innocent in life, but my date (a good Latin Catholic) turned to me and suggested we may want to leave and go get some coffee somewhere. I found myself very uncomfortable seeing people I didn't even know in their birthday suits and agreed to leave. We made a 'graceful exit.' Perhaps if I had really known these folks, I would not have felt quite so odd and out of place. Maybe if it had been more than the second date with my Nicaraguan friend, I would have felt more comfortable. Who knows. I just know I was Out of Place.

It has been a long time since I felt uncomfortable in any social or other situation.

On Monday morning my husband and I were on our way back to the city from our house on the river. Since we were goofing around and failed to eat breakfast, I proclaimed that we deserved Dunkin Donuts and coffee. This is a rare treat as we tend to eat healthier in our old age. After loading the car we headed to the nearby shopping center.

It was about 9:00 A.M. and several early workers were already taking their mid-morning coffee break. We seemed to be noticed by several of them as we exited our car, which would not have surprised me so much when I was a young and, if I do say so myself, attractive woman. But since this was certainly no longer true, I was wondering what was up. Then my husband passed ahead of me in his eager stride toward the pastry palace. Aha! Mystery solved. He had on a very nice suit and tie for a luncheon meeting that he had planned in the city. He looked so out of place and I quietly mentioned it to him when I caught up. He threw back his head and laughed, which caused an elderly man in front of us to turn and look, not once but several times. My husband said under his breath "Make way for the Senator." Something only a man raised in the South would say and I had to smile.

Upon entering Dunkin's my husband actually turned to the two men behind us and smiled and gesturing to his suit said apologetically, "I have a meeting today."

I grinned thinking they probably thought he was appearing before a judge. Weddings and court hearings would be the only time one would see someone in a suit in that part of the county...unless they were a Senator, of course.

The Good Side

While global warming is going to bring very bad news in the coming years, we have had a wonderful three day weekend in the high 60's where we set aside the curtain ironing and hanging and the bill paying and put the canoe in the river for a rare January paddle.


The river was full of a convention of noisy geese who rushed to lift high into the air everytime a motorboat went up or down the river. A lot of energy was expended by them to live on the river next to man who uses the river as a freeway.


By the time we caught up to where they were resting there was only a floating "calling card."

Remember my bald friend?

Note the photos have not been downsized so be prepared for slowness of loading if you click for a larger view.

I don't know if this was the same fellow/fellowess who ate lunch in our backyard a while back. It was too hard to get close in the canoe for a better look. I am not sure that my powers of observation would have been up to the challenge anyway. The faster and yet quieter we paddled the more careful he became. He would let us get up only so close as we headed toward the channel and I still don't have that telephoto lense. He/she is breathtaking regardless of the distance!

The Second Glass is a Rose

There are phrases reserved for people who blog when they are less inhibited due to consumption of alcohol. I think one of these is call "beerblogging". Well, I am on my second glass of a blush wine that was actually made by a friend of mine and so I am "blushblogging."

This rose is very good and reminds me of the Portugese rose that was all the rage among the young college set in the 60s and 70s. To a college student the wine seemed so exotic and came in an interesting and unsually shaped red clay-colored bottle. It had gentle little bubbles and was as close to a champagne as we could afford. I cannot for the life of me put my finger on the label...but I am sure my peer bloggers will help me out, please! I think it was introduced via the soldiers who traveled to Europe and then came back to let us know how sophisticated they were because I remember that I discovered it from a soldier or two that I dated.

Anyway, enough about my youthful love life, because this blog entry is about something else. Two glasses of wine now have made me admit after all these years, that birthdays are sort of important. In case anyone is interested, I turned the big 60 on the 21st of December. My sister remembered and sent me a lovely cashmere shawl (?), my daughter and her husband got me an espresso coffee maker (? kitchen appliances at 60?) which I returned for a food processor which is a little more practical, and my hubby and son bought me a lovely drusy necklace with a garnet that they got at a Colorado gem store. And that was it! I turned 60 and I actually thought something really monumental would happen even though I am always ready to poo-poo birthdays as just numbers. I thought I would get the first payment on an African safari (which is something I have been dreaming of for years) or maybe a trip to a New York broadway play.

I mean 6 decades should be worth something a little special! On my husbands 60th we went to a salsa club and danced the night away with about a dozen friends and our kids and their dates.

No luck. Daughter was sick and the putanesca pasta dish that I asked for, in spite of the fact the I am the only one who likes anchovies, was inadvertantly mixed with the jar of vodka red sauce my daughter also bought at the Italian store as a second choice for the small group of guests for dinner. My daughter was sick and passed the recipe on to my hubby who mixed the two sauces, either subconsciously and on purpose to overcome any teeny tiny flavor of anchovy which he hates, or accidentally, because he was trying to impress our company, mixed the two recipes...thereby totally negating the meal.

At work I got absolutely no notice (although the two guys who turned 50 and 60 earlier in the year got cards, well wishes and small gifts.). I mean I don't really care...REALLY. It is just a little irritating as I think this is a BIG birthday.

Oh well enough whining into my wine. Happy Birthday to me!!

P.S. YES, Peruby, it was Lancer's. Wouldn't you know it would have a name like that. For those of you who find the number 60 important...go here for a nice walk down memory lane.
http://moreoldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm

If it is not one end, it is the other! Life Story #6

Years, alright, decades ago when I lived on a very small island in the South Pacific with water that ran or not and lights that lit or not and cars that started or not, I had a very bad case of the flu. I swear to this day that it was Dengue fever but I am usually poo-pooed by medical intelligentsia when I say this. I guess one should not live through Dengue? Dengue fever makes you feel as if you have been run over by a large train and every joint aches.

I had a two year-old daughter at the time and was confined to a small apartment with no real help...including my hubby whose life revolved around his job and who never took any of my illnesses very seriously anyway.

I clearly remember being up part of one night helping my daughter through her share of the illness only to have her reach the top of this roller coaster ride to health and end up the next day as the energizer bunny. Something that happens to small children with amazing and unexplainable speed. Their eyes become bright and they run everywhere and their chatter can hurt the ears when only hours before they were panting with weakness on your chest.

I was lying on the sofa in real pain when my little two-year-old found the two-inch-thick tabloid-size fairy tale book she had received for Christmas. She lifted the book (almost as big as her) with surprising ease and hurried across the room. She lost her grip just as she reached the sofa and dropped the book like a slab of concrete across my abdomen. I almost blacked out from the pain and barely heard her sweet voice asking me to read her a story. Trying to care for a tiny someone when you are sick is a real challenge!

Now to the present. This weekend we babysat for Xman who had the flu. He hadn't eaten much in days and had intestinal flu and all that that entails. His dad also had a long night rendezvous with the porcelain throne the night before. Mom, who is now pregnant, is sick from the pregnancy and may be fighting a lighter version of the flu. They were a trio of sad sacks. Fortunately they have us and we took Xman for a long drive and a brief visit to the park so that they could recoup and re-focus. Family is so important and I sure could have used a grandparent when my husband and I were being adventurers in our youth.

Another Movie Review

It seems to be a week of movie going for Tabor. Months go by and we don't go near a theater and then we spend two weekends in a row taking in movies. I saw The Good Shepherd this weekend. It was a last minute decision and I was not expecting much. Although the story line has a few more twists and turns than expected, it is still a bit plodding and could certainly use some humor—even if it was black humor.

The movie is a fictionalized account of the start-up of the CIA and is directed by Robert DeNiro who also plays a small role as a retired General. Matt Damon plays the lead as one of the new spies selected from a carefully vetted group of young men from families of wealth. These men selected seem to all belong to the 'formerly secret' Yale "Skull and Cross Bones" fraternity. Angelina Jolie who plays his long-suffering wife is totally miscast in the part. Her personality doesn’t match her actions and her interest in Damon (who plays an unbelievably stiff conservative patriot) doesn’t make sense. The movie is dark and slow. The primary theme seems to be that you cannot trust anyone. People will betray you either by design or accident.

Some of the spy techniques such as the tedious way that photographs were analyzed before our new digital technology were interesting.

There is one scene in the movie which left a very chilling impression on me. Damon goes to visit Joe Pesci who plays a cameo scene as an Italian (Mafia man?) who is being asked to assist the CIA with the Bay of Pigs operation. Pesci ,who clearly has no respect for the CIA guys and says the CIA creates the “big wars,” then asks Damon to tell him what he has. Pesci says (and I paraphrase) “We Italians have got our family and our food, the Jews have got their tradition. Even the Ni**ers have got their music. But what have you guys got?”

Damon replies expressionlessly, “We have the United States of America and we let you live here.” Whew. (Does this bring to mind anyone---maybe someone who retired from a Cabinet position a few years ago?)

The View on the Other Side of the Castle Wall

I renewed my prior free subscription to "Food and Wine" this year because I found the recipes and wine news interesting, even if a little luxurious and expensive. I had received this subscription free last year when I bought my daughter a gift certificate to Williams Sonoma ---a very expensive 'kitchen' store.

I am sitting on the sofa perusing the February 2007 issue and decided to share some of this with bloggers who might never pick up such a magazine.

On the cover is a lovely photo of a red bowl of butternut squash soup with apple slices and smoked cheddar. (Already I am hungry.)

The ads show luxury gourmet kitchens, luxury vacations and products that only lottery winners could afford. The editors page talks about how unexciting Februaries are following the holidays and discusses a feature story about how two famous chefs in Colorado arrange a meal in a "gorgeous old barn...surrounded by huge snowdrifts...prepared a delicious grilled meal of capon with salsa verde, meatballs and butter coal-roasted potatoes. Winter grilling..." Being the age I am and having grown up in Colorado, I am thinking how cold it must be to eat a meal in "gorgeous old barn." The beauty of a Colorado winter is in the warm sunshine...not the shade of a windy old barn. I picture myself trying to cut through the capon with woolen gloves.

The "news and notes" page does talk about products that are good for the environment...a floor cleaning solution ($25) and reclaimed hardwood from Seattle made into lovely tables ($1,200). It appears to cost money to do good. (To give them some credit they do talk about an Oregon nonprofit that sends bikes to Rwanda so that the coffee farmers can transport their coffee beans to market.)

They also praise a velvety jam that is a dollar an ounce and only 100 jars are made each year. Among the rich it is all about getting the rare.

There is a really neat ad for a Breville blender that they claim transforms ice into snowflakes via a patented "hemisphere bowl/blade system". The design eliminates all 'dead' zones and makes smoothies with no lumps. It seems the rich never have to take their lumps.

So why am I on this luxury rant? I think it has something to do with the movie I saw last night--Blood Diamonds. As a side comment, this movie is well done (just a little derivative) and it has made me a big fan of DiCaprio. I saw him in the violent bloody Departed a few months ago and he is much like Meryl Streep in being able to fold gently in the subtle differences of each character. There is a reasonable love story and a heart-wrenching father son theme and the great scenes of that beautiful continent that contrast with the blood that runs so freely.

Blood Diamonds tells the well known story of how we rape Africa to support our luxurious life style in the rich nations of the world. It makes you watch the news with impatience at the stupid stories and with cynicism at the others stories. It makes you look at diamonds in a whole new glint. But, for me, I now feel, once again, that my retirement hours must be spent more usefully as payment for all my good luck at being born in the right place at the right time.

The Greener Grass on the Other Side

We didn't get the several feet of lovely white snow that relatives got in Colorado. We didn't get that warm sunshine and wind in the palms that relatives got in Florida. But as I stood out on the dock last night, I wasn't feeling left out. I think Peruby did such a great job of putting these holidays in perspective...you should go there and read this post.

Scattering Memories

We (I) have now spent the longest time in our new house...nine days. Nine fully filled days of errands and activities.

In the process of filling the house full of things, we celebrated Christmas with those we love and filled the house with the first important memories. First memories are wisps of smells and sounds that tuck themselves into corners of rooms and are unexpectedly revealed by a ray of sunlight or the wind racing through the door before it is closed behind you. They pause over your head as you sit down for a cup of tea during the day. They hide in the smudge on the newly painted wall in the hall. Memories make the house sigh happily in the afternoon or creak loudly in the night as it makes room for more of the same.

I think that I may feel I am coming 'home' the next time I come down this way for a short and busy weekend and not just to someone's new house.

On the Day After Christmas

1) Couldn't really sleep-in as Xman was up by 6:30 and was ready to say good morning to his new "choo-choo."
2) Daddy had packed "choo choo" so that they could get an early start back home. Of course everything got unpacked and redistributed throughout the rooms in the short time parents got a quick breakfast.
3) One very special Christmas gift was that my baby girl is 7 weeks along with grandchild number two.
4) Bad news is that she has morning sickness the size of a small elephant and couldn't enjoy any of the food that she loves. She actually spent one afteroon of her days with us on the bathroom floor. (This past week she scared a coworker when she was accidentally found under her desk at work because she felt so nauseous. Sounds like something on a TV show.) Boo hoo.
5) We have guiltily contributed to the landfills of the area with the tons of banana- republic-bombay-godiva-macys-fischer-price, etc. bags that were left behind in my foyer after a somewhat excessive consumptive Christmas.
6) I am actually starting to take down the decorations (Yes, I heard what you were thinking.) This is because we will be back in the city for New Year's to catch a few movies.
7) One of the nicest things about the holidays is that I can have pumpkin pie with whip cream for breakfast and munch on holiday cookies as I do the laundry and feel no guilt. (And I did that today!)
8) We were smart this year and actually took all the toys out of their bubble packs and tightly wired housing before gift wrapping them since 30 minutes is too long for a 20 month old to wait for a train engine! One would think that toys are terrorist weapons the way they are protected from access
9) My son drove the hour back to the city on Christmas day and brought down his girlfriend of almost 6 years ... we are hoping this means something significant in the future as she is a very special girl.
10) And finally, I know very well that perfect Christmases don't come very often, but they are certainly worth waiting for on the rare times that they do appear.

Two Days Before Christmas

I have been working like a crazy person. Cleaning, shopping, wrapping, cooking, decorating. Each evening I fall into bed so exhausted I can barely pull the quilt up. While my holidays are usually quiet, this year we are lucky and have friends coming for lunch today and my daughter coming to cook me a belated birthday dinner tonight and then her in-laws coming for Christmas Eve dinner and to spend the big holiday with us along with my son.

My new kitchen is full of pies, homemade and storebought, homemade cookies, salad fixings, pretty fresh fruit and wrapped candies and awaiting the delivery of a ham and a turkey brought by guests. My new refrigerator is full of cassroles waiting to be heated.

Weather this year has been mild if wet and very different from the whomping white whippin that my relatives in Colorado are enduring. Thus, hubby was able to decorate outside a little. (We are too old to be crawling up and down ladders!) I will try to post a photo, although all bets are off as I blog on this very old computer we have down at this house.

I have been sleeping very well and so, am surprised to find I have insomnia tonight. So, at least I have your blogs to keep me company.

Love

Remember when you were younger and in love? That certain someone made you catch your breath when they entered the room. You couldn't drink enough of them in with your eyes. If they sat near you, you would breathe deeply of their smell and have to sit on your hands so that you weren't constantly stroking their skin. Everything you did revolved around the magnetic pull of their personality.

When you were away from them your heart ached. You would find yourself drawing their name on paper or seeing their eye color in nature. A laugh might sound so familiar that your heart would jump as you turned your head and then your heart would crash when you would see it was someone else.

Well, today I am aching for my love. My hands feel empty because they have nothing to do for him. If I sit on the couch I miss his head against my chest and his hands in my hands as he drifts off to sleep. Yep, I spent the entire weekend beginning Friday night with Xman and it was wrenching (for the both of us) to separate on Sunday afternoon. I miss the smell of his hair, his quick smile, and those honest brown eyes that would study my face. His pleasure was so pure when we were doing something he liked. Even when he was grumpy, it was just a mild protest to let me know he still wanted to be the boss, yet, I eventually got my way.

This power that my grandchild has over me is a little scary but oh, so addictive. Even when totally exhausted after putting him to bed at the end of the day, I wanted that one last little smell and kiss before I would head down the stairs.

I was tagged by
Ask-the-painting-contractor-chickie.

"The Rules:
The player of this game starts with "3 things he/ she would love to get for Christmas" and also has to list "3 things he/ she definitely does not want to get for Christmas". Then he/she tags 5 friends and list their names. The ones who get tagged need to write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, as well as state this rule clearly, then tag 5 more victims. And the one who tags need to leave a comment that says "you've been Christmas tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog."

Three things I would like for Christmas:
1. Peace in Darfur (I could ask for peace everywhere, but I am afraid I won't get that).
2. I wish that on this planet with an abundance of food no one starves anywhere ever again.
3. Everyone gets on a save-the-planet bandwagon and changes how they live and how they spend their money so that the environment is once again in balance.

Things I DO NOT want:
1. Anything that requires hours of programming to work
2. Anything that makes me sit more than move
3. Anything that requires a battery


Most of my readers do not abide by tags, but I will see if Peruby, Tammy and Long-tooth want to play.

The A to Z Guide to Political Interference in Science

Yesterday I posted something from the world of information access and now here today from grrlscientist is even more exciting news from the world of science and research. Now if all the answers for you are in 'the book' than none of this makes any difference, does it? I just hope that the next doctor examining me and the next chemist creating my medicine and the next teacher teaching my grandson has read more than one book and has access to more than one library and doesn't second guess research results to be PC!

Back to the dark ages with the digital commons

Go here for some news on how your children and grandchildren will solve the world's problems! The photo is also a link.

http://www.courant.com/news/nationworld/hc-libraries1210.artdec10,0,7523072.story

Stirring the Crazies

I have been static in this apartment since last Tuesday with a five hour "work-break" at the office. I have been all alone this week and have only seen a young man in the elevator when I went to pick up the mail. He didn't see me, because at my age, I am invisible!

First stir:
Second Stir:

Third Stir:

Fourth Stir:
I have gotten tired of surveying every little thing in this apartment and waiting for my freedom.

Run Down Musings

Totally alone all weekend with my millions of alien microbes. How many boxes of kleenex does it take to win a war? I am suffocating in my own body fluids and yet the river continues to flow. What a disappointment to discover that flu shots are ineffectual. The genesis of all this was a babysitting consequence that I had volunteered for this Sunday past. That venue also has three sick people trying to make it through the hours. Thank the fates that hubby and son are thousands of miles away in the land of snow.

My arrival at work after three days of rest on Friday was not met with sympathy but by annoyed co-workers sending me home back again as if I carried the plague. (They were right, of course, but I had become so lonely, and there were deadlines.)

While the throat no longer is on fire and the body thermostat has leveled off, I still have a smarting chest, a pressure headache and insomnia. And all I can think about is all the holiday errands that have been shelved. (And how much refuse there is on cable when one has to pass the time.)

Could someone make me another cup of mint tea, puhleeze.

My Own Little Discovery Show

(This photo taken from http://www.johnsonmill.com/birding.html

I will get a telephoto someday!)

“Hey, Tabor, come look out the window!” hubby said with excitement in his voice

I looked at the direction he indicated and high on a snag above the river sat a bald eagle. Hubby ran to get the binoculars --- that expensive Swarovski set that I bought him five years ago and which has panned out to be one of the best gifts I ever got him.

He generously handed me the binoculars first to see the close up of our visitor. He was definitely a male in his prime. His colors were lustrous and his feathers full and rich in the cold afternoon. The eagle then gently lifted his wings and glided closer to another nearby snag. That is when I saw he had a fish in his talons. He landed on the branch and I could see the silvery menhaden flapping against the branch as it hung down caught only by one claw.

The eagle ‘eagle-eyed’ his domain and then took a small bite from his sashimi meal. The menhaden continued to flap while the eagle continued to nibble. This predator prey drama was not for the weak of heart. The eagle would pause between bites and survey the river at his leisure. This lasted for just a few minutes more.

Before long, a crow flew in to a branch just above and to the right of the eagle with intimidating body language and a noisy jabber indicating clear interest in the mid-day lunch. In a very short time a second crow joined him and landed just above the first. Both seemed to me to be too close to the eagle. Daring black bullies they were. Two more flew in and landed to the left of the eagle. One of these flew down looking for fragments of flesh on the forest floor.

The eagle had now changed from the leisurely meal with a view on the water to the fast food manner dictated by the nearby company and he soon finished the fish. He proceeded to clean his bill and claws on the bark of the tree and the crows eventually lost interest and departed.

The eagle sat on the branch for almost an hour longer letting us observe him and giving us an excuse to halt the Christmas decorating. Then he took off, swooping with breathtaking grace down the river making a dip at the far end…too far for us to see if he caught dessert.

Who Would Have Thunk It?

Guests:
This Thanksgiving my daughter and son-in-law were on travel. My son was the only one who was going to join us for TG Day. I could have called some friends, but was too lazy. They were also thinking about calling us and didn't! So there were going to be only three for the big meal.

Location:
We could have eaten down at the house using the new kitchen, but I had to work on Friday so that was a long drive back at the end of the big meal that I didn't want to make. We could have eaten at my son's condo which has a larger TV to watch games on, but my son indicated he didn't really care about the football all that much---Translation:" I don't want to have to clean the condo for you guys." We could have eaten out somewhere, but we took so long to plan that that option disappeared fairly soon. Thus, we ate at the apartment.

Decor:


Hubby generously brought home a bouquet from the market to brighten up the table. So not too much more decor needed for just two guys.

Menu:
In years past I went all out with the meal. I like to cook, hubby likes to cook and the kids even like to cook. So some made pies and side dishes and I would work on the turkey, stuffing and sweet potatoes and a special salad. Ah, but this is a lot of food to prepare for just three people in a tiny kitchen.

So this year we had 'take-out.' from Boston Market via the Giant supermarket. This box feeds 8 to 10 and costs $60.00. That comes to about $6.00 per person, the food is good if not outstanding, and there are leftovers and plastic leftover containers for everyone. All we had to do was reheat the meal in the oven and microwave.


I would never have thought of a Thanksgiving like this years ago. But I guess I am getting more mellow in my old age. Release the control, let go of the remote, put down that camera, hand over that turkey baster and just mellow out.