That's the Limit

While I was sleeping someone caught his limit and more! So hot and humid here that I think it is time for a two-day trip to the mountains tomorrow. I will let you know if we did it.

This Sunday Morning

Although I have been retired for some time, I do not seem to be falling into much of a regular pattern of daytime/nightime activity. Yesterday I slept until 7:30 (after being lightly wakened by hubby at 4:00 who was heading off for a fishing trip with buddies) and this morning I woke up abruptly, looked at the clock and saw that it was only 4:30. I tried to drift back to sleep, but after 40 minutes I admitted defeat and got up.

Sitting here on the stairwell balcony, where I blog, I can smell the coffee that is ready in the kitchen, hear the faint chirp of birds just waking and hear the deep and regular breathing of my husband in the bedroom below. Today, like most days, is a totally free day for me. I can do whatever I want. Yes, I have a project list, compulsive creature that I am, but I also know that 90% of the things on this list do not have emergency status.

I am not yet too full of free time, not yet satiated and ready for something scheduled that forces me to get up and get going. Perhaps this winter I will look for something to do that fulfills that need, but now I am still in wonder at this endless free time given to me each day. I sometimes think of my mother and father and the early years of their retirement. I wonder what thoughts they had about this time in their life with their children grown and involved with their own lives. My parents were busy and hardworking people and idle time did not come easily to their generation. I know that in their last years watching baseball on TV in the afternoons was my father's respite after clearing weeds and working in the garden. My mother would do her flower gardening and some canning in the summer and then look forward to an afternoon nap. Was this enough to fill their day and the all the rest of the days of their lives?

I do know that the nagging concern I had about having too much time with my husband and not enough alone time, which I so desperately need, has not been a reality. He is a self-starter most days and we spend about 50% of our time doing things together and 50% on our own separate projects. He does not need me to be his oxygen and that is a relief. He also continues to let me be the bossy one in structuring many activities and I am trying to be more compromising in that area. Now that I have so much unstructured time I do not feel the need to be so regimented.

Another good thing I have noticed is I am becoming less anxious about this thing called retirement. Eventually, I may more easily accept it as my new way of life!

It is starting

We are now one for one as hubby has retrieved a tomato from the garden and today I get to harvest my patio tomato.


These photos should go on my other blog about the wonderful planet earth...but I am so excited that I have this little bit to share. Everyone from Earth Home Garden to East and West at Every Turn has been posting delicious photos of their bloomers far outshowing my humble efforts. My beginning perennial garden has been a struggle this year. I read somewhere that it takes between 30 and 50 years to get a decent perennial garden established and I do not have that much time! So I will enjoy what I can while I can! The photo above is a healthy achillea (maybe vista?) that adds nice warm color to the end of a flower bed. (The orange flag shows where a soaker hose lies.)

Yes, I am cheating, by including some annual container plants below.

Here is a small chaste bush/tree that seems to be deer resistant. When left in a clear space in full sun they become big and lovely like the butterfly bush and the bees love them.

These lantana are in a container on my deck where I had a lovely crowded cover of yellow pansies. These are now suffering from summer heat and therefore lantana will replace that.

This lovely fellow bloomed last week and the rabbit ate the stem and left it on the ground with about three other potential blooms! The plant now sits behind a wire cage and is allowed to bloom once again.

Moss Rose are always perfect on the south facing heat of the back deck as are the lovely purple petunias and sage below.

The guara, below, I planted last year and although it is now in the wrong place blocking the path,(covered with bumble bees which is not good for the insect phobic relatives) it will be moved and do very well in a few other places I have planned.

My tempermental hybrid tea rose gave me a lovely first bloom in the early spring. Later I battled with thousands of Japanese beetles in early summer and lost a half dozen other blooms (but now seem to have won the war this year with a beetle trap on the back of the house) and now it is giving a lovely full bloom.

Well, it isn't much but it does warm the cockles of my heart these days.

The Tobacco Barn

On the side of the entrance to the county park just before the posted map of the trails, we saw this old tobacco barn. The last public tobacco auction for the county was held a few years ago and this part of American agriculture is now history. The countryside is dotted with these aging gray barns that are no longer used due to a buyout for tobacco farmers that was successful, and even though there is some small effort at preservation, these historic structures are not being preserved in most cases. If this barn had been used for drying tobacco I would have readily been able to see the rust colored leaves hanging down inside. Unfortunately, the structure and shape of these barns doesn't easily lend itself to reuse. There were varied shapes to the barns in parts of the South but this traditional barn shape is the most common for our area.

There was a sign on the outside of the structure saying KEEP OUT which of course motivated me immediately to walk through to the cooler inviting shade. It was being used for keeping straw bales dry. I aged this photo as homage to those farmers who built this country with honest sweat and determination. The tobacco industry may have been an unhealthy crop, but at the time the money it brought in to farmers was significant as it was a 'mainstay' crop for the area.

I could not smell the tobacco as some say you can inside these old buildings, but the daylight peaking through the slats was quite romantic. This, along with hinged openings, insured the tobacco would cure correctly. If you click on the photo above you will be able to see the saw marks left from the circular saw that was used to cut the wood at the saw mill. This circular saw was probably powered by a late 18th Century water powered saw. Do you remember Little House on the Prairie when Laura's dad worked at the water powered sawmill in town? The time when people did the work that had to be done to feed their families...not just for that big screen TV.

Stuck in the Craw

Breath in and breath out and then go for a long walk:

• While watching Wimbledon over the weekend someone looked at me and said, "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Billie Jean King?"
• Someone cannot make it down for the holiday weekend event until the last day and then spends the better part of the day either sleeping or watching sports on television--fortunately this is NOT a blood relative.
• When asking a guest to make salad she takes out all the avocado and puts it in a separate bowl because she doesn't like avocado.
• After doing all the planning and shopping for the meal, marinating the hamburgers, slicing the hot dog buns, setting out all the condiments, slicing the vegetables, making homemade potato salad, making cucumber fennel salad, making dessert and then taking out everything to the deck all by myself, someone compliments hubby on the great BBQ since he did the grilling!
• While backing the car out between two nearby cars on the way to the fireworks the driver nearly has an accident trying to dodge a tiny moth inside the car and then yells at the spouse because driving and having a phobic reaction to tiny insects is not a big deal.

Oh well, there is always next year!

Happy Independence Day for America

It seems that my husband and I have spent our 4th of July by ourselves these past few years. So, I have asked Daughter and her family and her in-laws down for the weekend this year for a little celebration. This will be the first time Xman gets to stay up to see the fireworks.

Thus far I have made a pasta sauce, a fruit bowl, banana muffins, choco-chunk cookies, potato salad and lemonade. The rest has been food shopping, and more food shopping for the BBQ.

I also rewashed the front windows and got ride of several wasps nests around the house (after one nasty sting), finished putting in the underground drip system and mulch for the two flowers beds, and completely cleaned the house.

We have washed off the deck and scrubbed the outside grill. We also scrubbed down the fiberglass and chrome on the boat...which took about two days alone!

I now remember why I usually don't have company for the holidays. Hopefully I will feel like doing some real writing after the long weekend.

HAPPY 4th to those of you smart enough to sit back with a cool drink and watch the fireworks!

If the Shoe Fits

The luxury of both wild and domestic raspberries!

I have been retired almost two months now---58 days. But I still feel that the shoes don't really fit. It is like I bought a lovely pair of Manolo Blahniks on sale and have worn them for 58 days straight and am still conscious that they are on my feet and that they fit a little stiffly. They also are so luxurious and attention getting that I keep thinking I don't deserve them and they don't quite go with my personality or my pace.

Don't get me wrong. I have no regrets about quitting work. I do not feel lost when I get up in the morning and do not have to rush off to work. In contrast, I luxuriate in the opposite, pacing my morning with a slow cup of coffee and reading while the sun comes up.

I do not feel badly about being on a tighter budget and once again in my life looking at price per unit and looking at coupons when I shop. I am so lucky in having everything I want that a little frugality is a nice seasoning to my life. (Of course, if this administration continues to ignore the downward spiral of this economy, I may be wearing tennis shoes soon.)

But I have so much time to ponder my future. The work that I am doing now (gardening, cooking, decorating) does not require focused thought and so I have time to let my mind wander in other directions. To overwork garment analogies I guess I am waiting for the other shoe to drop!

Are There Blogs in Heaven?

Maya's Granny

Blogroll #4

I have been meaning to do this for some time, but since it requires a little research and more time at the PC and more time coding in Blogger I have put it off until now. But today is the day and some folks are going to get rolled since they visited my blog before I got to theirs. I got this idea from Hoss over a year ago when he profiled those bloggers that he read or that commented on his blog. If you want to read about other bloggers that I read or that visit my blogs (or used to, as bloggers come and go like good friends), go to my right sidebar and select the blogroll links near the bottom the green section! Now for some new bloggers.

BearNaked has a fetish with teddy bears and the photos alone that accompany each of her posts are charming and will bring a smile on your gloomiest days. She blogs from Canada and therefore knows more than most of us about bears. She found me rather than me finding her and that is most flattering.

Another blogger who has stopped by my place is Beverly who is a neonatal nurse of longstanding. Doesn't that sound like one of the most important jobs in the world? Such a profession lets you know she is a woman of great courage. She writes from Tennessee and leads a very traditional southern grandmotherly life...except for a few surprises---like she once kissed Elvis!

Ernestine is on a Journey to Mindfulness. She has had to say goodbye to a farm where she could garden prolifically and say hello to the city life where she at least is close to her children. She shares my love of plants and has learned about the love of dogs. She also is going through the same thoughtful pauses that I have in having more time on my hands. When you see how young she looks you would be surprised at the age of her grandchildren!

Grannie Annie visited me a while back (only grannies visit me these days!) and I noticed that she had started blogging back in 2005. Talk about cutting edge blog boomers. She is prolific in her writing and there is no way I can keep up with her posts, but I do stop by when I have time. I, like her, have re-instituted my exercise program. I don't run a chicken farm like she does, but if our covenants allowed my husband would have a dozen hens right now.

Mary Lou is retired from the Navy. Lordy, she started her blog entries in 2003! I didn't even know blogger was up and around then. "I'm not sure what type of blog I want here, just brain dumps, or a real log. Do I want to get into emotions and feelings for the world to see? Do I want to write this just for me, or with the thought that others will be reading it also.." Sounds familiar to some of us, doesn't it.

Richard who live in Atwater is also retired Navy and maybe came by way of Mary Lou above? While I worked for an organization that was full of former Navy folks, I really don't know anyone currently in the Navy. Anyway Richard loves birdwatching as I do and seems to be single-handedly feeding every bird in his state. He has some good construction skills, which we could certainly use around here, as he has actually built a shed. We bought ours from the Amish.

I am extremely flattered that "Vishwa" from India also visits my blog. He is young and lives so far away! He doesn't have lots of entries each month, but each entry is well-thought out and well written. This entry about why we write blogs (http://vishymn.blogspot.com/2005/12/where-minds-meet-
and-wisdom-arises.html) got me thinking once again about why I write a blog. Stop buy and take a "Walk in the Drizzle."

Please stop by these blogs if they interest you and please tell them that Tabor sent you!! (Now I won't be blogging for a while as I have lots of blog reading to catch up on.)

The Powers of Observation

If you think that your knees are clicking when you head upstairs, a little detective work my help you realize you are not all that old!

Thursday Thoughts #11

1. This morning Hubby and I had a crab omelette which we made with two of the crabs we recently caught beneath the dock. This is a luxury meal that is much easier to prepare in retirement as picking crabs requires a leisure morning.

2. I have trepidatiously planted one hybrid tea rose in a bed near the front of the house knowing full well that they are like creme brulee for deer. I was weeding around it this morning and I looked up to marvel at the dozen or so pink buds getting ready to open. Then, even before I sighed with pleasure, the plant said, "I'm too hot. I'm thirsty. My feet are getting too wet. There is some strange fungus in that mulch. That salvia is too close to me..."on and on the temperamental beauty ranted.


3. I just noticed that I have not worn my engagement ring in almost a week, a longer time than I have ever had it off. I took it off to work in the garden and to clean and move basement boxes and it seems that I am doing all of this constantly these days and the ring sits in a ceramic box near the sink.

4. I got an email from work yesterday asking me if I remembered my Safeboot password for the laptop I had turned in. I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants.

5. Daughter is coming down this weekend since both of our husbands are otherwise occupied with fishing and/or golfing making us weekend widows. Since my husband is taking my son along for all of the following week, I may get to see his new girlfriend as she drives him down. I am trying to get her to stay the night...it might be a fun girly weekend after all---although there are toddlers involved so we will have to be wise on the wine.

6. I have not had to plan exercising time much this past month. Moving tons of dirt, digging holes, laying out bags of top soil and peat moss and working it all into the mounds of clay-based soil, laying out bags of mulch, lifting small shrubs and trees in containers all seem to be helping me get plenty of weight lifting and aerobic exercise. Just to increase all this fun, I and hubby have put down quite a bit of landscape brick after putting down the bed sand. Below is just one of the beds we have been working on.


7. I finished reading the Namesake but found the Kite Runner more moving and poetic.

8. I live out in "NO-NPR" land and there is a religious radio station that sits right next to NPR on my dial and overpowers the signal. I have spent time trying to get an antenna to capture NPR but have had no luck. I can only really enjoy NPR very early in the morning or while I ride in my car and now the tuner button has broken on that as well!

9. Kafir lime leaves are quite pungent and certainly two different meals (salmon patties and beef with asparagus) using this flavor are enough to satisfy us for quite some time. My tiny Kafir lime tree is also pleased that I have stopped denuding it for a while.

10. I actually did a crossword puzzle yesterday. That may be common fare for some people, but for me it always was something for those who have idle time which I never had. Although I love words and their meanings, I am not very good at crosswords and actually somewhat intimidated by them. I also rarely have the patience to sit and complete one puzzle. I didn't finish this entirely...but I got close!

It Never Changes

Yes, I did do my 'chores' today. Cleaned out the basement and we (me---hubby won't part with anything!) threw away a ton of stuff so that my newly finished basement is more inviting.

But I also passed the afternoon watching Out of Africa. I cried and cried and cried. I cannot watch that movie without bawling my eyes out. (Out of Africa even makes hubby tear up.) It will always be one of my favorites as the beauty of the photography alone keeps me coming back again and again, and I rarely find a movie that I will watch over again.

The movie says so much about how we fall in love and become part of that something (Africa) or someone (Robert Redford's character) that we love so deeply. This just doesn't work, because we bring our own ideas which bring changes and those changes attempt to change what we love, to make it better. And what we love is ever-changing anyway. And eventually we must say goodbye to it all.

Now it is your turn. What movie makes you cry?

Just Askin'

Chancy (For some reason Blogger won't let me link) recently left a comment that got me thinking about my overly aggressive activities that are filling my retirement days. She got me pondering about this space in time I now have. Am I hurtling through this free space so fast because I am waiting to hit another dimension…some great new insight…a black hole…a sudden stop at the brick wall? Am I keeping so busy trying to finish my extra long list because I need to? Is it because I really want to? It certainly isn't because I have to. Is it just habit that all the responsible things on the list are first and all the fun stuff is near the end? Will I ever outgrow this bad habit? Am I afraid that I will not have something to add to the list as I get near the end? Am I afraid to really look at the list and find nothing important is on the list?

Am I afraid that if I have nothing to do, it means I am close to death? That is certainly a morbid thought and I am pretty sure I can’t find this thought in the forefront of my mind anywhere. But then, at this time in my life I misplace almost everything at least once! I do know that I actually feel guilty sometimes that my dear kids have to work so hard and wish I could share my free days with them.

I remember a training course I took where one of the exercises was to write your own obituary. Maybe I need to do that over again.

Am I afraid that if I get some empty space, I mean days here not hours, I will realize my life has become more meaningless and less important? Now that is a heavy thought. If we are not saving the world or running people’s lives are we all that important anymore?

Well, after re-reading the above, I think the reason I am keeping busy is that I am a very depressing old fart.

No Hippie

I got my graduate degree from the University of Hawaii in the late 60's just as the Hippie culture was getting established. While the drug scene was delayed in spreading its mellow yellow across the Pacific Islands, it had arrived in full force by the time I was there. You may have read my Mary Jane story. If not go here and I will wait.

I have always used the excuse that I was too poor and too serious about my education degree to get caught up in even the milder illegal drug scene as a young adult. That reason is probably an artificial excuse. I never would have been a good hippie. The young man with the long flying blonde pageboy and flute in hand who asked me if I wanted to live in his cave up Manoa Valley when I was crossing campus one day got only a smile from me and not even a second thought. I guess I was born older than my age. I could see ten years down the road to the future after that cave of free smokin-free sex- good times. I was like an old adult already in my mind. I am sure that I was clearly no real fun at parties even though legal alcohol flowed freely.

I have revisited this part of my personality upon retirement. Today I washed 21 double hung, casement or french door windows. Yes, 21!! My hubby came back to the house for some business and yard work and I decided that this day had to be filled with some accomplishment on my part. I even vacuumed the layer of pollen from all the screens. I can see the green mansions clearly now.

I took a warm jacuzzi to ease the aches and pains from this labor and then put on my soft white robe and sprawled across my bed with a good book. I am such a Puritanical spirit that I cannot just enjoy such an activity without it being a reward for some work well done. I am the kind of free spirit hippie that Gandhi was. I understand his approach to life. I never felt in sync with Jack Kerouac or Jerry Garcia. The 60's were clearly wasted on me.

Braggin'

Thoughts of appreciation to those who have given their lives for freedoms too precious to define on this Memorial Day.

I am alone today as my husband has always had the unique ability to schedule business trips over three day weekends--this really means much less now that we are both 'retired.' My daughter is with friends and her family in New York. My son ... my son...what he is doing today is anyone's guess.

Yet all is well with my small soul as I got up early (5:00 a.m.) and started cooking at 6:00 a.m. I am spending next week with my daughter due to a number of social activities as well as getting hubby at the airport near her house. Therefore, at 8:01 I have completed a Tuna Noodle Nicoise Casserole, a Turkey Cheese Enchilada Casserole and 23 Devils Food cupcakes. I still have to make a fresh strawberry pie. I NEVER go empty handed to the house of a woman with small children. One MUST bring food. I can hear the envious sighs from across the blogosphere.

The Devils Food cupcakes are supposed to be one of those super healthy recipes...one small (13 oz) can of pumpkin filling and one devil's food cake mix. That is all that goes into this recipe! Mix and bake as directed on the box. I have never tried this recipe. The batter was sort of fudgy rather than battery, but seemed to taste OK. We will see how these low calorie snacks turn out. I did not think I would finish the casseroles so early, so now I have the rest of the day to get the potted plants ready for being ignored for the next 6 days.

I also made a banana cream pie...not my favorite but a great way to use the extra pie crust and leftover bananas.

Life Story #14--Someone Else's Life

I may do windows, but I don't do lawns. For some exotic reason I have avoided mowing lawns my entire married life. We have had both sit-down and push mowers in our house-owning life, and yet, while I do not mow the lawn, I will do with enjoyment the edging with the weed-eater. The grooming of the vast lawns we have owned in our married life has been left to hubby. I think it is because I do not like engines and all the idiosyncratic illnesses that they get. Hubby is now overseas for a while and the lawn has enjoyed the cool spring and weekly soaking rains and soon was lush and thick and needed a mowing.

I called the young man in the middle of the photo above about mowing the lawn, since he is one of the few people I know in this area. We met him while getting the house built. He and his two young friends in the background of the photo helped our builder put in the retaining wall. He is out of high school and I have no idea what his plans are for the future. He does not have the motivation, the learning or the money for college. He seems to be following in the footsteps of his mentor in the foreground of this photo to work in the building industry.

He is a quiet, shy and handsome young man that brings out the mother in me in an instant. When he had finshed our huge lawn with the push mower, I paid him probably double what a lawn mower gets in this area, certainly out of guilt for his circumstances. I gave him a large box of warm strawberries I had just picked, and with a surprised pleasure, he sat on the bench under the front porch eating them and drinking the water I gave him while waiting for his girlfriend to pick him up. He enjoyed the strawberries more than any young person I had ever seen. My children like strawberries, but don't really enjoy them with the enthusiasm this fellow had. I hadn't washed them and told him that even though they were organic, they probably had some dirt on them. This did not defeat his pleasure in any way.

Now for the rest of the story. Shortly after that picture above was taken, this young man along with the two boys in the photo and another boy not shown, were involved in a tragic car accident. There had been alcohol and teenage carelessness in the mix. Fortunately, no other car was involved. Among the four young men in this accident one died, one is now a paraplegic and one is in jail for drunken driving. This young man who mows my lawn escaped with his life 'intact' but forever changed and is now slowly piecing his spirit together.

MORE

My husband left just before this harvest...now my back hurts and my feet are wet from picking these out in the rain this morning. I have to pull some cookbooks I guess! I need a large family. I feel guilt at this abundance after watching the tragic news these past few days.

Breakfast---using the leftovers

We have been blessed this year with quarts and quarts of strawberries. I dread facing the garden after the rain today to pick even more! I have not picked since Saturday morning due to weather and being very busy. Anyway, after eating all the strawberry shortcakes and the strawberries and vanilla ice cream, we made strawberry syrup the other day. Too much of a good thing.

Hello or Goodbye ?

Just said goodbye to some distant relatives after a three-day visit. I had not seen them in years. I am listening to my newly quiet house with the dishes all done and the beds all re-made and pondering which I like better...their coming or going? It is not a trick question, I really don't know!

Post Script

I certainly started an interesting discussion on the blog entry below and I guess in the back of my mind thought I might do that and almost did not make this entry. Had this child been older and recognizable, I would not have posted this photo. But she will look very different in a few months. I think this Western society can no longer see sexuality as basic biology that is important to our survival as a species.

We all have masculine and feminine attributes from birth that are important and make us who we are. I do not feel these in and of themselves are bad or should be ignored. They make us the unique adults that we become. Some of us will have real struggles with these traits in a society that so objectifies everyone. I do agree that focusing on these attributes and ignoring a child's intelligence, personality, and health while raising the child is not a good thing. But I do think this is a LARGE leap to say we are 'objectifying' a child while recognizing their femininity or masculinity.