Am I afraid that if I have nothing to do, it means I am close to death? That is certainly a morbid thought and I am pretty sure I can’t find this thought in the forefront of my mind anywhere. But then, at this time in my life I misplace almost everything at least once! I do know that I actually feel guilty sometimes that my dear kids have to work so hard and wish I could share my free days with them.
I remember a training course I took where one of the exercises was to write your own obituary. Maybe I need to do that over again.
Am I afraid that if I get some empty space, I mean days here not hours, I will realize my life has become more meaningless and less important? Now that is a heavy thought. If we are not saving the world or running people’s lives are we all that important anymore?
Well, after re-reading the above, I think the reason I am keeping busy is that I am a very depressing old fart.
"Am I afraid that if I get some empty space, I mean days here not hours, I will realize my life has become more meaningless and less important? Now that is a heavy thought. If we are not saving the world or running people’s lives are we all that important anymore?"
ReplyDeleteSuch angst!! Of course we are. We are always important to someone and we should be important to ourselves!! Slow down, Tabor - you're worth it!
Realizing there is a minor discrepancy of about 7 years between us, I must say that my years-ahead-of-my-age life already belongs to the old fart club and frankly? I'm quite content to find free hours ... I find ways every day to entertain myself without leaving the house. You're very new at the retirement thing. Give yourself a break. It can really be a blast!
ReplyDeleteIt's never too late to take up a musical instrument ... or to join a local Literacy Volunteer unit and help some poor bastard learn the language.
My hunch is, you'll be fine.
what kenju said!
ReplyDeleteperhaps you just NEVER learned how to relax and fully enjoy leisure time unless you are on vacation! maybe you feel like you must fill any open time with things that could/"should" be done. that "should" word would be a good one to dump. so much judgment.
Actually, I do intend to take up some things and do some volunteer work in about a year. I am pacing myself right now trying to realize that I am master of my fate. I also may look for a part-time job next year, but that may not be easy with this recession hanging on---and that old guilt kicks in about taking a job away from someone who needs it. I am very happy in retirement, but I do keep getting second thoughts. It is so nice to be honest with the bloggers!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to report that it took four years to get used to empty days. My case is different because I was 33.
ReplyDeleteI have always put the yucky things first because I'm a prograstinator. It's a good thing! I was a list maker at work and I still do it 13yrs later.
You will eventually run out of lists and be forced into a re-discovery period. I have faith you will re-define your life and bloom.
I am going through it all again in my move. Isolation surrounded by beauty has made me a depressing old fart lately. Go figure! I must re-define yet again and finish my new list!
HUGS
Hmmm. I don't wonder about these things because I just figure that anyone keeping super busy in retirement is simply happiest being busy. That's the way s/he is.
ReplyDeleteAnd I guess I think the only reason to question one's own busyness is if it's not making you happy; then I'd suspect a "should" ethic's at work.
For someone standing on the edge of retirement (if The Managment EVER decide how to do it) all your advice is very much appreciated and savoured - and all the comments too!
ReplyDeleteFrom this distance, Tabor, you are definitely NOT depressing!