Failure Is Not an Option

I'm a little nervous so I arrive about 20 minutes early to check out the study room in the public library.  The room is small with a built-in table against one wall and clearly designed for no more than two people.  It is cold!  I should have brought a sweater.  I spread out my notebook, two pencils, the first lesson, and tuck my purse into the corner.  I look around, and satisfied, head out to the main part of the library.

This library used to be about 25% of its current size.  There was a plan to build a new library for the community in the budget, before the deficits raised issues a few years ago.  In the old building the librarians had a workroom/storage area about the size of a large broom closet and there were two tiny offices.  I had done some volunteer work years ago in the old library building and was cramped into a corner trying to enter subscription data with two other librarians within touching distance of their tiny desks.  The two children's librarians had only plastic bins on the floor to store their tools.  The circulation desk was slap up against a wall.  When the local gourmet food market on the main road could not get a buyer, the county bought the building and using less money converted the space into a new library.  The new space is lighter, roomer and closer to the main traffic.  This library was used a lot when it was smaller and off the road near a school and some woods and within walking distance of the Senior Center, but it gets even more use now that there is room and it is closer to town.

I look at the shelves to pass the time and find Harper Lee's book "Go Set a Watchman" which I had been wanting to read and take it to a comfortable chair to peruse.  After about ten minutes I hear a conversation regarding the location of a study room and I hear my name.  I stand and walk over to where the librarian is pointing and I see an attractive, casually dressed (in clean jeans and a wine colored T-shirt), stocky, black woman.  She looks like she might be in her 40's-50's.  Her stance is energetic and I am sure she is my student.  I approach her and indicate who I am. 

She waves her arm in my direction and begs  "I just have to get something to eat!  Just a few minutes."

I respond, "No problem." as she is fifteen minutes early.

I go back to the study room as my student disappears outside somewhere.  There are a few restaurants on the strip mall and the gas station has food.  I sort the lesson and wait.

Five minutes after our start time, my student comes back energetically into the room.  She does not smell of food, so maybe all she had was a granola bar and a drink in the car.  She is a talker like me, so our greetings topple over each other.  I formally introduce myself and offer my hand.  She introduces herself and we shake hands, talk some more, and she offers her hand again and we shake ... again.

I do like her and we settle down into learning about her study issues, etc.

She is so eager to get through this training in order to graduate in October of 2016, that I am worried about how she is setting her short term goals.  She explains how she had to drop out of school at 17 because she was pregnant.  She has at least one child now in college.  She wants so much to get her degree in front of her children and grandchildren and then as tears come to her eyes, she apologizes and gets a tissue.  She does not once mention that the diploma is for a job opportunity.  It seems this is a personal goal for her.

Yes, I can feel the pressure on me to make this training successful.  She talks about teachers she has liked and the class that she has to go to that very evening for math.

I start with a few charts and vocabulary sheets that were given to me to help with approaching word problems.

We start with the basics of trying to decode a word problem.   I read her the first exercise which involves determining how much a waiter made in tips when we know his hourly wage, number of hours worked, and total money he gets at the end of the day.  She is slow to figure this out and I am wondering if I am helping her too much as we multiply, add and then subtract.  I have her read the next problem and this takes me back to fourth grade when some fellow classmates would nervously struggle with reading a paragraph out loud.    Now I see that some of her problem is reading and not just math.

She is bravely not too self-conscious although she apologizes too much.  I am totally positive and full of encouragement reminding her these are steps of the journey, reminding her to take her time, and then giving clues when I need to.  We struggle though the problems for an hour and then I give her an exercise sheet and ask her to do a few of the problems for the next class.  We do the first one together and when we both come up with the same answer, which according to my "Key" is wrong, it takes a few minutes for us to realize that the exercise has a major typo!  This is going to be more work than I thought!

We talk about learning styles and then I suggest a later time for our next Tuesday class because it will give her some free time before she has to drive further up the road for her other class.  Both my class and the other class are about 20 minutes from where she lives.

I think she is feeling good about the session and she insists on giving me a hug when we leave.  I am a big hugger, so feel good about that. 

Now I have to do some serious research on learning styles, learning strategies, and real teaching...not just training which I do with my grandkids.  This is making me reach just like her, so I think this may work out for us both.  I do not want to fail her!

Too Old to Learn New Tricks?

Way back in January of this year when gray snow and blistering winds were all that greeted me as I left the house, I decided I needed some activity that was more inspiring for me and more useful to others, before I turned into a winter hermit.  I perused the listing of volunteer activities in the county newspaper and the Adult Basic Education program caught my eye.  I used to teach many decades ago, and figured my skills were not that rusty.  Some one on one time with someone who needed my help could be pretty rewarding for me as well.

After placing a call to the ABE office I was told that they would place my name on their list...there would be training...there were others also on this list.  January came and went and February was almost over before I received a call that there would be a meeting/training session in March and did I have a date or two that suited me?  There was much juggling as there were four of us who led complicated lives and finally the ABE office admitted they would have to have two sessions to accommodate us.

I drove up to the old concrete block building across from the fire station.  It was uninviting and sparse in decor.  It reminded me of an old school room in the the 1950's with walls filled with workbooks and reading materials and some old fashioned desks in the middle of the room.  Budget constraints were clearly visible everywhere.  There were two women of pre-retirement age and gentle personalities to explain the program as we two potential tutors sat at a small round table.  Lots of paperwork.  The training consisted of some simple rules, ideas and paperwork forms and took a few afternoon hours.  I was asked to complete a form on how many students I was willing to tutor, whether it was English and/or math, etc.  I said one student to start, and although I do hate math I was afraid I would never get a student if I didn't check that box also...everyone wants to teach reading comprehension or grammar, etc.  They said it would take some time as they had to run background checks on us among other things.

I went home to wait for an assignment.  Spring came and my volunteer garden work and travel filled the months.  Summer came and my grandchildren visits filled my time.  I had almost forgotten about this teaching project.  Then the last week of August I get a call to tutor a math student.  My heart sank because I really had forgotten all my math and in the back of my mind I had been hoping for English.  Who does math anymore with computers and calculators everywhere?  But having a Puritan work ethic I said I would be happy to tutor this adult woman in math.

I was given the name and phone number of the student but told to wait two weeks while the office put together a packet of lessons for me.  Oddly, I was beginning to panic more!  What made me think I could teach basic math?  I researched some exercises on the Internet and tried hard to remember how to reduce fractions, figure perimeters, calculate percentages, etc.  Gosh, I was going to have to re-learn everything.

I drove up to the local high school and picked up the lengthy study packet and reviewed the lessons inside and then called the student.  She was thrilled to hear from me, desperate to get her high school diploma, and willing to meet on any day, any place, and any time for tutoring.  Yes, having an eager student is golden, but I was still very nervous as I set a date to meet at the public library the following week.  During our phone conversation she was interrupted by noises of children in the back ground.  Excusing herself, but not bothering to put her hand across the receiver, I heard her yelling at them and scolding them to behave.  When she got back to me she apologized and explained they were her grandchildren!  Shoot, if she could do this, why not I?

While I sorted materials and made a flexible plan, the day of the lesson arrived and she called to cancel because her niece had been taken to the hospital.  I am well aware that adult students have all kinds of reasons for not moving forward with their goals and that they have real lives to interfere and that sometimes they use excuses to avoid doing the work.  Yet, I heaved a sigh of relief to be given a short reprieve.

I called a few days later to re-schedule.  Yesterday we did finally meet for our first lesson and I will tell you how that went in my next post.

The Rest of the Story

Hooper Straight Lighthouse prism, Maryland -- Let there be light!

I neglected to add the postscript to the story of the young woman who has entered my life. When I went to her wedding in early summer I had the opportunity to meet her parents who came in from out-of-state. Her father is ex-military and I honestly forget what he did in between before his retirement. He was a short, stocky, healthy looking man with gray hair and a well-trimmed professorial beard. Her mother was attractive but did look a little timid at times as if she wondered how she ended up at this wedding with a deer in the headlights look. The older sister was a very different type of person from my young friend. I cannot explain, but she was the exact opposite in looks, style and personality that one would have expected. In retrospect both the sister and mother looked very intimidated by the whole evening rather than the joy one would have expected. I did talk to the mother briefly and she expressed surprise that her determined daughter had decided to marry. (As an aside, the groom is a very Westernized Chinese American man from Hong Kong.)

The ceremony was performed by a Chinese-American pastor. It was a small wedding with about 60-70 guests. There was the traditional father-daughter dance which looked lovely.

Then a few months later I learned the following:

She had asked her parents to stay with her at the new home over the wedding weekend. They instead brought up a trailer and stayed in a campground outside the city. When I asked why they did this, she explained she did not actually know, but she was pretty sure it had to do with the fact that her father carries a concealed weapon and that is not allowed in the city. I guess he felt safe enough to stow it during the ceremony, but not staying with your daughter and/or supporting her because you needed to have your weapon is something I cannot get my mind around.

When I had the young woman down for the weekend a few months after the wedding, I asked how her parents were doing. She said she thought they were OK, but her father had unfriended her on Facebook because of her liberal ideas and so she wasn't sure what was going on with them. I read her posts and they are hardly radical or in-your-face. She was very calm about this statement, but I cannot imagine how painful this is for her. Being rejected by your parents publicly is harsh.

My step-nephew unfriended me (most likely because of my liberal posts) but I am fine with that, as he is not an essential part of my life. I still like him, but it seems we cannot agree to disagree.  I would only unfriend someone if they were nasty in their posts to me. Their political agenda is their own.

"I was fond of Pop, in a way.  He had been terribly generous financially, but we did not connect spiritually and had become quite detached.  He never said much about my years of cookery-work, our book, or my appearances on radio and television.  He felt that I had rejected his way of life, and him, and he was hurt by that.  He was bitterly disappointed that I didn't marry a decent, red-blooded Republican businessman, and felt my life choices were downright villainous.  From my perspective, I did not reject him until the point when I could no longer be honest about my opinions and innermost thoughts with him, especially when it came to politics.  As I looked back on it, I think that break---my "divorce" from my father---began with our move to Paris."  Julia Child, My Life in France.

Being Relevant

Two years ago a new young person came into my life.  She is in her 30's and works for one of the security agencies in the government.  I met her through a young relative.  She is smart, hardworking (promoted five levels in six years), pretty in that old-fashioned way, and very strong in what she sees as her life's goals.  While she and I are very similar in philosophy and outlook on life, I was never as strong and brave as her when I was her age...and am still not that brave.  She was also the one that firmed up this relationship between us as I would never assume someone of that generation would find me interesting.

I learned after meeting her that she had told her college roommates that marriage was not an institution to which she ever considered entering.  I was happy two years later to be invited to her wedding.  Her husband is a mellow, smart fellow and fully supportive of  her independent streak.  They met at a Tango club and they CAN tango.  She also said she would  never have children, but that view seems to have changed as well from jokes I heard the last time we were together.

I am so enjoying them as a couple.  Since the young woman has a secure well paying job with the Federal government, the young man has quit a solid job to join a start-up company, run completely by women, hoping for an even better future!  They asked our advice on this and being the person that I am, I told them to go for it as they currently have no children.  They have also purchased a small starter home in the city and I am having fun giving advice on how to create an interior decorating plan.  They both have great taste, so my advice will have little sway.  But since my own children rarely ask me for much advice, except about plants, it  is nice to be a wise old one once again.

While they were here visiting last weekend, I saw the young woman steal a glance into my bedroom as they went down the hall toward the garage.  It surprised me to realize that everything I do in my home decor is now up for scrutiny.  Suddenly I was wondering if I needed to simplify a corner here or there or was it time to change a seasonal color?  Yes, I realize this is a first world middle class concern, but after all the troubles in this world, I am glad to enter the 30-professional-somethings world of finding one's style and way in the world.

I am also glad to be relevant again...even if I am not!

No Rhyme or Reason

I have had trouble finding something that I wanted to blog about.  Most of what I could share was gray and foggy.  For some time I have been at the place Wordsworth was when he wrote this...


The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
The Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.

I live with someone who starts the day with at least an hour of news.  As the news goes on I can actually feel my energy draining from my body as the bobble heads try to solve the country's and the world's problems.


So when I find the world too much and too close and too smothering there are a few options.  I could have crawled into my bedroom into a fetal position until the mood passed.  I could have finished that half bottle of Malbec in the cooler that the company left behind and wait for the weather to mellow.  I could have posted another political rant on FB (I save rants for "friends" instead of blog readers).  Instead I gave in to the American and now global consumer disease and went shopping.  I had to trade out an old table for one that fit in my small eating area, which also meant I had to get new (unstained and unfaded) tablecloths.  There was nothing I liked in several stores, nothing in colors or patterns that met my taste.  Facing exhaustion, I bought the three that were the only ones that fit, and lo and behold, after cutting some fresh flowers, everything slowly came into focus and rhyme once again!

Now where is that Malbec?

Before Breakfast

While there is a craziness to having house guests, there is also a serendipity to a visit.  One of the young ladies requested the night before at dinner if we could possibly take an early morning canoe trip on the river.  A very easy request to fulfill for early risers such as we because we just slide the canoe into the edge of the water and paddle down one of the fingers on our side of the river.

Sunrises are just as lovely as sunsets.  The weekend water was very quiet as all the tourists and guests were still in bed.

The young lady was in the front of our old Gruman, hubby at the stern and me on a comfortable middle seat with camera in hand.

This finger of the river deadends at the highway, but we had not reached the narrowing of the marsh before the blazing sun blasted through the trees  It turned the mist on the water golden.

By the time we turned to head back home the mist had evaporated and the light from the sun was turning bright and flat.  It was a wonderful pre-breakfast thing to do!

Winding Down a Crazy Social Life

Today is the day my daughter-in-law is having a BBQ for about 80 people to celebrate the fact that they have a large back yard.  In the city a large back  yard is golden.  I am bringing up a huge fruit plate, a huge veggie platter, 10 folding chairs, a folding table, a cooler  with ice and water  bottles and a bunch of their food that was left in my freezer from a big  box store trip.

We leave in a few hours to head up that way.

I  am looking  forward to meeting their friends again, but also realize this will be a looooong day with a over an hour's ride back home in the evening.

Then tomorrow my daughter arrives with two of her little ones.  She is staying for dinner and then heading home after leaving the 8-year-old girl to spend the week with us.

It will be a bit of a challenge as N is not a hiking or boating  type and since school started this past week in this county there are no activities for children going  on in  our little community.  She has visited the small  museum and gallery many times already.  So it is  arts and crafts here at the  house and maybe some cooking until time to take her back on Friday evening or  early Saturday morning.

THEN my whirlwind of a joyful social  life comes to an  end.  What will  I do?  What will I do?

Neighbors and I have been trying to meet for a dinner, but I  just cannot  get energy up for  that  anytime  soon.  I also have a tutoring project I have started.  Something I so wanted to get involved in during the doldrums of winter, but now am digging  deep for the energy to do this justice.  I will write  how it  goes later.

Today, taking my vitamins, drinking my caffeinated coffee and onto the BBQ setup!!  Oh, almost forgot we have to harvest the children's garden and take to the food pantry BEFORE we drive up.  I think I need a nap.

Goodbye

I have "met" so many bloggers over the years.  Some are very open and sharing and I learn far more about their lives/loves than I would upon meeting them in real life and seeing them over time.  Others touch me because of their talent either with words or with photography or art.  Upon retirement I ventured into blogging because of my love of words and then slowly my love of photography took emphasis.  I stumbled across Carolyn Morgan's Blog after she commented on one of my photos and when I went to her blog I was impressed by the clear-eyed focus and gentle love of the outdoors which was represented in her expertly taken photos. 

She stopped blogging and I lost track of her, as we all do, until one day I found her on Facebook and befriended her where she posted a few photos.  Then she stopped posting altogether as sometimes happens with our digital friends.  They get bored, are going through divorce, are fighting an illness that requires all their focus, or no longer get any sustenance from their virtual readers.  Carolyn lost her battle with cancer a while back.  Although I never knew her, her talent touched me.  Her love of photography was something I understood. 

I have lost many, many bloggers since I have ventured out into this digital space. I could have predicted that over decades some would leave this digital space in death, but I am always shocked at how it touches me and pains me when they are gone. 

Ohmmmmm!

Exhausted and just halfway through my company/social life marathon.  It will finally come to an end when granddaughter, the last house guest, goes home to start school on September 6.  I sometimes question my propensity for solitude and quiet and hedonistic activities as I age.  Then a month like this past one comes along where we are always on the move either entertaining or going somewhere or taking people somewhere...

I read the blogs of those with giant backyard picnics, camping trips, travel, and get-togethers with friends and family, and I think how wonderful for them to have this richness in their lives.  They all look so energetic and happy.   No one seems to look like they have been pulled through a keyhole backwards.  No one has that deer-in-the-headlights look.  We did take some time for relaxing with both the older and younger folks.

A quiet morning canoe ride.

I did read the blogs or listen to friends who are facing serious challenges such as Alzheimer's, stroke, difficult issues with their children or serious budget problems and the smothering cloud of guilt settles on my self-serving shoulders as I even think of complaining about my life of too much to do.

Then I enter a month like this August where it is an endless parade of company and visits, and while I love them all to death---I really do, I wonder why I cannot keep treading water without gasping for air...without wishing I was on an island all alone...somewhere all alone.  And yet, I know I most likely will have that in my future and will I then face loneliness?  Am I that person who is never satisfied?

Thursday 13: Things I Learned or Re-learned This Summer

1. While listening to a discussion about voting on the radio my 10-year-old grandson said he knew about the poling tax history and voting tests to keep voters from voting.  As I quizzed him, he apparently did!
2. While discussing the problems with the popcorn popper at our dilapidated movie theater the gal behind the counter told me they only make 4 cents on each  ticket.  Across the bridge is a brand new theater and I wonder how this will impact them further.
3. We got 4.5 inches of rain one week and it brought down our dead tree that has been the osprey lookout since we moved here and it snapped a devil's walking stick bush and I slept through it all.  I am not the light sleeper I thought I was.
4. My visiting friends are getting old, like me, and I realized I do not have an elder friendly bathroom all the way up a 15 step stairway to the guest bedroom!
5. I actually am looking forward to the slow and lonely days of winter when I can concentrate on creative projects and reading more fully each precious novel and book of poetry.
6. Nothing is a better age gauge in your life than your grandchildren.
7. I am beginning to see how my conservative friends fear social programs as there are cheaters out there who work the system, and now I just need to help them see how the first class welfare cheaters cheat us so much more.
8. I have decided you can get tired of eating eggplant.
9. I am reading three e-books as a time, and if they are all non-fiction, and on three different types of e-readers, I can keep them separate in my mind.
10. They say getting old ain't for sissies.  It is not for anyone except sadomasochists.
11. I have sometimes hated having to get out of bed early on a Saturday to harvest produce for the food pantry.  The dear volunteer that shows up faithfully each Saturday to help us maintain the children's garden told me her 65-year-old husband has Alzheimer's.  This gardening is her break on early Saturday mornings.
12. I am almost 70 and still sometimes feel envious or insecure with situations.  I guess we never really grow up.
13. I am also still stupid brave enough to say 'yes' when I could have/should have said 'no.'

Tourist Town

Changes in scenery are usually a good challenge.  This time was for two nights in an 1800's old B&B.  It was once a ship builder's house and still has pretty solid structure to this day.  It is a bit of a high end place in that the rooms have sherry bottles or carafes of wine waiting upon your return from the day of walking about the mile long town of St. Michael's, Maryland.  The view above was the early morning from our porch on the second story.

I probably should have straightened the picture before taking a picture.

The innkeeper shops estates sales ( seems there are many old people dying out here) for antiques which can be found all over the Inn.  The breakfasts were good if not great.  The bed left some firmness to be desired, though.

The county and town are somewhat schizophrenic.  There are about 2,000 locals who live year round and work the restaurants and retail scene and boating docks.  Much of it is high-end clothing, unique art, antiques and some very top notch food.  The people that come here are those super rich from New York, Boston, Washington D.C., etc.  Some of  those who come stay here and have 'second homes' that we would consider mansions.  They are the reasons that we could find some excellent places to eat.

It was a bit of a disappointing 6+ mile canoe paddle up to the end of the river as we had hoped to see more marsh and wilderness and fewer ego trips.  One of the homes had a number of signs stating that video surveillance was in effect.  The video grounds were probably Dick Cheney's summer/winter palace.  It did prove a challenge when looking for a place to relieve oneself midday.  I hope I didn't blind some poor security guard, but I had no choice!

Took lots of photos, bought no souvenirs and we did walk around a wildlife refuge on the following day as we headed home.

How Did I Get Myself Into This?

These are the last three days with the 10-year-old who has been an exhausting pleasure to have.  But as my brain no longer works as fast or as well as it used to, as my body tells me to go take a nap every few hours, I cannot help but wonder how I will handle a second set of grandchildren if my son is finally blessed with one or two.  They keep trying and do not talk about it and neither do I.

This weekend my daughter and her two other children come to stay through Sunday.  Then Monday it is time to clean the house and pack because hubby and I are heading  to the Eastern Shore for a three day anniversary trip. ( We have been married 45 years and he has not even come close to killing me yet, but I AM fast.)  I also have to get an agenda with project reports written and sent before we leave.  Thursday  I return and try to adjust to re-entry.  I have a few days off except for a bunch of volunteer stuff (more on that later).  But that coming weekend we have some very old friends from Florida coming to stay for a few days

The following weekend some very young friends are coming down for two days and that will  keep me busy.  I am so flattered when 30-somethings want to spend time with us!

The weekend following that one, my son and daughter-in-law are having a BBQ for 50(!) people, so we will go up and help with that.  Then the next day, Sunday, my 8-year-old granddaughter comes down for the week.  Unlike my grandson, she does not do things on her own, but wants people to do things with her, so I will be sitting even less.  She was also the one stung not once but twice by wasps during the last visit.  This will be a challenge. I will be busy.

The second week of September looks like smooth sailing except for my volunteer work.  I realize this is a very normal life style for some people.  But it is NOT for me.  Please tell  me this is keeping me young and not aging me unduly faster.

Egad!!

This past weekend was one with house full of kids, and young adults, and boating, and picnicking, and watching the grands in the Spartan race under the hot sun, and eating crabs, and watching movies, and getting up one night with the 8-year-old throwing up and getting up the second night with 4-year-old with a wet bed, and nursing the 8-year-old from a wasp sting (her second of the weekend by the way) which was like DYING(!), and cooking for everyone and cleaning and laundry of beach towels, sheets, etc.!! You will be lucky if you hear from me for days!  I have the ten-year-old this week and Monday morning has already been busy with his amazing ability to talk without breathing from the moment he gets up.

I Won't Be Here

Our summer weather (not climate) has been unusually pleasant.  Hot but not hotter than hell, humid but not a sauna, and as a result we have enjoyed being outside for a change.  The other day my dear spouse wanted to "run the motor" on the boat to make sure it was still working.  (He really wanted an excuse to fish the Bay.)  We hadn't used the boat in weeks and he gets nervous if it sits/hangs on the lift too long.

The weather was predicted to have clear skies and the wind was minimal so we decided to take a longer trip across the Bay, and burn our share of fossil fuels,  a twenty minute ride to the other side which is part refuge and part old-school fishing village.

We first visited an eagle's nest.  The eagles had fledged months ago, but the nest remained in stark contrast against the sky.

The coast line is mostly marsh which is home to red-wing black birds, boat tail blackbirds, marsh wrens herons, and marsh ducks.  Most of the birds were not there when we coasted in.  You can see the crow(?) on the left snag in the photo above checking out the eagle's nest.  He is probably remembering a number of arguments on the wing as he chased the eagle incessantly this past spring.  I have seen three crows gang up on a bald eagle and cause him to have an emotional breakdown.  Really!  He/she sat crying on a lower branch of a tree in my back yard for twenty minutes that time.

Above we are cruising slowly into a wider mouth of a distant river off the Eastern side of the Bay.

On the other side of this river, the pine trees shown above have no lower branches because the trees that were on each side of them were hiding the inner trees from the sun.  What outer trees?  The ones that have now died and lay in the shrubs/small pines below.  These tall still-standing sentinels will be gone in a few years as well.

Above is a starker example.  Why are all these trees dying?  Old age?  Actually, this is real evidence of ocean rise, and brackish water intrusion to freshwater root systems.  Yes, the water levels are being measured by scientists and the water has been rising for quite some time.  Pines were the last to hang on at these little spots of high ground.

A new study ( by a NASA scientist who has studied the issue for decades) indicates that ocean rise is going to be even more dramatic than scientists thought.  Ten feet in fifty years is just one estimate, although bolder researchers say we will see dramatic coastal damage in fifteen years.  It is always an unpredictable thing, this research.  A Smithsonian scientist recently found that with marsh grass species one species likes a certain amount of the brackish water intrusion while another does not.  Scientists are always conservative in their approach to future predictions and welcome (intelligent) argument from their peers, so it may very well be worse than we hope.  If you do not live near the coast, it will still impact you because much of our industry and commerce happens near the coast in countries around the world.

Some people refuse to believe scientists.  These are the same people that questioned health experts about vaccines until we had a measles outbreak.  The same people that question researchers regarding dangers of living near fracking sites, even though an increase in fetal mortality has raised its ugly head.  Scientists "have ulterior motives" say politicians, who of course, have absolutely no ulterior motives nor expertise in the area.  A minority of scientists that are employed by the fossil fuel industry also chime in but I do question their motives since they are being paid by the fuel industry.  Even Senator Lindsey Graham, (R. SC) has seen the light and admits that we should listen to the experts, which seems to contradict the majority of his party's views.

What should you do?  What can you do?  Nothing.  You really can't do anything to slow this roller coaster ride now.   You are way to late to this crazy party.  You should have jumped on the bandwagon twenty years ago.  I talked to a scientist (researching this impact on the coastal grasses) the other day and he said that stopping CO2's emissions fully today would not show results for 30-40 years.  The ocean is currently absorbing all the heat and taking it deep below where it will be covered by glacial water from the big melt and it will be years and years before it gets released back into the air, all after ocean currents change dramatically, another long term impact of global warming.  Maybe it won't be so bad for me after all.  I don't live on an island.  My drinking water is 400 feet down, not 100 feet like most.  As a bleeding-heart liberal, I will miss all those cute little critters that crawl and fly and need the coast for their habitat and breeding.  Some of the more dire predictions envision turning London into an Atlantis!   By the way, if you have not seen Venice, Italy, you really should schedule a trip while it is still there or take up SCUBA lessons.  This is going to happen over decades and not fast enough to catch the attention of the reality TV generation that sees marriages dissolve in months, follows crazy celebrities crash and burn scenarios, and relishes how an other's life disappears in an instant.  I won't be here to see the transition anyway.  Maybe my grandchildren will be engineers, city planners, inventors, water chemists...we are going to need those big time!  And, yes, you can do something.  Tell your representatives, local, state and national, to begin planning for this transition NOW.

Wishes and Pipe Dreams

The "photo-painting" above is deceptive in the story you think it tells.  Maybe this boat rarely gets a chance to raise its' sails?
 
One thing I have learned as I moved to this area near the water is that you can read the owners by their boats.  There are new fancy boats both fast and slow, well-used work boats, small pleasure craft and old, old boats.  Boats are usually (not always) like the Velveteen Rabbit.  They can be old and worn, but if well care for, they most certainly are used on a regular basis and used with respect.  If the boats are shiny and very new looking they are either NEW NEW or something that someone with more money than brains bought when his bonus came in.  But they sit idle representing a pipe dream that is slowly dying as the owners find they really do not like the regular outing on the water.  If the boat is worn and beaten down, maybe the owner cares less about life and just wants to make it through the day or has abandoned the effort to use the boat altogether.

I think the boats above are used on the old-fashioned and very wasteful passive fixed gill nets that the owner is supposed to check on a regular basis for trapped turtles, sting rays and other animals as well as make sure that they remove gilled fish before they die.  Fortunately these gill nets are grandfathered in and no new ones are being staked on the water.  They are also a boating hazard in the evenings when fishermen are supposed to put a solar or battery operated night light and do not!

Usually getting a boat ready for any outing and maintaining a boat while it sits idle at anchor or at the dock is for people who love the job or people who rely on the boat for food or people who have lots of money to hire help while they are raking in more money at the office.

But for many who depend on the wild harvest for income it is becoming a rare industry that provides little income as the prices of boat maintenance, fuel, and loss of animals in the ocean available for harvest bring profits down.  As few may know, most of our seafood comes from cultured places outside the U.S., some sustainable and some not.  It is even hard to get blue crab on the East Coast in the summer that does not come from Asia and you have to ask at the restaurants where the seafood comes from.  We always do that just to keep the restaurant owners on their toes.

How Many Lives Do You Have?

Writer's block or blogger's block is not something I panic about.  I know that I will write about something eventually because it is an addiction for me and I am not dependent on income from what I write.  I love how words combine on pages, make nice rhythms or sounds, and paint rudimentary pictures of what I want to express.  When virtual readers join in with remarks or comments, that is the icing on the cake.  Well, this block thing I had was finally broken by death.  Not my death, of course, nor the death of anyone close to me, thankfully,  just several incidents that made death more real than usual.  It got me thinking.

I have been close to dying (in a vague way) several times.  Once when I was about seven(?) I had the mumps.  I got very sick and remember my throat actually swelling shut.  It must not have completely closed because I remember telling my mother that I  couldn't breathe and I remember clearly how frightened I was.  We were poor and did not visit hospitals or doctors needlessly, but this did cause piling brothers and sisters into the car, rushing down the canyon to the nearest village and seeing a doctor who applied cold compresses, gave me some medicine and advice, and I thus I lived!

Another time that I came close to danger and perhaps death (I did say these were vague encounters) was when I was playing alone at about the age of 10 in a big field below the foothills. A man stopped his car on the country road near the field where I had been collecting rocks.  He opened the passenger door and ask me to come over.  I did.  He asked if I would like to go for a ride and as I was wondering why this man was asking this, he tossed some pieces of candy across the car seat beside him.  A major warning light went off in the back of  my head---good survival instincts---and I turned and ran like a gazelle back up the hill toward my house.

Once when I was eighteen and on a first date with a local boy we drove up the canyon to a popular tourist dance hall.  We had both consumed too much beer over the evening and not been able to dance it off before heading home.  While going down the canyon we skidded around a curve and did a complete 360 before coming to the edge of the steep side of the road and were lucky no one was coming either up or down the canyon at that time.  Both of us were suddenly sober realizing we were inches from death as we headed on home.  I never dated the boy again, as I guess we decided we were not the best for each other.

In my early twenties while living on an island in the South Pacific I got food poisoning.  It was a dreadful case and there were no really suitable doctors on this island.  I went for almost a week unable to down much more than a tablespoon of water every now and again.  On the sixth day I actually remember thinking that I wanted to die.  I was tired of this horrible intestinal battle and just wanted to "give up the ghost."  The seventh day I made the turn around as luck would  have it and survived!

In my thirties my husband and I visited a ski place in New Zealand.  We had gone up just for the day and not even planned to ski.  We just wanted to see the scenery and enjoy the lodge.  During mid-day a big snowstorm started to fall.  It was so lovely and heavy and steady that almost all of the skiers came in to wait it out as you needed windshield wipers on goggles if you were heading down on skies.  In the late afternoon we boarded the bus to take us back down to the parking lot at the bottom of the mountain.  I  will never forget that trip as the bus fishtailed from side to side either threatening to dash us against a rock interface or throw us down the side of the mountain.  Even hubby who is pretty carefree said he was going to get off the bus and walk down several times getting louder each time.  We made it without serious incident, but it was really pure luck.

I have had other scares such as getting the early stage of the bends when SCUBA diving, getting caught on a rushing muddy trail during a torrential downpour in a tropical rain forest, being stuck on the canvas of a trimaran in an electrical storm while pregnant, etc. but none of these brought me close to death...injury perhaps..but not death.  All of the above were nothing like being caught in a war or riot or plague outbreak and many were the result of carelessness.  But they affected me enough to remember them clearly.

Please feel free to share in a comment below or link to a more lengthy blog post telling my why you are lucky to still be here!

Bloggers' Block

I have looked and looked and I've got nothin'.  Hang in there until I get back to you.  Thanks.

The Problem

I have been trying to post something about a book I am reading, a minor controversial book, but a book which is important to us all and I cannot seem to get my thoughts into several cogent tangents or a few reasonable ideas or even some significant retorts...so you are going to get some quotes from it.  (Tell me if you have read this book.)

" Calculating the background extinction rate is a laborious task that entails combing through whole databases’ worth of fossils. For what’s probably the best-studied group, which is mammals, it’s been reckoned to be roughly .25 per million species-years. This means that, since there are about fifty-five hundred mammal species wandering around today, at the background extinction rate you’d expect— once again, very roughly— one species to disappear every seven hundred years."

“I sought a career in herpetology because I enjoy working with animals,” Joseph Mendelson, a herpetologist at Zoo Atlanta, has written. “I did not anticipate that it would come to resemble paleontology.”

"But extinction rates among many other groups are approaching amphibian levels. It is estimated that one-third of all reef-building corals, a third of all freshwater mollusks, a third of sharks and rays, a quarter of all mammals, a fifth of all reptiles, and a sixth of all birds are headed toward oblivion."

"SINCE the start of the industrial revolution, humans have burned through enough fossil fuels— coal, oil, and natural gas— to add some 365 billion metric tons of carbon to the atmosphere. Deforestation has contributed another 180 billion tons. Each year, we throw up another nine billion tons or so, an amount that’s been increasing by as much as six percent annually."

I have only read a third of this book thus far and it carefully follows the extinction of species over billions of years as we have grown in our knowledge and comprehension and insight.  It discusses the causes, the patterns, the results.  It introduced me to thousands of living things I never new had existed.  Complicated life forms that hold my amazement at their survival.

Of course, there are those who say we will all go extinct anyway in the future, why focus on it?  My response is:   why go extinct sooner rather than later?  And why at the expense of everything else?

Kolbert, Elizabeth (2014-02-11). The Sixth Extinction: An Unnatural History (p. 113). Henry Holt and Co.. Kindle Edition.

Dinner at My House

I am fortunate in that my husband likes to cook.  He is very good at making sure a steak or piece of fish is not overcooked...both of which require different attention.  The only thing he overcooks is scrambled eggs, but he likes them that way!  He also likes to make sauces and use spices and has a few stir fry Thai dishes he has developed.   He is an intense cook because he really does not cook  often enough to be a casual cook.

While I also like to cook, and am the primary chef in the house, I try to step back now and again to give him an opportunity to find his creative talents.

We finally caught some perch for bait the other day and were able to bait our crab traps appropriately to FINALLY catch blue crabs.  We did not get a lot, but were able to steam five big crabs for dinner.  Hubby was excited and so I asked if he would like cook dinner while I continued to photograph with my new tripod (my old one broke!)

He was excited.  We had our first harvest of eggplant, there was a bunch of lemon basil growing, blueberries on the vine, etc. etc.

I had forgotten that as a cook he gets easily distracted by reading a recipe or two or 40 for ideas, spending extensive time meditatively harvesting in the garden and then beginning the sauce or two!  An hour before we usually eat dinner he had a pound of lemon basil in the sink being washed.  A pound!  I am a medium fan of  lemon basil, preferring Italian, or red or many of the others, but he likes it.  And lemon basil was the only basil that had not been eaten to the ground by a rabbit or ground hog in my un-fenced herb bed.  Yes, I know!  Basil!  Never eaten before in my herb bed, but with the tons of rain, perhaps it is less pungent to the animals.

There was lots of chopping and mashing and slicing and dicing and steaming in the kitchen.  I  begged him to use one pesto recipe if he was going to try to make a pesto after he asked if he should  use sugar in it.   So there was walking back and forth studying the cook book and several thousand trips to the pantry.

While dinner was late we did have steamed crabs with a lime butter sauce, fried eggplant with a lemon pesto basil sauce, corn on the cob and freshly sliced cucumbers as our salad.  The pesto was a little strong in lemon basil, but complimented the gentle nutty flavor  of  fried eggplant nicely.  Crab is always good and the rest of the veggies were a nice change from the rich and spicy foods.

My payment for this good dinner was about an hour of cleaning a kitchen that looked as if six chefs had prepared some banquet and then left in a hurry.  I clean as I cook.  Men do not usually do that.  They just move to the next clean counter and begin again.  The counter was covered in tiny green  leaves, oily puddles, the floor in tiny garlic skins, the sink in corn husks and there were measuring cups and bowls everywhere.  But I stuck to my guns and worked off those calories nicely as I returned the kitchen to its former glory to use another day.

Sucked In but Good for the Elder Brain if Not the Pocket Book

I do not know how this happened.  I really do NOT, except for a fear that I would lose my precious data or lose my connection with the virtual reality in my life...FB, Blogger, email, RedBubble, etc., or be left behind in other ways...but I own all of this stuff below.

The big machine is close to 10 years old...maybe older, as I do not remember when it was purchased.  I have done one major back-up on it and then yearly just back up files, because I am not smart enough to figure out how to back it up correctly!  I own three separate hard drives.

The next in size (laptop) is a Gateway computer I purchased a long time ago.  I searched the drive properties and it said it was a 2006 version.  Almost ten years ago, and it WAS working pretty well until a small crack on one corner (near the electrical input) started to grow and now bits of plastic could fall off if I did not tape them with package tape, as I am doing, on the back and cannot be seen in the photo.  It also would overheat if I dd not check the position of the bits of plastic each time I use it...I even resorted to using an ice bag below at times!

One Christmas I got an old Kindle as a gift which just stopped working after a few years!  So I went to Amazon and got a new one (turquoise turtle covered) and they still have all my reading purchases in their cloud and transferred to the new Kindle.  Then in a weird fit of jealousy, greed, fear of being left behind(?) I followed hubby when he decided he wanted a Nook a few years ago and since they were on sale...I also got one (orange)!  I have a bunch of books on it, some in the cloud, and I also check out from the local library when I do not mind being rushed to finish a read. It works for blogging, FB and other stuff as well.  Easy to transport, uses the charge pretty fast.

Since my old laptop was scary, I decided I had better get a new one and back up stuff from the old laptop.  I researched and bought a laptop/tablet...Lenova (the silver gray).  No detachable keyboard,but folds completely back and works like a tablet.  Geek squad was supposed to transfer stuff, refused to transfer software, etc.  Now I have to figure out how to do that.

Oh, I also have a phone where I can pretty much do virtual reality stuff on a tiny keyboard if I am in a self-flagellating mood and even do some photographic stuff on a very small scale.

BUT, this story is not over yet.  I want a graphics tablet!  I want it so badly I can see it...just out of reach.  My photography hobby is reaching new levels that only a graphics tablet can meet.  I have limited time on this earth and want to try that out!

I will need a larger surge protector to keep all of these charged!  So much for a small carbon footprint. I have to label and keep together all charging cords...a real nightmare.

Now, you may ask, why is this good for an elder brain?  Well some of these devices have touch screens, various devices use various control key commands (and while most are OS Windows, they are still different), menu drop downs are sometimes sideways, ESC key works for some and only for others in certain windows, in some cases I have to remember some other key combination, some are touch screen and I forget others are not, one uses a mouse and two others a touch pad....I find that my brain strains to learn each of the subtle language differences when communicating with, through, and on these devices.  That must be good for the brain if not the pocket-book, right?  And, just think of all the extra  chances to have my ID stolen, now that the Federal database has been broken into and my Social Security number is available to some nefarious Chinese entities!

Dedicated Servants

So thankful to all the policemen and policewomen and firefighters and medics that gave up their holiday yesterday to keep us all safer.

Just thought I would add some photos of future dedicated dudes, you know, the preview of help to come. I was sitting on one of the tiny local beaches with grandson when a larger boat anchored at the side of the channel and these young men jumped in the water and swam towards us.

The shallow shore can have pockets of sea nettles (stinging jelly fish) this time of year, so these guys were pretty brave.

Maybe it was ignorance, because as I heard their conversations, they were not too smart about the waters because they were complaining about the jelly fish.

When they reached the beach we talked to them and realized they were taking the afternoon off after a day of training at the Sheriff's office...our future Deputies.

I feel safer already, and other stuff...;-)

Geography or Finding Your Way Home

On the restroom wall at the Newseum in Washington, DC.

My world grows even smaller in this little county of mine on a daily basis.  Some days I feel as if I have crawled back into a little cave and rolled back a large stone behind me as I settle in with the strange but nice cave people who are afraid of bright white lights because no one ever told them about electricity or perhaps even the sun.

What has brought on this perspective you might ask?  While I was talking to my doctor of less than one year (who did indeed give me a referral/transfer to another female doctor in the same practice and from whom I already have an appointment for follow-up blood work in a few months) we discussed the culture of this county that she was gleefully leaving---see prior post.

The doctor and I are both well educated and have opportunities that allow us to seek answers to our questions in this universe and to which we can sometimes add actual experiences. We also do not fear questioning our experiences.

I had mentioned to this Doctor that upon our return from France my husband had been talking to one of the landscapers at the museum, a young man of about 35 with a pleasant disposition and a happy personality.  The young man asked my husband where we had gone.  When my husband told him "France" the young many looked up and then asked, "France?  Where is that?"

Hubby had the good grace not to laugh or ridicule or disbelieve and said it was in Europe.  The young man said. "Oh..,"  and we will never know if any of this made any sense to him at all because the subject of the conversation changed.

After relating this tale to my Doctor she responded with another more disturbing tale.  She had been in line in the local hardware store, and while waiting, struck up a conversation with another customer.  The customer asked where she lived.  She responded with the name of a small town in this area (let us say for this story's sake it was called Colorado).  The person she was talking to responded, "Oh, that is across the bridge and by the military base."  She smiled and said, "Yes.  Some people think I mean the state Colorado when I say that."

The person said, "The state?"

She turned to them,"  Yes, you know, the STATE of Colorado, not the town."

The person responded in all seriousness with," Oh, is there a state named Colorado?"

In both of these cases the persons in these stories were well dressed, bright eyed, spoke English without an accent, and would give no indication they were tremendously sheltered or unsophisticated or part of a dysfunctional education system.  Anecdotal stories like these help me understand accept why some people can take seriously a Presidential candidate such as Donald Trump while people in Europe shake their heads in wonder at us and our backwardness and wasted prosperity.  (I do not live in Appalachia or the Deep South, I live in a place much like where you live.)

"Public education does not exist for the benefit of students or the for the benefit of their parents.  It exists for the benefit of the social order.  We have discovered as a species that it is useful to have an educated population.  You do not need to be a student or have a child who is a student to benefit from public education.  Every second of every day of your life, you benefit from public education.  So let me explain why I like to pay taxes for schools, even though I don't personally have a kid in school:  It's because I don't like living in a country with a bunch of stupid people. " John Green

Three Letter Word

Some people who read this blog may remember that last year I was looking for a new doctor. I had a good doctor but I felt he had social issues. He never asked me to take a single item of clothing off in the eight years that I saw him. He listened to my heart through my clothes and diagnosed me mainly by what I said my symptoms were.  He also spent more time looking at his laptop than me.  While I am an elder, I was in good enough health to ignore this. Then I decided it was time to change doctors. I live in a county where it is not easy to find a good doctor, a doctor who takes my insurance, a doctor who is still taking patients, and I also was hoping to find a woman doctor for a change.

After a six month's search I found my female doctor (a geriatrician but that is OK) and have been seeing her for about a year. Prior to changing to her, I had heard a rumor she was leaving but I ignored that, and sure enough, last week was my last appointment with her.

I asked her where she was going and she said to a medical practice up north affiliated with one of our Universities that maintained a better budget. She then opened up to explain that this county, in which I live, (very conservative and never going to raise taxes) was just too backward for her. Her heart patients had to drive almost two hours to the north to get decent care. She said that the elderly could not get decent care, elderly that were used to good health care, not poor elderly.  County health support was nil and she felt she could no longer do her job.  She also added that at least five doctors she knew were also job hunting outside the county further reducing our limited selection of doctors and putting strain on our one hospital.

Our county once had a surplus budget years ago and continues to have a record number of wealthy residents with the highest of incomes, mostly retired, but some working. What happened?  Is it that we have a large population of very poor and uneducated people. Was it the recent recession from which it never recovered? Was it because the state moved education retirement funding responsibilities to the counties without warning? Is it because two of our seven elected county commissioners are owners of liquor stores rather than something reflective of a broader view of society?  Is it this conservative county's refusal to even consider raising taxes as we plunge in tighter budgets?

Salaries of teachers have been flat for two years. How long before the more mobile and smart ones also head to parts up north putting our children at risk?

The county is in the process of supporting the development of a liquid natural gas facility within walking distance of many homes.  No other facility of this kind exists so close to where people live in the United States.  There were months of protests, but like Texas, these were overridden.  Do they think/hope this will save the day?  Maybe by blowing a number of taxpayers sky high?  I wait to see how our conservative liquor store owners work this out.  I am afraid it will be like sports stadiums that never create the job markets they promise while forcing the move of lower middle class home owners elsewhere.

No, I would not want to be Commissioner.  Since I do not run, maybe I should not complain.  Since I do not have a clear cut solution, maybe I should just sit down.  But I would accept a ding in my taxes.

The Volunteer Snob

During the summer months I am involved in master gardener projects. One project could involve several hours 4 days a week, but I have decided that as much as I love sharing my love of growing things, I do not want to spend that much time in other gardens! I like doing nothing and running a house (which was always my secondary job) continues to take some time. Hubby, on the other hand, seems to be driven to find something to do every single day. I think it is much harder for men to retire and not have the responsibilities that they used to have.

I also was looking for a change in types of volunteering. I wanted to maybe work more one on one with people. I also wanted something more intellectual and less physical. I am still searching.

This past January I called our local office of Public Literacy to see if they needed teachers of English or reading or similar. They asked me to fill out a few forms, welcomed my skills, and set up an afternoon of training. I went and one other woman was there for the training at the same time. I learned that five of us had volunteered and they could only get two of us to come on this particular day and would train the other three the following week.

The training was easy and predictable. The structure of the process for each class and data input from the lessons with a student would be more challenging, but something I would learn to do with time.

I left them eager for a call to assist. It is now 6 months later and I have not received even a follow-up call from that office. It is not clear to me why no one needs assistance in my part of the county since I have been told they don't have any literacy volunteers down this way.

I realize that before the days of fall and less gardening start I am going to have to research once again for some volunteer work of an intellectual nature. Both Hospice and Meals on Wheels need help, but neither of these are something I want to do. Driving is something I hate and I do not think I am ready yet for hospice work emotionally. The museum wants someone for data entry...lonely and tedious work.

I think I just realized that I am a bit of a volunteer snob.

Just One More Step

10:00 PM on Tuesday evening the 23rd and I am off to bed!
11:00 PM and for a half hour after thunder and lightning that raises the bed!
2:00 AM my 4-year-old grandson awakens with a nightmare, so I crawl in bed with him.
3:00 AM he is leaning on me looking at my face.
4:00 AM I have a knee in my back.
5:00 AM hubby is up and packing for his Scout trip and while he is being quiet I am a very light sleeper.  I walk back down to my bed and throw the covers over my head.
7:00 AM the 4-year-old who usually sleeps until 8:00 awakens me with his call.
7:30 AM breakfast
8:00 AM dressed and check email
8:30 AM head out to bike with grandson--he covers a little less than 2 miles!
8:50 AM we bat some tennis balls back and forth
9:00 AM we head off to the art museum to walk and search for fairy houses on their grounds.
11:00 AM we tour the museum itself
11:30 AM we play in the children's playground
12:00 AM we eat at FAST FOOD for lunch
1:00 PM we get home
1:30 PM I set up the paint and brushes and his very own fairy castle and supervise
2:30 PM we let it dry and he plays with his new car while I sort, wash, and freeze several pints of newly picked raspberries
3:00 PM he gets a snack of raspberries
3:30 PM he watches a movie and I blog.
I have a small backache, am pretty tired, and he really seems to want a nap, but is on the edge where he will probably remain awake until this evening.
Is it only 3:30???

Nests

 Living in "good-old-boy" country means that things get done on a time warp.  It is not like the living in the city or suburbs where you call for repairs, they give a window of time, they show up, they get the job done and they charge you a small fortune.  Here in the country the square dance goes a little differently.  First, their motivation is not to become millionaires so they charge a 'little' less.  They give you a day and vague time and usually show up hours later or even the next day.  They never call.  They usually (not always) do excellent work, but it takes them three times longer than you would reasonably expect.  If you also have a scheduled life then it can take five times longer to get done!  I have been living with the mess below for a month!

The tape on the ceilings was buckling and had to be re-mudded, sanded and re-painted.  There was also other similar work in two bedrooms ceilings although in smaller, less difficult areas.  Furniture gets moved, drop clothes get placed and I sigh as they move equipment from room to room.

The older I am, the more I like things in their place where I can find them.  I tend to get up in the middle of the night once a week or so and do some wandering and do not want to be surprised by chaos that I might have forgotten.

This house is not as large as these pictures may convey.  It is the high ceilings that give it a feeling of spaciousness and also require paying professionals when work needs to be done or light bulbs changed!

Our good-old-boy was an interesting charmer.  He had 7 kids - all home schooled - he has a HUGE range of talents as he was able to fix a bunch of stuff.  He loves nature as we do, raises bees, among many other animals and while a bit laissez faire about projects he gets it done quite nicely 99% of the time.  He also was very mellow about my asking him to re-do a few small things or add a few new small things to be done.  So while I am not a priority in his life, I can live with it.

I am learning to bend and not break as I live in another culture!

Remembrance

The five-year-old is coming to visit all week, next week.  My husband will  be here the first two days of that week, and then he is off to a camping trip with the 10-year-old.  Yes, we are used if not abused in this world.  I am somewhat jealous of the free babysitting my children have access to.  I never had parents who could or would step forward so that I  had a day off  here or there.  When my first was small I  lived on an island in the South Pacific and had a young girl to help.  But if we were traveling, the baby always came along.  When we got stateside, both sets of parents lived far away.  When we visited them, Hubby's mother was busy taking care of hubby's father and could not take care of a grandchild, until that child was of school age.  My mother was resentful of any babysitting I might request.  She had raised five of her own and had no desire to go back to that time.  I did  "dump" the children (7 and 11)  on her for three weeks one summer as we had a business trip to Egypt.  Let us just say it was a character building experience for both of my children. and a miserable time for my mother.

So now this grandma camp has to kick into gear soon and I am happy!  I over-think this stuff and am trying to be better and more relaxed about it.  Wanting  to make sure there is laughter and amazement, and of course, memories to last a life time, but accepting the days will not be perfection.  I also try to throw in a lesson or two about mother nature, since their lives are limited in that area.

I secretly want my immortality to be encased in conversations that begin "When I used to visit Grandma, I remember...it was so much fun."  Now that death (hopefully decades away) is clearly my final big act, I want to be remembered for the good stuff in the hearts and minds of these little ones. We all do want remembrance, don't we?  Whether it is by our accomplishments in our community, our accomplishments in our career, or our activities with those we love we must leave a mark, however small, to justify our existence.

Just Once More!

I cannot in all good conscience leave France without some broader more traditional less contextual examples of what wonderful things can be seen in this country.  Only seven photos were selected from 2,250 that I took.  I deleted away another 600 or so before I even started!  As a photographer I really want to share some of the diversity of this place and I hope you have patience with my interest.  I also hope you enjoyed visiting France vicariously or returning vicariously, whatever the case may be.  I have no immediate plan to return, but who knows... (As always, click on the photos for a closer view.)