The five-year-old is coming to visit all week, next week. My husband will be here the first two days of that week, and then he is off to a camping trip with the 10-year-old. Yes, we are used if not abused in this world. I am somewhat jealous of the free babysitting my children have access to. I never had parents who could or would step forward so that I had a day off here or there. When my first was small I lived on an island in the South Pacific and had a young girl to help. But if we were traveling, the baby always came along. When we got stateside, both sets of parents lived far away. When we visited them, Hubby's mother was busy taking care of hubby's father and could not take care of a grandchild, until that child was of school age. My mother was resentful of any babysitting I might request. She had raised five of her own and had no desire to go back to that time. I did "dump" the children (7 and 11) on her for three weeks one summer as we had a business trip to Egypt. Let us just say it was a character building experience for both of my children. and a miserable time for my mother.
So now this grandma camp has to kick into gear soon and I am happy! I over-think this stuff and am trying to be better and more relaxed about it. Wanting to make sure there is laughter and amazement, and of course, memories to last a life time, but accepting the days will not be perfection. I also try to throw in a lesson or two about mother nature, since their lives are limited in that area.
I secretly want my immortality to be encased in conversations that begin "When I used to visit Grandma, I remember...it was so much fun." Now that death (hopefully decades away) is clearly my final big act, I want to be remembered for the good stuff in the hearts and minds of these little ones. We all do want remembrance, don't we? Whether it is by our accomplishments in our community, our accomplishments in our career, or our activities with those we love we must leave a mark, however small, to justify our existence.
This struck home. Exactly my feelings. I'm amazed at the younger set who can drive off to work while their parents set aside the ease of retirement to be full-time or several-days-a-week caregivers.
ReplyDeleteI would love an idyllic scenario where my grandsons come for an extended time and store up happy memories, the reality is that their grandfather is somewhat short of temper, one of the boys is ADHD, and they are all very active.
It's a constant worry nagging at me.
My parents were wonderful about helping out with the grand kids--much better than I am. I do love having the kids though...and am happy that they have a home to go back to when the time comes!
ReplyDeleteI'm not complaining, but my children's grandparents were not always enthusiastic sitters, also they were not "around the corner."
ReplyDeleteActive grandparent participation is something often missing today which is a shame.
Yes! Oh yes! I am so glad you view it that way. Kids can learn SO MUCH from their grandparents. I think that relationship is so important. I am so lucky that both sets of my kids' grandparents want to be a big part of their lives. I can't tell you how many times my kids have said, "Grandma told me...". And they remember everything the grandmas tell them. The stories, the lessons, the info. That connection is irreplaceable.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for embracing it!
I hope you have a wonderful week!
Also, I was never very close with either of my grandparents and I always felt that void, especially when listening to friends talk about their grandparents. I missed that connection. But both of my grandfathers passed away when I was young and neither of my grandmothers were the cuddly, affectionate type.
ReplyDeleteI was fortunate to have parents (his and mine) who liked to have the grandkids now and then. We never abused the privilege and it was mostly used when it would be fun for the grands. I used very few babysitters period as generally what we liked to do could be done with kids along and really as part of their upbringing, like camping. Now I have my own grands off and on but never too much nor do our kids abuse the privilege of having a little time to themselves. This week we had the grands from farther down state for just short of two weeks (dental appointment cut it short of being two weeks) and yesterday we had one of the ones from closer also. They pretty much entertain themselves and part of being here is just to enjoy the farm and time to kick back. We are hoping to get one special trip to Portland in before they have to go back but time is running out. It goes fast when they are here.
ReplyDeleteYes, whatever family memories there are will be my only piece of immortality. I wish the kids could remember what we remember, but mostly they will forget these days when they are so young.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I never had kids but I'd like to think that I'd be the same type of grandparent that I experienced with my own grandparents. We lived about 4 hours away when I was a kid, but we would visit both sets of grandparents on Easter, during summer and Thanksgiving and christmas. Those are the best memories I have as a child. I LOVED my grandparents. Then when we moved to the same town when I was 10 years old, we got to see them regularly. Honestly, even when I was in high school and in my 20's I loved visiting my grandparents. They were my favorite people to be around. I miss themm more than I could ever express.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are happy and embracing every chance you get to be with the grandkids.
I bet you are a memorable grandmother. We had no grandparents who would take our kids either, mine wouldn't and his parents had died. On the other hand I have wonderful memories of my own grandparents and try to do that kind of grand parenting. I did however have a wonderful aunt who took care of me and my babies in their early days and my sister to trade kids with as well as their Dad's sister. Lovely people.
ReplyDeleteLucky kids, enjoy. My mom died when I was 4 months pregnant with my first child. That was a game changer. Fortunately I was blessed with a wonderful mother in law. She truly stepped up and it meant everything. My inlaws were great. Nowadays I am a rarity among my peers since I am not a grandparent. I do adore the babies, but admit that I'm proud of them for not rushing into it as I did.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy them, let them be your best entertainment and the most fun you have when they are there, and they will remember.
ReplyDeleteI had little or no help bringing my kids up in a foreign country, Switzerland. And by the time we got back to the U.S. the kids were already fairly independent and I was busy finishing my education. My father only saw them once in the whole time we were abroad, and he was only mildly interested. My mother and mother in law would have done more, but they were, respectively, divorced and widowed and limited as to means and energy.
ReplyDeleteWe have a lot more contact with our grandkids and do a lot more with them than our parents did with ours. We're lucky. The more we do with them, and the more good times we have with them, the more I prefer their company to anyone else's.
I had the best grandma in the world. She didn't have any money, as my grandfather was ill and that ate up every penny, but she managed tuna salad and clay. We made whole towns and homes of that red clay stuff, and when it was time to go home put it away till the next week. I wanted to be a grandma like that but didn't get a chance. We aren't Christians, so one family doesn't want us around. Another 5 kids saw us for soccer regularly when small. When they graduated from High School, we rarely saw them at all. One more chance now with the youngest.....Monday will be fishing with grampa. :)
ReplyDeleteMy parents? Mother was a mean drunk and I didn't trust her with the kids. An awful truth.
You are going to have so much fun.
I could have written this post. As youu said, we want to be remembered by our grandchildren, mostly because we love them. Besides, they are so much better and less uncomplicated than their parents.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to spending time with my 7 & 5 yr old granddaughters without their parents, time to wake up when we're rested and lie down when we're tired, to eat healthy food and favorite treats, to run in the hills and down to the river and to see their great grandma (GG), and go to the play park and swimming pool and lake and visit friends for play dates and to spend time at home without having to be in a car seat driving some where. Right now, it's "Grandma! Grandma! when they greet me but I know that the time is fast approaching when they won't be so excited to see their grandma.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you! You have some lucky grandkids to have such a wise grandmother. I was lucky that one of my grandmothers lived with us, and the other worked at a boy's home, where we would often visit. :) My parents literally babysat my older two until they were about two years old. I was very lucky! I'm worried I'll be too old to make many memories with my grandkids, since my children don't be inclined to have kids of their own. Sigh. Enjoy this time with yours!
ReplyDeleteRelate to so much you shared. Born to a 18 year old mother could not have survived without one grandmother, most I learned came from her. Have always welcomed mine but now with 3 grown and the other 2 that once loved the country now like the city things. Life goes on and you are doing all a good
ReplyDeletegrandmother can.
my mother (who lived in the same city as me) refused to babysit and not because she had already raised her kids but because she was selfish and self centered. I begged her one day to keep the kids (both less than 3 years old) for just two hours while I went to a meeting to make a presentation for some work (I'm self-employed) and she grudgingly took them. when I picked them up, my son's diaper was so wet it was drippy. she couldn't even bother herself to change his diaper. that was the last time I asked her to watch the kids even if I had to take them with me. I vowed then to be the best grandma ever. I love my grandkids and love having them come spend time with me and I was lucky enough to have them live next door their whole lives until we moved out in the country. now they come stay with us for long weekends, school holidays, and summer.
ReplyDeleteOur son is thirty-five and not even close to getting married, so we're starting to think we might not have any grandchildren. We'd love to babysit a few.
ReplyDeletei too desperately want the little girl to remember me fondly, and worry sometimes that i go overboard in that regard. can they be TOO spoiled? times with a grandchild are so rewarding - so much fun to see things through the eyes of a little one. i hope you have a grand week with your grand!!
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful grandma. We are so sad that we live so very far away from our children and grandchild. I wish we could babysit. We lived far from my mom too and she wasn't able to babysit either. History repeats itself.
ReplyDeleteWe just spent a week with our sons and grandsons, the highlight of our lives. There were so many special bonding moments and also a few meltdowns. I found myself feeling happy for the kids that they had so many caring adults around who would listen and play with them and making it so no adult got so overloaded. My parents were still raising kids when many of their older kids had kids so they did not have much energy for the grandkids until our last sibling had 2 boys. But my son's father's family were ready and willing. The family barnbuilding was so much more than I could say. Because my older son is estranged from his father (as some of his siblings are too) the support of his paternal family and uncles was so healing.
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