Thinking, thinking.....

The news of the world that has ramped down my mood with its dystopian stories has cut me low and lost.  I keep searching for a post that is worth both your and my time.  I find that any ideas are like die rattling in my head and I am rolling no numbers.  I am leaving Wednesday early for travel and have a post written at a prior time that will post tomorrow.  Maybe I will have time on my trip?

The sniper and my fear (years ago) where I worked?
The update on the situation with my math student?
The book(s) I am reading?
My travel over Thanksgiving?


I am open to ideas....

Liberty, Egality, Fraternity

AND of course I  also weep for Beirut, Syria and other places where religious craziness and  pathological anger kill innocent men women and children.

The Challenge of Things to Come--Thursday 13

OK...no more depressing thoughts...unless you add you own.  But here are some facts (most gleaned without added footnote links) for you to actually add to your arsenal of knowledge.  If it takes only a good guy with a gun to stop a bad guy with a gun, it takes only a good brain with factual data to stop a bad idea or foresee and avoid the consequences of said bad idea...or some such paraphrase like that.

1. We are just a short way away from making cancer a chronic illness and not a deadly disease.
2. We are going to use fetal cell research to create animals to grow for harvesting organs or for testing drugs on diseases (probably mostly pigs).  This may lead to repair of that ugly facial  damage you got as a kid or the better replacement of a heart.
3. Drone photography is becoming the tool of the day for real estate...so be sure you are not nude sunbathing if you live next to that house with the For Sale sign.
4. With the enormous expansion of video and photo sharing apps you can now be found on the Internet whether you like it or not.
5. There is very little you can do on the Internet that is not shared with some company that wants your money.  Do you have familiar ads stocking you?  They have decided, based on your searches, that you want/need what they have to offer.
6. Scientists are now researching ways to use technology in human brains to help understand why we feel the way we do.  This might be expanded to help find soldiers in the field who need medical assistance.
7. UCLA did a study and found that most children, having unsupervised time with technology, had trouble recognizing emotions in others.  I just want to ask...is that due to the time with technology or the lack of time being supervised?
8. Is technology 'soulless' if it can read your feelings using input from your body?
9. There is a new lab in London that wants to research all kinds of technology and humans.  You may not want to volunteer but there are many who will. 
10. I have a friend on FB who has developed a device that you wear that monitors how Zen you are as you work.  It helps to lower your stress so that you are more productive.
11. Some researchers are monitoring a possible solar storm in ten years that could wipe out our use of technology as we know it...but do not worry because the government has plans to be prepared for such an event.
12. Facebook is already using a digital assistant called "M" that makes reservations, coordinates order delivery and sends reminders.  It does require a human 'robot helper' at this time.
13. All is not lost because China, UK, and USA are coming together in their searches for solutions to common apolitical problems.  Scientists and intellectuals come together in one place... the best students, faculty and industry experts from around the world, and apply their talents to solving the challenges of our time.

Just a Few More Weeks

Winter is less than a month away, although our fall has been oddly warm.  It was 80F two days ago!  I got my daughter-in-laws bulb-garden-birthday-gift almost complete and looking forward to what she will see in the spring.

I came back to find that my clematis has put forth two blooms and my cosmos seeds (volunteers) have sprouted as seedlings.  They will die, but it was a surprise.

I also am enjoying the abundance of our garden that remains.

This Swiss chard is huge but very tender.

Lots of lettuce and bok choy for salads and side dishes and fried rice.

The last of these sweet long peppers are almost too pretty to eat.

And it does look like strawberry jam in the spring.  This bed is out of control!

Tilting at the World

There were a few of my readers that felt the discussion of a dystopian future in the prior post was too overwhelming and depressing for thought.  There are those who are in the hands of God and feel they have no understanding of the future or what God has in mind and therefore focus on the day to day.  There are others who feel evil is a constant battle to be waged and they will pass tools onto the next generation to keep mankind safe and whole.  Then there are people, like me, who tend to be agnostic about the whole process, always refusing to give up the challenge, but also feeling the battle will not be easy and each turn must be analyzed carefully and sometimes solutions are very hidden behind our prejudices.  I know there is a precious goodness in mankind that means we will return whether in small numbers or large to restore beauty and love to the earth and to humankind no matter what dark days we go through.  Whether we are fighting religious fundamentalists, Bible belt salesmen, the unexpected results of our technology, or deeply greedy and evil leaders, we must prevail in our vesting of this planet and this civilization.   I also feel strongly that we cannot forget.  We cannot allow evil history to be buried and forgotten or we will continue to make the same mistakes.  We cannot be afraid that there is not enough to go around.  We cannot see human groups as "others."   They are us and that is sometimes frightening.

Evil can be difficult to understand because as writer Primo Levi says, "nor should you understand it, but it is a sacred duty not to understand, and that to understand something is to subsume it within yourself and we cannot do that."

Can you not look as a small child's face and know that your job is to stay aware and to always be brave?  You are their guardians of their future and you must prepare them before you hand over the reins to the young in the days to come.

The Future is Somewhat Dystopian

I just finished reading a book that explained to me that my desire for a strong middle class is a futile wish.  This segment of society will diminish as technology replaces the more mundane jobs and tasks within those jobs, including writing scientific theories(!) and even teaching.  This is already happening with computers collecting and analyzing data for everything from how our blood reacts to drugs to how a product can sell to the why of the disappearance of some esoteric insect.  We just need a handful of people to understand the data that drives an answer.  All that will be needed is about 10% in each profession to be the bridge between the computer and man or the designer and tinkerer of technology.  But since these, about 10%to 15%,  will be very well paid, the upper class will grow.

The disappearance of jobs means competition will be fierce and the victory will go to the focused and very smart students who understand the technology, those students for whom numbers are a fascinating puzzle, those who like cyphers.  Robots can replace all the low end jobs and even things that are not supposed to be jobs such as sex.  The poor class will grow larger.

Then the author goes on to say that there will be no class revolution.  The poor will have lots of cheap food, cheap entertainment and cheap housing to numb them.  They will accept that this is their lot in life.  They will not be the beneficiaries of cheap health care, though.  Since it is paid for by others, it will be parceled out even more judiciously and sparingly.  I am not saying I agree with this, just reporting on what was written.

The book is titled "Average is Over" by Tyler Cowen, recommended to me by our financial adviser, who should be most worried about his job  with the growth of the use of computers to crunch numbers....

P.S.  This view neglects the importance of creative thought and creativity in all the art forms that we love.

Dancing in the Cemetary

Taken at a famous Richmond, Virginia cemetery.

Night Rambling-Rumbling

Fighting insomnia always seems to be my battle during a full moon.  Perhaps I am a witch?  Is this my season to be out and about with black magic?  In these dark early mornings with only moonshine (the kind that splashes on the patio, not the kind that spills from a glass),  I feel like my brain is a room with ping-pong balls going off in all directions.  The balls are clean and shiny with lots of ping, at least.  They ricochet with endless energy before that first cup of coffee even gets made.  But I must contain them, as hubby is still sleeping and I try to be quiet.

I received a coupon for a digital course on meditation and I have been thinking of taking it, like a vitamin.  It is hard for me to find a quiet place to study something like this as I am never sure when hubby will be off on a project of his own.  And I need to concentrate as I have tried (superficially) and failed (completely) in doing this before.  Hubby has gotten more and more restless, like a dog chasing his tail,  as the weather gets cold and rainy and he finds he cannot fish or garden or just take off to visit some neighbor's project.  Winter has been his challenge in that he has no indoor hobbies, unlike I, who has photography, writing, cooking, reading, watching Netflix, doing bits and pieces of interior decorating....etc.  He spends time making plans to visit old stomping grounds, Florida. 

Mage gave me a tiny critique on my poem on my other blog and I realized it is time for me to grow up and stop creating poetry diarrhea.   I need to hone and pause and edit and write again.  Maybe I need a course on writing poetry?  That sounds so comfy warm for winter afternoons, really.  Yes, I see that face some of you are making...to each his own.

This will be the first Halloween we do not drive up to visit the kids.  Many reasons.  I thought they still had the company in their house (long story about company living there during a month-long house remodel).  Then they said they were going to a Halloween party and wanted to know if we could babysit childsit.  And for some immature reason I just felt a little used.  Sugar-infused childsitting was not exactly the family get-together I had in mind.  Thus, I made other plans, but those fell through, so now Halloween will be a non-event at my house as I live at the end of a dark and long road.  I long ago gave up decorating the house.  I envy those cute grannies that have little decorations in every corner...until the event is over and everything has to be rounded up and wrapped back in the storage boxes.  Also, no one really sees these decorations except hubby and I.

As a reward for reading my spew above, how about some of my last rose photos taken a few days ago before the rain ripped the petals to shreds to wrap up this disjointed barrage of thoughts?   These are the true colors, no photo-shopping.  I get such lovely colors when the nights are in the 40's and 50's and the days in the high 60's.  It is almost English garden weather, meditate on that!

Boxing Day?

I received an opportunity to spend the day canoeing a river that flows through a local land trust.  This part of the woods is not accessible unless you are invited or part of a canoe or hiking tour.  In this instance "we" had a job to do. 

We had our boxes, hardware, and axe and heavy mallet. 

We had one young person who spent most of her time waiting for us old folks to catch up.

We had to pull the canoes down the bay side of the land trust.  A large sand dune had been thrown up with the last storm and our river was now a temporary lake and we had to carry all the equipment and canoes over the dune.  From a distance we looked like satellite dish repair people or perhaps a unique Cajun band?  I wonder what the gas facility offshore thought.

The river itself had flooded to the edges of the woods and over!  We were able to paddle into places that were usually inaccessible by canoe or by walking.

Hard to believe there was at least 2.5 feet of water for the canoes into the grasslands.  The "cross" you see in the photo below is actually a trail marker when the land is dry.

And then, finally,  we got Wood Duck nesting box number one installed.  No one cut their finger or had the baffle fall on them!  We did not lose any nuts, bolts or screws in the water.  Final step was to add the wood chips shown in photo below.  (Yes, the "1" is backwards as the stencil flipped in the wind when it was being painted.  Children from one of the local schools also added their art.)

It was an adventure and I was glad I was along as photographer and did not own any waders.  You would not believe the number of spiders that attached to those waders when they hit the water.  Every little bug had been flooded out of his/her home.

We got four boxes installed and had to wait on the fifth due to high water.  The paddle home was stupendous.

Growing Pains

I live in a very rural area.  So rural that our County Councilmen have trouble reading tributes, perhaps written by others, at meetings honoring their citizens.  These Councilmen are educated, they just cannot read out loud...that includes at least three of the five officials.  Two of our Councilmen own liquor stores.  This is the path to political leadership in this county.   A few retired professionals from a more intellectual arena ran for office, but the big words they used frightened the voters, I guess.  This good-old boy majority leadership selection means our county struggles.

As I mentioned in a prior post, I lost my current doctor because she found working in this county too difficult.  They did not support medical service development and she had to send her patients out of county for specialized treatment.  She said five other doctors are thinking of following her.  We are limited in our selection already!

A recent meeting of various groups on "smart growth" for my state resulted in this news report:

"In the spring of 2006, a self-proclaimed “unholy alliance” of developers, environmentalists, civic and academic leaders staged a series of reality checks around the state during conferences designed to stare future growth in the face.  The leaders gave each table of eight to 10 participants piles of colored Legos representing their likely share of the 1.5 million new residents projected to swell the state’s population from 5.5 million to 7 million by 2030. It would mean adding more than half a million new homes.  On a map of their region, each table had to place all of that new growth...
The idea was not to discourage growth. This state, like most states, avidly courts economic expansion, more jobs, more people. The Reality Check conference organizers hoped to promote “smart growth,” or to place as many Legos as possible around places where growth was planned and roads and sewers already existed, thus protecting farms, forests and undeveloped Bay shorelines.
It was nonetheless a sobering exercise as Legos piled higher and existing towns began looking like little Manhattans. You could hear sighs and mutterings: “The traffic’s already hell there” or “my pile fell over…there goes the countryside.”  An Eastern Shore contingent built a paper boat and set their Legos sailing toward a coastal city, which has been losing population since the 1950s.  It was a good laugh — maybe a good idea — but the directive was firm: Growth is coming your way and you must accommodate it."

But at my County's table, a County commissioner, Ms. C, chose to differ. She swept a bunch of Legos off the map and into her purse. And it was not an exercise like barging people across the Bay to a coastal city.

This is what our County leaders do.  Respond with unrealistic solutions or ignore growth issues it seems.  Our County is long and thin and no more than 4 miles from tidewater in most directions.  Therefore our growth impacts the rivers and oceans.  Yet, if we have no growth, it means our county dies---well, goes into a coma.  And to give the good-old-boys their due, I realize what a difficult problem they have.

This week I was talking to my neighbor as we planned a dinner out with them before they leave for Florida for the winter.  We have lots of fried seafood places down here, but in the last few years several new and more delicious venues have emerged.   This County's population has double the median household income of the U.S. and one could hope that would support this growth.

The conversation went like this:

"How about The Basil Basket?"
"Nope, closing next week due to owners divorcing."
"OK....Lets go to the Lime Pie Tree."
"That place has had to close due to the foundation crumbling on the water side.  Don't know if it is a permanent close or not."
"Gee.  That leaves the Brasserie."
"Well, we better get in next week, because they are also closing for good very soon."
"Oh dear.  I heard yesterday that the Chinese restaurant is also closing."

I am well aware that the restaurant business is very difficult and most restaurants close within a few years...but all of our new ones are closing! 

And then, last month as we drove by the rock quarry on the other side of the river and just across the county line we saw this:

Some people say this other county is growing too fast and others wish our county was as progressive.  We got curious and drove down off the main road to see if we could find out what was going on with this new development:

Much closer and nicer than the old movie place we go to.  This even has reclining wide seats...I wonder if it will succeed?  I did notice that their ticket kiosks did not have the technology for chip cards, so someone wasn't paying attention.  I also noticed the impermeable surface of the largest parking lot I have seen in a while!

Thursday Thirteen in October Contrasts

1. Tabor debates at this time of year whether this week is THE week to pull down the winter quilt for the bed.
2. Tara debates this time of year whether the UNHCR tent will be warm enough in the coming months.
3. Tabor is thankful she has heated tiled floors in her bathroom so she is not shocked by cold tiles in the morning.
4. Tara is thankful they built the concrete bathrooms near the fence and she no longer has to use a bucket.
5. Tabor is beginning to stock up on frozen garlic, jams, and baked goods for the holidays.
6. Tara is tucking away the box of rice and spices from UNHCR under the bed to save for the winter.
7. Tabor called the garden company to blow out her garden soaker hoses today well ahead of a freeze.
8. Tara has walked several miles to the farmer's greenhouse to help with planting seeds, hoping there will be greens this winter to share.
9. Tabor loves the autumn light because it makes for good photography.
10. Tara sees her daughter playing in the sand in the autumn light and knows this picture will remain in her mind forever.
11. Tabor has gone through her closet and removed summer clothing she no longer wears to donate to the ecumenical Christian store. 
12. Tara has gone through the plastic bags of donated clothing and is relieved she found something she could wear.
13. Tabor and Tara watch the setting sun at the end of the day on the distant horizon and both hope and pray for peace.

Food, Glorious Food

Fall is the time when food is abundant, when you know that the freshness of some foods will be waning and when you justify eating more to pack on the pounds to stay warmer through the colder months. One's appetite is sharper as well, it seems.

We brought up what will probably be the last of the crabs as the nights are getting much cooler.  Their shells are harder to crack as the molting season has long passed.  I picked a batch of the basil that has gone to seed to add to the lemon/butter sauce for the crab.

We also steamed some of the Swiss chard which will continue to provide us greens up until frost in a few weeks.  I drizzle a little bacon fat over the top and then salt and pepper.  It is also good with just a drizzle of balsamic vinegar.  The plants are huge this time of year and since the weather is cool they are so tender, even the stems!  The rest of the meal was leftover potatoes gratin.  Potatoes from a distant farmer.

For dessert I made a peach pie with some puff pastry on top.  The peaches were a bit of a disappointment as the farmer had placed them in coolers since they had been picked earlier.  I was pushing the season, I guess.

The night before we had breaded/fried eggplant.  We have fixed it a dozen ways this late summer and early fall and this was the last way.  Freshly picked eggplant is so much richer in that subtle flavor than anything I have purchased at the store.

There are still too many tomatoes and we have been too busy to process although hubby has been busy drying the hot peppers to warm our tummy in soups and sauces throughout the winter.  The rainy weather had done a number on our tomatoes, but they seem to bounce back at last.

I did make time to make carrot cake as we had lots of carrots.  They are a little tough in our garden, but when you take a food blender to them and put them in their place, they make delicious cake!  And making this cake makes a delicious mess!

Now that I am well-fed,  I am off to staff a garden booth at one of the events at the museum for the afternoon and see if I can shed all these pounds I have added.  It will be cooler than I had hoped, so need to get out that old turtleneck and take a nice freshly picked apple with me for lunch and answer questions such as "Why can't I get my spinach to grow?"

I May Never Grow Up

I met a young man years ago through my Son-in-law.  He is a handsome New Jersey Italian, friendly, nice, from a deeply Catholic family and was at a cross roads in his life.  My SIL and others felt he might be gay as he was very good looking and never dating anyone.  He was a twin and his brother had long since married and started a family. We years later heard he was dating a playboy model.  I had (be)friended him on FB and he never revealed any beautiful women with selfies or that part of his life.  This young man had worked for a high end consulting company, lived at home and saved his high salary while he was looking for a passion and then in recent years has morphed into a foodie.  I followed him on FB and watched as he evolved into finding himself and worked with various chefs in the city where he lived.  He slowly became involved in promoting interesting foods and farm to table type events.

I cannot remember how it came about years ago, but he was invited by me down for a weekend and ended up coming with another young newly divorced man who also seemed to be at a cross-roads in his life and who was also part of my SIL's work life.  My SIL seemed a little miffed at our new relationship with "his" friends, but that is another story that I may blog about someday.  We took these young men boating, fed them, they stayed overnight and then they went on their way home.  I did not feel we made a "connection" with either.  They seemed your typical self-involved types who do not realize what happens around them.

I sometimes post a "foodie" photo about what I am cooking...remember the stuffed pepper casserole that ended up on the  floor(?)...the photo above was before it went into the oven, and I write about what we are having for dinner on FB.  I am pretty good at making what I cook sound delicious.  Well my foodie guy is intrigued and now wants to come down for a another visit and maybe side by side cook effort!  I know that many of  my readers would be so ready for this fun team effort with a "young'in."who actually has real connections in the food world.

But I am just a bit terrified as I do not see myself as a great or even good cook!  I see myself as an old lady cook who gets easily distracted and can burn stuff.

It looks like this may happen and I am going to screw my courage to the sticking place if it does and figure it out.  I will let you know.....  Yep, this blogger is an enormous timid mouse type.  If you read my entries you do know this, and I do agree that it is pathetic.

The Apple of My Eye

Tradition in northern climes this time of year is to harvest and save and savor.  Nothing tastes better than freshly picked apples in the autumn.  There are many varieties in the U.S. although Johnny Appleseed (our folk hero in the planting of apples) probably carried mostly crab apple seeds.  These were perfect for making apple cider and that is what our forefathers drank in abundance because in some areas water was scarce and in other areas it was foul.

Yes, we have whole farms devoted to pick-your-own.  This place has school buses of public school children and vans for home-schooled children that keep them super busy in the fall.  You may notice the orange warning cones in the drive.  They have classes, hay wagon trips out to the field and then lots of fun stuff in the craft shop to also buy and take home.

We purchased some Jona-gold, some Honey-crisp and I think those last red ones were early Fuji.

Some were made into applesauce which is really lovely for breakfast with pancakes.  Because the weather is cooler I like to heat up my applesauce.

I made some tarts with some leftover puff pastry that absolutely HAD to be used, and while it did not have the flakiness that one expects, the tarts were still very good for dessert.

...and of course, several containers of apple pie filling for the freezer.

Yes, we also ate a bunch of them freshly sliced this past week.  So sweet and juicy and not at all like the apples one gets at the grocery store.  (We did not leave any behind on the table...that was an overfull child's apple in the photo below.)  This is a fun kind of business and fills the house with smells of cinnamon and nutmeg and sugar and apples.

Truth ...In the Eyes of the Beholder?

New giant dove discovered during eclipse of the moon.

"people remember through photographs but that they remember only the photographs ... that the photographic image eclipses other forms of understanding – and remembering. ... To remember is, more and more, not to recall a story but to be able to call up a picture"  Susan Sontag

For readers who do not know Sontag, she was a fiction and non-fiction writer who became interested in photography and its affect on society and its implications as it evolved into what we have today with the ease of digital documentation.  She was a very demanding, smart, and exotic woman.  I have not read any of her fiction, but may tackle that someday.  Her interest in war grew with several trips to Sarajevo during the war there.  I have been reading a Susan Sontag book about the brutal photography taken during war.  Oh, yes, a nice after dinner theme to sink my teeth into after watching the photos and videos on TV covering all the devastating news.

Decades ago in the old Russia, people were removed from dignitary photos without guilt as certain leaders lost favor with the regime over time.  There were usually a few other non-doctored photos that revealed the editing to the world.

Most people remember the famous photo taken by AP photographer Nick Ut of the naked 9-year-old Vietnamese girl running from the rain of chemical napalm from a South Vietnamese Air Force attack that incorrectly thought the village was an enemy group. The photo won a Pulitzer prize and yet history tells us that President Nixon doubted its authenticity.  Was it too awful to be real?

Recently a photo of a Syrian toddler lying face down in the surf on a beach near a Turkish resort was published around the world.  This very moving photo touched many people much more strongly than all the boats of refugees crowded in rafts or trudging along railroad lines in search of a new life.  An investigation later revealed that the boy had been moved from a small cove to the beach area for a better photo opportunity.  So now this becomes a bit of a staged photograph!  Would it have had the same tragic punch if the original site of death was the one shared around the world?

Also this year some videos of Syrian refugees refusing water and food and in another case carrying some flags in protest were sent out with the information that these were examples of how Islamic zealots were willing to protest for their religion with the sub-text of how dangerous these people could be if let into "Christian" countries.  Not given enough attention was that these photos had nothing to do with Islam.  One was not even part of the current refugee crises but another protest entirely at a different place and time.  The other videos reflected frustration at being stuck behind a fence for days with no where to go, rather than rejection of "Red-Cross" meals.  If someone had not followed with accurate context, could this have mushroomed into a larger rejection of Muslim refugees?

There was also a photo this week from Peru that Kay Davis lawyers insisted was a mass meeting of Christians in Peru (of all places?) supporting her stand against gay marriage.  It took less than 48 hours for photographic detectives to reveal the photo was taken more than a year ago and had nothing to do with her protest.

We are going to have to question photographs we see as photo-shopping a digital photo can be even more confusing and less able to detect as we move into the future.  What we once relied on as photographic truth is not necessarily so.

Used Books

While perusing the local used book store in a college town in the mountains of Virginia last week, I just had to take a photo of this top book shelf in the store.  Someone has a dark sense of humor...do not ignore the careful placement of the book in the middle.  (You may get a closer look by clicking on the photo.)  I did not get out of this place without buying three books of course, but none of the above were in my bag.

If you read my blog, you will understand why I selected all of the titles above.  I will always buy books even though I can read electronically on at least three devices.

What Happens Backstage---13 Revelations for Thursday 13

1. Having so many delicious bell peppers from the garden I just had to brag and post a photo of a stuffed pepper casserole on Facebook.  After taking it out of the oven it slipped from my hand and the casserole broke neatly into two pieces as it slid across the kitchen floor.  No shards, so we ate it anyway.  Did not post that on FB!
2. One Sunday afternoon in fall enjoying the beautiful weather and being thankful we had nothing on the calendar as we sat in bliss.  Then an old friend of hubby calls reminding him we are supposed to be at their house for dinner.  Got out my most expensive bottle of Barolo and sheep-faced made the hour-long drive to their house!
3. I have already posted about my new tutoring experience and how I am handling my fear of math.  But did not post that my student canceled (once again) our third scheduled meeting due to a bad back.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy!
4. I got a rather large bill from the electric company, and after some research, realized I had failed to pay last month's bill.  Getting old is not for sissies.
5. This past week we had a house guest who rides a Harley, once belonged to the same golf club as The Donald and wears an earring in one ear.  If you knew us, you would realize this was not someone you would expect we would entertain.  I found I liked him in spite of my prejudices.  (He also has had children by three different women, lives on his own in the coal country of Pennsylvania, and knew hubby way back when they were both much more naive.)
6. Trying to (once again) run 3 miles a day 3 times a week even though it does NOTHING for my shape or weight loss.  I rarely write about it because people might expect I would be thinner.
7. I purchased some doughnut holes for the gardening seminar that I was helping set up last Saturday and forgot to take them, and proceeded to eat a bunch over the next two days.  I have no self-control.
8. My addiction to British murder mystery shows seems to show no abatement even when I have seen them three times and know exactly what is going to happen.
9.  Flat-earth society types give me an ulcer and I may not find it easy to be polite much longer.
10.  I get disappointed when I think I know so much and find out I know so little.  Learning will always be a passion with me and I wish this was so with everyone.
11. I do not listen to enough music in my life and should be better organized for that.
12. I have no idea who I am going to vote for in this next election, but that in reality, is not something I have not told anyone.

Failure Is Not an Option

I'm a little nervous so I arrive about 20 minutes early to check out the study room in the public library.  The room is small with a built-in table against one wall and clearly designed for no more than two people.  It is cold!  I should have brought a sweater.  I spread out my notebook, two pencils, the first lesson, and tuck my purse into the corner.  I look around, and satisfied, head out to the main part of the library.

This library used to be about 25% of its current size.  There was a plan to build a new library for the community in the budget, before the deficits raised issues a few years ago.  In the old building the librarians had a workroom/storage area about the size of a large broom closet and there were two tiny offices.  I had done some volunteer work years ago in the old library building and was cramped into a corner trying to enter subscription data with two other librarians within touching distance of their tiny desks.  The two children's librarians had only plastic bins on the floor to store their tools.  The circulation desk was slap up against a wall.  When the local gourmet food market on the main road could not get a buyer, the county bought the building and using less money converted the space into a new library.  The new space is lighter, roomer and closer to the main traffic.  This library was used a lot when it was smaller and off the road near a school and some woods and within walking distance of the Senior Center, but it gets even more use now that there is room and it is closer to town.

I look at the shelves to pass the time and find Harper Lee's book "Go Set a Watchman" which I had been wanting to read and take it to a comfortable chair to peruse.  After about ten minutes I hear a conversation regarding the location of a study room and I hear my name.  I stand and walk over to where the librarian is pointing and I see an attractive, casually dressed (in clean jeans and a wine colored T-shirt), stocky, black woman.  She looks like she might be in her 40's-50's.  Her stance is energetic and I am sure she is my student.  I approach her and indicate who I am. 

She waves her arm in my direction and begs  "I just have to get something to eat!  Just a few minutes."

I respond, "No problem." as she is fifteen minutes early.

I go back to the study room as my student disappears outside somewhere.  There are a few restaurants on the strip mall and the gas station has food.  I sort the lesson and wait.

Five minutes after our start time, my student comes back energetically into the room.  She does not smell of food, so maybe all she had was a granola bar and a drink in the car.  She is a talker like me, so our greetings topple over each other.  I formally introduce myself and offer my hand.  She introduces herself and we shake hands, talk some more, and she offers her hand again and we shake ... again.

I do like her and we settle down into learning about her study issues, etc.

She is so eager to get through this training in order to graduate in October of 2016, that I am worried about how she is setting her short term goals.  She explains how she had to drop out of school at 17 because she was pregnant.  She has at least one child now in college.  She wants so much to get her degree in front of her children and grandchildren and then as tears come to her eyes, she apologizes and gets a tissue.  She does not once mention that the diploma is for a job opportunity.  It seems this is a personal goal for her.

Yes, I can feel the pressure on me to make this training successful.  She talks about teachers she has liked and the class that she has to go to that very evening for math.

I start with a few charts and vocabulary sheets that were given to me to help with approaching word problems.

We start with the basics of trying to decode a word problem.   I read her the first exercise which involves determining how much a waiter made in tips when we know his hourly wage, number of hours worked, and total money he gets at the end of the day.  She is slow to figure this out and I am wondering if I am helping her too much as we multiply, add and then subtract.  I have her read the next problem and this takes me back to fourth grade when some fellow classmates would nervously struggle with reading a paragraph out loud.    Now I see that some of her problem is reading and not just math.

She is bravely not too self-conscious although she apologizes too much.  I am totally positive and full of encouragement reminding her these are steps of the journey, reminding her to take her time, and then giving clues when I need to.  We struggle though the problems for an hour and then I give her an exercise sheet and ask her to do a few of the problems for the next class.  We do the first one together and when we both come up with the same answer, which according to my "Key" is wrong, it takes a few minutes for us to realize that the exercise has a major typo!  This is going to be more work than I thought!

We talk about learning styles and then I suggest a later time for our next Tuesday class because it will give her some free time before she has to drive further up the road for her other class.  Both my class and the other class are about 20 minutes from where she lives.

I think she is feeling good about the session and she insists on giving me a hug when we leave.  I am a big hugger, so feel good about that. 

Now I have to do some serious research on learning styles, learning strategies, and real teaching...not just training which I do with my grandkids.  This is making me reach just like her, so I think this may work out for us both.  I do not want to fail her!

Too Old to Learn New Tricks?

Way back in January of this year when gray snow and blistering winds were all that greeted me as I left the house, I decided I needed some activity that was more inspiring for me and more useful to others, before I turned into a winter hermit.  I perused the listing of volunteer activities in the county newspaper and the Adult Basic Education program caught my eye.  I used to teach many decades ago, and figured my skills were not that rusty.  Some one on one time with someone who needed my help could be pretty rewarding for me as well.

After placing a call to the ABE office I was told that they would place my name on their list...there would be training...there were others also on this list.  January came and went and February was almost over before I received a call that there would be a meeting/training session in March and did I have a date or two that suited me?  There was much juggling as there were four of us who led complicated lives and finally the ABE office admitted they would have to have two sessions to accommodate us.

I drove up to the old concrete block building across from the fire station.  It was uninviting and sparse in decor.  It reminded me of an old school room in the the 1950's with walls filled with workbooks and reading materials and some old fashioned desks in the middle of the room.  Budget constraints were clearly visible everywhere.  There were two women of pre-retirement age and gentle personalities to explain the program as we two potential tutors sat at a small round table.  Lots of paperwork.  The training consisted of some simple rules, ideas and paperwork forms and took a few afternoon hours.  I was asked to complete a form on how many students I was willing to tutor, whether it was English and/or math, etc.  I said one student to start, and although I do hate math I was afraid I would never get a student if I didn't check that box also...everyone wants to teach reading comprehension or grammar, etc.  They said it would take some time as they had to run background checks on us among other things.

I went home to wait for an assignment.  Spring came and my volunteer garden work and travel filled the months.  Summer came and my grandchildren visits filled my time.  I had almost forgotten about this teaching project.  Then the last week of August I get a call to tutor a math student.  My heart sank because I really had forgotten all my math and in the back of my mind I had been hoping for English.  Who does math anymore with computers and calculators everywhere?  But having a Puritan work ethic I said I would be happy to tutor this adult woman in math.

I was given the name and phone number of the student but told to wait two weeks while the office put together a packet of lessons for me.  Oddly, I was beginning to panic more!  What made me think I could teach basic math?  I researched some exercises on the Internet and tried hard to remember how to reduce fractions, figure perimeters, calculate percentages, etc.  Gosh, I was going to have to re-learn everything.

I drove up to the local high school and picked up the lengthy study packet and reviewed the lessons inside and then called the student.  She was thrilled to hear from me, desperate to get her high school diploma, and willing to meet on any day, any place, and any time for tutoring.  Yes, having an eager student is golden, but I was still very nervous as I set a date to meet at the public library the following week.  During our phone conversation she was interrupted by noises of children in the back ground.  Excusing herself, but not bothering to put her hand across the receiver, I heard her yelling at them and scolding them to behave.  When she got back to me she apologized and explained they were her grandchildren!  Shoot, if she could do this, why not I?

While I sorted materials and made a flexible plan, the day of the lesson arrived and she called to cancel because her niece had been taken to the hospital.  I am well aware that adult students have all kinds of reasons for not moving forward with their goals and that they have real lives to interfere and that sometimes they use excuses to avoid doing the work.  Yet, I heaved a sigh of relief to be given a short reprieve.

I called a few days later to re-schedule.  Yesterday we did finally meet for our first lesson and I will tell you how that went in my next post.

The Rest of the Story

Hooper Straight Lighthouse prism, Maryland -- Let there be light!

I neglected to add the postscript to the story of the young woman who has entered my life. When I went to her wedding in early summer I had the opportunity to meet her parents who came in from out-of-state. Her father is ex-military and I honestly forget what he did in between before his retirement. He was a short, stocky, healthy looking man with gray hair and a well-trimmed professorial beard. Her mother was attractive but did look a little timid at times as if she wondered how she ended up at this wedding with a deer in the headlights look. The older sister was a very different type of person from my young friend. I cannot explain, but she was the exact opposite in looks, style and personality that one would have expected. In retrospect both the sister and mother looked very intimidated by the whole evening rather than the joy one would have expected. I did talk to the mother briefly and she expressed surprise that her determined daughter had decided to marry. (As an aside, the groom is a very Westernized Chinese American man from Hong Kong.)

The ceremony was performed by a Chinese-American pastor. It was a small wedding with about 60-70 guests. There was the traditional father-daughter dance which looked lovely.

Then a few months later I learned the following:

She had asked her parents to stay with her at the new home over the wedding weekend. They instead brought up a trailer and stayed in a campground outside the city. When I asked why they did this, she explained she did not actually know, but she was pretty sure it had to do with the fact that her father carries a concealed weapon and that is not allowed in the city. I guess he felt safe enough to stow it during the ceremony, but not staying with your daughter and/or supporting her because you needed to have your weapon is something I cannot get my mind around.

When I had the young woman down for the weekend a few months after the wedding, I asked how her parents were doing. She said she thought they were OK, but her father had unfriended her on Facebook because of her liberal ideas and so she wasn't sure what was going on with them. I read her posts and they are hardly radical or in-your-face. She was very calm about this statement, but I cannot imagine how painful this is for her. Being rejected by your parents publicly is harsh.

My step-nephew unfriended me (most likely because of my liberal posts) but I am fine with that, as he is not an essential part of my life. I still like him, but it seems we cannot agree to disagree.  I would only unfriend someone if they were nasty in their posts to me. Their political agenda is their own.

"I was fond of Pop, in a way.  He had been terribly generous financially, but we did not connect spiritually and had become quite detached.  He never said much about my years of cookery-work, our book, or my appearances on radio and television.  He felt that I had rejected his way of life, and him, and he was hurt by that.  He was bitterly disappointed that I didn't marry a decent, red-blooded Republican businessman, and felt my life choices were downright villainous.  From my perspective, I did not reject him until the point when I could no longer be honest about my opinions and innermost thoughts with him, especially when it came to politics.  As I looked back on it, I think that break---my "divorce" from my father---began with our move to Paris."  Julia Child, My Life in France.