Connections

(Needless to say, my last post left my dozen readers curious...just mention s*x and the browsing becomes careful reading...well, maybe some day I will elaborate...)


My blogging over the years has created wonderful connections with so many interesting people that I would have not met otherwise, being somewhat the hermit that I am.  Thus, this trip to Florida brought to light a number of interesting references to my blogmates---whatever those are---and I will link to those bloggers who came to mind as I traveled.

We stopped first in Charleston and spent much of our cold and windy time there darting into various stores and restaurants.  We did pass this ancient bell near the time of  Barry's blog bell ringing celebration that filled the blog air around the globe with music.  It was a reminder of his last week of 'therapy' and certainly an omen as I do not know why I felt compelled to take the photo of this old bell. Later research revealed that years ago there were three bells that rang on all fire alarms until 1927, and then only on second and third alarms. These bells also alerted the city to hurricanes, severe temperature changes, and notable national events, such as Barry reaching his monumental goal. 

There are certain clues that let you know you are entering the authentic south and one of these was what awaited us when we checked into our hotel.  We had checked into a small hotel near town and found a lunch sack of goodies from the manager.  They included hard candies, a small bag of taco chips and this can of Yoohoo chocolate drink.  Only in the South can you get such healthy gifts!  Note that the can says it contains 7 vitamins and minerals in order to justify its existence!  There was only ONE can, so we had to share.  I have not drunk this in years and probably/hopefully never will again!

In the next post we actually run into Butler and Bagman in Savannah, of all places!

Life Story # 30 --- Surviving With the "Others"

Just before I start my North Carolina, Georgia, and Florida travel reminiscing posts, I am feeling the need to post a little bit about my life with the 'Others' while living on an island group in the South Pacific that the "Survivors'" cast actually visited one season.   I have been scanning slides, of course.  I am not in the photo below, but I took the picture.

I have remained in touch with two of the people in this photo but the lady in the hot pink dress has since passed on.  She was a red-hot momma and full of interesting stories, and the only one that I knew there that swam in the ocean nude, which I pretended did not shock me at all at the time.  She had two teenage or twenty-something boys from whom she was estranged as they led drug-delaying lives in Southern California.  Her husband was sharp as a tack and was a former pirate and smuggler of rare animals into the U.S. before actually taking an honest job on this island running the tuna cannery.  He reminded me of John Wayne or Hemingway with his larger than life personality and body size.   I was a twenty-something farm girl and it didn't take much to keep me fascinated during those years.   The baby in this photo is my daughter. 

This apartment building, as you will remember if you read prior posts on my blog, is where I lived.  They were called the 'Pink Apartments ' by the expats and they only had running water and electricity every other or every third or every fourth day.  It all depended on whether the drunk who ran the generator remember to add fuel or whether the other local islander remembered to turn on the water that day, as water was rationed.  The fact that we all remained friends was a miracle, but it does explain the need to use alcohol and sex to soften the tension.  The stenciled numbers above the door makes it look like some military base or certainly the location of the 'Others.'  (Maybe that little boy in the foreground is a current producer of "Survivor" or "Lost" and this is where his vision for one of the television series first took form.)  

Actually living there was more like "Desperate Housewives" than "Survivor."  The affairs and flirting and babies...I would spill all, but some of it is really X-rated, such as the American nymphomaniac nurse that eventually got kicked off the island.  I guess that I actually got sophisticated fairly rapidly having friends all over the spectrum including the missionaries who were there and didn't really get along with each other and the priest who was an alcoholic but a gentle old soul.

I have probably forgotten the best stories.  Should have kept a diary.

Bummed

Returned from my cool spring days visiting in Florida. Weather was in the high 40's to high 50's and only hit the 60's on one day. Thus the only beach pictures I have were taken through the window of a bar as we watched the setting sun on Shrove Tuesday at the touristy Ft. Myers Beach area. We are not the celebratory type, so we sneaked away to an odd little room off the bar and sat at a wobbly little table to quietly watch the sunset and left the old and young folks with the feathered hats and beads to the other end of the room.  The strong wind across the beach created little feathers of rainbow dust, which was fun to watch.  A few hardy souls in coats and hats walked the shore.  These photos are for Colleen who loves the beach as much as I and who would have put on her jacket and posed for me!

As to the title of this post, why am I bummed?  Well, it is not the weather because the odd cold spring in Florida is still better than winter here.  It is not the snow and downed trees that awaited my return because they had been somewhat cleared and we were actually able to drive right up to the house on our return.  It is not the bill that will come from the young men who removed (partially) the trees.  (It is not those politicos whose statements followed us on the radio where they were using the snowstorms to denigrate Al Gore and climate change...although, I do find it depressing that such ignorance about science exists in Congressmen and that whatever school system they went through did not educate them on the differences between weather and climate and how climate change is going to produce dramatic weather changes.  If it was all in jest, then I can hardly wait to see their second act when entire cities and villages drift into the sea.)


The actual reason I am so bummed is because my Canon Digital SLR, purchased in early 2007, died yesterday.  I have no idea what happened but it will not turn on.  Changed batteries, cleaned terminals, etc. and no luck.  I called a repair place about 70 miles up the road and they said it would cost a minimum of $255 AND would take 4-6 weeks as they send it away!  I don't know if I am more depressed about the cost or the loss of a camera for so long especally as spring gets here.  (I bit the bullet and sent the camera directly to Canon at the minimum cost of $215.)


I have a bunch of travel photos to work on, so that will keep me busy while I think or perhaps EXERCISE---now that would be novel!


My point and shoot which was my back up camera no longer focuses when the zoom is on as the focus mechanism is broken when I bumped the extended lens two weeks ago, so that is limited help.  When it rains it pours...but at least the rain is melting the snow.

Difference of Opinion

Before we left for Florida I got to spend snow time with my two most favorite little munchkins.  One child loves the snow and we couldn't get him inside until the sun started going down.  The other one as you can see, not so much!

I guess that is why we call her The Princess!

Enough Already!

I am in Florida trying to thaw my frigid bones as this post is being published.   It seemed that almost every weekend that we headed into the city to visit my daughter this past winter, we saw this mess in our driveway on our return.  I love the beauty of the snow but this winter we have had at least 5 (6?) snowstorms when usually we have only one little one.  I have become way too familiar with the snow shovel as we keep the deck clear and the sidewalks safe.  The driveway has to take care of itself because it is quite large.  I guess that I got spoiled by the past decade of milder winters.  I hate to say it, but we better not see this when we pull into our neighborhood upon our return and yet,  I am sure we will.  Photo above was taken after the second major snow storm.

Here is the same driveway after the fourth and record breaking snowstorm and just one day before we left.  What looks like a berm of snow is actually snow covered ice! The hedge in the mid-distance is a lovely cedar that fell across the driveway with a big snowy sigh.  There was another even larger cherry tree across the driveway closer to the house!  It was like our hiking trips to get back home.  (Post Script:  Just got off the phone from talking with our tree removal guy who cannot get into the driveway with his big truck because it is still too snowy and wet...he did say that the other BIG pine tree at the front of the driveway also added its opinion to this snowy winter...that makes 4 trees down so far!)

If we do have this much snow when I get back,  I am getting out my magnifying glass and putting a stop to all this nonsense.  Let's hope I don't start a forest fire!

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

I was trying to remember how I felt about my appearance when I was in my twenties, just married, and not bogged down by the demands of small children.  While I was pretty self-conscious during my teenage years, I think in my twenties I didn't think about my appearance very much at all.  I was living a new married adventure.  I pretty much kept my hair in a pony tail and the only make-up was the little lipstick I sometimes wore.  After all, I lived on a 'remote' tropical island that was frequently without water or electricity and where the daily temperature always made you sweat...who cared what I looked like?


I guess the good thing about living in the remote areas of the world is that there was no television to remind me that I needed improvements through magical cosmetics and dynamic hair care products.  No one was telling me my eyelashes needed to be longer, my hair shinier, and that I needed to lose weight---good thing, because according to these photos I was pretty thin.

I bought myself a scanner and light table last month and have been spending a little time going through old slides and seeing which ones might be fun to put on Facebook for family and friends and trying to think about the work in starting an archive project where I might need to scan and organize  thousands of photo digitally.  I came across these two slides and actually was amazed...really amazed at how thin I was.  I do remember that I loved to eat like a horse.  Ah, the wonders of youthful metabolism.  This photo above was taken at U.N. Days in Palau, Micronesia.  I vaguely remember one of the activities during the two day celebration involved a rooster fight, because I came across the photos!

This next photo was taken at a meeting in Tonga.  (I did the math and my daughter was conceived at this meeting.)  No, none of the above is hubby.

Just the Facts

Some people say that statistics lie.  Depending on how they are presented, they can frequently tell more than one story.  The same is true of the news as we all know.  What you hear, read, or even see is not always what actually happened or is only a surgical part of the whole story.  For example,  this photo below could have been taken on a gray day with the promise of a building storm.  It could leave the impression that the weather was quite foreboding when I was out and about.

If I tweak this photo just a little I can make the day sunny and filled with promise.  It looks like the weather may not be so bad after all once I candy-coat the image.  Maybe the storm is waning?

But what if I decide to be truly honest and let you see the full photo and let you decide for yourself about the sky that day?  What if I trust you enough to handle the full story...all the information?  It would make a big difference, wouldn't it?

(If you are an educator of children and teach critical thinking skills, please feel free to use this post.)

Ten Questions to Ponder.

1. Do you ever wonder if we truly have only a finite number of heartbeats in our magnificent body?
2. Do you wonder if you had started writing poetry when you were young that you would have run out of poems by now.
3. Do you wonder if there could ever be too many children to love? (No. this is not an Octomom question.)
4. Are 1000 digital sunset photos too many to collect?  What about 2000?
   
5. Is it better to live in a society with too many rules or too few?
   
6. Can you remember the last time you laughed until your face hurt?  (I can, but it was too long ago.)
7. How many love songs can be written before they all sound too familiar?
8. Would you be bored by too much good news?  Would you like to try it and see?
9. How old do you have to be before you are too old...for whatever life throws your way?
10. Finally, what do you have too much of and what do you have not enough of?
    

I am off to warm my toes in some Florida ocean water knowing full well that Mother Nature's disposition will follow me with tropical storms and maybe tornadoes there.  (If you want to know why, check in on my other blog in a few days to see what is happening in the Room Without Walls.)  Meanwhile you can ponder all of the above!  I will bring my laptop and be checking in.

Dog in the Sun

This photo is not the mini-me version of the sun or some alien vehicle crossing the winter sky on the horizon.  These are sun-dogs that I was able to capture during our recent tour of Stratford Hall Plantation in Virginia.  (Stratford Hall Plantation is approximately 1900 acres preserved in memory of the very wealthy Lee family of American history.  Maybe I will post more on that someday.)

These sun-dogs are formed by sunlight and ice crystals and can be seen best when the sun is low in the sky.  They appear on each side of the sun.  These photos were taken at about 4:00 in the late afternoon.  If I had been able to shoot directly at the sun with a filtered lens I would have been able to capture the sun-dog on each side with the sun in the middle.  But here the sun is off the screen on opposite sides in these photos.  The earliest description of the sun-dog was probably 1533 in Moravia.  Fascination with sun-dogs can be found in literature, poetry, music and art whenever people think three suns  in the sky are an omen of some kind.

Keep your eyes toward the late sky in winter and you may see sun-dogs.  Woof!

Time is Such a Moving Thing.

I somehow missed the headline in the Science section of the newspaper about how the earth is ever so subtly speeding its rotation.  I failed to learn that the earth is on a new scary speed.  I guess that is why I had the conversation below:


Tabor:  Is today Wednesday?
Hubby:  Nope.
Tabor:  Thursday?
Hubby:  Nope.
Tabor:  FRIDAY??
Hubby:  Yep.
Tabor:  Oh s**t...!  (I only swear like a sailor when it is truly important and it appears that someone or something stole my whole week.)
 
Not too long ago my week was composed of 5 long days and two very short ones.  Now my week is composed of three very short days.  I am still trying to figure out how this happened and to adjust.

A Steal

Start the car!  Start the car! (link to the ad here.)

This is exactly how hubby and I felt after we purchased this large garden structure from Lowe's hardware store.  I had planted a climbing rose last fall and had nothing for it to climb on when this summer came!

This was the only arbor remaining in their cold and dreary outdoor garden section and had been marked down for clearance to $60.  It was made of cedar and completely put together and originally $200!  Putting it together would have taken me all day!  Now all I needed to do was bring it into our basement to dry out then take it out in the spring and do a little sanding and some sealing as it already had a nice gray patina.

We drove home and got our little pull-behind wagon to load our find.

Immediately after it was loaded Hubby shouted "Start the car! Start the car!"

The Difference

It is not glands

or tenor of voice

or fire in the eye

as she first thought.

In middle years

she learned

it was not what was funny

or what was important
or who did the most
or who was right

or who won.

She now knows

it is the disquiet
at the end of the day

while she welcomes the sunset,
enjoys the meal and then

so easily slips beneath

the quilt.

It is the need to walk

the yard in winter

planning the land

and hauling the wood

while she reads poetry

quietly in the corner chair
in the sun
anticipating spring.

It is waiting for the

phone to ring

or waiting for the

new news

or opening the mail,

While she sips tea

or red wine

and watches the same

mystery on TV once again

or enhances the photo

of her grandchild.

It is trying to change the ending

versus acceptance of the certain.

Are You Bored Yet or Just at Peace?

It is happening.
Slowly the simpleness levels you.

Smooths out all the interesting edges,
Grays down the highlights,
Fades the lowlights.
No quick intakes of breath.
No sharp laugh to stifle.

No surprise in plan.
Just smiles now.
Just yoga breathing.
And that all important focus
on what we shall cook
for dinner.

The Catbird Seat

Since we got this bird theme going I will continue in that vein.  This is where I am on certain days, the catbird seat.  Days that I visit my grandchildren I am definitely in the Catbird Seat.  The grandchildren are of that age where they will race away from the dinner table to stand in the doorway allowing cold winter winds to blow around them and into the house as they wait excitedly for us to unload the car, bring in our stuff, and hug them.

The Princess has gotten new plastic shoes that sparkle blue in the dark and both she and her brother, the Prince, each had a shoe in their hand which they would wave high over their heads from the porch doorway while they screamed our names jumping up and down with glee.  Yes, this is actual glee which is not often seen at least by me in real life.  It is very, very cool, especially when you are the cause of it.  I do not remember getting quite so much glee from my own children, now that I think about it.


If this is not the catbird seat, I do not not know where that would be.  I know that the days are not far away when these children will barely raise their eyes from a television screen or a phone screen or a computer screen to greet us with a quick smile. Precious time races on.


As I enter the house, I am trying to avoid the ice patch on the walkway and trying to hang onto the two bags I have packed and trying not to knock over the two toddlers who cannot get any closer to my legs as they try to get my undivided attention.  I am being very careful.  One heavy bag has the gift of blood oranges and ice melt, both pretty heavy, for my daughter and the other has my overnight things.  As I set down the bags, I begin to hear the endless musical blend of toddler chatter...

"Neena, (that is the name they call me) we have pork chops and beans for dinner and Princess has these new shoes-look at me walk in my shoes and the lights go bong!-come see my ball with the arms which spring open if it gets attacked or if a rock falls on it like this it just goes CRASH and rolls onto the floor-I know that 3 and 3 are six and 3 and 4 are seven-Daddy is at the hockey game-I have ants on my pajamas-I have candy on my pajama pants-we have your plate at the table-see here is your fork-are you coming to my show tomorrow?-I can brush Tinker Bell's hair with this new brush-see, Neena, see-do you want me to brush your hair?-are your sleeping in this room or downstairs?-what is that green thing in your bag?-I have to go pee-pee..."
Since these little ones are talking non-stop I fail to hear any breathing between phrases and just let the words fall about my ears like colored gum drops as I smile and kiss and oooh and ahh in all the right places.
I could sit on this Catbird perch forever.

Waxwing Update

 A note from our rescue lady:

"Update on the Cedar Wax Wing:  with several weeks of small cage rest the bird started flying from side to side, I moved the little guy out to a much larger cage and back into the weather. The bird was doing really well eating lots of his favorites, blueberries, and just about any kind of fruit. I was planning to give you a call about releasing it back down your way but…. it took off on me when I was taking something into the cage. I am sure it will do just fine; it was well feed and strong and flew up into the trees. Thank you for taking your time to help this bird and getting it to me, I am glad that it was able to be returned to the wild."

(Above are four---yes four--- waxwings hanging in the holly.  I have never seen waxwings there before and they let me get quite close to take a photo today, the same day I got the email.  I am thinking this is an omen.)

You Cannot Choose Your In-laws

My life is too short to worry about the views of others and the choices made by my adult children and minds that cannot be changed.  Anyway, my daughter was far into the relationship with my then-to-be S.I.L. before I had even met him.  But I have grown to love him in spite of our substantial differences.

He is a good Catholic (I will not even dwell on my prejudicial fears there..fears about the religion not the people) but my daughter said he did not expect her to convert.  He got a point from me for that.

He is very good looking, well groomed and extremely well-mannered.  He gets points for that although I think he does spend a little too much time on appearances.  (He even gave my 4-year-old grandson a brief lecture on the various ways hair gel can create a look before the pre-school holiday program!)  In balance, he does run and exercise to keep in shape and while vain, it means he will remain healthy into old age.

He is romantic beyond words and loves his children and wife with a passion and gets lots of points for that.

He is hard-working and a good provider and gets points for that.

He has longstanding loyal and honest friends which attests to his character.

He spends too much of his free time either playing golf, watching football or playing fantasy football on the computer...but all people have their vices and his does not involve alcohol or other women.

I did get a clue about some of our basic differences when he tried to shut off the skylight in the bathroom until my daughter explained what a skylight was!

I got another clue about our differences when he told my daughter that he felt we were somewhat prejudiced because we valued higher education so much.  (He doesn't read anything unless it is on a computer screen or in Entertainment Magazine.)

I got another clue when my daughter explained his surprise that she had such strong ethical rules and honesty standards (stronger than his) even though she did not attend church on a regular basis. (This was after he hit a car while attempting to park several spaces ahead and slightly damaging the other car's side mirror.)

I got a clue when we learned he was an ardent Republican and totally had no passion for environmental issues.  He also thought our prior president was pretty smart.

One more clue was provided recently when he told my daughter he thought we were a little strange for taking in an injured wild bird and then spending the time to drive 3o miles to a rescue shelter. 

But the final clarity of how deeply we were different came when he noticed the number of cookbooks on the shelf in my kitchen and asked why more than just one or two would ever be needed.  My life will always be spicier and more interesting and perhaps I can add just a little spice to his life.

I do think that differences in people are what help the world go round and help test our values and beliefs.  We just have to realize we cannot change people and we can only change ourselves.  (It has taken me almost my full life to learn how to live this!)


These two young people do make a well-matched couple as was in evidence when they were visiting their friends over the New Year's weekend.  They were staying up late playing cards, when the mistress of the house where they were staying saw a tiny gray mouse dart under her refrigerator and proceeded to scream in panic as she jumped on the couch.  My S.I.L. followed in like manner and with the same panic stood on a nearby chair.  My daughter and the man of the house got a broom and bucket in an unsuccessful attempt to corner the little free-loader.  There is a pattern and balance to life that works out in the end.

The Old Grand Guest

The sunrise

kissed the icy edge of the river

pink.

It glowed

with a virginal blush.

But it did not warm

or even embarrass anything.

The sky melted pink

but all else was silver gray.

The hoary breath of January

stilled all in its path.

Even the birds

trilled only once

afraid to let the cold

know where they were.

This temporary status

aches my heart

and cools my memories

and fogs my breath

and slows my bones.

This timeless visitor

has settled into the guest room

and seems to enjoy

the waiting with no

anticipation,
hanging around
like a wet gray fog.

Lost

It seems so strange to wake to a quiet and still winter morning. Somewhere down the road the workers are catching buses or driving cars heading to familiar destinations. Some hoping to change the world for the better and others just trying for one more day to get by.  Mothers and father's kiss their little ones or wave with hidden concern to their young adult children as they head out for the day.  Each busy bee is off onto their own adventures humming with caffeinated energy.  No one ever knows what this day will bring but they will face the challenge.  
In contrast at this time of day, my house is quiet until hubby lets in the monster.

The monster is loud and excited and telling another more somber story, about a place far away.  A story of sudden death and pain.  A story of falling buildings and startled screaming.  There are pictures of eyes filled with terror and blank-eyed faces covered in the dust of a destroyed city.  The story is so overwhelmingly sad.  How can people who have nothing lose even more?

These tests, are they for us...or for those who have lost precious ones?  Or are we indeed all just specs of dust under a gigantic shoe?

The Mask of Zorro - Conclusion

Having an injured bird is somewhat like having a baby in the house.  It is a continual distraction, because even if the baby is napping, it is always on your mind and you are subconsciously listening for sounds.  The photo above is the flock of waxwings that had visited my yard weeks ago.  Perhaps they were the cousins or uncle or aunts of this little one?

It was a long day and we did not reach the rescue house until way after dark.  We struggled to find our way through the nest of houses and cul de sacs in the city suburbs.  The lovely GPS our children had bought us for Christmas was no real help!  It seemed this subdivision, while not new, was off the data map and in some bird twilight zone.

Zorro seemed to be fine in the back seat although initially he was a little nervously active and I worried about him damaging more wing feathers.

As we eventually pulled into the driveway of the rescue house I saw a large furry cat sitting on a cat stand in the window.  But (fortunately) the cat quickly disappeared when I rang the doorbell, and a little lap dog greeted us with high energy, and thankfully no yapping.

Lynn, the rescue lady, takes in all kinds of birds and ends up keeping the hawks and raptors that cannot be returned to the wild as her personal mission. She has an inspiring video on her web site where she recently released a bald eagle that had been rehabilitated.  

She took Zorro and ran her fingers carefully and expertly along the wings and seemed to feel that nothing was broken.  She did explain that it was not unusual for a bird to sprain a wing while flying because of these high wind gusts.

Her laundry room was filled with a gray parrot, and two other smaller parrots that I did not recognize, that had been abandoned by incompetent owners.  While they were noisy it was not the deafening noise you normally hear in a pet store filled with parrots.

Her garage held a number of wild birds for rehabilitation including a seriously damaged Cooper's hawk that had been hit by a police car.  She kept it in a very small cage so that he would not further injure himself.  

She had prepared a little cage for Zorro but I did not take photos in order to avoid disturbing all the feathered friends nearby.

We talked birds for a little while, but we had to head to our daughter`s house in the city.  It was hard to say good-bye because we had gotten attached to Zorro and hubby had actually started negotiating with me to keep the bird before we turned him (or her) over to rescue.  We felt better to know that Zorro was in good and experienced hands.

Lynn sent an email several days later that indicated Zorro was doing fine and eating well, although still not flying but she said that she had high hopes he would repair soon.  This is a good enough ending for us for now, it will have to be.

The Mask of Zorro - Part II

It is easy to see in the above photo why I call him Zorro. I let him sleep in and didn't bring him out into the living room until 8:00 although I was very concerned about how he had survived the night. I had prepared a breakfast of chopped dates, and chopped green grapes and found some raspberry newton cookies and actually proceeded to scoop out the raspberry filling in small portions to add to this sugar fix.   I added a few chopped walnuts for fat and salt.  I am quite the gourmet bird chef when given a chance and if I had the opportunity I might expand his diet so that is would be more balanced!

He had kept the fresh water that I gave him last night poop free, so I left it alone and then slid in the plastic lid of chopped fruit. We had also given him some dried grass heads to nestle in during the night and to this I added the fragrant cedar branches that had been picked the night before so that he might feel more at home.

He looked very alert and was hopping around the cage and onto the grass sprigs. I brought him out from the laundry room and placed him near the window that frames the bird feeders in the distance and he started immediately grooming himself. Such vanity this species has!

I decided that he looked healthy enough to be set free, so I placed him in the garage to get used to the colder temperatures.  An hour later I saw a cedar waxwing high on the oak tree in my back yard and hurried into the garage to see if I could do some match-making.

I placed the cage on the deck table outside where we keep the heated water for wild birds. I slid open the bird cage door and stepped back. He looked out carefully through the opening and in a few seconds hopped to the edge of the open door. A minute after that he hopped onto to the table. He hurried to the table's edge and I could almost read his mind. He wanted so much to take off to the wonderful trees on all sides. He could not believe he was free!  He hopped to the other edge of the table and glanced up again and then waited.  After five minutes of this we realized that something was really wrong with his wing(s). He made no attempt to even jump to the deck railing although he was clearly thinking about it.

Hubby scooped him up in his hands and he carefully placed him back in the cage. I called the rescue number I had found on the Internet. After talking to the woman at the other end she told me that she keeps her rescued birds in her garage, so Zorro is going back to that climate and after hubby's dental appointment this afternoon, he is heading to this convalescent home for birds.

I will post more tomorrow.