She Is Never Home Anymore

I am off on another 5-day trip to a pear farm and the Biltmore and some leaf peeping! I know, I know. But, I am an old bag and I deserve a little fun before I head on out of this world. I promise I will take you along when I return vicariously. (I think I meant to write I will take you along vicariously when I return!!!)

In the meantime check out Jarielyn (cool name huh?) as she took up the five words meme baton from me a few days ago. She is a most creative writer, photographer and also is cuter than a ...well cute! Also, if you get bored, drop by my other blog for more posts on hiking in the beautiful Rocky Mountains.

Keep a place by fire, I'll be back.

Authentic Ski Town---Not

The historic town of Breckinridge? I found it has changed so much. I remember it as a small town where I could get a decent bowl of chile or a plate of hot enchiladas after a cold day of skiing. Back during my youth the few restaurants that were open were small and crowded with skiers in bulky jackets and ice crusted hats. Muddy snow covered the floors and the places were always noisy with energetic talk of great runs at the end of the day. People hurried through their meals as many of us had the long trip down the mountain and back home in the evening. Only a few stayed at the ski lodge.

The town has now morphed into a cutsey Yuppieville of boutiques and high-end souvenir shops complete with one of the best French bakeries in the state. The owners are very much French and the American waitress told me she had learned all the bad words of the language from the couple when they argued with each other during the day. Passionate couple I guess. The crepes are wonderful and the beignets are like sugar and air as they melt in your mouth. Forget the diets all ye who enter here. There are plenty of uncrowded restaurants in mid-September offering a wide variety of food.

We ate lunch on this patio at a Thai restaurant that was not run by Thai but served reasonably authentic food. I could have been eating anywhere including my city with the choices. The only genuine experience left was the dramatic view of the mountains on either side of the town. There were HUGE parking lots just outside of town where they shuttled people to the lift or into town. It must be a nightmare here during the ski season. (For all the hiking fun that I had on this trip you have to check out my other blog.)

Interestingly, everyone walking around this place looks young, healthy and like they have a trust fund!

Five Words That Changed My Life

I somehow knew that Kenju would be most interesting in sending me my five words for the blog meme that she recently completed. I do not complete memes in most cases, but my posting creativity has been dwindling and I thought this meme might be a motivator. "For this meme, you write about five words as they apply to your life." I could be nice and put the definitions...but I think most readers can look them up in the online dictionaries. I must admit that I found this meme more uncomfortable than I thought as I progressed and the title of this blog is a lie!

brave: I have learned bravery by allowing/making myself to live in other cultures in other countries with people who do not speak my language. To be removed from all that you know and to have your ideas and beliefs challenged on a daily basis and to be forced to really think about communication as a means of solving problems, is a brave way of living. To survive this challenge and allow yourself to change is also brave and I think I have successfully traveled through that fire.

epitaph: This word is the scariest for me, but not because I fear dying. I just think that there is not much I have done that is memorable in this life. I have tried to live a good and honest life but that in itself is not worthy of a memorable epitaph. To me an important epitaph means you have changed the lives of others for the better in a significant way. I hope I still am granted a few more decades to work this out!

imagination: Having an imagination that is active and fertile is important in any life. I imagined that I would travel, I imagined that I would raise a beautiful (if not perfect) family and I imagined that I would be reasonably happy. When you believe in what you imagine you work out the issues and you change your approach and adjust your goals so that this can all come true. I think I have not allowed my imagination to run away with me, but I have allowed it to soar so that I can always have a long-term vision of the goals ahead. Imagination is a very important tool in life.

salute: The image that this word brought instantly to my mind was when some of the Republicans made fun of how Clinton saluted his marine staff, clearly showing he was not part of the military. When I see this word I remember when I allowed the conservatives to take my patriotism away from me. I allowed myself to question how I was showing my real feelings for our soldiers and I regret that. Now I know that I have always supported our troops and that all of our brave troops are both conservative and liberal in their philosophies. Being true to my beliefs does not make me unpatriotic any more than wearing a flag on my lapel makes me a patriot.

tempest: Over the years I have learned that I hate tempests and now I always avoid them. Tempests created by crazy relatives with bad habits or self-centered and insecure co-workers are the worst! Ninety-nine percent tempests are false and artificially created to distract and dismay. The only real tempests are those that have to do with the weather. My philosophy these days is to listen to and to share my time with those who can remain calm in the eye of the storm. The storm will pass and you will notice that things will be much the same if the tempest is not real.

(Want me to send you five words?)

Working for the Soul

I have posted elsewhere (FB and emails) about my days of work recently. The cool fall weather, the dormancy of ticks, and the necessity of the size of weeds at summers end have motivated us to clear parts of the forest on either side of the long drive to the house. The wooded view as we drove in was no longer enticing and welcoming, but more like spooky and scary, and while appropriate for the Halloween season, it seems out of place when welcoming guests at other times of the year.

We have now cleared the leaning and/or dead trees that rested against each other and formed a sheltered structure for the wild roses that in turn learned to climb to the tops of the lovely and healthy maples, dogwood, and holly trees and shaded them from sun. I pruned limbs and prickly vines and then piled them beside the road in the clearing. We had piles of dead wood and piles of scratchy brush all of which was later gathered in our arms and placed in the old wooden trailer we use for hauling large amounts of 'stuff'. Hubby bravely climbed on top and did the elephant dance to smash it all down so that we could grab more armfuls and put on top once again.

Frequently the angry roses would grab our butts and legs refusing to be dumped. I still have a tiny thorn in my arm that will have to fester its way to the surface.

Hubby and I argued about what wood to take to the dump and what to cut into firewood. We have enough firewood to last through the winter of 2012, so I was inclined to get rid of much of the wood. (This will ensure that global climate change really will be global warming.) This photo is just one of the long piles we have waiting for the first cold weather. The problem is that some of this wood is old and some still too new for burning and in our dedicated rhythm we were not as careful in stacking as we should have been.


The wrens and the flickers were not happy that we took away so much dead wood, but eventually forgave us when they saw how may broken tree stumps we left behind for them to poke through. They will have a rich larder of wood insects through the coming snows. We also left enough small bush areas for the mice and other small animals to find shelter.


The free crepe myrtle that was planted at the end of my flower bed two years ago got moved with the help of Pedro. He works for a landscape company and knows exactly how to dig and move small trees. The shape of the crepe was not long and lean but more like an umbrella-shaped weeping willow, and therefore, taking up too much flower bed space. We (actually Pedro and hubby did the work) also joined the two flower beds and I now have a good sunny place to transplant my scattered roses this fall. (More work!)

This is the crepe myrtle shape I had hoped for!

My new rose bed.

After these past three days, the old joints ache with fatigue and overuse and my arms are scratched as if I had wrestled with a mountain cat, but soaking in my jacuzzi in the late afternoon before starting dinner was a reward enjoyed so much more because of my hard work. I am thankful that I do not hate hard work. I am thankful that the goal is its own reward for me. Besides, now I don't have to do any exercises this week!

The Wireless Web

This is my old Belkin wireless. I was on travel and when I returned, retrieved my PC and plugged everything back in, I noticed the state of this router. Do you think the spiders are clogging the network and the reason for the slowness of my PC? (HA!)

Looking Back Through the Looking Glass

When I was about fourteen I read "The Dairy of Anne Frank" and it captured me totally. As an adult I re-read the diary and was even more impressed by the beauty of her writing and the terrible tragedy that she could not live to realize her full potential.

I found this on the Internet: "Ha'aretz, the Israeli newspaper, is showing remarkable footage today. The Frank House, in Amsterdam, has realeased this short 20-second video snippet from the life of Anne Frank. The video was shot approximately a year before Frank and her family went into hiding. "

The context of this video is compelling and this has certainly made me pensive for the rest of this day.

Happy Harvest

I spent the better part of today 'cleaning' the forest. This meant cutting back nasty wild roses, removing dead limbs from trees, and trying to drag stubborn vines from around trees. I even cut one poison ivy vine that was about 2 inches across and covered with those tell-tale spidery roots that cling to the tree trunk.

Hubby spent time cutting the large pieces of wood into manageable size for our small wood-burning fireplace. We now have enough cut wood (some even split) for at least three winters. That is good, because much of this needs drying and aging time. I loaded each log into the wheelbarrow and pushed to the wood pile where I spent careful time stacking. The process is something like building a rock wall in that wood pieces must be selected according to shape and size before placing on the pyramid of wood. Once it is all stacked it makes an interesting wall.

This afternoon I am harvesting the last of the garden. We do not have too many more days of growing weather with the cool nights. I have made enough pesto, roasted tomato sauce, and frozen enough beans to make me feel very full of food already.

Our fridge is now full of salsa and pickled hot peppers to warm us in the coming cold nights.

My project this evening is shredding the 30 or so carrots that, while not very pretty, do have a reasonably sweet flavor and will make delicious carrot cake. (I have admitted defeat on the large box of spaghetti squash which is stored in our basement and will accept that the mice may get to much of it before us.)

Tomorrow I am going to try "Butternut Squash au Gratin" from a recipe sent by my daughter. Add enough butter and cheese to any squash and it becomes quite delicious if no longer healthy.

I think this is going to defeat the small weight loss from my Colorado mountain hiking.

Too Much Information or Not Enough?

Most bloggers do not write about their family. It is personal stuff and you have to be very honest and out front with your life once you begin. I am anonymous just so that I can write about people who, I hope, will also remain anonymous while I try to sort out their lives.

You will realize from this post that my family, while loving and generous of spirit, are terrible communicators. They tend to avoid the painful reality of life. It might be because they know that we cannot do anything about the painful decisions of others or it might be that sharing doesn't really ease their concerns, or perhaps they are embarrassed by the "perfect" lives that they think all the rest of us have. All of these people I have learned about below, are not blood relatives...not that that makes any difference.

I learned on this past family trip the following news. Some of it was explained only after embarrassing comments on my part because I did not know what the H*** was going on!.

My step-niece (who has no health insurance and no husband) thought she was pregnant, thought she miscarried three months later, then gave birth to a baby in her mother's house, all alone one afternoon early this summer. She had been raised on a horse farm and actually explained to me all the precautions she took, including adjusting for the fact that the water heater pilot light had broken that morning, in order to deliver this baby all by herself! The child was born safely for the mother (28 years old). After a helicopter flight to the hospital when the child had trouble breathing they discovered that the child has an incomplete brain and is missing part of the back lobes. This appears to be a genetic disorder that will mean my step-niece should not have any other children. There are those who know only too well all the terrible issues with this situation. All I know is that currently the child is off of oxygen and is eating and growing and is very precious. This mother's life has changed forever. The father of this child has four children in a current marriage and an illegitimate child from another relationship. TMI.

My step-niece's brother, a marine just back from Iraq, was goofing around with other marines this past spring and appears to have ruptured a disk and now requires spinal fusion. Thus his life is now also changed forever, probably ending his hope to enter the police force when he is released from service.

My other step-nephew from another family came with his 7-year-old daughter to a family BBQ and it wasn't until later in the evening that someone bothered to mention he has been divorced for over a year. That was when I stopped asking him if his wife was working late!

All of the rest of the gang seems to be living reasonably normal lives with normal challenges.

Astronomy Lesson

Holding my 4-year-old grandson in my arms while damp from his recent swim lesson, we hurried in the cool night air across the parking lot, but were stopped mid-run to notice the moon and the nearby Venus sparkle. We stood for a short time before the chill permeated the damp towel around his shoulders.

Xman explained to me that Venus was the boy and the Moon was the girl. Sounds right to me!

Casting call

Thought I would further clarify my PC situation since it is so clearly compelling to my dwindling readers. I never did get the blue screen of death. My computer just kept getting slower and kept locking up on a few software packages and I thought it was just getting too old. It still is/was a fairly functioning computer. So guess I will use it a while longer.

I thought about switching to Apple but all my software is PC...what an expense.

On a totally un-related note is anyone as disappointed as I am that they chose Julia Roberts for the "Eat,Pray,Love" movie? I know, I know...you don't really care. But I see this person as an empty headed intellectual...not an empty headed flirt. I was thinking 0f Charlize Theron, Annette Benning, even Reese Witherspoon although she is a little young. If you read the book, I am sure you have other ideas of an actress with that pixie but sincere quality.

Clearly from this post you can see how desparate I am for my PC.

Virtual Reality Update

My recent family visit filled my head with too much reality. Love them all and probably would be too generous in blogging about their complicated lives had not my PC been in the shop all this time, and thus, putting the yellow light on my blogging allowing me to mellow out and put a more subtle pink light on all the issues. My life is not a soap opera, but it appears that their lives are.

It also appears that I have both a "mal generic A" virus and a Trojan "agent gen-x" on my PC and for the low, low price of only $89.99 they will remove it for me! Wow. They have adopted the repair model use by car dealers. We analyze for a small fee and then call you and tell you how much it will cost to repair it. Only this scenario involves NO moving parts. It is more painful this way. I got this message on Saturday (today) and so may not get my computer back until Tuesday since she (the all-knowing magician) does not get in until Monday at 2:00PM. I am totally addicted to my PC and so will have to cough up the dough to get the PC functioning again. Since it is almost 8 years old, I fully expected them to say that I needed a new one. So there is a brighter side to this scenario.

If they could tell me how I got this illness on my PC, I would be more understanding. I have so much firewall and virus protection, that I honestly thought I was inoculated until the blue screen of death.

Oh well, Monday I get to start working on those photos that I am compelled to view on the big screen. Addictions are what they are, and at least this one does not contain calories to make me fat(ter)!

Virtual Reality

In my brilliance I turned in my PC two days before my 10-day trip. I naively thought that they could poke and prod at their leisure and I even more naively thought I would have a message waiting for me on my phone regarding the PC when I returned.

HA! I repeat HA!! Only the squeaky wheel gets oiled and it took a trip to the store followed by a phone call to learn that Dr. Nerdo Repairwomen was working on it as I talked to her on the phone. They had had my computer for almost 11 days by this time! She was running diagnostics yesterday and since she is off today I will not learn anything until Friday...after 2:oo PM which is when she comes in to work.

I am glad that I am rich enough to be liviing in a house with a hubby that also has a laptop computer...which I hate. People who can use these will develop carpel and marpel and whatever before the computer overheats on their lap.

I have started to catch up on email, but am not considering any serious posting on Blogger until my baby gets back home. Maybe tomorrow I will start reading some blogs...it is dark and scary down here in the basement (where I banish my husband and force him to work in his office...).

Dancing with Moonbeams

Most houses have ghosts. I am sure that one has heard those whispered conversations heard in the late evening when you are sitting by the fire or curled up in your favorite chair with a good book and sitting all alone. You look up and wonder if that was a laugh you just heard or was it just the blinds moving in the breeze. You hear a footfall in the empty hallway and you freeze with the bookmark in hand and turn your head ever so slightly to the left. It is just the bones of this old house creaking, you tell yourself and return to the poem. Someones' laughter and someones' tears are hidden deep within the shadows of the corners of those rooms. Important lives passed this way. Sometimes they feel safe and come forward, but you don't know this, or you deny it. On a lazy sunny afternoon as your eyes close and you begin to drift off to sleep, they gather together and dance around the floor with the moving sunbeams that drift across your favorite carpet.

My house is new. No ghosts have set up residence just yet. Thus when I hear creaking and groaning, I know that it is the spirit of the house settling into these woods planning for the many years to come and making room for the ghosts. My hubby and I will be the first spirits to linger in the shadows some winter evening. Will we be too shy to laugh and will we still have the same arguments? Will the click of my camera shutter startle some late night reader? Will we be willing to make room for other spirits? Will the sound of my grandchildren's footfalls skip down the hallway and interrupted by the sound of their giggle before they hide? Will we dance with the moonbeams in the late evening as the new owner falls asleep before the fireplace? I hope so.

Collecting Seeds

Fall for me is filled with deadheading the blossoms of my flowers and carefully collecting the seeds of those annuals that I want to regrow next year. I spent a small fortune on packets of seeds this year and hope to reduce that expense by starting my seed larder. I purchase beed containers at the craft store and dry the seeds and tuck them away for spring.

The photo above is from seeds of the the black eyed Susan vine or Thunbergia Alata... and, yes, if you clicked on the photo for a closer look, I think they look like that also! They are vessels of reproduction, after all.

Summer Flying By

(Here I am in the cold mountains of Colorado and yet able to post something to my blog! Cool!)





All of these beauties graced my front yard on the day I loaded my car with suitcases to leave on this trip. They danced and danced across the grass and with each other. They will probably not be here when I return, but knowing the transience of life, I am prepared for some new beauty in nature to tuck in for a while. (This should be on my other blog, I know.)

Tag, Your It

Darlene tagged me for a meme. I do not usually play along with these, being a bit of a spoil sport,but Darlene has a most compelling blog, so I will do so. In addition, I actually played this meme once before...but it was on Facebook and I was reading All Fishermen are Liars. The rules are to pick the book nearest to you, turn to page 161 and copy the fifth sentence.

I will post the meme from the book closest to me right now...I am not actually reading it as it is a reference tool published in 1999 and already out-dated, Real World Digital Photography by McClelland and Eismann:

• "a 2MB board provides 16 million colors up to 800 by 600 pixels (or 832 by 624 pixels on the Mac). If you raise the resolution of the monitor above that, you have to drop the number of colors that can be displayed at a time to 32,000 or fewer."

The book(s) that sit on my end table near my bed and which I am currently reading actually are:

From Onions to Pearls by Satyam Nadeen, a kind of weird book about awakening. I don't know if I am going to like it or not. Bought it at a used book sale.

Outliers by Malcom Gladwell. Another good book of his; this one is about demographics and genetics and the luck of the draw.

(And, of course, anyone who wants to play along, please do so.)

Lessons Learned as Summer Comes to an End

Grandchildren are loaned to us so that we can pass on our well-earned wisdom to their generation and make the world a better, more evolved place...ummm, well... not exactly. I've learned so much from this little soul this past summer that I often wonder if I have been sleepwalking through most of my life. Maybe I learned this stuff a long time ago and just forgot it as I grew up to battle adulthood?

Sometimes on a hot summer day at the pool you need to stop skipping and sliding and swimming and splashing your grandpa and just think about how the day is going thus far. You need to stop and think about all that you are enjoying so that you can remember it or focus on your next attack.

You need to Captain your Ship of Life if you want to end up in the best place for you. Don't be afraid to take the wheel, even if it seems bigger than you and you have to stand on your toes to see where you are going. Remember that those you love are still behind you to support your decisions and to help you on your journey.

Set your boundaries really wide. Your sand castles need moats that cover all the room that you can find on whatever beach you choose. This photo is 1/3 of the final sand castle that was created. It eventually included a mountain with trees and a volcano spewing lava red rocks collected from the beach. No project is too small for a creative soul.

It takes a lot of patience to wait for a fire to die down so that you can roast marshmallows and it is OK to wiggle and squirm when you are trying to be patient about something important. You don't have to look like a saint!

When you finally reach to top of the mountain (airplane, whatevah) remember all the loved ones and friends that helped you get there and be sure to help them all you can by sending your best as well as giving them a hand.

And, finally, throw out your arms in total abandon and don't forget to ENJOY the ride. It certainly goes by really, really, really fast.

(As I explained in an earlier post this is pre-written...my computer is in the shop and actually I am packing tomorrow for the trip.)

My Husband's Non-Wicked Step Sisters

I reunited with them both again a few months ago when we attended my husband's S.I.L.'s funeral. They had aged...probably they seemed much older to me because they were a decade and some years older than I already.

They are like opposite sides of the same coin of womanhood. I have met them on and off in years past but was so wrapped up in my own family and my travels that I did not really see them. One of the wonders of aging is you get clarity of mind vision. Actual vision becomes blurry, but that is to ones' advantage because then you can see the reality of life much better.

They were daughters from my husband's father's first marriage. It was a marriage of wealth and unfaithfulness and ended badly. So badly that no one mentioned the name of the first wife in my F.I.L's presence. Mary was the youngest daughter from this union and the dark haired one with the hour glass figure. When she reached her teenage years she was compared to Elizabeth Taylor and from photos I have seen she did resemble her. Sally, her older sister, was the thin and blonder version. She had freckles and looked like the farm girl next door. She was also the thinner thinker. Sally loved to laugh and her laughter was contagious.

Mary went on to marry a man of the 1950's era. Who knows what drove him and also what devils haunted him. This was an era of cocktails and arguments. Devout Catholics they had five children between them. Four girls and a boy. Mary's husband left her in the lurch with all five shortly after that and actually settled on an island in the Caribbean where his drinking was the norm rather than something which caused heated arguments. Mary's children never saw him except for the son who became an adult and sought him out as male children need to do when fathers are an enigma. Mary was blessed with a good brain and devotion to her children. She worked very ,very hard making all those standard sacrifices, and in time, worked her way up to managing an important office in the State government. Her children each became successful in their own way and were loyal to her. When I saw her at the funeral she was overweight and arthritis was compromising her ability to stand for any length of time. But I saw that spark of intelligence in her eyes that had helped her survive the burden life had given her. I saw that energy in her dark eyes that had been the heat that burned her whole life like an excellent warm brandy. For some reason she made a connection with me.

I had seen Sally more often in my trips to my husband's side of the family. She had married, divorced, re-married the same man and then buried him when he died of throat cancer. He had been a heavy smoker, as many were during that era. Their marriage was more like the Taylor-Burton love. It was loyal but painful. She was like bubbles in champagne and actually became lovelier as she aged. She wasn't smart and sometimes couldn't follow an intense conversation. She dated often in her elder years and I think it was because she was such a fragile butterfly that elder men could not resist her. She married a third time to a shyster who gave the impression he was an architect. I had met him and he was quite smart and handsome. She figured out her mistake within the year and this was followed by an expensive divorce.

As she reached her early 80's she met a retired airline pilot. They fell in love and she married once again. I met him and both my husband and I liked him but noticed his aging memory lapses. He seemed to be in his late 80's. Both he and Sally continue to travel all over the world including a honeymoon in China where they sent photographs of themselves in elaborate Chinese costume. They recently flew to England to participate in the dedication of an airline museum. Sally is just as ditsy as ever, but now people think it is due to old age.

Both stories are the kind that could make a movie. Their lives are like yours and mine in some ways, but to me so much more interesting than mine.

Out of Pocket

It seems that the fates have converged in a unique formation in the coming weeks. My PC which is about 8 or 9 years old has decided it will not cooperate any more. I am sending it into the repair clinic before I lose everything that I do not back up---which is everything on the PC.

Symptoms include auto shutdowns, lock-ups, and inability to keep my photography software open for any length of time. The fan kicks on frequently and closing a program can take a very long time. I hope I don't need a new PC, but my gut feeling is that the store will recommend that!

Secondly, I am heading out on a jet plane to the other side of the country for a week's change of scenery. I will be eating and sleeping with relatives some of the time and some of the time I will be spending with my camera outside---I hope.

Thirdly, I have a post on this blog that has been pre-scheduled and several on my other blog, so that my readers will not disappear. But I will not be responding or reading blogs in the coming weeks.

Behave yourselves while I am gone, please. (OKAY...don't behave yourself...life IS short after all.)

Feeling Moonie

For more on my moons go here.