We tend to disappear as we age. Women notice it more because our culture treats us like eye-candy from a young age. In my 40's I was beginning the process of becoming more gray in fading glory. I had to be more aggressive getting a clerk's attention in the store and more bold pulling away from the boring corner at the party and being included in the conversation in the middle of the room. Families love grandma, but tend to move in groups around her, rather than include her in the conversation...in SOME families. Thus I am becoming gray. I was a bit miffed this vacation when the 4-year-old didn't want to kiss me good-bye because he only kissed members of his family! He looked a little stunned when I had to explain I was his grandma! His nickname for me is not grandma. I tend to blame this on my son-n-law who is very, very, close to his family and I am guessing makes it clear to his children who they are and not so much who we are. I am assuming he didn't know my husband was grandpa either. We do see these kids several times a year!
Yesterday I had a dentist appointment. I have been going to this dentist for almost a decade since I moved down here. He has two receptionists. One is the smallest of little elder ladies with short cut dishwater brown hair and a tentative smile. The other is a very large elderly woman with blonde hair who has a small jewelry display on the counter in front of her which she sells. The large woman was behind the counter when I entered. She was dealing with making an appointment for another woman. The reception area is small and so I sat on the nearby wooden loveseat. and waited.
As I was waiting an elderly woman came in and very slowly made her way through the door. Her movements were careful and tentative.
The receptionist finished with the other patient and looked over at me and said "Name?" I gave her my name wondering why she never knew me? "You DO have an appointment?" she then asked. I made some comment about just loving dentists and dropping by anyway over the holidays...snark! We both laughed and she input my arrival into the computer. She looked up at the elder woman and said hello to her by name and entered her into the computer. A few minutes later another woman came in and sat down and the receptionist greeted her by name and then logged her in. I sat and read my new book on poetry and still was a little miffed that she did not know my name, but I barely remembered hers----names are a big failing on my part as I age.
A man came in next and she greeted him by name. I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with my personality, demeanor, appearance that I was the only stranger in this reception room. I was in a bit of a funk now because I was remembering that people usually remember my husband when we go somewhere, yet if I am alone, they often do not remember me!
And I as I thought about this, I realized it was NOT an elder thing. It was not because I was a lovely shade of camouflage gray. This anonymous thing has been true most of my life. I would just brush it off during those busy years. I remember once being introduced to someone who had actually been to my house for dinner but was a passing acquaintance over the years. I was younger then and remembered him!
I guess we all like to be memorable to people. We like to be known as the "humorous " one or the "charming" one or the "intelligent" one. (I am sometimes remembered as "hubby's" wife.)
Yes, of course I have people who know me on sight, thank goodness. But it is most disheartening to be the gray person in the room at various times. I mean I WAS the Prom Queen in high school and the editor of the school annual---it was a very small school. How far the great have fallen!
