Back From Visiting the Sun

Must be getting old because the 3 time changes and the lost hour from daylight savings were far harder on my metabolism than the tequila shots that I did in the back of an open sided Mercedes Benz Unimog on the day before I left.  (But that is another story.)  Below some lovely folk art and sand art as a tease.  Can you guess where I went?

Added Information

Rethinking my earlier post...I think this picture above gives you a more accurate rendition of what it looks like from my dock if I turn away from the sunset.  According to my neighbor that lives in the million dollar house just to the right of this photo...all will be gone by summer. No, no one is building anything here.  They are just trying to keep the red barge from sinking as it has rusted through!   She promised last year it would be gone and then this fall the red barge was joined by the black barge and tug!  (Click on the photo if you are a machinery/equipment person.)

Got Points?

I am going away for a week's vacation.  Since I am retired you may ask why in the hell I need a vacation.  I don't.  But because I am in the elite upper income bracket I have something called "points" that I will lose if I do not use.  Do not ask me to explain this point system because I will have to tell you that is is like joining a fancy country club where you give them $10,000 for a year's membership and they allow you to eat rubber chicken next to another person who has $10,000 to give away.  Instead of this they give me a week in some questionable hotel in another country along with all the rubber tortillas that I can eat next to other people with 'points.".

I promise to come back with stories about food, culture, scenery and nature.  I am going to one of those areas where all the tourists go...not the rich tourists...just the people who like to drink margaritas on a beach and look at women in bikinis.  I am not one of those people either.  I like a beach for a day or two, but then I want to see the faces of the people who live here, the faces of the animals that live here and the culture and geography that makes these faces the way they are. 

In the between time I have posted a photo of what I currently (and all winter long) have seen from my dock.  My neighborhood is not as high class as you may think.  The trailer behind the tug and barge has been empty for a few years, but it may be for rent if you are interested.

Who is Responsible?

I have posted on the artist Al Weiwei twice already and from all the interesting examples in the very limited exhibit that is currently touring this country, I will select just one more.  He did some beautiful works in wood and those I will save for another time, perhaps, when the writer in me is looking for something to say.  These next examples are about children, corruption and government ... in somewhat that order.  The photo below is one of my children when they were very small with some friends in Indonesia.

The photo above is distorted because this post is about an earthquake and children.  We had earthquakes in Indonesia, but this is about an earthquake in China.

This description above is blurred because in most museums you may not use a flash and therefore it was taken in dark light requiring a steadier hand than I have.  But since this is about earthquakes, I think a bit of shaken text is appropriate.

This rebar in the photos above of the artwork came from the actual schoolhouses that collapsed like houses of cards after the earthquake.  Many Chinese parents lost their children due to schools built with very poor quality materials and questions about corruption and kick backs were made.  The metal bars are arranged a little like a river and seem to have waves across its surface like the waves of an earthquake.

Chinese officials remained in denial about how many died, and about how the poor construction of the schools contributed to these deaths. The government refused to release the names of the children.  Thus Weiwei made his artistic protest.  An entire wall in the museum lists the names of the children who died and an audio track is run in this room saying each their names.

You can learn more about "Al'  here  <http://www.pbs.org/newshour/art/blog/2012/12/on-the-newshour-ai-weiwei.html>  and here <http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/2012/12/dissident-artist-ai-weiwei-not-optimistic-about-new-chinese-leadership.html>  You will need a kleenex.

What is Valuable?

The bowl is from Japan and the rice is from Italy and this photo was taken in my kitchen.  This is the beginning of an homage to Al Weiwei.  If you don't quite get it, you will have to read the prior post for help.  As I look at this photo I remember driving by a busy corner as I was entering the city of Jogjakarta in Indonesia and seeing a totally naked and very thin woman who looked well into her 60's with an empty rice bowl held out in her hand.  Others stood around her trying to cross the street and truly appeared not to see her.  That image will never leave my consciousness.

If you  look closer at this photo above you will realize that these two bowls do not contain rice.  The bowls are made of the finest porcelain from China and the shiny objects are a half-ton of freshwater pearls.  (Weiwei 2006)  The bowls are exactly one meter in diameter.  I think I am in sync with Weiwei by putting these two photos in the same blog.  Which do you think is worth more?  Depends on who you are and how full your belly is I guess.

  I was very tempted to let my hands feel the tactile sensation of of these shiny orbs.

"The choice of materials and the use of traditional techniques show his determination to highlight in these artworks both his “Chineseness” and his active subversion of it, as in Bowl of Pearls (2006). This sculpture consists of a pair of bowls one meter in diameter filled with freshwater pearls. While abundance of pearls can symbolize wealth and provoke a strong desire, the large number displayed in the bowl is such that it triggers an opposite feeling. The feeling of value and preciousness commonly associated with pearls, when displayed in a small quantity, is replaced by an ordinary feeling despite the pearls’ inner beauty." Review from Mori Art Museum.

This is my small personal collection of both freshwater and salt water pearls, and since some were handed down from an elder relative, their value is much greater to me emotionally than practically.

Is It Art?

In what must seem as an addendum to my prior comments on art and artists, I expanded my experience by visiting an exhibit of one of the more famous dissident artists in the world.  This is his first U.S. exhibit which was successful on its first stop at the Hirshhorn Sculpture museum in D.C.  I am, of course, writing about Al Weiwei who is "waiting" for China to return his passport.  He was unable to attend the opening of this exhibit months ago, although over 200 diplomats from around the world were there to see it.

Whether one considers his work art, a statement of dissident symbolism or moments of Zen interspersed with his black and white photography, I was drawn to each piece and it left me thinking about art and humanity.  Could he be as famous an artist without the repressive government in China motivating him and giving him fame is a question made by some.  He lived in the U.S. for twelve years and returned to China where he became more interesting and more motivated.

In repressive China he has been arrested, beaten around the head (photos of the x-ray of the head concussion are part of the exhibit) and thrown in jail.  He has also had his newest studio bulldozed.  He currently faces charges on tax evasion.  He has won international awards and fortune which makes it awkward for the government to keep him out of the public eye.

I feel that China is a bomb of youthful energy and ideas waiting to explode.  When, not if, this happens, the global community (art, finance, health, etc.) will be forced to sit up and take notice.

The first work of art that you see when you arrive at the museum is outside in the courtyard.  It is the Zodiac of animal heads (12  bronze heads) that stand outside the Hirshhorn museum...an over-sized re-creation of twelve bronze animal heads that once adorned the Zodiac Fountain in Yuan Ming Yuan, the Old Summer Palace, in Beijing before being destroyed by British diplomat James Bruce, the 8th Earl of Elgin after the Opium wars.  The history of this destruction includes burning people alive and looting.  This is a perfect example of Weiwei's desire to connect the ancient with the contemporary and to connect art and politics.

 "The original heads had been made by Giuseppe Castiglione (1688-1766), an Italian Jesuit who, while living in China, had executed commissions for the Chinese emperor in the 18th century.
In other words, Ai Weiwei, a Chinese artist who has been considerably influenced by Western Postmodernism and who lived and studied in New York for over a decade, had recreated works made by a European who had lived and worked in China in the 18th century. What had spurred Ai Weiwei to make another Zodiac?"  John Seed

It gets even more complicated from here.  Questions are raised on authenticity, value, and who owns art anyway?  Just today CNN reported on some wall graffiti/mural by the now in-demand street artist Banksy being stolen right off the side of the building on a London street!

Letting in the Real World Now and Again

My leadership on a landscape committee for our local museum has taken more time than I anticipated when I first volunteered.  There is maintenance of the email lists, planning of spring activities, composing the meeting agenda and trying to assign tasks, getting a meeting room reserved and a date on the calendar, and finally, since most of us are old ladies, making sure there is coffee and coffee cake!

Then my husband has volunteered for a new project on getting fresh food to the food pantries by getting volunteer gardeners to contribute and talking to the local staff, at another museum, to incorporate this into their summer camp with children.  I have been attending a number of meetings regarding that which takes up more time, but meeting cool new people as a result.

All of this has taken me away from my birding, photography, reading, writing, blogging and new attempt at more exercise.

Today I drive up to my daughters house and am spending all day tomorrow with her perusing some of the Smithsonian's special museum exhibits.  It is her treat to me for a belated birthday gift.  It gets her out of the house even though the venues are not her favorites.  She might rather be clothes shopping or some spa enjoyment.  But it does give her the opportunity to get away from obligations and kids.  We will stop at a bar early in the evening and talk and laugh and then head to a top  restaurant for some high end food.  These are the golden times because we have no expectations from each other.  We have that special genetic connection that sometimes appears in family relationships and is worth all the money in the world.

Hopefully my return will provide some blog posts more worthy of my discriminatory readers.

Madonna and Child

I have been thinking about the article that will be (may be) requested this month that I mentioned in the prior post.  After all, they may have room only for half a dozen photos and no text.  That little task would only take me days.  I love all my photo children and how could I choose.  I also realize that you must pick things that go together artistically.  Now most artists have developed a style...not so much me.  My photos are all over the place in subject, mood, realism vs. romance. 

But let us assume they want some text.  Should I explain that in being myself I have spent hours today uploading my photos to Photobucket and backing up again the more precious of these to a separate hard drive?  I use this site because it allows me a full resolution download, makes a good backup site, and for a small fee I have unlimited gigabytes.  It is expensive to print albums of stuff so most of my work is kept digital.  I do not think other photographers want to hear about the time-consuming maintenance tasks of choosing the thousands of photos one wants to save for posterity nor the unique folder names that one creates to help find stuff.  Needles in a field of haystacks is what we have created with digital photography.  Within my software I can add words to an index that tags each photo, but I do not think this data transfers to the internet site.  I am a very organized person so I dread to think of how others are going to lose masses of history with their casual storing of camera and phone captures throughout their young lives.   

Most of my readers suggested I just be myself in writing about my (hobby) artistic endeavors.  Well, I have thought about it and come to some simple out-of-my depth conclusions.  I tend to favor red.  I like nature but on a rare occasion can capture a memorable face.  I cannot divorce the emotion I feel from a photograph I have taken which may leave others cold.  And, of course, I am addicted.

Well, it seems that my upload of 262 sunset photos is finished, and that number is just for 2012!  (As I said I tend to favor red.)   Hubby and I took a hike yesterday as the weather almost reached 70F in mid-February.  (Photos above and below) I always bring a camera and while rounding the path in the late winter afternoon sun a young woman with curly red hair (lots of hair) was holding a young baby in her arms and trying to take a picture of the two of them while she sat on a bench.  The sun caught the golden red halo of her hair and the soft fuzz of the baby's head and I wish I had taken a shot of this amazing silhouette.  But I was polite and instead offered to take photos of Madonna and child with her camera.  She had a small camera so I am not sure how they turned out, but I was really having fun!

Captive Audience

The past few years I have grown more fond of BBC television programs that are purchased by our public television stations and then re-broadcast here in the USA.  Most of the programs are mysteries or detective stories.  Others are humorous stories taking place in small towns in the country side.  There is one series Masterpiece that re-broadcasts some fun costume dramas.  I have wondered why I find these shows so appealing.  The stories in small towns are simple and old fashioned, nothing that leaves me in deep thought after watching.  The mysteries are pretty traditional and usually have just enough red herrings that I can resolve them only in the last fifteen minutes.  But that doesn't mean anything because I even re-watch them the very next season!  The costume dramas are a guilty pleasure but not as fulfilling perhaps as reading an historical novel of several hundred pages.  So once again I ponder what it is that I like about these shows from "across the pond."  ( I do watch too much TV, but I try to do something like folding clothes or sorting files or straightening the living room while watching so that my guilt in this addiction is not so bad.)

I think the reason I like these shows is that:

1. All ages are represented and not just in token small roles. Ruggedly handsome includes gray hair and a paunch sometimes.
2. All ages are not usually stereotyped but presented as interesting faceted characters
3. People look real with wrinkles, weight issues, and non-model proportioned faces. (NO Barbies)
4. If someone has an idiosyncrasy that they were born with, it fits gently into the role they play (right now I am thinking of Chummy Browne in "Call the Midwife.")
5. They can be edgy but still keep some sense of decorum and humanity.

The one thing that is difficult in watching is translating, on a regular basis, when I watch with hubby.

The Soul of an Artist

When you pursue some skill that you love you reach a point where you wish people to take notice no matter how shy you are.  When I first joined the RedBubble, a photography website out of Australia (far away where no one knows me), I thought it would be a good source for feedback from professional and amateur photographers to help me grow.  I was most naive.  I posted a comment about how there was so much praise and no suggestions for change and improvement which was met with deadly silence!  As the months passed I submitted a few very veiled critical suggestions to others and they were taken with a grain of salt.  But I also noticed some very angry discussions unbecoming photographers when I perused other sites and journal entries.  It became clear to me that some artists have very sensitive egos and do not appreciate critical input.  Fortunately I was never on the receiving end of this, but I would not have been dismayed, and just accepted that I had bruised someone's sense of self.  Thus, I realized this was just a site to post and wait for praise or silence.  There is one venue for input from others, but it is somewhat complicated for me to figure out how to post the photograph for review so I have only posted one or two items!

I have entered contests on this site which are primarily set up to stimulate membership and have over 100 features of new work or photographs that have been selected for top ten praise in challenges that are put forth by volunteers hosting the various groups.  Some of these groups leaders are professional photographers, so I am honored in this selection. 

I have submitted photos for free for publication and been rewarded.  I have not won any of the local contests to which I submit.  I have sold a few photos as greeting cards.

Some of my readers of this blog are artists.  They write, paint, take photographs and feel comfortable that they are a perfect fit into the artist mold.  They are not intimidated by anyone or do not show it.  I, on the other hand, have a tiny ego in this world of the artist and see myself as a really struggling persona.  (Please note, I am not a shrinking violet and do NOT have a tiny ego in other areas of my life.)  While I love the praise my readers send with love on my photos and my prose and poetry, I never really feel as if I deserve it.  I accept it as encouragement and a pat on the back from a loving parent, but not recognition of  small genius...which we all would really love.

Okay, what is my point in this long, self-involved post?  I have recently been selected as a feature artist in a small (very small) online journal.  I do not know what is expected.  It seems to be not an interview but more so a write up by me of who I am and a selection from my works.  The surprise for me is that I have only entered two works into this group that selected me...others I have entered dozens.   I was told not to worry about that!  So, please wish me luck and tell  me how you would get in the mind set of an artist for this!

Glazing

It is early on a lazy winter morning at my daughter's house.  All is ominously quiet since there are three little kids that live here who could awaken at any moment with amazing energy that has been restored by a good night's sleep.  Actually two of them find mornings a bit of a challenge and on cold winter days burrow deeper into their soft blankets begging to be left alone.

This leaves the oldest, now at seven, who has always been an early riser.  He used to rise in the mornings by screaming his lungs out as if having a root canal.  Thankfully he outgrew that in a year or so and now awakens gently with a mischeivous smile on his face.  He skips downstairs to where I am reading my kindle and drinking my first cup of coffee.

After greeting me, he then snuggles for about three seconds before the squirming and stretching kicks in.  He had a bad dream that he tells me about in glorious detail.  Then he had a waking dream which he begins to explain.  Finally he changes the subject to Harry Potter and how well he can read small parts of this book with his mother and I tell him I am amazed at that.  Then we switch without segway to discussing comic books.  He asks if I know about Loud Boy, which I must answer in the negative as my reading genre is somewhat limited.  I must admit that my eyes begin to glaze over when he explains in all the dreadful detail how Loud Boy makes his escape from a video game and also saves the world from an asteroid with a configuration of rubber bands.

Finally he sighs and then asks if he can play some Wii before breakfast.

I never realized how much I could love a ball of imaginative energy.

Read it or not, the life of those you love is in your hands.

There is not a lot of data, but what little there is can be found here:

Regarding My Prior Post...

Seems that yesterdays post created a butterfly effect and that ripple that the other blogger created was far more significant than mine!!  Please go here and pat this woman on the back...better yet, give her a hug.

Touching Souls

Yes, we finally got some of the white stuff.

I have had a series of medical tests lately.  I have not written about them because this path of discovery is nothing serious and I am remaining optimistic for a solution.  The symptoms are vague and hardly debilitating and therefore not worth the tale.  But the doctor's visits are.

I was waiting in line in one office to pick up some documentation to take to another doctor, when the body movements of the elderly man in front of me caused me to breathe in quickly.  He had the same body build of my dad and the same body language.  When he turned to his wife, an elderly woman in a wheel chair with a left leg amputation, handing her some paperwork and speaking in a soft gravely voice, it completed the deja vu.  Suddenly tears came to my eyes.  His gentle and self-conscious manner so reminded me of my dad that I was going to start crying right there in the reception area.  I had to turn and sit down in a corner of the room until I caught my breath.

The man gently turned the wheel chair and pushed it toward the door leaning across his wife's lap to push down on the door handle.  He asked quietly of his wife is she was ready to hold the door open with her foot.  I jumped up and held it open for them trying to hide my tears.  They both thanked me and went on their way to the parking lot not noticing anything amiss.

The next day I was picking up some blood test results from another doctor's office, and after getting the paperwork, was deep in thought about a short drive I had to take to a nearby town for a meeting that I was attending.  A 40-ish woman dressed casually, hair in a pony tail, and wearing sun glasses preceeded me into the elevator.  There were only two floors to this medical building so she pushed the lower button back to the parking lot for the both of us.  Then she broke the silence by staring at the elevator buttons and saying in a broken voice, "I just got some bad news."

"I am so sorry." I replied suddenly giving her my full attention.

"I have to go into the hospital."  She looked at me with her dark sunglasses and I could not read her eyes.

"That is such sad news, but I am sure you will be fine."  I added ignorant of her illness.

She touched her right arm.  "I have a deep vein thrombosis in my arm.  I am so scared."  She held back a sob.

 "That is scary."  I said.  "But they have so many great technologies these days, I am sure you will be back home soon."

"I am just afraid."

I hesitated not sure what to add.   "You need a hug."  I wrapped her in a big hug thinking she may be going home alone to no one...no one to touch her or cheer her up.

She sobbed a little and thanked me.

As we left the elevator she smiled and thanked me again for my love.  "I just thought these things only happened in your legs."  I knew I was taking a chance bringing a political figure into the conversation, but was trying to hard to find something to encourage her, so I added "Hillary Clinton just recovered from a serious clot in her brain and she is doing fine."

We reached our cars and she turned once again, thanked me a third time and then said "She did, didn't she?"

I thought about that woman all the way home and thanked the energies that prevail that I was there and that she did not have to ride that elevator alone.  I was so glad to be there.

And, yes, my medical issues stand insignificant.

Mutual Concessions

Yes, I am basking in the warm feeling of the inauguration of the man I voted for.  But I still have close conservative friends who really think our President is going to bring this country to its knees.  Since the former President already did that, I cannot even begin to understand their concern.  My conservative friends are smart and hard working and devout and wonderful people...well, one of them has an obsessive compulsive disorder in fearing germs ...really, but as a medical doctor I will forgive him his use of cases of paper towels.  I just wish I could crawl inside their heads.

I understand the fear of socialism.  It is, like communism, an ideal that if left unguarded, can ruin a democracy.  I would like to see more control over welfare programs and unemployment benefits.  Many lazy folks take advantage and I need to do more research on this.  I think the earned benefit programs need to remain supported though.  It seems that Paul Ryan has indicated that Social Security is a "Ponzi scheme" which is a gross misinterpretation on his part.  Yet, Representative Ryan used the same benefits of this "Ponzi scheme" to get through college.  So, send me a politician who is not rich and/or has not taken advantage of any government program and I will be willing to listen to his/her side of the story.  If they can prove to me that most people on these programs are lazy and refuse to work than I will begin to understand their fear. 

If there is a man who lost his job at the age of 60 and who for 8 months looks for a job, and gets discouraged with being turned away time and again, and finally says he will just collect unemployment and wait until he can get his social security benefits, do you begrudge him this failure to continue to search for work...if he has worked hard all his life?  I know someone who is doing to do this.  I cannot judge him.

I know there is common ground.  It seems that a meeting of the Tea Party and the Move-On founder  opened a window recently. This little snippet gives me hope. We may always disagree on any number of significant issues, but we really are good people under all the rhetoric and we really can compromise on most of the issues in a way that can move this country forward.  If we keep the moneyed lobbyists out of the argument, I fee that we can reach reasonable compromises.

Leavings

After we removed the Christmas tree we were finally able to move our breakfast-lunch-formal-informal table back in the bay window area.  Prior to that I lifted the tree rug that covered the central space and noticed this which falls directly below the single leg stand of our table:

Hubby calls these little finds "spider spit."  I think that is not a scientific or technical term.  But if you live in the woods you will find these spider droppings beneath your window ledges, under your cabinet toe stops and behind those doors that you leave open most of the time.  They usually have delicate webs hanging above them and my grandson is the first to notice these when he visits and he is crawling around looking for some small toy that has rolled behind or under something.  It looks like I never clean house, which I do and often.  Some look like little beads and others like what they actually are!  But I will tell you that NASA is missing a phenomenal chemistry here.  These are harder than rocks and hang tighter than super clue to wherever they land.

Do you have spider spit?

Renewed and Improved

This winter has seemed like Ground Hog Day...all winter long.  The days are dark and unusually short.  I swear this year they seem much shorter than ever, maybe 4 hours long.  We get a few days of sunshine, but most are just gray.  Sometimes it rains all day long.  But even with these slight differences each day seems almost the same as each day before with no new edges or harsh angles.  I do tend to get a mild version of Seasonal Affective Disorder this time of year.  I understand why Scandinavian literature is so plodding and sad.

My usual reaction is to curl up on the couch in "seasonal-change-wait" mode and read or watch TV.  I have edited all of my recent photos and there is nothing new to play with as you can take only so many photos of birds and gray trees.  This is the season of boredom and depression.  No wonder the entire nation is arguing about guns instead of poverty and jobs or chocolate cake and wine.  (We own 2 guns, have no fear of anyone taking them, and are pro-gun control, of course.)

I got so bored a few days ago that I cleaned the two bathrooms downstairs toothbrush clean---actually using an old toothbrush at times.  Everything that wasn't bolted down was taken out and every corner was scrubbed.  Every rug was washed, every wall artwork dusted, every light fixture polished.  I threw away toothbrushes and extra lotions I hadn't used in years.  I even organized the drawers.  I turned on all the lights teasing the sun to come out.  Boy am I bored!

Then just when I was ready to start taking drugs, I woke early one morning to an unusual golden light peaking at my eyelids and saw this!  I could not contain myself, grabbed my camera and ran in slipper-socks to the dock.  My socks became heavy squishy sponges as I cross wet grass and wet wood, but the temperature was not brutally cold, just bearable.  I stood on the dock in my new white Christmas bathrobe and wet feet looking like a giant poodle with black paws and snapped away in wonder.  I even had time to look at the sky and enjoy the moment.  There were two and one was complete.

Today they are predicting snow!!  I am really excited for another change!  It seems that I will survive.  My hearing will improve.  (Oh, the prior post was about Justin Timberlake's new song "Suit and Tie.")

Senior Moments

I am eating breakfast and only listening with one ear to the news host.  I turn to hubby who is beginning to spread butter on his English muffin.

"Did she just say 'Soup and Salad'?" I ask.

Hubby turns his head toward me.  "Nope, she said 'Soup and Thai.  I am sure."

"'Soup and Thai?'"  I look at the TV screen.  "That can't be right.  That doesn't make any sense."

"Sounded like 'Soup and Thai' to me."

"Oh well, I don't buy his music anyway."  I say as I finish my coffee.

The Asylum

Yes, the retirement party was worthwhile.  The person we were honoring is one of those gems in life that those working under her weep at her departure.  She was nurturing, innovative and smart and a very close friend.

BUT I was also under social obligation to stop by my old department up several floors.

My final years I worked for the "guv'ment" in the Washington, D.C. area.  It was a service oriented job rather than research, and I was in a group where I sort of remained on the outside.  I had to bring in my own budget, and most of those I provided service to were not in the office, the building, or even the town.  So I did not work closely with those colleagues in the offices around me.  At times there was jealousy (surprise!) at my ability to have a little more independence with a budget.

But also, some days I really felt I was working in an asylum in my immediate department.  There were a handful of colleagues that were hardworking, professional and with whom I had a very collegial relationship.  Most of them moved on before me.  There were others that had serious personal problems.  #1 was emotionally unstable.  Some days she was friendly and some days she would bite your head off for no particular reason.  #2 was very competitive about her program and secretive.  I did win her over toward the end and she and I worked on a project or two successfully. #3 (the retiring program supervisor) was good at the job and did hold the unit together, but when she got bored she liked to play mind games with her staff and watch the chaos.  #5 (the new program supervisor) was treading water until his retirement and had no desire to manage anyone when he came on board and he hid in his office. #6 the office secretary was everybody's mother.   She had a million of her own life problems (money, live-in lover, divorcing son, etc.) but she always wanted to solve everyone's calamities rather than do her job.  She was out sick a LOT.  #7 also had serious mental problems.  She was cute and sweet, but behind the scenes she was frequently attaching herself to any new project and hung on for dear life trying to pretend she was making a contribution.  Once a contractor got in a shouting match with her across from my cubicle because she kept messing with his project.  She spent time telling tales on others and blowing things out of proportion.  She had a panic attack in one meeting and created a rift between another person and I that was totally unexpected until I saw how she liked to drive wedges.  She and another contractor had an ongoing feud which took up time in too many staff meetings.  When a position opened up for a promotion for her where she had criticized every prior candidate, she backed down and didn't take it, to no one's surprise.  For a full year I tried to develop a relationship with her and then just ignored her as best I could when I realized how dangerous she was.  #8 was in the cubicle near mine and I had to get her permission to use any of our major equipment such as the giant laser printer.  She was strict, demanded genuflecting, gave instructional lectures always and the only way I could get anything out of her was to praise the hell out of her....which I did.  #9 was the cleaning girl who stole food from our lunches in the kitchen.  Some days, you would be missing your lunch.

Everyone else was pretty normal and hardworking if a bit territorial which is not unusual in decades of tight government budgets.  I have maintained a close relationship we a few of these folks and we have even spent days hiking and boating after my retirement.  The night before this retirement celebration all the dysfunctional stuff I had had to deal with while trying to do my job came rushing back like a nightmare and that was the energy in the post below.

I regret that my final years were not spent in a place where people worked together with professional competitiveness but courtesy, where people had common goals, where there was some trust and sense of teamwork.  But, alas, I earned my money the hard way.

Friend's Retirement Parties

I embrace with no reservation

The peacefulness of solitude

and the songs of nature.

Yet for some too much of this

is a breathtaking loneliness

equal to waiting for death.

The mindless little chatter

of long ago acquantenances

fills me with emptyness.

Yet for some it is a

breath of oxygen

and injects lost energies.

The passing years

now clearly paint the obvious

shallowness, fear, and deception.

Yet for some it is

acceptance of imperfections

and silly weaknesses.

The hand extended still shows the scars where it was bitten,

Yet some wounds heal much better than others.

My memories are somewhat harsh

and heavy to recognize.

His memories are nostalgic

and bring surety, and perhaps,

assurance of goals met.

Are we of two imperfect worlds?

Are we of two weak minds?

We are of two imperfect worlds.

We are of two imperfect minds.

Honestly

Two updates to complicate the post below even more.  I ate out at Olive Garden last night because I wanted to support their support of their employees...and not to put too fine a point on it,  I just wanted to eat out after several weeks of cooking.  Anyway, the waitress comes to our table and asks for our drink order after we get settled.  She proceeds to sneeze into her elbow not once but twice before she can even speak.  She has been out the two prior days due to illness.

Yes, this was extremely off-putting, and if I was more religious, I would say this was a message of some kind from God.  Of course, I had to comment that I was pleased how the Darden franchise had decided to provide their employees with heath care instead of cutting hours.

She smiled ruefully and then said it was great if you could afford it.  Yes, they provided every employee with the opportunity for health coverage, but it was expensive and the coverage was minimal.  Then she said that if she didn't want it she still had to provide herself with health coverage from somewhere else by law. 

I also want to add, after talking to my husband, that my health coverage, which is taken from my pension check prior to my getting it, is also more expensive then I remembered.  My husband and I pay for single, not family, coverage as it saves us about $100 a year.   We are both on Medicare by age, but also must purchase the supplemental for coverage of what Medicare does not pay which is a lot!  We each pay $165.79 a month.  Last year it was $132.21.  This is almost a 25% increase in premium costs if my math is correct.  I could blame this on the implementation of the Affordable Health Care Act, but I am a pragmatist and think it would have gone up anyway and I do not know for what reason.  My co-pays creep up over the years as well.  Still this insurance is far less than we would pay through Part A and Part B supplimental Medicare insurance to pay for the things that the medicare basic does not cover.  It is similar to what Congress gets.

We also both carry long-term care insurance.  We would get about 3 years coverage each in a nursing home if needed and this costs us about $300 a year each.  We purchased these policies when we wer in our mid-fifties for greater savings   These are somewhat of a gamble, because in decades ahead the insurance company has to be there to pay out if needed and we are gambling that one or both of us will need to spend time in a nursing home.  Our company is large and bonded.

I took care of my mother in her last months in her own home and I took care of my Mother-in-Law in her last years in our home.  But she did have to spend a few months in a nursing home before her death when she required full time nursing care.  I just do not want my children to have to take us in if they cannot.  My father was taken in by my brother for a year before his death.  My Father-in Law spent about a year in a nursing home in Florida.

Food, Glorious Food

Mr. John Schnatter, owner of one of the largest mansions I have ever seen built by an American pastime, made news when he claimed that raising the price of his pizza by pennies would be too great a change to provide those working for him with health care, something he would be required to do under the Affordable Health Care Act.  Yes, folks this act is going to cost you more in pizza.  But if you eat lots of pizza, your health care costs are going to go up anyway.

I am willing to pay more for all types of things so that my fellow citizens can have decent health care.  It is the lower wage employees, many times the ones exposed to the worst working conditions and the most unpredictable employment stability, that are going to suffer by employers reducing their hours.  I was trying to cheer up a cashier at BJ's when he pointed out it was not the long hours but the shorter hours he was suffering from.  He was only allowed to work 24 hours a week.  I thought it was an overtime issue, but he clarified that if he put in 30 hours they would have to provide him with healthcare support.

Denny's restaurants in Florida said they would raise their meals by 5%.  Really!  I am willing to pay that during the few times I eat at Denny's.

The Darden restaurants (Olive Garden, Red Lobster, etc.) also claimed this healthcare law was just too costly and too burdensome on their business...until they found within weeks a drop in business by about 37%  when people found out and a drop in their standards of customer service when employees were spread out part-time.

Look, this national health care initiative is going to cost, but the cost will be spread out over us all and there are several provisions that tighten the waste and overspending done in hospitals and doctor's offices.

Just THINK for a minute.  Do you really want to be eat food that has been cooked, handled and served by staff who avoid seeing a doctor until the very last minute because they have no health care?  Let us be practical here and little more generous with our money.

I will watch the food industry and only eat in those places that care about the health of their employees.  You can take your own chances as you wish.

Dumber than Smart

A few years ago when I bought my HP PC they included not a single manual but a 3-foot wide foldout with graphics on how to put it together.  The limited written instructions were in a font size that could be read standing over the paper when laid out on the floor.  They they sent me online to learn how to use the PC.  That approach is most challenging if you are new to computers but it is efficient in the word arena if you need to know how to put it together.

With my Droid smartphone they gave me this many opportunities in the photo above to get it wrong and almost be reduced to tears on the day after Christmas.  The font size was 8!   How can an instrument that is primarily designed for communication get is so wrong?   Clearly they never learned the best from Cicero "When you wish to instruct, be brief; that men's minds take in quickly what you say, learn its lesson, and retain it faithfully. Every word that is unnecessary only pours over the side of a brimming mind."  Well, I have definitely brimmed here.  There are videos online that you can watch in the tiny screen to learn more.  They move very fast.  You will have to watch them enough times to memorize them and then perhaps apply.  (Anyone under 50 who is reading this, get over your miraculous selves because you WILL be here someday with some great new technology.)

I eventually went to the store where the phone was purchased and asked the 15-year-old working there if he could transfer my phone book from my old phone.  He fiddled for a while and had the same success that I did.  He took my phone to the computer and fiddled there and had more success.  I forgot to ask him to transfer the dozen photos that I had on the little pink device, but they were not important.  I purchased three screen protectors for the touch screen and a car charger and got out of there for about $40.00!  That used to be the price of a monthly phone bill so long ago.

I have had this phone since December 25 and hubby set it up so that it was ready to run on that day.  I have received exactly one call since then, and it was from my husband in a test call.   I told my husband that I really did not want this phone, but he is stubborn and probably thought I was trying to save money.  Well he was right about that as I am not sure how much more on a monthly basis this gadget will cost us.  My most recent cellular bill was 60$ more than usual, and I hope that means it included the cost of this slick pink thing.  As I said before it will be most easy to drop---compared to the files in the photo below.

I did figure out how to take a photo of someone and then add that as an icon to the favorites box for phone calls,  something hubby did not know could be done.  But he has probably 300 contacts on his phone!

Yes, I am trying to be grateful, but I would have been just as happy with a box of French chocolate truffles.

I have little use for the "APPs" except the GPS and mapping device which is like my Garmin GPS!  So, now I have two ways to get lost and two computer voices to ask me to make a U-Turn at the next available opportunity.  The game APPS are not free and who on earth can see stuff that small in order to play if you are waiting in a doctor's office?  I no longer need to carry a pocket calculator...I guess that is one of the things that will be obsolete in the future.  I do not know the difference between an APP and a WIDGET though.

If you keep your phone on off most of the time in your purse and IF you have connected to FaceBook via your phone, be aware when you boot it up that it will go back an eternity to update you on your FB notifications!!!   See the very top line in the phone screen shot below.  It does not let you know who is making these comments as it scrolls and updates, so it is less than useful.

Yes, I am trying to be grateful, but I would have been just as happy with a box (or a dozen boxes) of French chocolate truffles.

Abundance

We are both tired of the abundance that surrounds us over the holidays.

Hubby is tired of the abundance of germs that were shared by the most beautiful grandchildren in the world.  He has been coughing for days.

I am tired of the abundance of chores that must be done when one half of the partnership is down for the count.

I am tired of the abundance of calories that waited for me everywhere and I have started once again (after the second twisted ankle in late fall and the completion of the dose of weird medicine) to go forth on the elliptical.  Thank goodness this is not a New Year's resolution.

I am tired of the abundance of specialty stores in American malls.  We have not one but two 'eyebrow' stores in our city mall.

This list is just the self-indulgent list at the mall.  It will come as no surprise to my readers that I have NEVER had my eyebrows done in my life time.  At this time in my life they are thin and gray...so only hormone application would work and with my luck I would also get hair growing out of my nose and ears.

There was a store just selling olive oils and few specialty vinegars...talk about living in abundance in a world that has many going hungry each night.  (That guilt did not stop me from buying several expensive oils!)

There was an abundance of gifts in my life this year...two big ones that hubby bought me and which I did not ask for and am not sure I want.  One is a very fancy remote control movie camera (two actually) for watching animals, nannies, or neighbors when they do not know they are being photographed.  (This should just open up the world for more blog posts and perhaps resulting lawsuits.  Youtube here I come.)

The other was a smart phone.  It is thin making it very droppable.  It has a touch screen that zips and zaps and gets it right 50% of the time.  There are features upon features ... 90% of which I will never use.  After some effort I linked it to FaceBook and was a little frightened that it picked up a bunch of phone numbers from that link as well!  I bet half these people do not know that I have their phone number!   Please note that I get maybe three calls a month on my mobile phone...maybe.  Usually these calls are hubby trying to figure out where I am in the mall so that we can meet up for lunch.

The one abundance that I am always amazed about is the love of all the love-able people in my life.  I can never repay it, but that will be my New Year's resolution.

(One final abundance note is too many fruit flies...not from all the wine I have been drinking but all the fruit that went to ferment while we were gone.  I actually have one floating in the dregs of my coffee cup this morning.)

2013 Is Not an Unlucky Number

Responses to past questions in no particular order from ya'll:

Never played Angry Birds, but I do know what it is.  (I got a smart phone for Christmas, unasked for, and I am sure I will not play Angry Birds on it.  I am hoping I can just figure out how to make calls!)  The Angry Birds game in the post below was a lego-like game without the great Lego engineering behind it.

I do not know what Google Reader is and glad that I have 117 followers there--so should I shoot for 150 now?  How can I not know  about this stuff?

Regarding the malware issue, I deleted the html link from my side bar to another blogger and deleted the html link in my post to the same blogger and that got rid of my malware issue.  I still cannot go there to read her posts and I love her blog very much, so this is very frustrating!  I will try again soon.

I also cannot leave a comment on Murmurrs and I love her blog to death as well!!  I log in as Google reader, I log in as anonymous, nothing works.  I seem to have resolved The Chubby Chatterbox issue.  WILL YOU ALL PLEASE JUST STAY PUT!

On the bright side, 2013 is going to be a great year for us all...I just KNOW THAT!

Reviewing

The holiday was very nice this year.  One of those perfect ones where no one is sick, no one is grumpy, and no one has an agenda.  I will treasure it.

We got soft fuzzy things to hug, for me it was a bathrobe.

We got stuff to put on our head.

With or without tags, we really look cool.

Anyone for a game of Quidditch?

The adults got a little angry over assembly of Angry Birds.

Sometimes it was a little overwhelming.

Sometimes little animals friends went to hide under the furniture.

But it ended with the best double birthday party!

Happy

Follow Me!

All I want for Christmas (among other things money cannot buy) is 100 followers.  I am close!

I guess my blog is now safe from the malware notice that I got this morning??? I will let others know on the other blog if I get no problems later today.

Posting...or Not

I have been having trouble posting comments on a few blogs.   Murmurrs and Butler and Bagman to name two.  This may have been going on for some time because I assumed my comments were going through and I did not go back to read what I had written.  The other day I had wanted to add something and found that none of my posts were being accepted, at least to these two and maybe others.  I know that coding is becoming more individualized by bloggers, but does anyone know about this bug, and if so, found a solution?  (I tried IE and deleted all the cookies and that worked.  Mozilla is still being temperamental.  I am so depressed that all my wit and wisdom was for not lost in the Interknot!)

Now I find that Loose Leaf Notes is being blocked for Malware or something or other,no matter which broswer I use!  Sorry Colleen but Google will not let me comment!  Two bloggers forward and one backward.  Maybe this is a Mayan thing after all?

Godlessness Be Damned

As we get closer to a God-filled holiday, I am surprised, although I certainly should not be, at how many God-less situations are being pointed out to me by God-filled experts. The most recent being a justification for tragedies in schools and universities because they are God-less bastions of compromising lifestyles and philosophies, and the next at the funerals of some of the school victims where church-goers were protesting their Godlessness.

As my readers know I am not a religious person. I am not an agnostic or an atheist either. I am someone on a journey always looking for God-fullness and answers in religious and non-religious events alike.  I do not see God in my likeness but as a magnificent power or energy inside all living things, yet I do not see myself as a pantheist. I would never have the hubris to point out places where God does not exist.   But I am bold enough to say that I think God is goodness and God is everywhere.  God is the quiet and tiny.   God is sometimes the bold and loud. God is ALWAYS EVERYWHERE and we abandon God, God does not abandon us.  I do not think God is an evangelist demanding loyalty and creating punishment for those who stray.  We create our own punishment.  God is the softest act you will ever know seducing you into loyalty.  He is like the poet's (Autry) son who in his autistic struggle in this world caught not one but dozens of butterflies and hummingbirds in his child-hands in slow wonderment, named them and then set them free in love.

I see IT/God in the face of a child whose life was shortened by violence. I see IT in the eye of the whale. I see IT in the dance of youth at a party. I see IT in the hands of a nurse removing blood streaked gloves. I see IT in the bent and gnarled body of an old woman crossing the street. I see IT in all the music that man has created and invented. I see this power for goodness in the poetry I read. I see it in all the colored lights we string and all the candles we light when man celebrates any God-filled holiday anywhere in the world.  For that brief moment we concentrate outside ourselves.   I also see God in the anger and discouragement of mankind.  IT is hidden inside behind the fire waiting to be seen. 

I see IT when we sigh and forgive ourselves for our mistakes each year and promise ourselves a better year.  There sits God deep inside our soul waiting for us to recognize IT and not give up hope.

Got Your Attention, Didn't It?

I have had a mild infection that I have been unable to shake for weeks and I finally demanded help from a local Physicians Assistant since my doctor (well THAT is a whole other story) will be fired by me this month.  I am now on a drug that has the following uses:

"is used to prevent anthrax (a serious infection that may be spread on purpose as part of a bioterror attack) and  is also sometimes used to prevent or treat travelers' diarrhea and plague (a serious infection that may be spread on purpose as part of a bioterror attack)."  Were these explanations on labels years ago?  Do the U.S. embassies have this in their stock?  It also has not one but two black box warnings from the FDA.  Whatever THAT means.  I kept thinking of black boxes in airplanes as I read this.

The tablets are accompanied by a rather dense brochure.  This drug also has the following dangers:  "sudden pain, snapping or popping sound, bruising, swelling, tenderness, stiffness, or loss of movement in any of your joints."  It is that "snapping or popping sound" warning that makes me more than nervous in taking this.  No popcorn or fires in the fireplace tonight.

The above is, of course, in addition to a whole slew of possible reactions you would never want to happen to your worst enemy ever.

There, now aren't you feeling much, much better about your current problems?

Waves on the Water

This is how one email begain when I opened my inbox today:

This was a hard day telling Michael about what happened before knowing names. He is handling it well by asking thoughtful questions and knows that there are kids in heaven with Orazio(grandfather), Ricardo (horse), Elmo (fish), and his hermit crab.

Michael is the grandson of a friend of mine who just earlier that week attended a birthday party of one of the children who was killed in the tragedy at the elementary school and who also attended CCD (Catholic school) classes at his church taught by the mother of the same child.  The wife of my friend who sent this email, who is also a friend of ours, is a nurse and was at the hospital working with a father, a NICU Physicians Assistant who has save so many babies lives, when he learned that his daughter had been shot at the school.  This is the little blonde girl whose face has appeared in so many news stories.  These tragic waves keep on expanding.

This is such a tough holiday season for us all.  I took an unplanned trip up to see my grandchildren on Sunday...just to hug them and see them.

Early Warming?

It is totally amazing to me that I had roses to pick a few days ago to add to some Christmas decorations that are on my dining table.  I also noticed this morning that some trees are beginning to have small buds swelling in anticipation.  This is so frightening to me as I do think we must have some cold weather ahead.  If we do not, how odd spring will seem in early March!  Which plants will survive this change, which birds and insects will be caught off guard and flying around somewhere they should not be?

Words...just Words

You can ask why?  No one will give you an answer that makes any sense.

You can ask how?  No untangled web will lead to the path of what the pattern meant.

You can ask what next?  Take one step and then breathe and then take the next step and then breathe.

The breathing hurts, I know.  It is harsh and sharp.

The first step feels as if there is no ground beneath your foot.

You may fall, but pick yourself up.

Reach for that nearby hand, it is firm and warm.

Take the next step.

You are part of the tapestry of this life.

Your presence helps keep it all from unraveling.

You are important.  Please stay strong.

To the Rest of the World...We Are Not as Crazy as We Seem...Maybe.

(Note:  This event and the writing about it happened days before the Oregon tragedy.)

I had a list...somewhere...I thought...looking for that wrinkled yellow paper torn from my notepad and now lying hidden beneath a wallet, a small camera, hand lotion, a pocket calendar, and stale gum deep in the bottom of my purse.  I must use the list or I will kick into that addictive mode where I keep buying gifts for loved ones as if that could make them love me more or longer.  I MUST STICK TO THE LIST!

I look around the mall filled with dazed shoppers and resigned children carrying bags of all shapes and sizes.  Down the center of the mall are young minimum wage employees standing expectantly outside their kiosks wishing to dab something on my hand or allow me to play with some automated toy.  They stand intensely watching for potential customers or absently texting wishing they were anywhere but here before displays of woven scarves or silver jewelry or brightly colored cell-phone cases.  I silently say a prayer (to whomever) that they make it through the season with a little more money than they had hoped for.  They deserve some reward after spending days rubbing lotion on old ladies hands.

Sighing to myself,  I have given up on the list.  I do remember my son asking for shirts and sweaters in medium and I turn to hubby and direct him away from watching some flying toy toward the large department store at the very end of the mall.  It will be a trek and an obstacle course, but we will get there.

Surprisingly, the men's clothing section in the back of the store is not in total disarray.  Shelves are neat and reasonably full of stock.  Some of the sale prices are very good.  I peruse tables avoiding the cream cheese golf look and the expensive European brands and turn toward the edgier clothing to match my son's 'rock star' personality.  After all, he texted yesterday that he will be opening for Sublime with Rome...whoever in the hell they are!  Striped shirts with thin bright bands or shiny black buttons which I match to a more subdued but very soft pullover sweater are my selections.

As I turn toward the checkout a tall woman about my age is standing just to my left.  She turns to the (Indian/Pakistani?) girl behind the counter and asks if the shirt she is holding out is more blue or more purple.  The girl hesitates and then answers "Purple" with a distinct un-American accent.  Then the woman pulls up a bright lime green shirt, and looking at both the girl and I, asks if we think it is too bright.  The girl demures clearly not sure what answer her customer is looking for.

I think her question is naive, but I tactlessly respond.  "Depends on the personality of the man you are giving it to.  Is he bold with personality or more conservative?"   She doesn't answer but tucks the shirt under her arm and then turns to me again with the blue/purple shirt and asks if I think it is blue or periwinkle.  I want to explain that looking at colors under store lighting is very deceptive, but being the photographer that I like to think I am, I boldly state that it has a little more purple in it and is probably closer to periwinkle.

I place my selections on the counter and hand the girl my credit card.

"I do not know what color is periwinkle," she smiles as she begins to scan the bar codes of my selections.

The tall, solidly built woman approaches the counter behind my husband and I, and looks around the store commenting that there is a lot of stock that still has to be moved by the holidays.  I respond that I have seen some stores that do not seem to have so much inventory and appear to be playing it more carefully.

Hubby says something about the recession and something else that I do not hear about the economy as I finish my check-out.  The woman responds to him with some comment I miss and he looks at a loss for words.  I grab my bags of clothes and turn to leave as the woman leans in close to hubby's ear and says something to him in a low voice.

As we are leaving the store and out of her hearing, I ask him what she said.

He takes a deep breath, "When all the goodies are gone, just make sure you have your gun loaded and ready."

And yet, she had looked so absolutely normal.

Continuing with the Holidays

I have little to add this week as I am up to my eyes in Christmas wrapping paper and there seems to be various amounts of scotch tape in my hair that I cannot get out.  I have misplaced the scissors once again yet I know they are somewhere here on the floor where I am sitting under tags and ribbons and boxes.  I refuse to get up and look around, because at my age getting up off the floor requires and Act of Congress and I find it almost impossible to get back down again.

Speaking of Congress no one from there sent me a single Christmas card!  And I did send a number of those folks money this past year.  But I got a 'BUNCH' of cards from the White House--each time asking me for money and I thought my candidate of choice had won that election?  Anyway, I thought I would share two of my favorites that came in the mail.  No matter who is in office I always love their pets!

The Annual Visitor

There it sits with patience, or is it insolence, in a dark corner of the basement.  Plastic green sheeting with bright red handles protects it from dust and mice droppings.  Every year it gains weight.  What does it eat down here?  It has melded into its little corner with such fossilized determination and like a big fat dog it fights our every tug and pull to break it free from other large unidentifiable objects.

Finally it falls between us with a soft whoosh like a beached green whale just inches from our toes.  Hubby lifts the heavy end and I lift the other heavy end.  We both grunt and groan and wonder if we really want to do this.  Every year we put off the task until we reach a tipping point in time.  The lump gets bumped and dragged past the covered unused dining room table, past the antique doll house and over the threshold toward the stairs.  This is where we wipe our brows and put our courage to the sticking place.  At our age this could be a life or death decision.

With hands tightly grabbing canvas and stitched pulls we drag it ever so slowly over each wooden step up to the main floor using our (my) body weight to prevent it from running back down the stairs and taking me with it.  At the main level it is like a heavy dust mop as we pull it down the hallway.  It accordians various throw rugs until it reaches the designated place: the bay window.  This means we no longer have a place to eat breakfast.

We should feel successful at this juncture, but an even greater effort and struggle awaits us our expended energies.  We catch our breath.

Hidden in the dense plastic branches, there are green tips to match green holes, red tips to match red holes and black tips which are impossible to see to match anything.   Then buried deeper in the darkness of the plastic pine needles, there are numerous male and female plugs, so many that we have never been able to count them all.  One year long ago when I was determined I labeled them AA, BB, CC, DD.  We have never again found the DDs in the dense green.  There is one string of lights that no longer lights (perhaps related to the DDs) and we must add our own little string across that area.

After an hour in which we do not swear because it IS the holiday season, we have a perfectly symmetrical plastic tree in place.  It does not smell of pine, but smells of age and mildew, a perfect tree for old people.  We tweak the ends of various wire branches turned inward like the bowed head of a timid dog that has been subdued by its master and does not want to be here.  Then we decorate each branch in red and gold glass ornaments because it is an adult tree with sophistication and no whimsy as all the family ornaments have been given to the children now that they have their own homes. 

Once it is lit sharing all its glory we remember why we go through this every year.  It cleans up pretty good and so does my floor!