The Big Day

Eventually the big day arrived. We got up early to head to the country club to deliver cookies, the arbor (homemade by the father of the bride--SUCH a do-it-yourselfer) and the sashes and buttons.  The bride taught everyone how to tie on the sashes which were purchased and how to add the buttons (homemade by the mother of the bride).  We had 165 chairs to cover!

We walked around outside to decide the exact placement of the arbor and tree table and the aisle for the chairs which were to be put out by the rental company in the early afternoon.  Two tents, one for the string quartet and one for the soloist, were already up.  Then the 'girls' were off to get their hair and faces done.

Some of us looked much better than others.

Some of us were fascinated with our new shoes.

But at weddings, once the show is underway, we are all beautiful.  I took so few pictures, because as the mother of the groom I really did want to take time and enjoy the ceremony.  My small point and shoot camera was acting up in the humidity and so got only this blurred photo of my daughter.

And above it the ring bearer, the flower girl and the animal rights activist...all my grandchildren from the sweet lady above.

...and the handsome groom waiting for the bride.

The happy married couple exchanging vows.

The centerpieces were wine bottles that had been saved with wine cork votives.  The flowers were simple but elegant in a fresh way.

And then we danced till...the DJ went home.  He was a great DJ and got everyone out on the floor.  Below in the last photo is hubby and son putting on some moves.  No photos of me, I am waiting for someone to send me some that show the dress.  But thus far just one portrait that doesn't show hair or dress.  The mother of the groom is not a photo opp it appears!

As an aside, hubby's suit jacket and tie were off by the third dance!

The Devil Is Too Dumb to Mess with the Details When I am in Charge

(I will post this today although I am in an extremely angry and sad mood.  Another murderer has gone free and I do want to caution all parents of teenagers to make sure they get only slightly tanned this summer, to not wear that new sports hoody if a cooler breeze from a storm comes up, to not take any shortcuts on their way home, to not confront someone who asks if they are where they should be while shopping, to not attempt to defend themselves if a vigilante person pulls a gun (which he no doubt did), and to make sure they call the more erudite friend on the phone if they want a witness and advice on the altercation prior to their death.  Do not doubt that it is now open season on young black men by those who want to hunt them down, because if you have been robbed by a black man, then all are suspect.)

Okay, take a deep breath, and lets get back to documenting this wedding for posterity.

I lucked out big time on this new daughter-in-law and her very nice parents.  You cannot pick your relatives nor can you pick the relatives of the daughter your son marries, but these folks are the salt of the earth and just plain good.  All of the extended family seems to follow that pattern.  They are also big do-it-yourselfers.  They know the value of a dollar and do not waste a penny.

Thus the rehearsal dinner (for which we were responsible) was held at a rustic Pavilion in a state park.  At the suggestion of my son's in-laws we selected an Italian deli to provide the food.  This meant they did not serve...just provided big boxes of food and serving utensils.  We were responsible for dishes, utensils, glasses, napkins, etc.  There were 80 people invited to the dinner and about 65 showed up.  I have to admit that while I am not rich, I am not poor, and tend to want to just write a check if I am giving a party for 80 people.  But this was not meant to be.  The food arrived in what are called 'hot boxes' and have to be carefully placed over warming trays filled with water that sit above heating candles.  The relatives did most of this while I was doing something else...decorating the room.  (I am not in this photo although I wish I was that thin.)

I put on my moving sandals (the gal above is the sister of the bride) and spent the better part of the evening decorating.  We covered the picnic tables with some marvelous green paper (exactly matched one of the brides colors) that is used by metal workers to protect their floors and was purchased at the MIL's office.  I had purchased country flowers which we place in mason jars that the parents had from another event.  They had some lovely rustic lanterns that had come from a friend's wedding and we used those also.

This rustic sign was placed to direct folks from the parking lot and I smeared the names to remain anonymous.

Lemonade and iced tea were made and placed in beautiful serving containers on end tables, sodas were placed in coolers that had been filled with ice and we turned on the fridge in the pavillion for more space for cold water and salad and fruit trays.  The park did not allow alcohol which was a little disappointment to the beer and wine fans, but not a terrible sacrifice as the food was wonderful.  We had stuffed pasta shells, BBQ pork, lemon chicken, baked beans, cheese potatoes, mixed green salad and mixed fruit salad.  Homemade cookies and bakery purchased pastries were placed on platters for dessert.  Yes, I did spend time replacing the large aluminum trays of food when they were emptied and we did do some juggling to get them over their warming trays without burning ourselves, but we all survived.  One of the aunties worked part time as a caterer and she and her husband were the perfect helpmates.

There were several full trays of food left over and I had asked the bride's family if they had a food pantry that would take prepared food.  They went me one better.  The next day they delivered the food to a good sized family shelter!  The shelter was so pleased to be getting so much good food that they said it would last several days and they would be eating really well. 

The rains came and went ever so lightly, but we were mostly inside.  The bugs were nasty out by the parking gate and the gatekeepers (we had reserved parking but most people tried to ignore the sign!) used lots of OFF which did not seem to help much.   One of the bouncers (actually a guest) came all the way from Scotland, can you tell who in the photo below?  In the Pavilion, which was screened,we remained bug free.

Good food, good people and only one late best man to the rehearsal dinner which made for a lovely rehearsal dinner evening all in all.

If You Are Getting Married, Remember the Dirt!

More than ready, I had packed everything, including the new summer wear that I had purchased at the Dressbarn.  (I only shop at the most fancy places.)  I had gone to the big mall, but the high end shops did not have anything that appealed to me.  Instead I bought a black and emerald green Capri pants and top set that looked pretty good with my newly smaller figure.  (I lost only a little weight, but with Spanx I looked better than I had hoped.)  I also bought a bright orange outfit for the rehearsal dinner which was a BBQ at a state park.  In the event that you did not get the memo...oranges and blue greens are the 'in' color this year.  It was hard to find anything in other colors!

Son had to ride up with us and could not leave from work earlier than 4:30 in the afternoon which meant we faced a 6.5 hour drive in the evening.  Shortly as we were heading out of the city, the bride texted Son about an errand.  Son turned to Dad and asked if he brought the 'dirt.'   I looked at hubby's blank expression.

"Remember, Dad, I asked you to bring some dirt from the yard."

"Dirt?" I responded.  "Why do you need dirt?"

Hubby continued to look blank.  Hubby is not a good person for details.

"The Union Ceremony," son replied.

I gave him a confused look.

"You know, like lighting the candle?  We are planting a tree."

I began to feel like I had missed a good part of this wedding ceremony already.   Should have I packed garden shoes and gear instead of the jewel toned summer wear?

Well, we did not have any dirt from the yard and were already an hour and a half from our home.  Son had not grown up or even lived in our current home, anyway.  So, hubby, who is a master at fixing his forgetfulness, left the freeway and pulled into a side street by a small stream that ran by the high school where son went so many years ago.  I had clean doggie doo-doo bags in the glove compartment which had been useful for grandchild baby diapers.  We pulled far off the road and Son went tromping along the weeds down to the stream and collected dirt into the little bag and was soon back in the car and we were once again on our way.

No pre-wedding jitters from him as you can see in the photo above.  He slept most of the way, hubby drove, and I took photos of the changing weather front across Pennsylvania, hoping it would settle down in the coming days for the outdoor wedding. 

We got in just before midnight and the bride-to-be picked Son up at our hotel to take him back to her parents home about five miles away, which is a bit of a modern arrangement, is it not?  We checked in and found our room through the mouse maze of a newly remodeled hotel and collapsed on our beds for a restorative sleep before the busy days ahead.

This "tree planting" union ceremony glitch was not yet over, though.  The next day we discovered that the Mom and Dad of the bride had purchased a tree at the local greenery.  It was the smallest one they could find and was over 4 feet tall.  Too tall to place on a side table at the ceremony.  You can see the tree table just behind the bridesmaids in this photo.  Not a good idea for a large tree!

Eventually it was decided that they would dig up a burning bush that had been replanted from her grandmother's yard the year before.  It was very healthy.  It was the right size.  It came from her 90-year-old grandmother's yard AND from her parents yard.  We could work with that symbolism.  You can just see it between the two bridesmaids on the left of your computer screen in the above photo.  I will briefly explain another glitch was the rains at the in-laws house had forced an ant nest into the bush pot and we had to contend with that before bringing the plant to the ceremony by soaking the whole thing in water for a few hours.  (I really should have packed garden gear and clothes!)

Now if I can just keep it alive in these torrential downpours until they return from the honeymoon...

Exhaling

The mother-of-the-groom is back, her house is empty of relatives, the wedding photos are waning on FB from all the friends of the bride and groom, tons of food has been eaten in both states, and people are finished with reviewing how - beautiful, cute, funny, energetic, loving, young-looking, young-acting, well-behaved, wonderful - everyone was.

Back at the house only one argument hot conversation ensued on a conservative/progressive review of how education is handled by public and private institutions.  It was between a brother and brother-in-law, and they both were actually in agreement on about 90% of the argument, but couldn't see that.  It flared and the fire died and the rest of the visit went without incident. 

The bride and groom are landing in Australia as I write this...both for some snorkeling/diving on the Great Barrier Reef...then touring other parts of the country and ending up in Sydney.  They are taking three cameras...so I get to live vicariously in a few weeks.

Today I have about 60 loads of laundry to do and hope to get back into an exercise routine...although I no longer have the motivation of fitting into the fancy dress.  Photos?  You are asking  for photos?  I did not take any of myself, but maybe someone will post one or two soon.  Soon, after I have adjusted to the landing, I will write about the glitches and stitches that come with a wedding ceremony with 100's of details.

Where Did I Leave That Guidebook

I was sitting watching the movie "Lost in Translation" on television this week.  (I had vacuumed and mopped the kitchen floor, washed the cupboards, made cookies, cooked some marinated pork for later easy BBQ...all for the impending company and I needed a movie break.)  I had seen this movie originally at the theater years ago and fell in love with it at that time.  It is so well written and acted and so different from what one expects in a love story.  If you have ever been on a business trip to a foreign country or traveled with your spouse on such a trip or spent time on lay over in a country where you are killing time, this movie so expresses that lost feeling and that time for re-evaluation of where you are in living your life.  I have been to Japan several times for various reasons and all of the scenes in this movie reminded me of those trips in some way.

Trying to figure it all out, trying to absorb the culture, trying to understand the culture, trying not to be so homesick, trying not to be so different, and being away from your familiar home as if on another planet and feeling a misfit and re-viewing what you want out of life and what decisions you have made thus far is kind of what what this movie is all about.  The lead man is Bill Murray playing an over-the-hill actor who has adjusted to fame and wealth, but is at that time in his life where he can see the world through the un-rose colored glasses.  He sees people as they are and with casual humor moves through each day with equanimity.  The lead woman is Scarlett Johansson who throws a wrench in that movement.  I do not know if this was her first big movie, but I had never seen her before in anything and her charisma  and charm and earthiness is all over the place.  She plays the young end of the lost generation.  She has followed her famous singer husband to Japan and finds herself spending most of her time waiting for him in a hotel room and trying to find herself.  These actors could not have been better cast.  They both come across as real people who through no fault of their own find themselves living in some exotic artificial emptiness and who are able to find each other in that maze growing toward a solid friendship.  It is far from a traditional love story.

Well, perhaps, I have not made this movie sound as interesting as it is.  It is all about values, self-awareness, shallowness, and people who are 'stuck'.  We have all been there and most of us survive that period, and some of us jump off a cliff and find ourselves face down on the concrete. 

Guess what?  I think that this is my first movie review!

Follow-up

As a follow-up to my post below, it appears my blogroll on my sidebar is now working.  Do not know what the on/off glitch was yesterday.   So the death of Google Reader is not to be mourned.

Technology Tweaking is Tantamount to Torture

Well, I ignored all the news blurbs on Google Reader and the concerns by select bloggers recently, because I try to keep my internet social activities to a minimalist experience when discussing coding.  I have not felt any need to make my blog commercial or to make sure it is discovered by many readers.  In my cases and with my subject matter, that effort usually results in more spam rather than more insightful comments from new readers who do not have the advantage of a depth of experience with me.  Yes, stunning writers capture you at "Hello," but writers such as I have to grow on you a bit.  I get less Zen and more Zeitgeist if I try to be innovative in a technological way.

Years ago when I taught HTML to myself just to get through web development at my job, I was glad to be nearing retirement and more able to ignore each new version and change and added acronyms such as XML!  I was the go-to person for many software projects, but it was all a false front because we were the blind leading the blind, and most of us had other things we wanted to accomplish with or without the ever changing technology.

So, is this death of Google Reader, which is something I do not really understand, some type of RSS feed that affects the setting on my Blogs I Follow feed that I set up under Google Blogger years ago?  Is this why I can no longer get new blog post feeds from my blog pals and scroll and select as I did in the past sometimes and can get it other times?

Yes, I get post updates if I go to the Blogger dashboard behind my blog page and peruse the Reading list that falls below...but I am not sure this includes all the blogs I now follow.  What about those under a different service?

I have a wedding to go to and do not have time for this falderal (not a code).  It is like all of the blogs that I follow have fallen behind the iron curtain of coding.  Is this what I deserve for getting this for free for so many years and for naively believing it would continue forever?  I need to be archiving select posts!!

Compulsions

I think we all have them.  Whether we are born with them or they come about because of our lives, we feel compelled to do something a certain way at a certain time.  We react in a certain way to certain people.  Some compulsions are stronger than others.  Some people can control their compulsions...but  if they are accepted by society, some of us find we must do them or explode.

My compulsion is cleaning and beautifying.  I can live in a fairly messy, dusty house for months on end, but if company is coming I must get every dust bunny and streak and errant article of clothing out of sight.  If company is coming to stay...and if company is family...then I cannot control my whirling dervish energy dust bunny.  Yes, I can get a little testy during these times, but I think I try to realize that others are not as crazed with such goals as I, and I let them go cower somewhere until I am back to normal.

For instance, I took the leaf blower and blew our the garage yesterday.  But that was not enough, because I then attached an ammonia cleanser to the hose and washed down the inside windows, the garage door, the garage floor and the steps to the house.  I straightened all the garage shelves and garden shoe and boot piles and assorted odds and ends by the entry.  Yes, I could have rearranged all the shelves in the garage and not just the most visible and really do it up proud, but I found my finished work acceptable.

As my 'fans' know (and the rest will have to catch up) I will be leaving for the wedding soon and bringing relatives back to the empty house after five days away.  This presents a challenge regarding food.  What can I prepare ahead of time and leave in freezer or fridge?  Do I arrange the cut flowers for the bedrooms before I go, or will they all be wilted and petal-dropped when I return.  Thus, do I make a quick cutting trip to the garden while guests unpack on the late afternoon of our return?  Perhaps, since I am an early riser, I can cut and arrange small bouquets the next morning before breakfast?  I have checked the soaps and shampoos and conditioners.

I will have laundered every single floor rug that can be washed.  The rest are vacuumed to within an inch of their nap.  Yesterday I hose washed the outside of all the windows and showered away the webs in corners.

Today I will select the CDs that are most appropriate for dining and pleasant conversation and have them ready in the player for our return.  I have purchased a case of red and a case of white wine, a little more expensive than the wine I buy for myself.  I need to buy beer, but am at a loss, as I don't drink it.

Now I am wondering if I should go through my shoes and straighten those...just kidding.

Some of us have compulsions of a more personal nature...like watching that television series at a certain time, arranging the remote and coffee cup just so each morning,  combing their little boys hair in a certain way before he races outdoors, feeding the cat the exact homemade food formula, or insisting on sorting and reading the mail/newspaper first in the household.  Think about it a minute.  What are your compulsions? 

The Devil is Always in the Details

Regarding my prior post, please note that I am old enough to know that drawing battle lines over this wedding issue helps no one.  Least of all me!  My brother is the sweetest most hardworking and loving guy!  He is a really good looking and tremendous man and his first marriage was a disaster with a woman who cheated on him!.  Seriously, I had better never meet that witch face to face in the future or there will be blood...hers!

Therefore, I am frustrated that this second marriage is far less than he deserves.  But I will not point this out to him...or anyone else.  I just had to point it out to you-all.  His wife is not a bad person.  Who knows what her childhood was like with divorced parents?

Anyway, got my wedding haircut today and it is a little shorter than I hoped, but she spent 45 minutes and really layered it and it is probably the best haircut I have had in years.  Cost $50...which is more than the $12 I usually pay at the walk-in, but worth it.  Maybe I will post a photo of me at the wedding, if I can get someone else behind the camera lens.  I probably cannot post wedding photos as those are copyrighted.

We are driving my son up after work next week three days before the wedding as his car cannot make the trip.  (There is another story in that!)  Since it is a 6 hour drive, we will not be getting in until midnight.

My son has said absolutely nothing about the mother/son dance which concerns me a little.  I guess we are going to wing it.  Pray that we look divine as I can dance well only with a strong lead!

I have finalized the rehearsal dinner number at 80...but since most guests are coming from out of town, that is not unusually large.  It is a BBQ on a beach catered by a BBQ place selected by my future DIL since this is in a town where her parents live.  When I had first called them months ago, they thought I had said the 3rd of July...not the 4th.  When I called again last week, they said they were closed on the 4th!  Yes, I had a mini-heart attack...but they said they could do it if I was willing to pay holiday overtime.  I threw caution to the wind and said I was...thinking this might add hundreds to the bill.  She said overtime would cost $50.  Don't you just love doing things outside the big city? 

I do think Son has picked a '+10' when it comes to his bride-to-be.  We really lucked out on that and I could not be happier for him!  I will next look forward to my grand-children's weddings...and yes, I do expect to be here for that!

Family!

Family!  I think that the best of us, and the worst of us is brought forward at weddings and funerals.  I love each of my brothers (2) and my sister (1) and my dearly departed sister (1) tremendously.  I like my brother-in-law; I like my sister-in-law; and I tolerate with patience my other sister-in law.  None of us are perfect and we all come from various backgrounds and relationships, and if you love someone you tolerate those they love.  I am lucky in that I do not live too close, and therefore, find it easy to keep my opinions to myself. 

When I used to fly out to visit them, I would have to stop by my "baby" brother's house, because he could never get away to see me the entire week I was there at my parents farm only 8 miles away.  He would fix me and my husband a lovely dinner and we would visit and enjoy each others' company.  His wife would never be there, though.  She was always off visiting friends or doing something vague which never was clear in my mind.  Years later I learned that her first child had arrived her Senior years in high school and resulted in a quick wedding that did not last.  She never went to college but I really think she never wanted to.  One marriage and two more children later, she married my brother.  That was when I believed her insecurity at being with us college educated types without such divorce histories was her reason for avoiding us.  I went out of my way to make her feel I was not judgmental in any way and made sure that she understood I thought her three children from two prior marriages were shining examples of good people...which they really are!  Yes the first two have illegitimate children and have never married, but they are basically good solid folk.  The last (under my brother's stronger influence) did make it through college without getting pregnant and seems to have a solid relationship with someone and without children at this time.

Anyway, the stimulus for this diatribe post is my brother's public comment on FB (not the private messaging venue) that he did not have a suit for my son's upcoming wedding.  I thought he was joking and we commented back and forth over a few days until I finally explained that a shirt and tie would make him more comfortable than those in suits sitting in the late afternoon summer sun...the wedding is outside and a suit was not compulsory. 

Now this week, just 12 days before the wedding he PUBLICLY comments on FB that there is a 'snag' in their plans to fly out for the wedding and the later drive to my house.  The dog sitter they had arranged for could not come and they hope to find one that "they approve of" before they have to leave!  He has never come out to see me in all the years I have lived on the East Coast except for my daughter's wedding ten years ago.  Although I have been to visit him at least three times since then.  I do love him, but think this is all someone else's insecurities coming forward.  I think someone does not want to spend time with all the in-laws and is hoping she will not have to.  Unfortunately, even her first born son had said to me years ago that she is a very selfish and self-centered person. 

Do I sound just a little annoyed?  Well, I am.  This  is not a big deal to anyone, but me, of course.  OK, got it off my chest, now I can enjoy this wedding.