Today is not a day for going outside!
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
Tying Up the loose ends
I have cleaned out the refrigerator of leftovers and sent Dad shopping for some essentials. I have changed the bedding one last time. I am checking prescriptions, supplies,etc. to make sure that we have enough stuff for at least another week or so.
My brother is going to be with her on Thursday when I leave and through Friday. I hope that his wife comes with him--she is semi-retired. Then my sister will be here on the weekend. Mom is now in a little pain from her tush beginning to get a rash. She moans and groans in her sleep. This is the hard part of caring for someone, keeping their skin from breaking down.
She is in the wheelchair for more moves. It works much better, but the trade-off is that her legs will now get weaker.
I get ot head back east--weather here today was high 60's and sunny. Back east looks miserable. Windy, cold and snowy. UGH!
My brother is going to be with her on Thursday when I leave and through Friday. I hope that his wife comes with him--she is semi-retired. Then my sister will be here on the weekend. Mom is now in a little pain from her tush beginning to get a rash. She moans and groans in her sleep. This is the hard part of caring for someone, keeping their skin from breaking down.
She is in the wheelchair for more moves. It works much better, but the trade-off is that her legs will now get weaker.
I get ot head back east--weather here today was high 60's and sunny. Back east looks miserable. Windy, cold and snowy. UGH!
My Final Week
This is the beginning of my last week before I head back home and try to repair what control I have lost over my job. I feel relief to be coming to an end of my responsibilities, I feel guilt because although my mother gets weaker each day, the more difficult role is going to have to fall to my siblings. I am anxious knowing that I will soon be back this way for a funeral. I am angry at myself for not being stronger in all of this. I live the farthest away and this transistion is going to be the easiest for me, since I don't see my mother more often than once a year.
Today may be the day we have to transition to using the wheel-chair to get back and forth to the bathroom. Her legs work most of the time, but sometimes she cannot move them and she almost collapses. I stand close behind her and am ready to grab her if needed. She is somewhat heavy, so I honestly don't know if I could do anything except slow her collapse.
Last week my Dad was talking about the doctor's diagnosis being inaccurate. I think he thought she was going to die in a matter of weeks and now that she has lasted almost two months, he was keeping some hope. But this week he is seeing her get weaker. She now is getting pain in her side as well. I am giving her over the counter pain pills as the nurse said we could start with the small stuff.
My sister wants me to handle any funeral research. I did this with my youngest sister when she died, but I had her husband to work with. Now I have to try to call the funeral homes nearby and get information all on my own. Mom has already said she wants to be cremated and she doesn't want a funeral at the cemetery. That leaves decisions on a memorial service. While she has lived in this small town for decades, most of her friends have preceded her in death. So, I don't know who the memorial service would be for except family. I think that two of her sisters that are living are too old to travel to the service as well.
Of course in the back of my mind is that in a short time (hopefully years) I will be doing something like this for my dad.
When does the upside of living start again?
Today may be the day we have to transition to using the wheel-chair to get back and forth to the bathroom. Her legs work most of the time, but sometimes she cannot move them and she almost collapses. I stand close behind her and am ready to grab her if needed. She is somewhat heavy, so I honestly don't know if I could do anything except slow her collapse.
Last week my Dad was talking about the doctor's diagnosis being inaccurate. I think he thought she was going to die in a matter of weeks and now that she has lasted almost two months, he was keeping some hope. But this week he is seeing her get weaker. She now is getting pain in her side as well. I am giving her over the counter pain pills as the nurse said we could start with the small stuff.
My sister wants me to handle any funeral research. I did this with my youngest sister when she died, but I had her husband to work with. Now I have to try to call the funeral homes nearby and get information all on my own. Mom has already said she wants to be cremated and she doesn't want a funeral at the cemetery. That leaves decisions on a memorial service. While she has lived in this small town for decades, most of her friends have preceded her in death. So, I don't know who the memorial service would be for except family. I think that two of her sisters that are living are too old to travel to the service as well.
Of course in the back of my mind is that in a short time (hopefully years) I will be doing something like this for my dad.
When does the upside of living start again?
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Lessons Learned
You spend a lot of time watching television shows that you wouldn't normally watch.
ET can milk a stupid story for more than a week. They repeat stuff at least 50% of the time. So, including previews and commercials and repeats only about 10% of the show is original.
Shows such as Price Is Right and Judge Judy have some very sad and desperate people on them. This is America and I am not surprised the Bush got re-elected now.
Sports figures make way too much money and frequently don't deliver.
Elderly people have very specific routines and usually for very good reasons, but it will take a few mistakes to figure this out.
My parents are very frugal. They can bend a penny sideways and that is why after years of mostly social security, they are financially secure.
People in small towns fit the stereotype of friendliness with strangers. They are very nice and courteous. They ask how your holiday was, make eye contact and actually seem to like people contact.
When taking care of an older weak person, you think that you are spending a lot of time sitting and eldersitting. Yeah, right, just try and watch a movie or read a book!
It doesn't take too many days to begin to appreciate having that second cup of coffee and not having to rush out the door.
Brothers and sisters (at least mine) are worth twice their weight in gold. I may disagree with my mother on things, but she sure raised her kids well!
Bodily functions are not as difficult to deal with as one imagines.
Bronc Busters now wear helmets and what looks like a flack jacket.
Time waits for no man or woman.
ET can milk a stupid story for more than a week. They repeat stuff at least 50% of the time. So, including previews and commercials and repeats only about 10% of the show is original.
Shows such as Price Is Right and Judge Judy have some very sad and desperate people on them. This is America and I am not surprised the Bush got re-elected now.
Sports figures make way too much money and frequently don't deliver.
Elderly people have very specific routines and usually for very good reasons, but it will take a few mistakes to figure this out.
My parents are very frugal. They can bend a penny sideways and that is why after years of mostly social security, they are financially secure.
People in small towns fit the stereotype of friendliness with strangers. They are very nice and courteous. They ask how your holiday was, make eye contact and actually seem to like people contact.
When taking care of an older weak person, you think that you are spending a lot of time sitting and eldersitting. Yeah, right, just try and watch a movie or read a book!
It doesn't take too many days to begin to appreciate having that second cup of coffee and not having to rush out the door.
Brothers and sisters (at least mine) are worth twice their weight in gold. I may disagree with my mother on things, but she sure raised her kids well!
Bodily functions are not as difficult to deal with as one imagines.
Bronc Busters now wear helmets and what looks like a flack jacket.
Time waits for no man or woman.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
A New Connection
My siblings all came over for a family dinner on Sunday. Lots of good sausage, egg pasta, salad, garlic bread, gorgonzola polenta and even chicken! Ice cream for those who had room for dessert.
My sister-in-law helped dye my hair while the rest of the family watched the Green Bay/Vikings game. It was interesting having her help as we have not had a chance to get to know each other well. So there are some good things that come out of bad things.
Then since one of my brother's old laptops that I was using as a dial-up access quit on me, my brother gave me his Apple laptop and set up a dial-up even though this is wireless. Since his OS is more up-to-date, I can now blog from the farmhouse!
We also had a meeting on Friday and over pizza and lots of beer and wine everyone felt it was best that Mom and Dad still stay here at the farmhouse after I head back in two weeks. They are going to rotate on two and three day shifts staying with them. My one brother who can take the least time off, will stay on weekends. The other two will stay throughout the week. We are also hiring a student nurse for 4 hours twice a week to help with the transition times. It will be complicated, but I think Mom will hold up so much better in her own house.
We are all anticpating her going into a coma in the coming weeks. She is awake the whole time they are here, but when they leave she falls asleep immediately. She gets weaker and weaker. I have put some wrapped chocolates near her chair as she loves these. Today she took one and started to unwrap it and then fell asleep. She awoke a few minutes later and then continued to unwrap and fell asleep again. I finally took it from her and unwrapped it and gave it to her. She was releaved.
I can only hope that my passage goes with at least some dignity and little railing and writhing!
My sister-in-law helped dye my hair while the rest of the family watched the Green Bay/Vikings game. It was interesting having her help as we have not had a chance to get to know each other well. So there are some good things that come out of bad things.
Then since one of my brother's old laptops that I was using as a dial-up access quit on me, my brother gave me his Apple laptop and set up a dial-up even though this is wireless. Since his OS is more up-to-date, I can now blog from the farmhouse!
We also had a meeting on Friday and over pizza and lots of beer and wine everyone felt it was best that Mom and Dad still stay here at the farmhouse after I head back in two weeks. They are going to rotate on two and three day shifts staying with them. My one brother who can take the least time off, will stay on weekends. The other two will stay throughout the week. We are also hiring a student nurse for 4 hours twice a week to help with the transition times. It will be complicated, but I think Mom will hold up so much better in her own house.
We are all anticpating her going into a coma in the coming weeks. She is awake the whole time they are here, but when they leave she falls asleep immediately. She gets weaker and weaker. I have put some wrapped chocolates near her chair as she loves these. Today she took one and started to unwrap it and then fell asleep. She awoke a few minutes later and then continued to unwrap and fell asleep again. I finally took it from her and unwrapped it and gave it to her. She was releaved.
I can only hope that my passage goes with at least some dignity and little railing and writhing!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Snowy Winter Day
Even though we have about 6 inches of snow, Dad still goes out for the warm lunch at the Center. I hope I have the same fearlessness and driving skills at 90. Considering that I don't feel that confident her in my fifties, I don't know that I will in a few decades.
Today is the 5th of January. I hope to post all the previous blogs I have put on this computer and today's blog up tomorrow. There is a wireless coffee shop downtown, and if the roads are a little better, I will head out that way and sneak some time from the caretaking. I have gone through the routine enough that I have a good idea of how long I can leave them. Dad may sleep through Mom's call--but if I get her set before I leave, then I should be OK.
Today is the 5th of January. I hope to post all the previous blogs I have put on this computer and today's blog up tomorrow. There is a wireless coffee shop downtown, and if the roads are a little better, I will head out that way and sneak some time from the caretaking. I have gone through the routine enough that I have a good idea of how long I can leave them. Dad may sleep through Mom's call--but if I get her set before I leave, then I should be OK.
The Other Legs of the Stool
When you are helping someone with the hospice process it is hard work. But it is even more difficult if the person in hospice is close to you. If I did not have my two brothers and one sister, this job would take an even greater toll on my physical and mental health. It is the breaks that they give me and the ability to talk to someone else who has a vested interest in the outcome of this process that are my fresh air.
They are each pretty different in their approach to this challenge. The brother closest in age to me is probably the most conservative in his approach. He talks about it very little and only in the most practical and business-like terms. He isn't big on hands-on care and prefers to talk mom to the bathroom or the dinner table from across the room. He tends to approach her as if she is a stroke victim and just needs verbal reminders as a form of therapy. Since his retirement he is big on cooking and regularly brings lots of food for us. His wife is from Europe and a very nurturing person. She views my mother as her mother in some ways since she has lost both of her parents and does not have immediate relatives her or in Europe except for her two sons from a prior marriage. It would be so easy to put more of this burden on her, but I am trying very hard to avoid that. She has been a good balance for my brother who might have turned into a stuffy old professor type without her enthusiasm and daring. She has gotten on my other siblings nerves because she gets involved and forces us to make firm decisions and move forward. She is also manipulative in a sweet way and that makes my sister angry.
My 'baby' brother is also more hands-off (the nature of most males) but his upbeat personality and joking nature are a real upper for my mother. He is the one who immediately repairs something around the house or outside if you mention it as a problem. He has a small construction company and works about 7.5 days a week. Both here at the farm and now more frequently on a duplex rental unit he has purchased as security for his retirement. Yesterday he came to move the outside mailbox which now sits behind a semi-permanent puddle of ice on the north side of a tall fence. Now it is closer to the driveway gate so my Dad doesn't ice skate to pick up the mail.
My younger sister is very hands-on and also continually buying things for them. She and her husband are attorneys with only one grown step-son, so money is readily available to them. Still, I know people who have money and are not generous at all. (The husband of my late sister comes to mind.) My sister had taken Mom through her first battle with cancer and so she has dealt with the ugliness of this process. I truly think that we have given Mom her dignity by being as practical and nonchalant as possible with her accidents. She bemoans her weakness but not in any long term way that brings us down.
We are all getting together for dinner this coming Thursday (6th) and talk about making permanent plans in moving my parents when I leave and head back home on the 21st. This meeting was motivated by my sister-in-law...so the siblings are a little miffed.
Mom needs someone with her all the time. If she falls, Dad cannot lift her. If she doesn't get bathroom care, her hygiene falls by the wayside.
Well, enough about the sibs. I am making a spaghetti Sunday dinner which has always been a tradition with my parents. Although, I am not cooking the traditional fried chicken...just the pasta, garlic bread, green beans with garlic and a nice green salad.
They are each pretty different in their approach to this challenge. The brother closest in age to me is probably the most conservative in his approach. He talks about it very little and only in the most practical and business-like terms. He isn't big on hands-on care and prefers to talk mom to the bathroom or the dinner table from across the room. He tends to approach her as if she is a stroke victim and just needs verbal reminders as a form of therapy. Since his retirement he is big on cooking and regularly brings lots of food for us. His wife is from Europe and a very nurturing person. She views my mother as her mother in some ways since she has lost both of her parents and does not have immediate relatives her or in Europe except for her two sons from a prior marriage. It would be so easy to put more of this burden on her, but I am trying very hard to avoid that. She has been a good balance for my brother who might have turned into a stuffy old professor type without her enthusiasm and daring. She has gotten on my other siblings nerves because she gets involved and forces us to make firm decisions and move forward. She is also manipulative in a sweet way and that makes my sister angry.
My 'baby' brother is also more hands-off (the nature of most males) but his upbeat personality and joking nature are a real upper for my mother. He is the one who immediately repairs something around the house or outside if you mention it as a problem. He has a small construction company and works about 7.5 days a week. Both here at the farm and now more frequently on a duplex rental unit he has purchased as security for his retirement. Yesterday he came to move the outside mailbox which now sits behind a semi-permanent puddle of ice on the north side of a tall fence. Now it is closer to the driveway gate so my Dad doesn't ice skate to pick up the mail.
My younger sister is very hands-on and also continually buying things for them. She and her husband are attorneys with only one grown step-son, so money is readily available to them. Still, I know people who have money and are not generous at all. (The husband of my late sister comes to mind.) My sister had taken Mom through her first battle with cancer and so she has dealt with the ugliness of this process. I truly think that we have given Mom her dignity by being as practical and nonchalant as possible with her accidents. She bemoans her weakness but not in any long term way that brings us down.
We are all getting together for dinner this coming Thursday (6th) and talk about making permanent plans in moving my parents when I leave and head back home on the 21st. This meeting was motivated by my sister-in-law...so the siblings are a little miffed.
Mom needs someone with her all the time. If she falls, Dad cannot lift her. If she doesn't get bathroom care, her hygiene falls by the wayside.
Well, enough about the sibs. I am making a spaghetti Sunday dinner which has always been a tradition with my parents. Although, I am not cooking the traditional fried chicken...just the pasta, garlic bread, green beans with garlic and a nice green salad.
Roller Coaster Ride
I have been home (at my parents house) since December 16. As most people know going back into the house where you lived as a teenager brings up a whole marketbasket of feelings. Decades have past and nothing has really changed. I am sleeping in my brothers' bedroom. My old room has a bed that fits like a hammock and my back can't take that so I have chosen their bedroom. The bedspreads have changed, but wall color, drapes and carpeting are the same. Midwestern farmer types do not spend money freely. Our high school graduation pictures still sit on the dresser. Strangely shaped bottles from college binges also line up like souvenir soldiers.
There are old school papers in the closet, cheap toys that my kids used to play with when they visited and books of all types and sizes.
Mom and Dad and I have started to work out a routine. I think that Dad is relieved to be handing over most of the caretaker duties to me. He can actually leave the house for longer periods of time. His day usually consists of turning up the two heaters and maybe starting a fire in the wood stove at 6:00. He still chops his own wood at 90! Then I get up and make coffee and we sort of start our day together over the morning news and some chit chat. At 7:00 I get Mom up and get everyone breakfast. They have been relying primarily on cold cereal, but seem pleased to have me fix oatmeal, pancakes or eggs every once in a while. Depending on whether a nurse's aide is coming I will get Mom dressed in a clean new nightgown and new socks and comb her hair. If we are expecting company such as over the holidays, I will get out the makeup so she looks more lively. (We had over fifteen for Christmas from California, Colorado and Maryland--I think it was one of the best holidays in memory in spite of the circumstances.)
Then Dad gets the newspaper, turns down the heaters and either he or I empty Mom's potty chair by the bed. He does dishes and then gets cleaned up mid-morning to head for the senior center downtown where he serves the lunch and coffee, eats his lunch, does the dishes and then brings home Mom's lunch. The senior center used to be their primary social activity and the big warm daily meal when they went together. Now, Dad waits on the 70 to 80 somethings that eat down there! On Fridays he heads out to visit his friend for the afternoon.
The first week was an emotional swinging ride for me. I kept the day busy with chores, organizing and cleaning this old house. But as nightfall came I would realize why I was here and find myself choking back the tears or crying myself to sleep.
Mom has lost bladder and is losing bowel control and her legs are weak. We make it together to the bathroom 4 to 5 times a day. I have to hold her nightgown over her shoulders so that she can concentrate on sitting on the commode. I also have to wipe her rear end as she can't do it as well as it needs to be done. We have nurses assistants come in about 4 times a week from the hospice program to help bathe her, cut her nails, brush her dentures and/or set her hair. A nurse is now coming in weekly to monitor her life signs. Every other week we get a chaplain although neither of my parents are religious, they do enjoy this visit. She needs the care of a two-year-old, but every single person that comes in loves her as they find her so upbeat and friendly, unlike many of their patients, I am sure. She will stutter over her words as she gets tired and then laugh and tell them she speaks a 'foreign' language or that she speaks three languages at the same time.
This is a bit of a conflict for me, because she was a really stubborn and set-in-her-ways mother when I was growing up and even when I became an adult. I could never please her with whatever gift I brought or whatever idea I had. So, I guess my first blessing in this process is that she is mellowing out.
Some days she realizes that she has a terminal illness and other days she acts as though I am here to just help get her back on her feet.
We have tried working on leg exercises to strengthen her a little. The hospice program does not support that kind of therapy. They do nothing that would prolong her dying. She does sleep about 80% of the time. I fill that time with checking emails via modem and my brothers computer, working on the quilt for my daughter, reading, watching TV and some exercising. The next blog I will talk about the siblings.
There are old school papers in the closet, cheap toys that my kids used to play with when they visited and books of all types and sizes.
Mom and Dad and I have started to work out a routine. I think that Dad is relieved to be handing over most of the caretaker duties to me. He can actually leave the house for longer periods of time. His day usually consists of turning up the two heaters and maybe starting a fire in the wood stove at 6:00. He still chops his own wood at 90! Then I get up and make coffee and we sort of start our day together over the morning news and some chit chat. At 7:00 I get Mom up and get everyone breakfast. They have been relying primarily on cold cereal, but seem pleased to have me fix oatmeal, pancakes or eggs every once in a while. Depending on whether a nurse's aide is coming I will get Mom dressed in a clean new nightgown and new socks and comb her hair. If we are expecting company such as over the holidays, I will get out the makeup so she looks more lively. (We had over fifteen for Christmas from California, Colorado and Maryland--I think it was one of the best holidays in memory in spite of the circumstances.)
Then Dad gets the newspaper, turns down the heaters and either he or I empty Mom's potty chair by the bed. He does dishes and then gets cleaned up mid-morning to head for the senior center downtown where he serves the lunch and coffee, eats his lunch, does the dishes and then brings home Mom's lunch. The senior center used to be their primary social activity and the big warm daily meal when they went together. Now, Dad waits on the 70 to 80 somethings that eat down there! On Fridays he heads out to visit his friend for the afternoon.
The first week was an emotional swinging ride for me. I kept the day busy with chores, organizing and cleaning this old house. But as nightfall came I would realize why I was here and find myself choking back the tears or crying myself to sleep.
Mom has lost bladder and is losing bowel control and her legs are weak. We make it together to the bathroom 4 to 5 times a day. I have to hold her nightgown over her shoulders so that she can concentrate on sitting on the commode. I also have to wipe her rear end as she can't do it as well as it needs to be done. We have nurses assistants come in about 4 times a week from the hospice program to help bathe her, cut her nails, brush her dentures and/or set her hair. A nurse is now coming in weekly to monitor her life signs. Every other week we get a chaplain although neither of my parents are religious, they do enjoy this visit. She needs the care of a two-year-old, but every single person that comes in loves her as they find her so upbeat and friendly, unlike many of their patients, I am sure. She will stutter over her words as she gets tired and then laugh and tell them she speaks a 'foreign' language or that she speaks three languages at the same time.
This is a bit of a conflict for me, because she was a really stubborn and set-in-her-ways mother when I was growing up and even when I became an adult. I could never please her with whatever gift I brought or whatever idea I had. So, I guess my first blessing in this process is that she is mellowing out.
Some days she realizes that she has a terminal illness and other days she acts as though I am here to just help get her back on her feet.
We have tried working on leg exercises to strengthen her a little. The hospice program does not support that kind of therapy. They do nothing that would prolong her dying. She does sleep about 80% of the time. I fill that time with checking emails via modem and my brothers computer, working on the quilt for my daughter, reading, watching TV and some exercising. The next blog I will talk about the siblings.
Finally Got Some Blog Time
I am sitting here in a charming little coffee house on main street of this tiny farming town. I can't imagine how they make any money, but the waitress is cleaning off all the tables, so they must have had some lunch customers. When I get out into the rural west, I am reminded of how people struggle from day to day to make ends meet. When on the east coast the upper middle class is so evident, that I tend to forget about the rest of the world.
There is one woman about my age sitting at a table reading a book and sipping coffee...must be retired.
I left Dad with Mom and I am sure he is sleeping by now. He has had a long day.
I have to go out to K-mart after this entry and get some stuff. He was trying to give me directions, but I think I will just drive out to the nearby city and see if I can find it...because the directions were really confusing.
I have written a couple of blogs at home and will post them following this.
There is one woman about my age sitting at a table reading a book and sipping coffee...must be retired.
I left Dad with Mom and I am sure he is sleeping by now. He has had a long day.
I have to go out to K-mart after this entry and get some stuff. He was trying to give me directions, but I think I will just drive out to the nearby city and see if I can find it...because the directions were really confusing.
I have written a couple of blogs at home and will post them following this.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Killing time
Well, I have packed for at least a month's stay. It is very different to pack for a long time...I will be going to an old farmhouse which is somewhat isolated from the community. Therefore I have packed books, magazines, needlework, both of my cameras.
I am sure that I will have plenty to do at first, but when things start to fall into a routine, the time will move very slowly and painfully. Cooking will be a challenge as there is very little to work with and the appliances are on their last legs. At least the washer and dryer are new.
Tonight, we have ordered pizza and are waiting tonight for my daughter and her husband and my son to come by for a little Christmas. We will all be going different directions in the coming days and while we will all be together at my parents over the holidays that time will be more somber. Traffic is horrible, so they are delayed in getting here.
I am trying to keep my mind off of what lies ahead. I have no idea how long my mother has. My sister thinks it is about 8 weeks, but the doctors are saying maybe 6 months. It is so hard to plan what to do when you have no control over any of the plans. I leave tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. so will have to be at the airport at 6:30. I have two large suitcases (I usually travel very light), so hope I can check in at the curb and just take my backpack and purse on in.
Weather here is C-O-L-D! It will probably be the same in Colorado.
I am sure that I will have plenty to do at first, but when things start to fall into a routine, the time will move very slowly and painfully. Cooking will be a challenge as there is very little to work with and the appliances are on their last legs. At least the washer and dryer are new.
Tonight, we have ordered pizza and are waiting tonight for my daughter and her husband and my son to come by for a little Christmas. We will all be going different directions in the coming days and while we will all be together at my parents over the holidays that time will be more somber. Traffic is horrible, so they are delayed in getting here.
I am trying to keep my mind off of what lies ahead. I have no idea how long my mother has. My sister thinks it is about 8 weeks, but the doctors are saying maybe 6 months. It is so hard to plan what to do when you have no control over any of the plans. I leave tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. so will have to be at the airport at 6:30. I have two large suitcases (I usually travel very light), so hope I can check in at the curb and just take my backpack and purse on in.
Weather here is C-O-L-D! It will probably be the same in Colorado.
Monday, December 13, 2004
Pushing the Pause Button
Well, is does appear that I will be heading out to help set up the hospice for my mom on Thursday. They do not have a computer at the house or internet access, so looks like this little site will be on hold for a month maybe. If I get near a library I will blog or at my sister's house, but being its the holidays and being I am there for another reason, I am not planning on it.
So "toodles" to the few readers who may stop by ---until a later date.
So "toodles" to the few readers who may stop by ---until a later date.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Aren't we special?
Yes, I know, I got in at midnight last night and I got up at 6:00 this morning. Creature of habit that I am, I still wake up around 5:00 AM. I will probably crash this afternoon. But just had to add this new blog.
Taking advantage of the early morning quiet, I am getting rid of all the catalogs that make it to my mailbox. I have this delicious looking Godiva catalog...and was looking through the pretty pictures when I come across their insert:
"Complimentary Sampling and In-Store Theatre Events at Your Godiva boutique." The 'events' listed include "Peanut Butter-Dessert Cups" on 11/17 and the "Candy Cane Bark" on 12/12. Who writes this stuff?
Taking advantage of the early morning quiet, I am getting rid of all the catalogs that make it to my mailbox. I have this delicious looking Godiva catalog...and was looking through the pretty pictures when I come across their insert:
"Complimentary Sampling and In-Store Theatre Events at Your Godiva boutique." The 'events' listed include "Peanut Butter-Dessert Cups" on 11/17 and the "Candy Cane Bark" on 12/12. Who writes this stuff?
Cher
Went to her concert last night. Pretty much sold out. The old broad can still bring them in. Her opening act was "The Village People' which I had thought were all gone or dead or something. Honestly. They were buff and energized and had the kind of music the audience could appreciate.
My son was kidding me about seeing all the transvestites and actually I thought that would be fun if there were some. But this audience was all over the place in age, and while there were gay guys, no transvestites that I could see. There were many old folks from suburbia--which is probably a little bit of a disappointment to her, since it shows her the reality of her age and how normal people her age really look.
Anyway, the only tickets I could get were up and away. I decided that I am too old to be sitting so far from the main stage. My eyesight just isn't good enough and of course, my memory is going so I forgot to bring binocs.
She didn't sing some of my favorites from the older days... she is probably sick of them, but she still has great pipes and a good bod and wonderful costumes. Her guitar player was fantastic, so all in all a good visit back in time for me.
My son was kidding me about seeing all the transvestites and actually I thought that would be fun if there were some. But this audience was all over the place in age, and while there were gay guys, no transvestites that I could see. There were many old folks from suburbia--which is probably a little bit of a disappointment to her, since it shows her the reality of her age and how normal people her age really look.
Anyway, the only tickets I could get were up and away. I decided that I am too old to be sitting so far from the main stage. My eyesight just isn't good enough and of course, my memory is going so I forgot to bring binocs.
She didn't sing some of my favorites from the older days... she is probably sick of them, but she still has great pipes and a good bod and wonderful costumes. Her guitar player was fantastic, so all in all a good visit back in time for me.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Weather or Not
I have doctor's appointments today, so am not going into work. They are having one of the Christmas parties today at the office. I am sort of sorry to miss it, because it usually is fun, we all get along, and they sometimes have live music! No booze, but good food.
Weather has been close and clammy all week. If I were a romantic I would say that it is full of misty lace and cozy fog. If I were bipolar I would be in a deep funk as the sun has not shone for days. If I was an optimist, I would be happy because the temperature has been in the 50's and 60's which is pretty unusual for December in this area. But I am practical and realize that it is too wet to wear my favorite suede boots.
My husband, who hates the holidays almost as much as he hates shopping, said I should pick up something (anything...any cost) for my stocking today as he hasn't a clue what to get me. Boy I do know how to pick em.
Weather has been close and clammy all week. If I were a romantic I would say that it is full of misty lace and cozy fog. If I were bipolar I would be in a deep funk as the sun has not shone for days. If I was an optimist, I would be happy because the temperature has been in the 50's and 60's which is pretty unusual for December in this area. But I am practical and realize that it is too wet to wear my favorite suede boots.
My husband, who hates the holidays almost as much as he hates shopping, said I should pick up something (anything...any cost) for my stocking today as he hasn't a clue what to get me. Boy I do know how to pick em.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Gotcha!
As I have mentioned in past blogs I had a younger sister who passed away almost three years ago from cancer. She left behind a husband and two children. The kids are now teenagers. They live on the other side of the continent from me and I have been able to visit almost yearly due to business trips. But due to my budget demise, I can no longer travel out that way.
They do get back into Colorado to visit the rest of the family once maybe twice a year, usually over the holidays.
When we recently went to visit them in California my husband realized that a close cousin of his actually lived just up the road from them. So we ALL went out to dinner together one night. We thought it would be good to get them together since my sister had passed recently. My brother-in-law while well known in his town is pretty much a quiet, stay at-home guy. He never emails us or calls.
Well, today I just got the Christmas card from my husband's cousins with following quote buried in the rest of the news (D is my brother-in-law):
"Saw D and his lady friend . I know her from dance class... smalltown. They seem to be quite an item."
What a surprise! I knew that some day he would get involved with someone else. He has quite a bit of money, so is a good 'catch.' I have mixed feelings about this and wonder how the kids feel, but I also am curious as hell about her...! I wonder if the rest of the family knows.... Interesting the gossip one gets in a Christmas card.
They do get back into Colorado to visit the rest of the family once maybe twice a year, usually over the holidays.
When we recently went to visit them in California my husband realized that a close cousin of his actually lived just up the road from them. So we ALL went out to dinner together one night. We thought it would be good to get them together since my sister had passed recently. My brother-in-law while well known in his town is pretty much a quiet, stay at-home guy. He never emails us or calls.
Well, today I just got the Christmas card from my husband's cousins with following quote buried in the rest of the news (D is my brother-in-law):
"Saw D and his lady friend . I know her from dance class... smalltown. They seem to be quite an item."
What a surprise! I knew that some day he would get involved with someone else. He has quite a bit of money, so is a good 'catch.' I have mixed feelings about this and wonder how the kids feel, but I also am curious as hell about her...! I wonder if the rest of the family knows.... Interesting the gossip one gets in a Christmas card.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
The old girl
Well, it appears that the old girl is going out on all pistons. Pretty much as she lived her life. She has a mass on her liver that is rapidly growing, she has kidneys that are failing and she is anemic so they think she is bleeding somewhere internally, although interminable tests cannot find where! What will eventually kill her and when, doctors don't know and if there is a God he is not talking.
I talked to my mom yesterday afternoon after they had given her two pints of blood. She was so chipper, talking so fast, and really upbeat. She can be a real curmudgeon so this was a blessing. My brothers and sisters far away are arranging the details of hospice care in one of their homes. I asked how I could help (other than fly out which I will do in the coming weeks) and they wanted me to look into the funeral arrangements. They are lost when it comes to this. I took the bull by the horns and did this for my sisters untimely death in California a number of years ago. It helped keep me busy and they always saw me as the bossy one ( come on, I'm not that bad) and so they were glad that I took over.
I will do so again this time. Get it in order and then run it by my Dad and everyone for the final say so.
I am sad but not depressed. My mother and I are close--but we have had our up days and our down days. I am not a favorite child. Unfortunately, she lost the favorite child to cancer. In addition, since I live so far from them, the space has brought about a different relationship than that which she has with my two other brothers and sisters. It is OK. Ten years ago there would have been lots of second thoughts and anger and guilt. But no more. As Buddha says, " What we think, we become."
Each time we meet with death and help someone we love through that passage, I know that we grow in wisdom. I just hope that I can be wise instead of stupid in this trial.
I talked to my mom yesterday afternoon after they had given her two pints of blood. She was so chipper, talking so fast, and really upbeat. She can be a real curmudgeon so this was a blessing. My brothers and sisters far away are arranging the details of hospice care in one of their homes. I asked how I could help (other than fly out which I will do in the coming weeks) and they wanted me to look into the funeral arrangements. They are lost when it comes to this. I took the bull by the horns and did this for my sisters untimely death in California a number of years ago. It helped keep me busy and they always saw me as the bossy one ( come on, I'm not that bad) and so they were glad that I took over.
I will do so again this time. Get it in order and then run it by my Dad and everyone for the final say so.
I am sad but not depressed. My mother and I are close--but we have had our up days and our down days. I am not a favorite child. Unfortunately, she lost the favorite child to cancer. In addition, since I live so far from them, the space has brought about a different relationship than that which she has with my two other brothers and sisters. It is OK. Ten years ago there would have been lots of second thoughts and anger and guilt. But no more. As Buddha says, " What we think, we become."
Each time we meet with death and help someone we love through that passage, I know that we grow in wisdom. I just hope that I can be wise instead of stupid in this trial.
Monday, December 06, 2004
I have this little cheat
I can't get my thoughts together for blogging right now. My husband is at a late seminar and he has scheduled a medical X-ray for after the seminar late this evening...always the one to try to squeeze 13 activities into a crate for a dozen. When I turned on my cell phone to call him I found a message waiting for me that had come in a few hours earlier.
It was from my youngest sister. She has told me that the mass on my mother's liver is indeed growing fast and they are going to put her in hospice. They put her in the hospital this weekend. The medical staff never explored this mass due to her age --87--and her weakening kidneys and told us to hope for the best--that was back in September.
Now it appears that we are in the goodbye stage of this.
My cheat is this...I just can't call my sister back right now. I am waiting for my husband to call to pick him up so he doesn't miss his appointment. When he calls, my cheat is gone. I have to get on the stick and help Sis. I have to grow up.
It was from my youngest sister. She has told me that the mass on my mother's liver is indeed growing fast and they are going to put her in hospice. They put her in the hospital this weekend. The medical staff never explored this mass due to her age --87--and her weakening kidneys and told us to hope for the best--that was back in September.
Now it appears that we are in the goodbye stage of this.
My cheat is this...I just can't call my sister back right now. I am waiting for my husband to call to pick him up so he doesn't miss his appointment. When he calls, my cheat is gone. I have to get on the stick and help Sis. I have to grow up.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Pre Season Short Shot Blog
I have found that I really enjoy the blogging whether anyone reads it or not. It has become a little bit of a creative escape for me. Helps give me perspective on my life, which I tend to view with a more critical eye until I go back and read my archives.
Anyway, today in A.M. I will start to decorate this rental house somewhat (going to get out of the PJs first) and then meet my daughter for setting up her baby registry and then driving back home and more decorating and then driving back to the same place to meet up with friends for an early dinner.
I still have to blog about the WPI interns reception last week...inspiring and also blog an update on L. at work. Also have been busy having fun with the Espresso Stories site. Really rewarding for us non-writers who like to write. Hope to blog in-depth tonight!
Anyway, today in A.M. I will start to decorate this rental house somewhat (going to get out of the PJs first) and then meet my daughter for setting up her baby registry and then driving back home and more decorating and then driving back to the same place to meet up with friends for an early dinner.
I still have to blog about the WPI interns reception last week...inspiring and also blog an update on L. at work. Also have been busy having fun with the Espresso Stories site. Really rewarding for us non-writers who like to write. Hope to blog in-depth tonight!
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
"The times they are a changin."
I was watching National Public Television yesterday and taking a tour of the Netherlands with Rick Steves. His shows are always interesting as he combines food, culture, history, and art with some of the practical aspects of travel. I used his book when we traveled through Italy a few years ago and found it saved some time and some money.
Anyway, after the show he was part of the money raising segment that NPTV does throughout the year to stay alive. During his comments he went off message several times and seemed to almost go into a subtle politcal rant. At one time he said that television stations were asking for certain information before they would broadcast his travel show. The questions were about what was to be shown from the country...i.e. would there be artwork or sculptures that showed private parts of the human body? If so, they would then decline showing the program. He gave a gentle but determined smile and looked deeply into the camera and said something to the effect that the Europeans have long gotten over this shame of the human body and that this art was so important for all to see, etc. etc.
I just sat in my chair trying to figure out what century I had dropped into? Parents guard your children well or the girls will be in Chadors and the boys will never know what a female face looks like much less where babies come from.
Anyway, after the show he was part of the money raising segment that NPTV does throughout the year to stay alive. During his comments he went off message several times and seemed to almost go into a subtle politcal rant. At one time he said that television stations were asking for certain information before they would broadcast his travel show. The questions were about what was to be shown from the country...i.e. would there be artwork or sculptures that showed private parts of the human body? If so, they would then decline showing the program. He gave a gentle but determined smile and looked deeply into the camera and said something to the effect that the Europeans have long gotten over this shame of the human body and that this art was so important for all to see, etc. etc.
I just sat in my chair trying to figure out what century I had dropped into? Parents guard your children well or the girls will be in Chadors and the boys will never know what a female face looks like much less where babies come from.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Notes on the wedding.
Since middle-angel asked, I will tell a little about the precious wedding ceremony. It took place in a small Lutheran church in Philadelphia. Very simple ceremony with men in tuxedos and bridesmaids in deep carmine dresses with lovely beading across the front in a V-shape. Bride was tall, blonde and had the next door look that nice girls have. She had the loveliest veil with small crystal beads sewn randomly and sparsely across the netting. She twinkled like starlight with each movement. They had a violinist, organist and a soloist. It was very nice.
Reception was in the Sheet Metal workers building at Penns Landing Caterers. This is a very dynamic building built by various sheetmetal workers groups. It has metal ceilings and walls and yet is very elegant (with candlelight reflecting off all the metal) and has a huge stage where the band played most of the night. (One of the singers in the band just happened to be my son-in-law's brother as well!) So my husband and I danced as best we might finding polka, salsa, mambo and foxtrot beats in many of the more modern tunes that suited the crowd of young people. We also attempted club dancing which must have given the younger crowd a good laugh. But we are no longer shy at our age, knowing that life goes on and doesn't wait for you to feel competent at anything.
Joined my daughter and her husband and his parents for Sunday Brunch at Creperie Beau Monde which I highly recommend if you are ever in the Philadelphia area. The crepes are made with buckwheat flour and yet are so light and amazing. There are dozens of fillings both savory and sweet, and the price is not high. The decor is sage green with gold leaf patterned wall paper. They even had a nice fire going for us on the rainy fall morning.
Reception was in the Sheet Metal workers building at Penns Landing Caterers. This is a very dynamic building built by various sheetmetal workers groups. It has metal ceilings and walls and yet is very elegant (with candlelight reflecting off all the metal) and has a huge stage where the band played most of the night. (One of the singers in the band just happened to be my son-in-law's brother as well!) So my husband and I danced as best we might finding polka, salsa, mambo and foxtrot beats in many of the more modern tunes that suited the crowd of young people. We also attempted club dancing which must have given the younger crowd a good laugh. But we are no longer shy at our age, knowing that life goes on and doesn't wait for you to feel competent at anything.
Joined my daughter and her husband and his parents for Sunday Brunch at Creperie Beau Monde which I highly recommend if you are ever in the Philadelphia area. The crepes are made with buckwheat flour and yet are so light and amazing. There are dozens of fillings both savory and sweet, and the price is not high. The decor is sage green with gold leaf patterned wall paper. They even had a nice fire going for us on the rainy fall morning.
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