Thursday, November 16, 2023

Not an Imelda, This One

The onset of dementia in someone you love is very much like a mosquito that you think has moved on. It gets bothering to the point of you wanting to smash it against a wall somewhere and then it disappears for hours or perhaps days, and you hurry to forget it was ever there. But it never dies or leaves for good and comes back demanding your attention once again.
The last few trips we have taken, either up to our son's house or further to an out-of-state place, hubby packs his own bags.  On each of those trips, he has come up with an extra pair of shoes that do not match!  He ends up having to wear the shoes that he has on for the week or weekend.

Yesterday while cleaning the closet I found these above.  Two lefts and a right with no partners.  I have no idea where the partners have gone and I have asked various relatives to keep an eye out.  I have asked hubby to use a shoe bag, but he throws them in the back and I am afraid as he pulls out suitcases they have been left on the parking lots of various hotels.

Nobody tells you about this in the books on dementia.

I am not a patient person and I think what little patience I had I used when nurturing my children.  Children will change and learn or understand what you want.  Sadly forgetting does not change.

As fall moves on he has less to do.  His volunteering in the food garden as well as work in our own vegetable garden keeps him busy in the good weather, but this time of year, things begin to be put to rest.  He is a very energetic person.  

My mother-in-law had dementia which grew quite bad over the years.  But she was a lovely quiet lady who liked TV and looking out the window and eating food.  She never felt an urge to go somewhere, although we did take her on day trips with us.

My husband needs tasks and chores. and sadly, he is not of the engineering mind or the artistic soul.   I do suggest simple things around the house and he says he will do them, but he forgets and then spends time trying to find something to do!

I am thankful for his excellent sense of direction and his ability to still drive.  I am thankful for his desire to watch the same programs that I like on television and for his desire to read which I also love.  We still can canoe and boat. (Except for the motor on the boat...another story for another day.)

He can still fry an egg omelet (lightly brown) for his breakfast, or fix a bowl of cereal.

If I accept the two or three questioning interruptions in my life each day, he is able to use the cell phone and his laptop, and I pray they quit changing the interfaces of APPs!  We do spend time looking for his cell phone, but we have done that for years!

Thanks for letting me vent (share) or write about this as I find my way throught he forest.


  1. One day when I went to check on my mother. I found a pair of her shoes side by side on the kitchen counter. She was trying to put two slices of bread into them to make toast. Honestly, what could I do but laugh and make her some toast? Not long after that we unplugged all heat generating appliances.

  2. I cannot imagine how hard it is to deal with such issues. Nobody in my family has ever lived long enough to develop such dementia, that I know of anyway. This breaks my heart and you have my honest concern. I don't know what I would do.

  3. Please continue to share this journey that you are on. It's going to be a rough road and we can learn from you while we are supporting you. It might happen to any one of us.

  4. It's not easy and you are learning as you go, everyone does. I hope he continues to be able to do some of the things he loves.

  5. Struggling with Sudoku this morning, I was already worrying about my own state of mind. Thanks goodness I don't own many shoes. 😎

  6. Pauline2:24 PM

    I am sorry to hear of your husband's illness - you may well learn patience as you go along. I can only imagine the frustration. I think your idea of writing it here is a good one. There are bound to be people going through who can offer solace and advice.

  7. Anonymous9:33 AM

    Sorry to hear about the problems. It is part of old age to worry about such, but I've heard with Alzheimer's the one losing doesn't know as much as the ones around. The mind is sure one of the things that concerns as we age and so many different things can go wrong. I think the worst, close to us, was ALS for a dear friend. Scary part of this stage of life.

  8. Oops, I forgot about the need to sign in each time here. I wrote that last blog *s*

    1. Try using Google Chrome as a browser when working with Blogger.

    2. I used to use Google but it quit working. I don't have Chrome though. I just have to remember to type in the info *s*

    3. Anonymous9:33 AM

      Wow,,,not sure what that does.

  9. The onset of dementia came first for my late husband, then came pancreatic cancer which took him away from us before dementia took hold completely. For all his forgetfulness, he was the sweetest and most loving of companions, right up until he drew his last breath. I know how difficult this must be for you, Tabor. Hold him close and savor every moment.

  10. It's hard. I know. My mom is 94 and also suffering from dementia. Luckily, she is cheerful and is grateful for everything. We can't let her cook anymore. She does still make hot water on the stove for her oatmeal, but that's it and it worries me. But she wakes up at 4:30 which is almost 2 hours before we get up, so we can't stop her... yet. It's a constant adjustment. Until you go through being a caregiver, it's sometimes hard for people to understand what it's like. And yet, we're lucky to have her cheerfulness and smiles everyday and amazing knowledge of the past.


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