As I have mentioned in prior posts, I am a bit of an introvert. While I volunteer in the community I am not out and about that much. I can socialize and frequently am good at drawing people out about their interests and their backgrounds. I do this because I am actually interested in the lives of people. I am not just trying to be nice. About 50% of the time they remember my name.
I realize that I need to be more social. If (when) I became widowed, I would sit at home and read, watch TV, exercise, garden, and maybe only use my voice to answer that rare phone call. I might even become so desperate to talk to someone that I would answer a sales call about my car warranty.
I also should point out that I think people do not like me all that much. No, really! I am not looking for sympathy, but I could list a number of incidents in my life that make me question my personality as seen by others and also made me regret opening my mouth. I am a 'little' outspoken, but I try to curb that. Honesty is not always the best policy and I have to keep re-learning that.
Elders have trouble with their social circle as good friends move on or pass on as do family members, and soon you find your social circle very small since you no longer include work colleagues. There are those elders, though, who remain well-loved and part of a stable social circle. Maybe it has to do with church attendance, an energetic personality, and/or long-term hobbies that are social?
I was thinking about what I like in a friendship or personality that makes me want to spend time in their company. What traits do I have that would make someone want to be my friend? What do you seek out in a friendship? What do you like in a person? Do you take the leadership role in scheduling lunch or an activity or are you the one that goes along? How stable is your circle of friends? How close are your friendships?
Ok, enough questions. Hope your weekend is friendly.
Interesting.
ReplyDeleteSocializing, rarely. Talking to strangers is easy for me. I say/joke with some truth, the people I'm most afraid of are the ones I know. Strangers haven't had the chance of me getting to know them.
Friendship. Narrow road. Non-judgemental, zero racism, honest, compassionate, considerate, polite and not critical of others or themselves. Others are aquaintances. I have no real life friends in the present.
I am what I've heard described as an extroverted introvert. Which I guess means I'm not shy, I have no problem talking to people. On the other hand, I prefer to be alone. I'm not a very good friend if someone is always looking for my time and attention. I do much better with casual relationships. Which is why I really have no one I would call a friend in the sense of closeness. I have a personality that one likes or does not. I don't think anyone would say they don't have an opinion about me! It's ok by me.If my husband dies before me I will be lonely, no doubt about that. This is an interesting post.
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting post, Tabor. DH is friendly and talkative, knows more people in the neighborhood than me... I'm not very talkative (unless it's with a good friend) and although friendly may not give off those vibes. My mom would talk to strangers in a mall or on a plane, whereas I never initiate those conversations and people don't seem to initiate them with me. I have a few good friends (3) that I've had for years (had a 4th that passed a few years ago) - and a few online bloggers that I do consider friends, but all others are acquaintances. As for your question as to what one seeks out in a friendship, I don't know the answer to that. Seems to me that people 'click'... or they don't. DH and I are a close knit... so I do worry if he goes before me... although I'm lucky in that we have 3 kids who would be there for me (or him as the case may be). We are both nearing 80, so yes, we do think about these things... but dwelling on them is not good. When the time comes, hopefully we will all have the strength to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that I am a whole lot like you and the three who commented before me. I wish I liked small talk better. I might have more friends.
ReplyDeleteDitto. Most of my friends live in different states so they are ages old friendships. While I consider three of our neighbors to be friends, we're not up in each others' homes (Because they never seem to know when to leave, sadly. And I hate getting stuck in their homes because I have to escape! They always want me to say longer.) We chat on sidewalks, in driveways or on lawns.
DeleteI grew up in the military and we moved a lot. Making friends was easy but leaving was hard. Our parents had five children and there were neighborhood children in need who were treated like family. I never had a moment alone and I was an introvert who preferred books and drawing more than hanging out. Oddly enough, I had many friends. I was school queen, Miss FHA, Miss FFA and wore a couple of other titles. Looking back, I realize I was popular. Wanting to be alone now makes sense. :) I spend more time in the backyard than the front. I love nature. I'm a birder, a gardener, a photographer . . . Am never bored. There's always something that I love doing. I can go a week without my phone ringing. I leave home only when I want to or need to. 'Tis heaven on earth right here in Texas. :) I can leave crazy outside when I shut the door.
Thanks for making me feel connected to someone else who is like me. :) Be well.
Thanks for the thought provoking post, Tabor. From knowing you in blogland I've gathered you have a genuine warmth and you're a deep thinker, up front and honest with others. Like Sandra I think I'm an extroverted introvert. I've been blessed with wonderful long term friends but don't see them often. I mix easily with people but don't feel any urge to socialize often. When it comes to friendships I think we can just be ourselves and wait for like minded people to cross our paths. I've happily lived alone for over 30 years, accept that being a hermit is not very good for my mental health so make an effort occasionally.
ReplyDeleteI have heard it said that we introverts just need to be adopted by a nice extrovert.
ReplyDeleteI have some friends I really enjoy but I am definitely not a social person. Last winter in FL I was walking the puppy and a woman in her drive said hello and asked if I was new in the neighborhood. I told her I'd been there for 11 years. She said, "I've never seen you before."
ReplyDeleteI guess I never had before and that made the difference. Although I did participate in some of the activities so maybe I am just not memorable.
I do not lie (tell a falsehood) well or easily. it's all over my face when I do, hence I tend to just blurt out the truth as I see it and surprisingly few folk can take that for long. I used to warn potential friends that I can be hard to take but there was no meanness intended. I'm probably the most social as I have ever been at 73 but that's not saying a lot. generally only maintained one friend or two at a time. then I became a river guide mainly to have an excuse to get away from my husband for 3 to 10 days while we were going through a very bad time and I had to learn to learn people's names quickly and interact with 20 or 30 people at a time. for most my life I was anti-social, still am really. I don't mind being alone at home, I don't get lonely, and more than a few hours of socializing gets tiring. volunteering at SHARE once a week satisfies my need for socializing. I had one friend that I met when I was 20. thought we were good friends until I realized about 30 years later that I was the one who always called her. we both had our own businesses and the last time I spoke to her I called to set up a lunch date, she was on her other line and would call me back and 20 years later I'm still waiting. at this point my two oldest friends live an hour or more away and generally we connect by phone or text about four times a year. I have a small social group out here consisting mainly of three or four neighbors but it's mostly chat while walking the dog sort of social. pre-covid we would get together a couple of times a year at one of the neighbor's house but haven't really picked that up again.
ReplyDeleteI knew I liked you for a few good reasons. LOL. (Laughing in Katy!)
DeleteMy goodness, what a lot of interesting comments you got here! I am an extrovert, no doubt about it, and my hubby an extreme introvert. It makes for a good mix. I need to interact with others to be happy, so I make friends easily, They don't last for years in most cases, but I don't mind. I like AC's comment that all introverts just need to be adopted by an extrovert. Makes sense to me!
ReplyDeleteI think I am very much like you :) We are who we are is how I justify it. Also with a husband who is more outgoing. I try not to feel guilty but again-- I am who I am *s*
ReplyDeleteI don't understand what's going on with Blogger but if I don't pay attention, I come out as anonymous, which is why I am replying here as that one at 3:09 was me. I wonder if it's happening to my blog also. grrrrr
DeleteI used to be more social than I am now, and more talkative. My husband talked more than any man I've ever known. He fussed because he said I never talked to him anymore. I said, "Mostly because you tease me so unmercifully and I am tried of it." Either that, or he chastised me because I didn't share his opinions - and so I quit talking to him. He is gone now, and I do wish we had more time together. I would have spoken more had I known he was dying. I talk to my children and grandchildren fairly often, and friends from my old neighborhood and some work friends. In the current neighborhood, I have a friend group whom I see once a week and sometimes a bit more often - and that is enough for me now.
ReplyDeleteI used to be a very sociable person and a bit of an extrovert. I had many friends when I was younger but as I age I am quite content with my own company and that of hubby. I have quite a few long term friends but recently I have lost two very close friends. We live in a retirement village, a small one, and it has a very friendly community. There are lots of activities but I only participate in a few of them. I believe being sociable his healthy for your well being of mind.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm new here but I think I already Like You! lol... I have the same problem with my mouth and people not liking me, because of it. My thoughts only...people say it's all in my head...Lol...could be. Hubby and I will have been celebrating our 51st anniversary in September. The time has flown by!
ReplyDeleteI'll be visiting often!
hugs
Donna