The Fog Has Rolled In

"I don’t look forward too far, as I would just be worried all the time." Taken from the blog Dementia,  the author Judith Clark is a professional writer, so her ability to be insightful, informative, funny, and interesting is expected and well done. 

My husband is in the process of being tested for memory problems.  The neurologist is vague and I am not even sure what all the tests are saying.  He reassures us that since hubby is starting as someone who has a PhD in the sciences, he is starting at the top of the scale.  (Having a lot more information to lose is a good thing?)

I do not want to think about the future on this path because it is not pleasant nor changeable. If I was religious I would pray and ask God to find a cure for all of us on this journey. 

My husband's mother was living alone with this memory loss in her early 80's and came to live with us about 4 years later. We had to take her to a rest home a few years after that, but mostly due to a series of small strokes she had. Her memory had diminished greatly by then, so the evidence of the strokes was mostly shown in her instability when trying to get around. If I looked forward and see that this is where I would see my husband, who is now full of life and enthusiasm, it can be greatly discouraging.  He has been forgetful about small things all of his life and I just tolerated that.  Now we will discuss something in the morning and he will ask me again in the afternoon about it.  He will ask about things that worry his mind again and again.

I am not patient!!  I do need to work on that.  I need to meditate and read more on how to improve one's emotional state.  I have not developed the habit of following him around to see if he puts stuff away so that the new dog does not get into it.

Now we may add a new grandchild who will never see the grandfather that the others saw and played with.

My son and his wife have had problems with several pregnancies before this recent one which seems to be healthy. My daughter-in-law is in her 40's which is late for having a child. She also has some small heart valve problems. This child could be born with a number of complications, or not born at all. Why look forward? 

I will just live with this hope on a day-to-day basis that they have a wonderful life.  

We are ahead of the game as my husband does not and never has smoked or drank alcohol.  (I do get two bourbon and sodas or glasses of wine before dinner most nights, but do not crave more than that.)  He loves being active and getting out and about, far more than I do.  His general health is good as is his kindness, although he is very frustrated many days.

Well, we got the big car loaded with the crib a few days ago before that heavy rain followed today by super cold weather!  Taking it up this morning.

Our new dog which has been with us a week will have to be in a crate for the four hours we are gone.  She does not mind the crate and sleeps in it all night.  She cannot be trusted to have the run of the house yet!  We will be rushed to get back and take her on a long walk before we leave.

Every day is a new foggy challenge and I am not up to it...yet.