The mothers in my neighborhood are singing arias with elaborate trills. They are resting in the early gray dawn of a rainy day shaking the drops of water from their feathers and getting ready for the marathon harvesting of insects to feed their young.
I am hoping that you are having a loving and lovely Mother's Day. When this day arrives I tend to feel "less than". While my mother was not an abusive person, except when she got mad and did not talk to us for days, she was overwhelmed with five children, and as I became an adult and mother on my own, I realized why we did not have that close relationship pictured on cards and in movies. Her days were long and hard and we never could afford a babysitter. She was not close to any of the other mothers that we knew and that must have made it harder facing challenges on her on. She was pathological about having a clean house, even locking us outside for the day while she cleaned. She made it clear that she thought I was too full of myself, and perhaps I was. But perhaps I just needed someone to stand up for me as the eldest and go-to babysitter, and that was me.
I also feel dismayed on these days knowing there are people (my husband) who were very close to their mothers and miss that love and attention every single day. They are sad knowing they will never see their mother again. Some others have lost their mother tragically early as a former colleague of mine to ugly cancer.
I also feel dismayed on these days for those mothers that have lost a child and will not get that phone call or Mother's Day card on this day. This day is a sad reminder for them.
So, please enjoy your day, but also remember for many this is a day to just get through, and if you know someone getting through this day, give them a call and talk about your friendship and how much they mean to you.
Good advice.
ReplyDeleteI was never that close to my mother either (5 kids, two died), and neither was B (8 kids, one died). But my heart goes out to them, for it's not an easy job, and most try their best.
ReplyDeleteI am not a fan of Mother's Day. When we had mothers still alive, we did things with them or gave them flowers, usually potted for my mom. But for me, it's kind of a heartbreaker and I know it is for others. I remember being in church (years back) and the pastor would say how the mother determined the home for its joy or success. I'd come home and walk back to the creek to have a good cry. So much responsibility and when it doesn't go perfectly (and not many find it does) is it really all the mother? Anyway I am happy on this day for those who had a great experience both with their mothers and mothering.
ReplyDeleteI was not close to my mother and when she died my tears were more for the fact that with her death went any hope of ever having the kind of mother I so desperately wanted as a child and gave up on as a late teen. she did not like children, did not like to be touched, would push you away if you sat too close. she was selfish and self centered, not interested in her grandchildren or in being a grandmother. so yeah, I envy all those who had close loving relationships with their mothers and who miss them.
ReplyDeleteMy mom and I were very different, but we loved each other... and I do miss her. She died at 94 and lived with us for the last 14 years. It wasn't always easy - especially after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but we still shared a lot. Mothers and daughters relationships (like fathers and sons) can sometimes be complicated.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful and powerful lot of messages you received. I was the worst of mother's, and I am very glad to get a ton of enthusiasm from one daughter this morning. I send you hugs and much appreciation for our long distance friendship.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the reminder, Tabor!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. Like your mother, mine was constantly at the work of raising seven children with very little money and no help. My relationship with her was not close until her last few years, when I worked hard to love and support her as she became physically debilitated with age and the wear and tear of a life oh hard work.
ReplyDeleteExcellent topic, yes, even some who have children have lost a child, and that hurt never stops, it just gets easier to work around.
ReplyDeleteMy mother is on the Other Side along with my two children, so Mother's Day is not something I celebrate hugely. But I was fortunate to have a mother who loved me and all her other kids, too. You reminded me that she used to lock us out of the house when she went on a major clean. :-)
ReplyDeleteYes its not an easy day for many. then there are fabulous mothers who care for disabled children.
ReplyDeleteWell I was given away at birth, so never knew my mother but went to my paternal grandfather. But over the weekend my son called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Gently pointed out to him that it was M/D in America, the English M/D was well past!
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