I am a novice of this being alone for days on end. Coupled with a snowstorm that has prevented me from seeing anyone for days, and being a person who is not crazy about talking on the phone, I have lived in a very hollow echo tunnel it seems. I am surprised when I say something out loud and it fills the room. A simple bump of the pipes has me listening for something wrong. I have had the TV on more than usual and played the Christmas music until I became tired of that nostalgia and had to turn it off. I am reading Marcus Aurelius's "Meditations" out loud in bed, which might otherwise annoy my husband.
There are people in this world (I have friends) that live alone and work alone, but also have a calendar filled with coffee dates, exercise dates and dinner dates. I do wish I was that type of a person, but I am not. I have a calendar filled with a few hobbies and am blessed with children who see me now and again. I can go for several days in a row and never talk to anyone, and miss people, but not really miss people. It is hard to explain.
I do think about what habits I would absolutely have to change if my husband passed on before me. He is in excellent health for someone in his mid-seventies (swims a mile once or twice a week, runs four to six miles on the elliptical every now and then and is far more active in general than I) and both his parents, who were not in excellent health lived into their late 80's and early 90's. He is becoming more forgetful. This is hard to measure because he always has been a bit scattered on details and location of things. Still, even now he admits his memory is not as good as it used to be. He called today and complained about how he forgotten his backpack when loading the boat, lost his phone on a hike, but while both were later retrieved, he is having fun and does not let the annoyance get to him. When he is home I do spend more time than I would like looking for something he set down somewhere. It is what it is.
Could I live out here in the woods all alone? I read a blogger, actually a few bloggers, who live alone in the country and relish the quiet and beauty. I think I would have to find some compromise...not the city or the suburbs...some community that is rural but has amenities and a sense of community for the less agile. My children have said that I could come live with them, but they both live in the suburbs which means I would have to be able to drive to get anywhere and I would be in a neighborhood that is empty during most of the day.
I must admit, what a luxury to be able to think about this, to not be forced into some situation...at least for now. It is wise to be willing to admit that compromise is in the future of most of elders. Compromise and acceptance or you do battle with the inevitable.
I could have written this. I love solitude but too much plays into my abandonment issues. I play out living alone all the time and know I would not stay here. I am conjuring a small place in town. No woodstove. An indoor pool would be nice.
ReplyDeleteHey, it looks like a landshark under the snow!
Well being alone can be good but it can also bring on panic, think we all love solitude, or at least the 'idea' of it, so I suggest you write something everyday and we will all come and check on you and reply. There are very good reasons why solitude is bliss, and they are all selfish ;)
ReplyDeleteI've thought about this as we are 25 miles from town with cattle and sheep. None of it would be possible if not for my husband. We have a second home in Tucson that is smaller and only a mile and a half from stores. It would be more feasible but the drawback is the kids live in Oregon. My husband though is likely to outlive me as his parents lived into their 90s. He is also forgetful but he always was; so not sure that is anything to be concerned about. He is loose on facts where I am tight on them. I have thought I don't do enough with others but I've had times like this and they are part of a cycle. I am definitely no joiner and what I do with the writing requires a lot of alone time. I don't know how I'd do if I had to move to an actual town but probably not well.
ReplyDeleteThis was lovely to read...
ReplyDeleteSince moving here almost 6 years ago, solitude has become a familiar companion. Less so, now that my daughter has joined us. I have found that I thrive on my alone time. The earlier part of my life was far more busy and social and I've come to the conclusion that this style suits me far more. Hope to remain here on this land as I age and pass on, but am not delusional enough to believe that will be the case. So much can change so fast.
Now you know your words could be my words.
ReplyDeleteInside through days of being solo, still can't drive
and I have thoughts can I create another lifestyle?
Even made a few calls :(
But love my woods and now cannot wander the paths
and cannot have another fall that I am still healing from
So today have been organizing drawers and filling bags to give to my daughter.
In short
understand your words and I am down the road in age.
Being alone can be easier, but then you tend to bottle up n let it out at the next human visit. I need alone time to be creative. The brain does shrink a bit with age, they say. Last week I went crazy trying to find temporarily lost items due to the flu n pills messing with my processor. As long as they are recovered that's good. The internet makes it much less lonely than without. Good luck on the rest of your alone time.
ReplyDeleteWow... that is great, swimming a mile twice a week in the mid seventies is great.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like it will be a while before you or your husband are in need of a more senior lifestyle; however, when you are, check out Ingleside Retirement in DC. A big woodsy area with nature, but in the city and accessible to activity.
ReplyDeleteI just re-read your post and see "no city life for you." Oh well, when the time comes to make a change, you all will figure it out. And your kids will drive you batty with their opinions. :) Until then, continue to enjoy your life. I didn't hear anything wrong or lacking with it. Actually, it's rather blessed.
I hope you and yours had a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and are having a very HAPPY NEW YEAR. May we display your header on our new site directory? As it is now, the site title (linked back to its home page) is listed, and we think displaying the header will attract more attention. In any event, we hope you will come by and see what is going on at SiteHoundSniffs.com.
ReplyDeleteThe telephone is my lifeline to people I care about who are not close by. My sister and two of my friends enjoy long intimate telephone conversations. I don't care for skyping or Facebook that much as ways of keeping in touch with people.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I depend on each for companionship to a great degree, after 52 years together. I do not intend ever to live completely on my own, since I consider that to be an extreme circumstance which I would find unendurable.
Becoming a widow, casts a different light on solitude and living alone. I do value time to myself but recognize a need for verbal communication. To some extent, for a variety of reasons, I've had to adapt to having less than I might like. To some extent, blogging has aided. Phone is fine, but I like to see the individual to whom I speak -- the nonverbal aspects of communication -- so Face Time, Skype I enjoy but have limited opportunities for that as most others I know don't seem as comfortable with those means.
ReplyDeleteI live alone in the country. I love the quiet and the beauty of my woods at the back of my 10 acres of property. However for the first time I am beginning to consider moving back to the city. We have many meth users and dealers in our area and they are robbing rural areas of thousands of dollars of items. I have video cameras on my property and two alert dogs as well as guinea fowl who set up loud alarms for any intruders. Will just have to wait and see.
ReplyDelete