Monday, July 29, 2013

One Night In Baltimore

Baltimore is an interesting and dynamic city.  It is also a dangerous city.  One can wander just a few blocks off center and find themselves in communities of extreme poverty, communities that are mostly black, and communities where people will fix your car if it breaks down on their street and then drive it away. There was a TV drama show called "The Wire" about crime and the drug trafficking in the city of Baltimore which got positive critical review for its honesty and acting.  It was dark and gritty and the kind of thing us white folks in our safe little homes watch with interest as we might watch a train wreck or analyze cultural diversity.

All of the ugly racism which has crawled out from under our dirty beds and is being displayed on Facebook, Twitter and talking head news shows brought back a memory of something that happened to me a few years ago in Baltimore.  It was a very short incident, and had the city and the character types been different, it would not even be a memory.  I searched to see if I had written about this before, but could not find a related post.

The time of year was August.  Hot town summer in the city.  My husband and I had taken this lengthy drive to celebrate an anniversary.  He was taking me to a favorite fancy restaurant in this town.  I was dressed up more than usual and had shiny swinging earrings and more make up on than I normally wear and was in a dress-up mood.  We had been ignored by our kids for the better part of the summer, and as a reassurance, we were purposely going to celebrate the end of the summer like we used to so many years ago.

We were driving on a brightly lit street downtown in a main tourist area of the city where the weekend evening traffic was picking up.  We came to a red light and hubby stopped the car.  I glanced over to my right at the car next to me.  Inside were four twenty-something black men.  Their hair was in crazy shiny dreadlocks and one had gold earrings and their heads were bobbing back and forth to some music I could not hear.  One of the men said something funny and they all threw back their heads in laughter, their brilliant white teeth like tiny flashlights against their dark black skin in the dark car.  They were having a really good time.

I instinctively broke into a broad smile perhaps feeling glad that others were also in a good mood on this evening.  (Perhaps in the back of my mind hidden way deep somewhere, I realized they might be drug gang members and carrying guns inside or high on cocaine or ecstasy, but this thought did not surface to the front of my mind.)

The driver instinctively turned mid-laugh to look at me.  Our eyes connected for one of those seconds that seen to last for ten as we both sat just a few feet from each other, our proximity almost creating a personal space.  The whites of his eyes were as bright as his teeth.  He clearly saw my smile but I could see he was registering my race, my age and my attitude and so many other things in that second and evaluating me and what I had seen.  I did not stop smiling and since my smile was not some fear-filled reaction but a true feeling of enjoyment at their fun, he suddenly grinned an even bigger grin and tilted his head to me in greeting as the light changed and we both pulled away, hubby making a left turn and the car filled with black young men driving on.

I have no idea what I am trying to convey by writing about this incident.  I am not saying I am some sweet person who can see the good in all and help change the world with a smile (although why not?), or that drug dealers are balanced folks and just need the reasonable smile of some old white lady, or that black men with dreadlocks and earrings and nice cars are even always drug dealers!  Maybe they were Ravens players!  Maybe they were DJ's heading to a wedding?

I guess I am just saying that I wished the world was always like this.  Nonjudgmental and gracious and ending with peaceful departures.


18 comments:

  1. Yes, if only the world you described existed, or at least appeared more often.

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  2. The black people that I know would have run like hell from those men in the car without giving it a second thought or any apology.

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  3. The one thing i've noticed about most people of any race is that if you greet them with a sincere smile, they smile back. Note that i said "most."

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  4. Those encounters..always touch our memories...who knows why!
    Love your descriptions...very eloquent
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  5. You have a good heart, glad you share it.

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  6. For years I worked in gang-laden Kansas City, Kansas, at the height of Crips and Bloods scariness. Not only that, but I worked in the homes, in the community, driving the streets where I was watched carefully by gang members as I came and went. I learned that respect goes a long way. I respected their power over me in that area, and they respected me for the help I brought to the families in the area. And ultimately, they protected me within the boundaries of their 'hood.

    Does that mean I had no fear? No. But I came to know they were humans surviving in the way they knew. I was always cautious. I didn't take risks beyond what was necessary for me to care for the families who needed me. But I appreciated greatly getting to know up close, people whose lives ran parallel to my own, but in a very different circumstance. It's surprising how "same" we really are.

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  7. Such beautiful words. Thanks.

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  8. I have a feeling you did share this with us before - it sounds familiar. But it's the sort of story that is worth sharing once a year. I agree with Mimi. There are miserable so-and-sos in every race, colour and creed but generally a smile is greeted with a smile. And it's so easy to do!
    Occasionally I find a new person who doesn't, so I try even harder and maybe add a cheery word or two the next time. They usually crack in the end and you find from then on they'll smile as soon as they see you.

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  9. i live in b'more for a few years...will actually be there this weekend on vacation...

    smiling at the interaction...at the base we are all people you know....

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  10. Anonymous11:11 AM

    It's always good to at least try a sincere smile and find that place where we all connect. The main thing is wanting to find it, and my prayer is that all of us want that more than anything.

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  11. People can smell fear. If you had appeared to be afraid and "IF" the men were troublemakers, it's possible that they would have taunted you to be mean, or scared you for a laugh. I'm glad they turned out to be normal young people who love loud music.

    I was recently in a line at a cable branch with what appeared to be mostly normal, low income people, which did not scare me at all because they were taking care of business like I was. However, a clearly drugged out young woman came in with a relative and they had "words." Eventually, she came over to me. I thought, "Oh God, this is going to be embarrassing." She began to talk to me, but then my turn came at the window and I only had time to smile and tell her to "hang in there." After I left, I felt that she needed love and wished that I'd had one more minute with her and that I would have been brave enough to give her a hug."

    As you have so clearly suggested, people are people and most treat you the way that you treat them.

    I'm glad you had that experience.

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  12. ps. That incident says a lot about you. :)

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  13. I am reading "the Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison at the mo, so this post was on target.

    I am struck by your remembering the incident so clearly. The tiny thread of connection you felt with the black man, the suspension of fear.

    XO
    WWW

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  14. A nice moment in time. Intimate yet with boundaries so that guards could be let down. I felt like I was watching it.

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  15. A well told vignette - we're so quick to jump to conclusions, aren't we? Though had those fellows been jumped up on something, no matter what color they happened to be, the results might have been different.

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  16. I dated (and would have married) a black man (he was from Ethiopia) for almost three years when I was in my early twenties. This was almost twenty years ago now (dear God, has it really been that long? I feel old) and it wasn't quite as accepted as it is now. It really opened my eyes (and my families' as well) to the world. I saw things much differently after that. Everyone has prejudices. It really can't be helped. But you can certainly help how you react to your prejudices. Keep an open mind long enough for the possibility for those prejudices to fade.
    So many people miss out because of what they don't know or understand. I really think younger generations are getting better at learning before they judge. I hope so, anyway.

    Great post!

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  17. Welcome home. I hope you both had a great trip. Day by day misery on my blog....LOL

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  18. A fine post. Funny how those brief memories linger when they are so meaningful.

    I have a copy of The Wire and I'm looking forward to watching full episodes. Last winter, we watched Homicide: Life on the Street.. same producers.. also Baltimore. Great series.

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