There are more days lately when I ponder at the strange hands that have attached themselves to my arms. The skin has thinned around the bones arteries and tendons, and while they do not look claw-like, they are no longer smooth and plump. They are spotted with liver spots...what an ugly term! The spots clearly appear on the top half of my hand that would be most exposed to the sun over the decades I have lived on this earth. They appeared gently a few years ago and now they have settled in and darkened to a nice dotted tan.
I remember once shopping with my mother-in-law before her dementia took her personality away. She was looking for a Porcelana cream that was purported to remove age spots. I, without any sensitivity, thought it was a foolish project, but politely did not say that out loud and helped find the magic potion. She was in her 80's. I was thinking that of course she would have liver spots and she should just accept that! Why would anyone have any vanity left when they reached their 80's?
Now, in my mid-sixties I realize that a little vanity is healthy and an example of how we hope to live longer and to be admired a little longer. That is only human nature and not a foolish project trying to look younger and healthier. I accept the fact that only major surgery would achieve any erasing of the years in my case. A jar of cream isn't going to do anything much but empty my pocket book, but creams for softer skin, gentle coloring for gray hair, careful purchase of bright and stylish clothes that flatter (hide) the gravity prone figure are all acceptable moves. Even teeth whitening makes one look healthier if it can be afforded.
I realize that who I am in my heart is the most important trait I have. I also have learned in old age that most of society will not even notice I am in the room unless I speak out boldly to demand attention. But a little gilding of the aging lily is not such a bad thing, as long as it does not become a blind obsession attached to unrealistic expectations..
I remember once shopping with my mother-in-law before her dementia took her personality away. She was looking for a Porcelana cream that was purported to remove age spots. I, without any sensitivity, thought it was a foolish project, but politely did not say that out loud and helped find the magic potion. She was in her 80's. I was thinking that of course she would have liver spots and she should just accept that! Why would anyone have any vanity left when they reached their 80's?
Now, in my mid-sixties I realize that a little vanity is healthy and an example of how we hope to live longer and to be admired a little longer. That is only human nature and not a foolish project trying to look younger and healthier. I accept the fact that only major surgery would achieve any erasing of the years in my case. A jar of cream isn't going to do anything much but empty my pocket book, but creams for softer skin, gentle coloring for gray hair, careful purchase of bright and stylish clothes that flatter (hide) the gravity prone figure are all acceptable moves. Even teeth whitening makes one look healthier if it can be afforded.
I realize that who I am in my heart is the most important trait I have. I also have learned in old age that most of society will not even notice I am in the room unless I speak out boldly to demand attention. But a little gilding of the aging lily is not such a bad thing, as long as it does not become a blind obsession attached to unrealistic expectations..
Who I am at heart is ok, but gosh, I would love to have a chin again.
ReplyDeleteAll so true. Aging gracefully is a good thing. A bit of a detour doesn't hurt though.
ReplyDeleteI am wrestling with this all again, trying to find peace with looking old and recognize that what I am doing is more important than what I look like but it's hard not to notice the changes.
ReplyDeleteI am like most people, I did not appreciate my beauty of my youth. I could always find a fault. I now look back at those photos and think, I looked pretty good! So, now with all the wrinkles, age spots, and chicken skin, I try to remember that in 10 years from now, the me right now will look pretty good!
ReplyDeleteLet me know if you find anything that works. My hands are a sight, not only do I have age spots and freckles my veins are big and dark, just like my dad's (which I remember pointing out to him). Is there a gentle hair coloring? I know so little about it.
ReplyDeleteAt least we are in good company. So many of our generation aging now.
After many years of trying to be someone for someone else, I finally realize that I'll never look the way I want, and I can't appeal to everyone. I now embrace the fact that I'm fat and talk too much. So be it. The truth is very liberating.
ReplyDeleteVery well said.
ReplyDeleteEvery day my hands look more like my mother's. I've never spent a second of time thinking about coloring my hair. I'm not starting that. One look at Carol Burnett these days should make women run from thoughts of a face lift. Her face is so tight she has difficulty talking and smiling. I'm pretty much a natural gal. However, I do like flattering clothes.
ReplyDeleteWhen I put day cream (with sunscreen) on my face I always rub some onto the tops of my hands hoping it will help stop the age spots. Time will tell. I know it washes off as soon as I wash my hands but I keep trying.
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ReplyDeleteYep, if I could change a few things, I'd plump up my hands,too. And I'd smoothe the cellulite on my thighs. Let's see, what else? Hmmm... I'm getting a little fleshy under my chin. LOL
ReplyDeleteI used to feel like that young person you mentioned who wondered why older people even bothered. It's a different story when you become that older person.
Thankfully, I can laugh a little at these things; that I know as you do, to treasure who I am.
But my motto stilll is: accentuate the good, camouflage the bad. :)
Yeah. yes. YES! Why the hell not. My mother is nearly 91 & has forgotten who my husband is, but by god she still gets her hair dyed regularly & I don't begrudge her a thing.
ReplyDeleteI first noticed spots on my hands when I photographed myself holding something & wondered later whose hands those were.
For some reason I find spots and weins and boney bumps very cool. Wrinkles I will just live with, telling myself they add a certain sense of character. Those skin tag thingies on my neck...they have to go.
ReplyDeleteAt our age, vanity is a good thing!
ReplyDeleteA little bit goes a long way and letting it all "go" is sad!!
Hugs
SUeAnn
Ah, the gravity prone figure, quite the challenge in a department store. My hands look like my mother's except she kept her nails long and painted until the end. Mine are short and rarely painted but they are always into something grubby, in the sun, which is how they came to look this way, ha, ha.
ReplyDeleteI love hands, looking at people's hands. There was a checkout lady who was super-freckly, probably in her 60's. (I have freckles, too.) And it was hard to tell if her hands were age spotted or if her freckles were so plentiful they were running together.
ReplyDeleteBut I thought she was beautiful. I imagined those hands holding soft babies and folding dish towels and checking fevered foreheads. Those hands had BEEN places, wonderful places. You could just tell.
I am bald. I am grateful for nice wigs. Still I would give anything to grow my own locks and see my face again surrounded by my real hairline and a cute cut.
ReplyDeleteYou said it well my friend.
My hands show my age more than any other part of me. They are not too spotty but very veiny and wrinkled.
ReplyDeleteI am not grey, though. But even if I were grey I would not dye my hair. And my choppers are dingy but functional. My friends and family are OK with how I look, and that is all that matters to me.
I don't feel my age very much at home in Hawaii, but when I am on the Mainland I do. All the young people are so intent on their activities here in Seattle, where I am now, that I feel like a back number.
In Hawaii it's partly the pleasant climate and laid back way of life that make it possible for me to keep up and partly a different attitude toward elders among Hawaiians. In line with both Polynesian and Asian cultures, most people there treat us elders with kindness and respect, so we don't feel that we have to apologize or compensate for being the way we are.
Can relate to you Tabor and also all the comments. Who I feel like I am is not what I see in the mirror. The hands have always had thin skin and veins that show greatly. I have lost a few pounds - not trying but health issues and sometimes I think my skin looks like it is just hanging on me. So with my long sleeves and slacks most of skin does not show:) Beverly agree with you - those pictures of years ago now look pretty good...
ReplyDeleteah yes, the gilding. There are days when I despair that the inner, younger me will be lost amid the wrinkles and sags and crepey folds. Then I come here and read and I feel much better.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Tabor! "A little vanity is healthy and an example of how we hope to live longer and to be admired a little longer.".
ReplyDeleteLove always reading your posts and the comments too.
I agree with you, Tabor! "A little vanity is healthy and an example of how we hope to live longer and to be admired a little longer.".
ReplyDeleteLove always reading your posts and the comments too.
I look down and see my grandmother's hands.
ReplyDelete