The Other Woman

Marriage is a tough path to follow, and anyone who tells you otherwise does not have standards.  Marriage is not for the faint of heart or the weak of mind.  Marriage is for those of us who do not mind being warriors on a daily basis.  I will explain further.

As you read this post I am (hopefully) sitting on a sunny Florida beach with my grandchildren.  Yes, I am obviously richer than Croesus being able to take off to Florida several times a year.  In reality this expensive lifestyle is causing us to spend rather then save our recent tax refund.  We are driving down with our S.I. L. while our daughter and two kids fly in a day later.  Our car will be crammed to the top with more beach toys, food, luggage, and clothes than anyone needs for a week.  We will be prepared for all types of weather, all types of fun including some fishing and canoe gear if hubby can find room, and leave just enough empty seats for 3 adults and the one adult and 2 children that we will be picking up at the airport before we have a chance to unload.  God forbid we should get bored!

But, as I write this post for later publishing I have some trepidation about this trip.  Not because we are covering 1,000 miles in a day an a half with limited food and bathroom breaks.  Not because I am with my fairly liberal-minded husband and my fairly conservative-minded son-in-law in a confined space for hours on end while we want to listen to NPR and he wants to listen to Sports Radio.  (S.I.L. will have to stew in some agony because we do not have satellite radio.)  And, finally, I am not concerned about my snoring as I probably sleep a good part of the trip away. 

No my concerns are about the 'other woman.'  She had joined us on our last trip to Florida and I do not think it is an exaggeration that her presence created such discord that I wanted to take her and hit my husband!  I did not mention her presence in my prior blog posts because I was trying to pretend she hadn't been a part of the trip.

Conversations in the car would start like this:
Me:  OK, I think we are ready.
Car engine starts and we head out of the yard.
Her:  Turn right and drive straight for 44 miles.
Hubby:  (Grunt)  (Mumble) Two women telling me what to do.

Things would go along pleasantly for a while until we reached an area where she and my husband would begin arguing about who knew the best route.
Her: Stay right and turn right in .5 miles.
Hubby:  What?  The better route is taking Exit 42!  (Which he would then proceed to do.)
Her:  Recalculating.  Turn right ahead.....turn right ahead........recalculating.....take the next right exit.

After the third time this happened and hubby ignored her, we got lost.  I asked my husband if he would just follow her directions completely for once.  (Asked is probably too gentle a description as I think they heard me three cars over.)

He is 'Florida boy' and refused to admit that this sophisticated technical bitch might just know about a few new routes that he didn't.  


One time I just turned her off and said, "OK, you are one your own!!  You figure out how to get to the condo!!" 


It did not take too long after this that he admitted he could use some help in this new part of Florida and she proceeded to take us to a traffic-free freeway which he had not known about and we got back to our condo in a very short time.  After this I began calling her Truthsayer  just to irritate my husband.  

Me:  Shall we have Truthsayer find us a good restaurant?
Me:  Shall we see if Truthsayer can route us to the canoe launch site?

I will admit that sometimes she is a bit dyslexic when it comes to taking an address and figuring out which city I want without giving me an opportunity to punch in the city---or STATE!  She also can be a bit dense if you want to change the route mid-route, but I won't tell my husband that.  After all, we women have to stick together.