Marriage is a tough path to follow, and anyone who tells you otherwise does not have standards. Marriage is not for the faint of heart or the weak of mind. Marriage is for those of us who do not mind being warriors on a daily basis. I will explain further.
As you read this post I am (hopefully) sitting on a sunny Florida beach with my grandchildren. Yes, I am obviously richer than Croesus being able to take off to Florida several times a year. In reality this expensive lifestyle is causing us to spend rather then save our recent tax refund. We are driving down with our S.I. L. while our daughter and two kids fly in a day later. Our car will be crammed to the top with more beach toys, food, luggage, and clothes than anyone needs for a week. We will be prepared for all types of weather, all types of fun including some fishing and canoe gear if hubby can find room, and leave just enough empty seats for 3 adults and the one adult and 2 children that we will be picking up at the airport before we have a chance to unload. God forbid we should get bored!
But, as I write this post for later publishing I have some trepidation about this trip. Not because we are covering 1,000 miles in a day an a half with limited food and bathroom breaks. Not because I am with my fairly liberal-minded husband and my fairly conservative-minded son-in-law in a confined space for hours on end while we want to listen to NPR and he wants to listen to Sports Radio. (S.I.L. will have to stew in some agony because we do not have satellite radio.) And, finally, I am not concerned about my snoring as I probably sleep a good part of the trip away.
No my concerns are about the 'other woman.' She had joined us on our last trip to Florida and I do not think it is an exaggeration that her presence created such discord that I wanted to take her and hit my husband! I did not mention her presence in my prior blog posts because I was trying to pretend she hadn't been a part of the trip.
Conversations in the car would start like this:
Me: OK, I think we are ready.
Car engine starts and we head out of the yard.
Her: Turn right and drive straight for 44 miles.
Hubby: (Grunt) (Mumble) Two women telling me what to do.
Things would go along pleasantly for a while until we reached an area where she and my husband would begin arguing about who knew the best route.
Her: Stay right and turn right in .5 miles.
Hubby: What? The better route is taking Exit 42! (Which he would then proceed to do.)
Her: Recalculating. Turn right ahead.....turn right ahead........recalculating.....take the next right exit.
After the third time this happened and hubby ignored her, we got lost. I asked my husband if he would just follow her directions completely for once. (Asked is probably too gentle a description as I think they heard me three cars over.)
He is 'Florida boy' and refused to admit that this sophisticated technical bitch might just know about a few new routes that he didn't.
One time I just turned her off and said, "OK, you are one your own!! You figure out how to get to the condo!!"
It did not take too long after this that he admitted he could use some help in this new part of Florida and she proceeded to take us to a traffic-free freeway which he had not known about and we got back to our condo in a very short time. After this I began calling her Truthsayer just to irritate my husband.
Me: Shall we have Truthsayer find us a good restaurant?
Me: Shall we see if Truthsayer can route us to the canoe launch site?
I will admit that sometimes she is a bit dyslexic when it comes to taking an address and figuring out which city I want without giving me an opportunity to punch in the city---or STATE! She also can be a bit dense if you want to change the route mid-route, but I won't tell my husband that. After all, we women have to stick together.
LOL, you are so right. My husband doesn't have GPS for the simple reason that having two women giving him directions would be one too many.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your trip!
I wonder: if that techno voice was male instead of female would men do what they were told? Perhaps a drill sergeant sort of bark - "Turn LEFT!"
ReplyDeleteCan you change the voice at all? Perhaps to one that sounds like Sarah Palin.
ReplyDeleteWhen an event occurs that causes my spouse to take my directions and I'm right or if he failed to take my advice and I would have been right, I make him stop in the moment, look me in the eye and acknowledge that I was RIGHT. For what good it does, the memory doesn't last him long.
ReplyDeleteAll mine does is nag..nag..nag.
ReplyDeleteROFL!!! The "other" woman!!! I love it! We have been separated from our other woman because she is mixed up right now. We have to reprogram her. LOL!!
ReplyDeleteI won't comment any further...LOL!!
Hugs
SueAnn
This is too funny! - Just so you know, my other woman is a "Pat" with a very deep voice. Though I am learning to trust, Pat can get confused - so we are always a bit testy with one another. S/he took us to a lovely hotel in the wrong city..and we all had a great time. Your family trip sounds like the best kind of gathering. Make Memories!
ReplyDeleteThis post is too wonderful! Just last week we drove a distance of 16 miles with Samantha. In that short distance
ReplyDeletea) He threatened to throw Samantha out the window and break her into a million pieces.
b) I pulled to the side of the road, got out and demanded he drive if he knew so darn much.
c) I informed him he was never open his mouth again when I was driving.
d) I came home and ran Mapquest maps to some places I need to go, and told him to hell with him and Samantha. I don't need either one of them.
What really gets her upset is stopping for gas. As soon as you get off the highway she starts telling you to make the "first possible legal U-turn". Then she repeatedly recalculates the route.
ReplyDeleteMy British daughter has one that lets you choose male or female voice, and so hers sounds like a BBC announcer.
We don't have one, but the last time we went on a trip with someone who did, mr. K argued with her the whole way!!
ReplyDeleteI suggest you put the radio on music!Have a good time and be safe!
Since I no longer drive I don't have 'the other woman' to contend with. The technology must drive men who never ask for directions crazy.
ReplyDeleteIf you have the one that uses the phrase "recalculating" then I am thinking you have the same one as my nephew.
ReplyDeleteHe got lost in downtown Columbus and was zipping up this street and down that street and the GPS finally sighed and said "Please stay on the intended course."
I thought that was great.
she can also be a right pain, this other woman!
ReplyDeleteShe frequently routes gigantic lorries to cross our very narrow medieval bridge to get to a small village upstream which is called Newcastle but is NOT the huge metropolitan, industrial city of Newcastle-on-Tyne.
Said lorries will then get stuck on our bridge, which is the dearest little hump-backed bridge meant for mule trains rather than road trains.
We have a built-in GPS in a used Lexus we bought over a year ago, and no one has bothered to read a few instructions on it yet!
ReplyDeleteSince the other woman is so smart, I will have to figure out how to bring her along with us, too, and see how my husband gets along with her.
Enjoy your family and Florida!
Ha, only you would form an alliance with the other woman. Do they ever have male voices?
ReplyDeleteHave a great trip - can't wait to read your sharing. Love the way you write. Know you will have some great pictures to share!!
ReplyDeleteHave fun and a safe trip home.
Thanks for the note today. Lets see if truthsayer will route us to a good dentist.
ReplyDeleteThis is delightful. What a wonderful post.
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and love this post! The other woman is a great analogy! My husband absolutely loves ours. He has set her to get us to places where we regularly travel "just to see how she will get there". In fact, he has been setting her up with the destination as we are going along the road. So-can you picture the explanation to an officer? "sorry, I was setting the GPS for A Place We Already Know How To Reach!"
ReplyDelete