Retirement has been a wonderful gift for which I am daily thankful. I have good health and reasonable economic security, neither of which I take lightly, as I know like everything else in life, both of these will change over time. My life today has been the result of planning, learning, hard work, but mostly luck. I am lucky to be born in this great country. I was lucky to be able to go to college and pursue a career. I am lucky to have two beautiful and healthy grandchildren and two wonderful children. I am lucky to be married to a patient but energetic man. I was lucky enough to never win the lottery or some contest which would be a true burden in this simple life I now have.
Thus, I do carry some guilt with me as I do not think I have 'earned' this.
I carry some more guilt because I have not yet ventured out to share this time in a structured way with others who are not so lucky in this new community where I live. I am guilty because I do not feel lonely for being able to go for days at a time without meeting or talking to anyone, especially when my husband is on travel. I could so easily be a hermit.
I think this temporary withdrawal is because I was so bitter about the mediocrity and falseness of my last 5 years of employment. I was paid very well by the American taxpayer and not allowed to accomplish anything. I worked with people who created budgets that were never implemented and listed goals and milestones that could not be met without a fixed budget which we never got. It was a Dilbert world without the humor. (Our illustrious leader was a political appointee...need I say more?) Thus, I retired early taking a cut in retirement income. As a Type A, the alternative would have been slitting my wrists.
Perhaps, this procrastination now is because I feel as if I still have wounds to lick and a mind to heal.
But I have also learned that all those times I used to tell myself, "Once I get some free time..." have arrived. "Once I have more free time" I will exercise every day...not happening. I will sew those curtains after the New Year...fabric is still sitting in a plastic bag. I will paint the front room built-in so that it matches the trim...guess I will wait until spring so I can open the windows. I will repaint the trim in the kitchen so that it matches the cabinets...ditto. I will start with babysteps and drop by the local library and see if they need a volunteer or have a list of volunteer programs...soon I hope. I will garden more...that one is easy to do.
It is scary how easy it is to procrastinate especially when there are no immediately seen consequences for your bad habits.
I know whereof you speak! Not about my job, of course, since I have been lucky enough in that respect. But since I went into semi-retirement I don't accomplish much of anything. I start painting jobs and don't finish them - there is always a good excuse for that, I find. We need something to motivate us!!
ReplyDeleteDitto, ditto and ditto my friend. I can truly relate to this post. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to be sure our retirement life is not a dream. The life of a hermit appeals to me greatly and not dressing up from 9-5 is sublime! I featured you again today on "ILYB"
ReplyDeleteAh, procrastination my old friend.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to retiring next year to a life of procrastination.
I try and procrastinate today, but others won't let me get away with it. They expect me to earn the salary they pay me.
That's not procrastination. That's advance planning you are doing. If you do everything you plan then you won't have anything to do tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteLove the word verification on this one: exessess
You are entitled. You have paid your dues and you can just relax and be a recuse for awhile if you so chose. You worked hard to get to this point of being able to stop the "have to's" for the time being.
ReplyDeleteI do like the idea of helping out at the local library. But only if you decide you want this. Let up on the self pressure.
Best wishes.
Well I haven't reached retirement age yet, but I don't accomplish anything on my list of things to do now. I can imagine what I will be like when I retire. I guess right now my to do list at home doesn't inspire me to do anyting about it. I do need to change that but maybe in time I will. I can't move past losing my hubby. I am alone all the time, sometimes I like it and sometimes I hate it!
ReplyDeleteI am sitting here laughing at your post as I am still in my pajamas and it is almost noon.
ReplyDelete...and, I have no immediate plans to do anything about it.
Ahhhhh....
Great post!
xoxo
I could spend some time with you and your "I will do this...when??? But, when never gets here. I cannot wait to retire and I know I will be a hermit, and not from my choosing. I will struggle with money issues and I have never had to do this. I want to retire, but at the same time it is coming at me with great speed.
ReplyDeleteI smile at your post and comments and understand. I am down the road from all of you. What is retirement - I surely do not know.
ReplyDeleteI never stop and my to do list is always long. Now a small home seems to be on the way. My creating has been a source of small income and I probably have taken chances most women alone would not take. Enough said. I do need to slow down!!!
It took me a few years to come to grips with an early retirement. It has only been recently that I have started whipping this house into shape. The nice thing is, I have no deadline to do it and am working at my leisure. And having fun while I'm at it...
ReplyDeleteamen. i still have art to hang after 5 years in this house! there is always something to do if i look around, but i often ignore all of that and read, surf the net, play canasta or bridge, or sit in the gardens and enjoy the wildlife in spring and summer. the glorious world of retirement always keeps giving.
ReplyDeleteIt was a great comfort during my awful last year at work, to know that you were in similar circumstances, and that you found a way out. So I can resonate exactly with your "fallow time". Exactly mine too. I even broke my foot so that I could have some guilt free time doing precisely nothing. Well noone pushed me down the small step did they?
ReplyDeleteMy winter break made me realise that this is my time, to do with as I chose, a sort of reward for all my unselfish mothering and wifing over the years. And if I wish to fritter it away...oops a bit of a critical word that... then I take responsibility for that too!!
And the winter break proved that although I used to crave company, I too can happily be a hermit. Preferably a centrally heated hermit!
Did you see that you have a mention in Vishwa's blog http://vishymn.blogspot.com/2009/01/fathers-and-sons.html
I've been catching up on your posts and they make me smile. This post, along with your grandbaby love,I can really relate to.
ReplyDeleteI have been retired for years and still feel the guilt. I need to do more and yet I'm happiest at home. XXOO
I completely understand the guilt of procrastination, it has become my middle name, along with complacency and apathy.
ReplyDeleteMust be too early, I don't get the **missing letters.
ReplyDeleteI have seen Michele Obama look classic and stunning but also have seen some misses (in my mind) like with the dress she wore at the election win night (red and black). My sister sent me this video. Some of the best style wins are in it. I love the ones of the girls as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQuyV6KEahQ
Your friend in slippers, Colleen
Holy hell, yes. Absolutely, absolutely true. Couldn't put it better.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed two changes in semi-retirement: I don't accomplish as many things on my to-do list anymore, but I'm able to not beat up on myself for it. So, although I know that it's mostly dumb luck rather than hard work that's given me my current leisure time, I don't feel guilty for it. And that's a big improvement from younger days.
ReplyDelete