I was doing a lot of driving yesterday and I was listening to my favorite radio channel (NPR). Helping me pass time in traffic was an interview with Judith Thurman about her new book "Cleopatra's Nose." Ms. Thurman's book is a collection of her essays in the New Yorker over the past 20 years. When asked by program host, Bob Edwards, about any insights she gained while reviewing the past 20 years of her work, she said that she discovered an interesting difference in the motivation of men versus women. She found that men are in pursuit of doing something important with their lives while women want to be seen as unique in what they do. This sounds quite true to me.
Allow me to gender generalize. Men want to be responsible for change, for completion of large projects, for being know as leading powerful directions in their professions. Women want to be seen as unique --- from other women in particular (since most cultures see them as women first and skilled or talented human beings second) as well as unique from both genders. We want to be special in some way by those we work with or those who love us. Most of us pursue this uniqueness in a good way. Of course, some women want uniqueness in their sexuality or beauty that makes them stand apart from other women---personally, I think that society has short circuited their minds from seeing the big picture.
Anyway, this concept makes sense as women, who were commodities and not human beings, needed to survive in the ancient days and their uniqueness was the only way they they could stand apart from all others. They did not have power or money to be a mover or changer and therefore, being unique was the key in many ways. Scheherazade comes to mind here. Remember her? That skill is still used by many mother's surviving endless days with sick toddlers
Grandma was remembered for her unique recipes or unique quilts. Mother was remembered for her unique birthday parties or landscaping. Today those skills can be translated in the workplace, but not yet to unique leadership skills. Hillary Clinton comes to mind here. She is unique in that she does what men have been doing for years. Her uniqueness is more of a threat to insecure woman and of course small-minded men.
Which is better. To want to do something important or to be unique?
By asking us which is better, you are being unique! And inviting us to be unique in our answers :o)
ReplyDeleteInsightful stuff though! x
Why can't we do/be both? One is not more important than the other, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteActually as I thought about this, through my head cold, one can be unique by doing something important---or vice versa?
ReplyDeleteBy throwing Hillary in at the end you created a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation. Many women in the workplace seek change and do not get caught up in competition for uniqueness -- but the women who do stand in the way of the women who don't by trying to squeeze them into a box. Good mental challenge.
ReplyDeleteThe theory works for me. I'm much more interested in finding a unique niche than doing something important for the sake of it. But I do think the unique niche can lead us to doing something important.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about the difference between myself and the male bloggers around me and the theory still works.
I'll go for unique. Although, I have nothing against important, and would love to combine both. But if it can only be one, let it be unique.
ReplyDeleteI'm tagging you for a meme.