Last week I contacted the parents for details and I guess I totally misunderstood, because I offered to cook or bring stuff up the city, etc. His Mother said that they were not having TG in the city but with her other son up towards NY state. The help they needed was to drive the grands two hours close to them on the day before TG and we would drop them off at some mid-point for a grand child exchange. My son-in-law then later explained that the help they needed was the days before the holidays. The weekend before TG and the Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of TG week when the children would be in school and needed an adult at home. They wanted us to spend the night up at their house those days.
So...this means we need to plan on driving upstate and dropping the kids off the late afternoon or early evening of the day before TG for the exchange. Then we can go back home that night, a 4 hour drive or go back to my daughter's house and spend the night before TG and drive home the morning of TG, a 1.5 hour drive. I am thinking I will not be planning much of a TG dinner when I get home around 10:00 that morning.
Is is just me?
Right off, I apologize if I am reading this wrong.
ReplyDeleteIt feels to me that y'all are being treated with a serious lack of respect. Seriously, how do caring people not see what they are asking is hurtful.
I feel there's nothing wrong with watching the children. Being asked to drop them off is a huge insult. The children should stay home with you two. If the other grandparents want to spend the holiday with them, then they can drive to their son's house to see their grandchildren on Thanksgiving.
I kind of felt the same way. It makes our TG dinner something thrown together. I am surprised that they do not see this. I hold no grudges, just disappointment. Maybe my son and his wife want to be with us...we will see.
DeleteI am so sorry you are dealing with this. Prayers all works out well for everyone's holiday.
DeleteLooks like you are being left out of celebrating Thanksgiving altogether while everyone else gets to do their thing. Ok, take it as an opportunity to do whatever you want. Break the pattern. Get reservations somewhere for dinner or for an overnight getaway. Treat yourself somehow. Or just have your own little celebration a day late. And do something fun while you have charge of the grands.
ReplyDeleteUh, seems more complicated than it has to be. Can't you all be in one place for Thanksgiving, even if you usually aren't with that family? The kids would love all of their grandparents around? Sounds like you're being asked to be long-distance chauffeurs, without any regard for what YOU want to do or who YOU want to spend time with. You may not be as "elderly," but my Kansas viewpoint wonders about driving in colder NY at those times. At least have a Plan B maybe. Or, you should have "dibs" on what you want for next Thanksgiving. We're presuming everyone is vaccinated, except the turkey. Good Luck, Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteI like Linda Reeder's ideas above: sortof like what I did after a divorce: besides alternating holidays, the kid had holidays in two places. One was just later than the actual holiday. Moms can move holidays on the calendar anytime! Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteI got a bit mad on your behalf reading this complicated bit of tg jigsaw. I think I would explain I couldn't possibly do that and still celebrate my own tg. Then let them come up with something different. You're not the family uber!
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm agreeing with everybody here. I thought this was asking awfully much of you. On the other hand, your son-in-law must feel very comfortable asking such a favor of you. I wish you could just keep the grandchildren and have a holiday with them. That would be lovely.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a lot of driving time during a holiday that can have iffy weather and more than usual traffic. I agree with Kay, in wishing that you could just keep the grandchildren and have Thanksgiving with them. I hope your son rethinks his plan and considers what would make your Thanksgiving enjoyable, too.
ReplyDeleteSo daughter and son-in-law are off for a nice vacation, you drive the kids to a pick-up point for the other grandparents so they can enjoy TG with them and then have little to no TG yourself for your trouble. Very thoughtless and selfish. I have a better idea, do your TG at your daughter's house with the grandkids and if the other grandparents want to join in they can come to you. Or they can go to their other son's house.
ReplyDeleteLike others, maybe I am reading this wrong, but it seems like the other grandparents are getting special treatment and you are not. Maybe there's a compliment here, however, in that your son thinks you are very fit and reliable and can handle this easily.
ReplyDeleteNo, it is not just you. To me, this sounds thoughtless and inconsiderate. Watching the children is one thing, but being expected to chauffeur them to their other grandparents is something else again. You will spend the day before TG driving and may arrive home on TG morning too tired and/or stressed to make a proper Thanksgiving of your own. That is not fair - YOU deserve a festive TG too. And the other grandparents should have known better than to ask.
ReplyDeleteNo is a one word sentence. This makes for an appallingly out of balance holiday. Yes, you may have to use a jack hammer to get it back in balance. Please keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteOK to set boundaries. That is a huge imposition over a holiday weekend.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't get too bent out of shape. We used to do the exchange in my family all the time and nobody felt left out or insulted. The key is communication ... it doesn't sound like they communicated enough to you. So look at the bright side. You get to spend a few days with the grands, even if not the days you thought; and your daughter is certainly being treated well by her husband.
ReplyDeleteThis is what Grandpa would call, "A catastrophic state of disarray due to redundancy and semi-loquaciousness!" In other words, i am not so sure what was needed was communicated correctly. Could you ask to be part of the celebration wherever the children will be?
ReplyDeleteHaving just spent a summer, trying to help with the farm, respect boundaries, and feeling hurt enough to cry time after time, I think the kids of today don't respect or see grandparents other than servers and stay out of the way otherwise.
ReplyDeleteYou will have to do what feels best for you but we are not servants. Our grandparents sure never saw themselves as such. What has changed? It's a weird world.
It is a difficult one, go with the flow or against. As someone in our family always used to say when an argument came up. S.I.D. S.I.D. Sometimes I Despair, and throw his napkin over his head at the dinner table.
ReplyDeleteThat's a lot of driving when you'd no doubt like to be at home to have a good Thanksgiving dinner. I hope it all works out.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie