Monday, January 11, 2016

Again With the Small Talk

Not everyone talks to their wait staff when eating out,but I frequently do.  I am "elderly" in the sense that I may not talk to anyone other than my husband for days at a time.  Here in the country we usually only run into repair people.  They are on the clock and not usually chatty...although some are very polite and endure my husband's insistence on bending their ear.  But recently I talked to my wait staff.

Since this country is one of the wealthiest in the world we do get a number of immigrants, in spite of what spiteful candidates may tell you about how we need to close our doors.  Our service industries are run to a great extent by those from countries with no democracy, no opportunity, and no promise.  People who have no choice, but come to us for a fresh start.

My trip this fall during Thanksgiving to Florida resulted in quick talks with a young man at the restaurant who was so very helpful and polite in waiting upon us.  Since we loved the view of the setting sun, we went twice to the restaurant for dinner and got to know this waiter better.




The place had an elderly cat that pretty much had the run of the place and caught my photographic eye.  He worked around the tables like an old sailor at a bar.  I am sure if he had had better eyesight he would have joined me on the table for dinner!



Anyway the young man, who actually was very androgynous much like "Pat" on Saturday Night Live and caused my husband and I some quiet discussion, had medium length curly dark brown hair and wore a gold earring.  He explained that all of his family still lived in Cuba.  He told us that life in Cuba was very hard.  People were very poor and the newly opened tourist industry from America may make little difference.  He said he did not bring money to his family who he visited every other year because they had nothing to spend it on.  They could not buy any more food than allotted and it was against the law to raise animals for food.  Obviously Cuba is still very restrictive and still very much a harsh country.  So sad that being hungry will not be alleviated by any harder work or more money on the part of the citizens or a growing tourist industry. Just a boat's ride away and I am sure that they are thinking very much about change.  But change comes slowly.

There is another person I met the other night when my daughter took me to dinner for my birthday, just she and I at a new Spanish tapas restaurant in her neighborhood.  It was expensive as are many innovative places just outside the city.  Most customers from that neighborhood make six figure salaries some even mid-six figures, and that supports such places.  I rarely get to these interesting restaurants and have fun with my daughter buying all the odd foods and great wines---even though I think some are overpriced.

We had to get there early because we had another activity at 7:00 PM and so we were one of the few customers .  Our waitress was a short and medium built blonde with attractive features and a very attentive and pleasant attitude.  She had an accent that we could not place, and I, being the nosy elderly one, asked her where she was "from."  She explained she was from the Ukraine.  I mentioned I hoped I would  have an opportunity to visit her interesting country some day and she said that she  hoped it was not too soon as it was a very sad country right now.  Poverty, war, and  Russia had made her sad about her family and the living conditions.  She said it was not the wonderful country it used to be.  We did talk about the way they celebrated Christmas with a 12 plated dinner of wonderful foods, which were then stored outside on the very cold patio and eaten throughout the rest of the week.  The 12 dishes are meatless and represent the 12 months of the year, pre-Christian and something to do with honoring their ancestors.

It is not totally irreligious as "After a prayer the father will anoint each person present with honey, make the sign of the Cross on their forehead, and say, "In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit: may you have many good things in life and in the new year.""

I do love the way many countries hang on to such traditions because parts of our country move forward into the next year ignoring all the symbolism replaced  by sales and economic success while pretending we are celebrating a religious holiday.

I asked her about her social life in this country and she explained that at first she used to go to the bars with the young people looking for a social life but found all young American's wanted to do was get drunk.  She was looking for conversation, music, and maybe dancing.  So now she hangs out with a few close friends and has given up the American bar scene.  She did not tell this tale with any anger or criticism.

I find it important to be able to talk to people from far away countries without the work and expense of a plane trip and I like to see the world through their eyes instead of  my well-coddled view.   We are a global melting  pot an becoming more so.

18 comments:

  1. Almost everyone in this country is a non-native if you go back enough generations. Funny to think of you as not being out and about much, since I thought you were a very active person and maybe even still working. Thanks for this thoughtful post, Tabor. You are a good writer. :-)

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  2. It is always interesting to get the perspective of those from foreign lands on current events and society. It is usually an eye opener. Three of my dearest friends are from Russia and the Ukraine. I learn so much from them.

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  3. My grandparents were immigrants from Germany in the late 1800s, and they came here for religious freedoms and opportunities to farm in wonderful fertile soil. However, the world has changed, and now there are immigrants coming not for opportunity but to infiltrate our communities and then find a way to destroy us by setting bombs, etc. There has to be a way to vet these people out of those who are trying to come here. I agree that it is wonderful to hear from those who have come here for the right reasons. Have a blessed week.

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  4. We've been known to engage the waitstaff but since we moved out to the country we rarely eat out. and out here, there are no new immigrants. interesting to hear their views on their old country and this one.

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  5. It is good of you to engage with servers like this. It probably makes their work more interesting and rewarding too.

    There is a series of mysteries set in Cuba (and Canada) that might interest you. They are set about 10 years ago, but I am sure they're pretty relevant by the report from your waiter. http://www.amazon.com/Midnight-Havana-Inspector-Ramirez-Investigation/dp/1846972345

    Those are wonderful pictures.

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  6. What a marvelous sunset. I like to talk to the wait staff too but the opportunities are limited. They really hustle along. I hope they can see we see them as fellow human beings if even briefly.

    My family is a mix of old time (1600's) and recent, from Greece, Norway(my kids' Dad), and England (my granddad). It's been a good mix.

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  7. My maternal grandparents came from the Ukraine and I know that my mother wrote to family there. I feel badly that I waited until too late to appreciate the connection and it is lost now. But then, one never knows. I recently received an internet message from someone who found that we are related on my paternal grandmother's side. It will be interesting to find out what I will learn from this contact.

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  8. Fabulous stories you can hear when you open your ears. Yes, we talk to the wait staff, on the rare occasion when we can afford to eat out.

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  9. This is a very interesting post. I don't get out that much either, even though I live in the suburbs. Engaging others in conversation is something I should do more of.
    I want our immigrant people to be happy in our country. they can only make it better.

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  10. When I have an opportunity and relaxed time to talk to strangers, I do also. My kids used to beg me not to talk to people when they were with me because they knew they'd be delayed. haha
    I agree with you that many non-American born people have much to offer and are an interesting pleasure to converse with.

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  11. In Floyd I talk to the wait staff but that's because I know them! But I live a sheltered life here and don't get the cultural insights you did, which makes the evening so much more fun.

    That cat is positively neon!

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    1. He was a big potentate. Absolutely nothing threw him.

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    2. This is fascinating. My experience of Florida has been fleeting, always strictly on the hotel/tourist route. Today I went to our local sushi place and did not talk to the waitperson except to tell her how great the food was, and I ate every bite. I had shrimp tempura and smoked eel sushi and a bowl of rice. It was cheap, fresh and delicious. The waitperson was very sweet, although her long, long false eyelashes were a distraction.But like you I'm always interested in learning what people from other places have to say about their home countries.

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  12. That ol cat has character! I have Dad to engage everyone we meet.

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  13. Yes, even sad you stir us all up. Cruising along, you really give us all a stir. Even if we can't see you, you stir us up. Hugs.

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  14. Tabor -- Being a cultural anthropologist I have always reached out to folks for their personal stories. Fascinating to hear the stories of folks of different ethnic ways along with their traditions. We have become such a fast moving world that we are losing our communal lives. One can find decay, injustices and poverty right here in the US as well as other countries. -- barbara

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  15. Wow, that sky is really on fire. And what a cool cat! It's good to engage with others as much as possible. Since I retired I speak so much less with other people, it's crazy.
    I'm interested in the Ukrainian commenting on Americans' drinking. Alcoholism in the Ukraine is sky high; she must be very keyed into the problem.

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  16. Good you are so friendly. All the folks at work are immigrants.

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