That roller coaster of Valentine's Day is over. Aren't you glad? When we lived overseas there were no stores or Internet orders and I usually cooked something special for hubby and he mostly even forgot there was such a day. (One could not accuse him of being a romantic!)
As his son and son-in-law have fallen in love and shown how it is done, he usually at least buys flowers and sometimes plans dinner somewhere special and gives me a well selected card. This year with the snow and ice we stayed home and ate something ... nothing special but looked at a pink and red bouquet as we ate. We have been married long enough to not feel bad about this.
For some women this would be a deal breaker, but he does show his love in so many other less traditionally romantic ways. He brags about me and my interests to others, he kisses me goodbye, he makes sure there is gas in my car, he tries to be quiet when he crawls into bed at night after I have fallen asleep, he cooks great meals when I don't want to cook, he helps with housecleaning, he fills the bird feeders when I don't want to go out into the cold, he listens to me...well he USED to!
With the daily connection of FB, Valentine's Day must make it hard for some people. Not only do you have to see someone getting flowers and candy at the office, but now those other ones post photos of what they got at home - that diamond pendant, or post photos of the fancy dinner at the expensive restaurant! They gleefully line up their Valentine's day cards on their kitchen table and let you know how many people love them.
Personally I think this is so inappropriate and thoughtless and borders on bragging. I am happy for your joy, but I wonder how it makes those who have no one special feel, I wonder how it makes that young man on a budget feel, I wonder how it makes that woman who just broke up feel, I wonder how it makes the widow or widower feel.
I think your Valentine's gifts and plans should be downplayed. It is a private matter. If you want to post an accolade to the someone or all the someones special in your life, then that is a different story. Go ahead and share the love.
What do you think?
My husband of nearly 50 years has never been a romantic, having learned that from his father, I suppose, who was the opposite.
ReplyDeleteHe always bought a nice card and took me out to a nicer than usual restaurant for Valentine's Day - albeit post-poned - because I was always working that day and too tired to go out.
Since his stroke, he cannot get out (without me or someone else to drive him) and so I have not received cards. I don't mind. He shows his affection in other ways and a card is just an add-on.
he brags about you...that says enough...he takes interest and pride...that tops a cheap box of chocolates any day....
ReplyDeletedid a teriachi chicken dinner on a blanket in the living room with the lights down low...out of styrofoam boxes...
ha. and when you get love 365, why need a day set aside for it...smiles.
My valentine cards, the little kid kind go to my grandkids and my sisters. Kindnesses between spouses is a true treasure. Valentine's has become another commercial full court press.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you entirely! We, too, have been married long enough that we don't need excuses to show our love for each other; it's done every day in little (and some big) ways. I know this is unpopular, but I feel the same way about Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteI think my husband sounds a lot like your husband I appreciate those qualities and don't need special attention on Valentines day. As for the second part of your email, I'm neutral. It doesn't bother me if people brag or not. Some of it may be superficial but I don't care. To me it's the same as Mother's Day, Father's Day, Grandparents Day, Black History Month, Cinco De Mayo...... but I don't hear any complaints about celebrating those days. Me personally, I don't need a special day. Except my birthday.)
ReplyDeleteFacebook in general is about the idealized life. Rarely do people post the raw and bitter disappointments. If it looks on Facebook like someone is getting more love, more flowers, more money, more fun..well maybe they are, or, not. Years ago we did not have 500 friends to show us how to do life...clumsy men tried to figure out how to do Valentine's Day for wives they loved. And wives tried not to be disappointed that their unarticulated fantasies of the perfect Valentine or anniversary had not occurred to hubby. I'm fine with having a window into the flowers and gifts and sweet lives of my friends. If Mr. Rivers had lived to experience facebook, I might have been inspired to post a valentine word or two or a picture just to acknowledge to the world the blessing of a happy partnership.
ReplyDeleteWhat? Line up cards? Brag about their diamonds? Not here. Mine is much like yours, and that's why he is a keeper. I got a card, a hug. He brought me my coffee and breakfast as he always does. I'm so grateful that he came to dinner those thirty years ago.
ReplyDeleteI really tried to ignore the day this year, but it was always a quiet together time for us.
ReplyDeleteWonderful memories of all the special gifts while married. Then starting to date once again at 42
ReplyDeletemore special gifts.
Fast foreward to this time in my life - sometimes my children or grandchildren send me a card.
I am fine at this time as I
have had it all and now feel special when I receive a card.
I think Valentine's Day is best celebrated in elementary school. Beyond that, the expectation of performance is just too much to deal with. When you are old married people, low key is the way to go. Let others spend too much time and too much money in crowded restaurants. I had purchased cards before my surgery for my grand kids and my daughter, which I mailed off with a gift card for a Starbucks breakfast, and a card for Tom, which was waiting for him in the morning. Later in the day he rose to the occasion and got me a lovely card and flowers, which I enjoyed arranging in one of my old vases. The kids and daughter were here for dinner. I made waffles which we heaped with berries and whipped cream.
ReplyDeleteRomantic? Maybe not. But fun, and filled with plenty of love.
Valentine's Day could never replace the day to day caring and sharing we have.
Agreed about the bragging -- curtail it, people! One lady i spoke to as i made a delivery said that she and her husband had agreed when they got married that they wouldn't celebrate Valentine's Day, and they never have. The pressure is off, she said. It sounds good to me to keep the pressure down, and on budget if you do decide to celebrate.
ReplyDeletewhat i like about valentine's day is the timing - coming in the dead of winter! bring on the flowers! i would rather get a cut bouquet of daisies, stock, carnations, even mums, than a fussy arrangement with a plastic heart sticking out of in the middle! and, like you, pride, support and encouragement all year long trumps flowers any day!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big holiday or birthday person, but my husband is, so my lovely red roses are sitting on a table. They give me joy, mostly because it gives him joy to be able to show his love in this way. A Chipotle burrito complete with guacamole would have been an equal gift. :)
ReplyDeleteI saw a few of the Valentine's presents on fb. I would never post a pic of mine because I have no reason to do so. However, I've learned to accept the various personalities out there; that many people feel comfortable in announcing everything.
I like your husband's kindnesses.
That was exactly what I was thinking when I went to Facebook yesterday. I commented on someone's blog that going through Facebook on the 15th was like counting Valentine's in elementary school the day after and not having as many as the popular kids. They flaunted it too.
ReplyDeleteIt really didn't bother me. Ron wasn't big on any holidays but he did get a kick out of Valentine's Day because he loved getting the candy for ME so HE could eat it. lol He was good to me year round and I miss him every day.
We don't overdo such days, for sure. I usually make a card and obtain some little memento, like a small box of chocolates, but that's about it.
ReplyDeleteSame here. We send cards to the grandkids and have one for each other... but that's it... a kiss, a "Happy Valentine's Day" and a card does it for us. DH used to do flowers, but since the cats like to eat them, we've foregone this practice. And as for diamonds and jewelry... never had a need for either. Of course dark chocolate is always welcome (but we usually have this on hand anyway).
ReplyDeleteMaybe those who brag feel the need to do so because if they don't, who will care about them? And those who feel miserable at holidays that celebrate family or love or togetherness will feel awful no matter what. I'm not a fan of crass commercialism but a day to honor the lonely, the bereaved, the forgotten, the homeless would not be amiss.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, I did misunderstand. I agree, it's kind of tacky to post the gifts on-line.
ReplyDeleteI smiled and related to the paragraph about what he does so.
ReplyDeleteWe usually share a card, maybe a candle, wine or chocolate. This year the unplanned theme was raspberry...down to the beret I wore. And we danced to my best playlist.
(We both forget our anniversary.)
i never thought much about it one way or another to be honest. ours was super low key as we were all snowed in. more a family affair than a couples affair.
ReplyDeleteThis is too funny! I bragged about my gift(s) on facebook. But I had a good reason. Well...maybe. :D
ReplyDeleteNumber one - they were from my daughter and I wanted to show her I appreciated her gesture. She always proudly displays any little thing I do for her on facebook and
Number two - in my 53 years, this was my first valentines day gift. Okay, not really - but the first one that really mattered to me. And that is counting an engagement ring I received in a box of candy in 1984! LOL!
The second point that came to mind was one time I commented on a friend's bouquet of roses, how pretty they were. She immediately plucked one from the arrangement and gave it to me.
Honestly, ladies. If this ever happens to you - DO NOT give another person one of your flowers. It is seriously demeaning to them. I know she may have meant well but who the hell wants somebody else's flower?
Ha! So funny you should write a post about this since my hubby and I were just talking about it.
ReplyDeleteI think it is silly to post pictures of your gifts too. Then again I think most of the things people post on FB are silly. And when you see SO MANY pictures of flowers it kind of becomes less special. ??? I don't know.
I even questioned the pictures I put on my blog, but since I use that as our family journal I did it anyway.
I am much like you. I don't need grand gestures. It is the little everyday things that couples do that are special. :)
I'm with you and prefer to be quiet about Valentine's Day and its trappings. The one year I remember was before we were married, so 50 years ago. I came in from work to find no post for me. My mother had hidden the card under a cushion. Not funny. But well worth it when the card was produced, after I had suffered a bit of course.
ReplyDeleteBlessings from Dalamory
www.freda.org.uk
loved this one, tabor..especially these lines "I am happy for your joy, but I wonder how it makes those who have no one special feel, I wonder how it makes that young man on a budget feel, I wonder how it makes that woman who just broke up feel, I wonder how it makes the widow or widower feel."
ReplyDeleteyes, it's too much of bragging sometimes, but I feel people do it unconsciously, without knowing that they're bragging. And maybe, the market forces also drives them, without them being aware.