The battery operated clock hangs on my wall in the TV room and is the rhythm section for such a quiet sunny morning. It is the only way I know the time unless I am on my computer. The refrigerator kicks on and brings up the rest of the chorus background sighing. And, if I really listen, I can hear one of the birds, the soprano, outside singing in this very quiet house. All the shows/snows have melted and if we get more they will be so little and last such a short time, I may sleep through it all. It is still bitterly cold, so I will not venture out today. The river has been frozen over all month.
I am alone this week. Hubby is off on a fly fishing trip to Andros Island. This was my very expensive Christmas gift for him. I have no desire to stay at fishing camp with fishing addicts even if the food is all provided and good!
I have caught up on all the small and easy stuff and still putting off the income tax data collection, the dusting in the cooler basement, and the travel planning for the summer. Taxes...everyone over 65 should be exempt from this task; they should just assess us a flat something! I am avoiding the basement because I will see the weights and elliptical machine down there and be reminded that it is today that I should be using both. The summer trip with grandson will include touristy stuff, visits with relatives, a visit to where my parents ashes were distributed, a class reunion where a good chunk of us have already passed on...thus I am putting it off that planning as well since there will be too much to think about.
Hubby left early in the morning yesterday and I blew off that day watching a marathon of detective programs on TV. Something I have only done before when I was ill. I watched a little of the Olympics, but it has become so jaded since I watched it as a kid. It now has fancy training, fancy uniforms, fancy gear and stupid over-chatter bordering on a soap opera of their lives.
I am angry at myself for now having days ahead of peace and quiet and not much demand, and yet, I sit wasting time! The seconds float away never to return. Why does it seem guiltless to waste time with others but guilt-full to waste time on ones own? Tic Toc. Tic Toc.
My desk clock sits ticking beside me -- banishing it and every other time marker will not erase the regrets; the reminders. Seems this frozen tundra gives birth to too much thinking. :)
ReplyDeleteI was only really aware of how much noise is part of my daily life when the power went off and it was all gone. Plus with so much snow, less vehicles drove down the highway. The sounds then were the flicker of candles and the logs burning in the wood stove and fireplace. All our little electronic helpers make subtle sounds that I almost never notice until they are gone.
ReplyDeleteExcept connected to the stove and microwave, all our clocks are battery due to the power outage issue that you never know for sure when living out. At least I will always know what time it is... unless I forget to change batteries ;)
I think it's good sometimes to just be. That's like resetting a clock-- our own
LOL...You know at heart that it is a good think to have free time. I now have the rest of my day free, and I feel obliged to write about how I feel about yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why we feel guilty when we do nothing, but I do know that we shouldn't. I think when we allow ourselves the time to just sit and do nothing or just stop thinking and sit quiet, those are the times when we can truly connect with our true essence. So to you I say this: enjoy your own company and be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI feel guilty when not doing something - and should not - and try to just sit at times - and is not easy to do.
ReplyDeleteI have old family clocks that I wind daily. So use to them that at times I think they are not ticking. When my oldest daughter visits she always comments
"how can you stand these clocks ticking" and I reply
I rarely hear them :)
I waited a long time to have "nothing" to do but it doesn't seem as attractive as it once did. Last time we lost power it was even quiet outside. Everyone huddled at home.
ReplyDeleteI love silence. Probably wouldn't if I had it all the time, but still... I remember noticing the *power* of it only a few times in my life; in an old cemetary on the Isle of Skye in Scotland, in the skies on 9/11, and on silent retreats (altho these were never totally silent). Yet... I miss the chimes of our grandfather clock which has been in the shop since October. It's every 15 min chimes have been a part of our lives for so many years. Can't wait to get it home again. As for 'free time' being 'wasted time' - no way! I love having time to myself to think my own thoughts and do my own thing. But... if I was truly alone and didn't have my family to fall back on, I may not feel the same.
ReplyDeleteA few days ago i read some advice about using time -- the guy said, spend your time as impatiently as you did when you were a child, feeling like the time would never get here, taking every minute. Don't be so patient, believing you have more time. Act like a kid in this, and you will want to cram more in and get more done.
ReplyDeleteYou get used to it over time! Or you get yourself into a routine.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to be alone sometimes. I have a houseful now, but they all went somewhere and I've been working on a long-neglected task.
ReplyDeleteI never feel guilty for ‘wasting’ time. A bit annoyed with myself if the ‘waste’ is on something rubbishy, but as long as I enjoy what I am doing (yes, even TV), even rubbishy is fine.
ReplyDeleteReading, surfing the net, watching TV, daydreaming, it’s all fine. Clocks can be ignored but birdsong never.
I live in a house full of antique clocks. Tic-tocing is a big part of my environment. Most days the time seems to slip away too quickly. In my recovery period I have had to work at slowing down, so now I wonder if I'll ever be able to speed back up again.
ReplyDeleteThe taxes are nagging at me but I am waiting until I get some real sleep and can be more clear headed. Soon, I hope.
Sometimes it is difficult getting that thing behind us moving. But it is winter after all, and we've been pretty good about it up until now.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, it is good (and fun) to have a do-nothing day. BUT--those long lists keep on calling my name!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe did get our taxes done --and will enjoy a little refund this year... Yeah!
Take care and be glad that you are not on the Fishing Trip... ha ha
Hugs,
Betsy
I enjoyed reading your symphony of sounds. Sometimes I can sit and listen to the same; on a rare occasion of having to sew something because most of the time I'm moving around. Even blogging and reading have my fingers tapping and my eyes movanomalying from side to side.
ReplyDeleteOften I experience ambivalence of feeling that I have to do, go, and learn, yet, wonder why. If we are giving in some way, why is it never enough?
Thanks for your good addition to my current post,
I'm on my iPhone. Somehow, the word anomaly got plopped into the middle of the word moving. :)
ReplyDeleteI do not care for silence. Living in the city for most of my life, I was used to traffic noise. It took a while to change my brain to the sounds of country living. My roosters crow even at night. The guinea fowl bark all day long. My chickens get involved with a chorus of support when one lays an egg. Slim makes plenty of noise when she pursues a predator. I have a chiming wind up clock that keeps on ticking even if the power goes out so I am rarely without some kind of noise. Plus the trains in the distance can be counted on to fill the air with sounds at least on the hour day and night.
ReplyDeleteBut those silent, quiet moments are the gifts of time for yourself. I would love a tic toc clock, but it seems such an extravagance.
ReplyDeleteBlessings from Dalamory
www.freda.org.uk
Peace by the self is never a waste of time!
ReplyDeleteWhile you were listening to the clock I was reading Hickory Dickory Dock to Liam.
ReplyDeleteI think the main thing I'm learning right now is to waste time and be okay. So much of my time spent (online) is like subconscious preparation, like doodling myself into action eventually.
Time alone is precious. However you choose to use it, it isn't wasted. Sometimes, I just sit - or sit and read - or maybe just think. It's all good!
ReplyDeleteOoooo!!! Time spent on yourself by yourself. That actually sounds lovely. And time well spent. We all need that once in a while. Enjoy it! :)
ReplyDelete