I love fall, and am not sure why my mood is not lighter and brighter. It is not S.A.D. because I do not feel that way until winter days have lingered with their cold gray shadows for some time. I am having trouble sleeping. I fall asleep easily but after four hours I am wide awake and wishing I could do something around the house without waking hubby.
I find that certain people with their self-centered or non-compromising approach to life annoy me more than ever. I find I have feelings of paranoia, where my super confidence used to reside. I worry that my children may be tolerating me more than I know. Thank goodness my husband has enough self-confidence for a small army and takes my arm as we plunge forward.
I hiked about 15 miles over the three days we were in the mountains with no real exhaustion, so I am determined that this is not a health issue. I move lots in the gardens. I hike. I walk. I move household goods. My diet is reasonably good since fall is harvest season, so I get lots of fresh veggies. I have not increased consumption of sugar or alcohol...although I think I am drinking more coffee these days.
At my age if one lets one's mind wander, it can drift down dangerous and depressing avenues. Could this could be a mild health issue camouflaging more serious issues? I watch the news too much and wonder if, indeed, our world and our society are coming to a sad end? Is that the source of my angst? As I age I realize various neurons do not fire as they should...am I slowly loosing my mind? Why am I forgetting things that I don't really care about? Why don't I care about stuff?
My only plan for right now is to try to stop thinking about this. And, yes, formal exercise should begin to filter its way into my web of days...maybe starting tomorrow?
I just hate that at this time in my life I am not more stable and more 'normal'. I thought life would be far less of an emotional roller coaster. I sometimes feel like I am in junior high once again second guessing every decision and every conversation and wondering who I really am and what the h**l have I actually done with my life thus far?
I feel like that too, but it is a seasonal thing for me. It hits me every year in autumn. It is hard to explain - like my mind and body are out of sync. Hope you feel better soon. I know how unsettling a feeling it is.
ReplyDeleteI forget your age but could it be hormones? they can do all of that. Also have your Vit D checked if you haven't.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart. I'm so sorry that you are struggling. One thing you need to quit doing is watching the news... It's TERRIBLE--and when I watch it, I find myself just getting more and more upset...
ReplyDeleteI do worry about our country and its future... I worry about the selfishness and self-centeredness of people, especially the younger generation... I truly don't know what is going to happen in our gorgeous country.
BUT--I find distractions and put all of my energy on these (genealogy, bird-watching, gardening, hiking, just being out in nature, etc.)....AND--I turn off the TV/News!!!!
Get some professional help if your problems continue.... I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Betsy
With all that exercise you get, the oxygen taken in should be making you feel on CLOUD NINE! Nice to meet you Tabor...and cheer up, smile and inhale deeply! After all, I am here!...:)JP
ReplyDeleteTraveled many of these paths.
ReplyDeleteLife is a journey
much changes.
My words do not make much sense
but I understand...
I think you are very normal. Forgetting stuff that isn't important is also normal. I mean, why fill your head with worthless trivia? Re-examining your life from time to time to sort out issues and place them in an order of importance is also normal. Many of us out here sympathize with you and are on similar paths. Take care my friend.
ReplyDeleteLife ebbs and flows - who knows why sometimes we're on top of the world, sometimes in the pits? Get a physical and do have your Vit D checked. Also, I stopped drinking a lot of caffeine several years ago, and it helped immensely with sleep issues and jitters. You are an accomplished person who gets things done. Perhaps you have a lull right now and need to fill it with a new adventure? (PS Don't watch the news if you want to be uplifted!)
ReplyDeleteI found that my pain pills were the guilty culprit that was keeping me awake. An opposite reaction. That's me. Waking up wide awake every two hours. Boing. LOL I'm doing better now that all I am taking is a little Tylonal. Once in the night, no thinking, and I just roll over. You might look at what you are eating. I had to. :)
ReplyDeleteI awaken very early; and I used to worry about waking hubby...now I just damn the torpedoes and do what I want!! Ha
ReplyDeleteHugging you
SueAnn
Are either of your children or grandchildren going through a hard time right now? Could be you are picking up their troubles and making them your own. Whatever it is, I hope it passes quickly for you. <3
ReplyDeleteOh dear Tabor, that’s me most of the time, certainly come autumn and winter.
ReplyDeleteI have got used to it, even positively enjoy the melancholy moods. Actually, there are times when I relish them.
Pondering life’s imponderables. What is it all for? Why have I wasted so much time?
As far as I’m concerned it’s all part of the human condition. I dislike people who constantly exhort you “to look on the bright side” or “be positive”. I find that artificial and unhelpful.
Give yourself the chance to recover at your own pace. And if questions arise, let them.
I understand those feelings all too well. I was blown away by your images because they so clearly capture "depression" to me. I have suffered through S.A.D. and that is why I go to FLorida for the winter, but I always get a blip at the first signs of the season changing in anticipation of those dark days I can now avoid.
ReplyDeleteFind a gentle,restorative yoga class and commit to attending for a full month even though it is easy and slow. My solution for most anything.
ReplyDeletewhew...lets not go back to junior high...ha...i dont know if that stability is a myth...for me it is when i start to get things out of balance....
ReplyDeleteYou've been pretty busy, sometimes when I've been going full out and it stops it leaves a huge hole in my life and I'm unsettled for awhile. Just a thought. It's hard to avoid what is happening in our country and hard not to worry for our children and grandchildren. The world I had seems to be gone at times. It's difficult to cheer up by reminding ourselves at least we don't live in a refugee camp in some h-ll hole of a country.
ReplyDeleteI find my children think if something was forgotten its my memory that's wrong. I keep fighting it, DIL sent me a text telling me to show up on the wrong day and I did. I still had the text. But that's no way to be with my kids so I sat down and talked to them about my concerns that by viewing me as addled it po's me and sets a distorted picture of age for the grands, and "you'll all get there so just knock it off."
Please take care of yourself, and get up and do something if you need to, the sleep experts say there is no point in just lying there. Bake something, read, watch a funny film. Just take care of yourself, fill your own cup.
I think things really are getting worse, and it's causing the reaction you are having.
ReplyDeleteBut you are such a hard worker! Maybe you could try being a little lazy.
I got down to one cup of caffeinated coffee a day. Really calmed me down.
I agree with Betsy Adams. Get some professional help. Don't waste the valuable time of your beautiful life and surroundings being out of sync or miserable.
ReplyDeleteMy mom went through a similar situation when she was about 76 (I now you're not there yet) and I was able to convince her to see a counselor. She went for many sessions and her anxieties decreased tremendously. It started again recently, and now she's just getting out - if nothing but to just sit in the car. And a half pill of Dramamine helps. :)
I agree with the others, also, that it could be a food source, or lack of, or a medicine.
Unfortunately, I don't wake up perky everyday; actually, hardly ever. My perkiness comes a little later in the day. :) But, I know when I've got an issue that goes on too long and I HAVE to find ways of fixing it or making it better.
I remember being told once, that "If it bothers you enough, you'll do something about it, and if you don't, this it must not be bad enough yet."
I know these things are not snap of the finger fixable, so hang in there until you figure it out!
I sometimes think the aging process is a reversal process and that we are becoming girls again. I have a mental list of all the things that revert back. It's quite an ongoing adjustment for me. Lately I've been thinking it is a developmental process not personal to me. I think women are better at it, navigating the inner world where dark things sometimes lurk.
ReplyDelete...so I did a quick catch-up and I think you should definitely try to get into a formal exercise routine. I know you are active and fit, but there's something about that routine that truly helps me, and I can feel it when I get off of it. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDelete