According to a recent Newsweek article the U.S. currently spends over 628 billion dollars on security since the tragedy of 9-11. This money includes 3 billion for the airport body scanners and the necessary staffing for them over the years.
My recent return from Denver required me to use one of these scanners for the first time as I went through airport security. This masterful technology designed to keep us safe is a glass (or plastic?) round booth and reminds me of those sound booths they used to have on quiz shows on television, except smaller. I placed my feet about six inches apart on the stenciled footprints at the bottom of this booth and then the female security person asked that I put my hands above my head, as if I had a gun pointed at me. The scanner moved around me in a complete circle giving me a dose of "sub-dangerous' x-rays while someone gets an eye full of my 60+ year old body without the mask of clothes. I am sure she said to herself something like 'What great shape this old lady is in!' I am guessing this because of what happened later.
After this was all completed she told me she had to run her hands over my abdomen, and she did, ever so gently and carefully, just like a lover. (Maybe we are almost engaged now?) I could not resist looking her in the eyes (an attractive 20 something) and saying softly, "I'll bet you just LOVE your job!"
She looked gently into my eyes and said "Yeah" and then grimaced slightly as she walked away. I guess the romance is now over...so quickly these fickle 20-somethings back away when you try to take the relationship up a notch.
My recent return from Denver required me to use one of these scanners for the first time as I went through airport security. This masterful technology designed to keep us safe is a glass (or plastic?) round booth and reminds me of those sound booths they used to have on quiz shows on television, except smaller. I placed my feet about six inches apart on the stenciled footprints at the bottom of this booth and then the female security person asked that I put my hands above my head, as if I had a gun pointed at me. The scanner moved around me in a complete circle giving me a dose of "sub-dangerous' x-rays while someone gets an eye full of my 60+ year old body without the mask of clothes. I am sure she said to herself something like 'What great shape this old lady is in!' I am guessing this because of what happened later.
After this was all completed she told me she had to run her hands over my abdomen, and she did, ever so gently and carefully, just like a lover. (Maybe we are almost engaged now?) I could not resist looking her in the eyes (an attractive 20 something) and saying softly, "I'll bet you just LOVE your job!"
She looked gently into my eyes and said "Yeah" and then grimaced slightly as she walked away. I guess the romance is now over...so quickly these fickle 20-somethings back away when you try to take the relationship up a notch.
I love this post! I can imagine anyone that gets a glimpse of my abdomen will quickly turn away. It's a mess of surgery scars, stretch marks, and droopy skin from fatter days. A real beauty to look at.
ReplyDeleteClever and funny post! I really enjoyed this one!! ;-) ;-) ;-)
ReplyDeleteAh, another hope dashed.
ReplyDeleteThat's how it is for the older woman. But at least you haven't become totally invisible.
We avoid all air travel and now I'm a little happier about that. Yikes! Wonder what they saw that caused the need for her to pat down your belly? I must say your telling of this experience was masterful.
ReplyDeleteOh God! The last time I flew was 1990. I don't think I will ever fly again!
ReplyDeleteToo funny!
ReplyDeleteLOL I agree with Friko.
ReplyDeleteNo Tabor. I don't.
ReplyDeleteHi Tabor,I completely agree with the above comment, the internet is with a doubt growing into the most important medium of communication across the globe and its due to sites like this that ideas are spreading so quickly.
ReplyDeleteTrey
I had to go through one of the full body scanners in Oakland when I returned from my last trip. I laughed when I envisioned the person looking at my steel hip, my sagging mid-section and my turned in leg. I am sure I ruined their lunch.
ReplyDeleteToo funny.. your story telling made me laugh.
ReplyDeletehAHA! I don't know if I could "hand"le this, the radiation part and the touchy feely stuff.
ReplyDeleteI closed my eyes and thought back to my relatively recent experience at LaGuardia with one of the new machines. I guess I'm like you in some ways, as I always try to chat up the security folks. Part of it is my own way to humanize a completely dehumanizing process. We run this long, ever changing gauntlet that threatens to sap our smiles and our souls if we let it. Part of it is also my way of reaching out to complete strangers, because if this process bugs me the couple of times a month I have to endure it, imagine when it's your job.
ReplyDeleteGlad you made it home safe and sound. Glad you took the time to leave happy crumbs along the way.