Friday, January 08, 2010

The Drill

For those who celebrate this season of peace and love and understanding...you know the drill.  

  • Brave the cold winds and bring in all the lights and faded wreath from the deck that is on the side of the house facing the angry Nor'wester.  Yes, your fingers are frozen as you try to untie the tie-holds.  Just cut them and get on with this before your thumbs web to your fingers!
  • Remove the lights from the gable while your wife holds the ladder and hope she is paying attention in these high winds and be thankful that you can't hear her whining above the moan of the Norther.  Be sure to duck when that last line of lights whips across your back.
  • Spend an hour trying to find the bag that the door wreathe goes in and try to remember where you pack the wreath hanger this time so you don't spend two days looking for it next Christmas like you did this year.
  • Get the stool out and bring down all those high decorations on the mirror without breaking your neck or the mirror.
  • Pack the votives that have been distributed romantically throughout the house including those with the candles you never got around to burning...maybe next year.
  • Carefully take all the ornaments off the tree and pack in their correctly marked bins.  Make sure you look at the bottom layer of the bin before you fill the top layer...it IS empty and you need to start packing there.
  • Take the ornament bins downstairs so you have more room to dismantle the tree.  You will have to count the number of steps (15) since you cannot see your feet around the bins stacked precariously in your arms.
  • Label the outlets on the artificial tree (again?) so that it will go together easier next time and try to find why the second layer of lights would not light.
  • Take the tree apart...it is heavy and it will require two people.  Try not to yell at each other and try not to drop one of the layers on someone's foot, particularly the heavy metal pole end.
  • The layers of tree are much like a Chinese puzzle as they fit in the tree bag...good luck!
  • Zip up the tree bag...unless you notice that small red bird ornament on that bottom branch that was forgotten.  Darn!  Take the ornament downstairs and put it in the bottom ornament bin after lifting off the top bin of stuff... or just stuff it into any old bin that is easy to reach.
  • Drag the tree bag downstairs to the basement trying carefully not to kill each other or damage the furniture or scratch the walls or stub your toes or tear the tree bag or swear out loud.
  • Once everything is packed away be prepared to find that forgotten silver star hanging in the guest bathroom and that home-made wreath from the church still hanging on the kitchen window! 
  • Pour yourself some leftover eggnog with a stiff shot of bourbon and put your feet up, you have survived another season.

10 comments:

  1. LOL! That was great! I could picture is as you told it. We always made of game of "What decoration did we forget?" until it was found and taken down. Never fails. Every year, something was left up.

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  2. I can relate to this for sure. I had to haul three bins downstairs to pack all my ornaments. We used to have an artificial tree which was in three parts with lights but it was such a pain to take it apart and have it fit back in the box that one year we didn't take it down. It stayed in the living room fully decorated for two full years. Finally, one year on Thanksgiving we hauled the tree to my brother's house and now he has to deal with it. LOL
    I'm taking my real tree to the recycling center some time today.

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  3. Why is it that no matter how many times you check the tree, you can still find an ornament hidden in the branches???

    You are making me very happy that I didn't put up a tree this year!!

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  4. Well that last detail seems to make it all worthwhile, doesn't it? :)

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  5. I smile because I have been there and done that.
    Oh - what freedom. Now there is a wreath on the front door, deck, and Woodhaven sign. A few items scattered about so my little granddaughter's will not wonder about grandma. Oh and some candles on the table.
    I have told my children - please help yourself to what is in the storage room....
    In years to come - your day will come and it is wonderful!!!

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  6. Hehe, I haven't done all mine yet, I'm doing it one little bit at a time!

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  7. I am laughing and remembering going through those motions. Luckily, or unluckily as the case may be, I only had to remove the red tablecloth, change the red candles for the mauve ones, put the two large Santa's away and stow the fake Poinsettia in it's bag. It makes me glad I went away for Christmas.

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  8. Yes, yes, yes....but here it is "Can you take down the wreath?" I get away with sitting on my rear because of the shakeys. When he did that he took down the lights too. Dear man. Now we have the tree yet. Sitting there waiting. :)

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  9. Personally, I'm thinking of waiting till spring....

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  10. :) :) :) that is me laughing so much while I was reading that....I swear, I was living it with you....
    I keep finding Christmas "things" I forgot....

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