The Drill

For those who celebrate this season of peace and love and understanding...you know the drill.  

• Brave the cold winds and bring in all the lights and faded wreath from the deck that is on the side of the house facing the angry Nor'wester.  Yes, your fingers are frozen as you try to untie the tie-holds.  Just cut them and get on with this before your thumbs web to your fingers!
• Remove the lights from the gable while your wife holds the ladder and hope she is paying attention in these high winds and be thankful that you can't hear her whining above the moan of the Norther.  Be sure to duck when that last line of lights whips across your back.
  
• Spend an hour trying to find the bag that the door wreathe goes in and try to remember where you pack the wreath hanger this time so you don't spend two days looking for it next Christmas like you did this year.
• Get the stool out and bring down all those high decorations on the mirror without breaking your neck or the mirror.
• Pack the votives that have been distributed romantically throughout the house including those with the candles you never got around to burning...maybe next year.
• Carefully take all the ornaments off the tree and pack in their correctly marked bins.  Make sure you look at the bottom layer of the bin before you fill the top layer...it IS empty and you need to start packing there.
• Take the ornament bins downstairs so you have more room to dismantle the tree.  You will have to count the number of steps (15) since you cannot see your feet around the bins stacked precariously in your arms.
  
• Label the outlets on the artificial tree (again?) so that it will go together easier next time and try to find why the second layer of lights would not light.
• Take the tree apart...it is heavy and it will require two people.  Try not to yell at each other and try not to drop one of the layers on someone's foot, particularly the heavy metal pole end.
  
• The layers of tree are much like a Chinese puzzle as they fit in the tree bag...good luck!
  
• Zip up the tree bag...unless you notice that small red bird ornament on that bottom branch that was forgotten.  Darn!  Take the ornament downstairs and put it in the bottom ornament bin after lifting off the top bin of stuff... or just stuff it into any old bin that is easy to reach.
• Drag the tree bag downstairs to the basement trying carefully not to kill each other or damage the furniture or scratch the walls or stub your toes or tear the tree bag or swear out loud.
  
• Once everything is packed away be prepared to find that forgotten silver star hanging in the guest bathroom and that home-made wreath from the church still hanging on the kitchen window! 
• Pour yourself some leftover eggnog with a stiff shot of bourbon and put your feet up, you have survived another season.