Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Window to Past, Present and Future

Looking back at a time when I was a little girl, I can remember the colorful and interesting Christmas cards that my parents would get from across the United States and occasionally across the world. I would look at the photos, read the personal notes and wonder who these people were that had known my parents so well before I was born. What was this life that they had shared with people in another era? They were just old boring parents as I knew them.

This past weekend I was at my daughter's house when she was opening her mail which consisted of at least a dozen holiday greeting cards that were, for the most part, photos of grinning or mugging little children. Who were these dozens of little people? What part were they playing in the lives of my daughter and son-in-law? The cards were a little window into a current social world that was unfamiliar to me.

Last week I got an email from my son's girlfriend letting us know that we would not be seeing her over the holidays as she and my son had recently broken up. It was a mature separation that appears to have left them both in a lot of pain. This was sad news for me as my son is not a social butterfly and being alone over the holidays is not how I wanted to picture him. What we have is a failure to communicate when it comes to this parent son relationship and this gal was my little tiny window into his life of un-returned phone calls and rare email responses. Now that this window has been closed, our worlds are once again drifting apart. I am so sad.


  1. I am so sorry. My sisters agree. It is the women that keep the lines of communication open in families. If it were left up to the men, we would barely hear a blip from them.

  2. Tabor - my heart understands. There have been similar experiences with my son. He does share some and it really is a blessing. I have 4 children and I am more involved in my youngest daughters day to day life. Sorry for a sad note at this holiday time. All we can do is try to keep the lines of communication open. It does not matter how old our children are - they are always our children and we have tender hearts towards them. Any joy mine experience - I do also. Any sadness - mom experiences that also.

  3. I'm sorry that window has closed again Tabor. I know how funny men are and the pain of being shut out.

    When one window closes another will open. Make it sooner rather than later Santa.

    Enjoy those grandkids! XXOO

  4. Hi Tabor, can you send me your email? I promise no fwds just my Christmas card. ;)

  5. so sorry to hear that someone who was a link into the life of your son will no longer be a part of your life. men are very different from women, for sure. if it were not for me my husband would have very little contact with his family. i am the one who sends the emails, letters, and photographs and reminds him to return calls, etc.

  6. It was so nice of her to let you know. I hope that the pain he feels at their separation will lead him to seek you out, Tabor.

  7. Through the years I have learned that when our children hurt, we, as moms, feel the pain twice as hard.

    I have also come to understand that at times that when our children have sadness and/or disappointment in their lives....sometimes sharing those feelings can also make it twice as hard for them to deal with. It is like they have their own sadness...and, when shared, they then have your sadness to deal with too.

    Hopefully, with a little space and time, you and your son can reconnect again soon.

    I am sorry for your sadness especially at this time of the year.

    Please take care...xoxo

  8. ooops....too many of the word "that" in the second paragraph.....! I hope that you can still understand the message...
    : O

  9. Basically all our Christmas Cards seem to say, "We are yet alive". It's silly but it is refreshing to know our friends who respond are also "yet alive'. Christmas is a time for checking in before checking out.


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