If the Shoe Fits

The luxury of both wild and domestic raspberries!

I have been retired almost two months now---58 days. But I still feel that the shoes don't really fit. It is like I bought a lovely pair of Manolo Blahniks on sale and have worn them for 58 days straight and am still conscious that they are on my feet and that they fit a little stiffly. They also are so luxurious and attention getting that I keep thinking I don't deserve them and they don't quite go with my personality or my pace.

Don't get me wrong. I have no regrets about quitting work. I do not feel lost when I get up in the morning and do not have to rush off to work. In contrast, I luxuriate in the opposite, pacing my morning with a slow cup of coffee and reading while the sun comes up.

I do not feel badly about being on a tighter budget and once again in my life looking at price per unit and looking at coupons when I shop. I am so lucky in having everything I want that a little frugality is a nice seasoning to my life. (Of course, if this administration continues to ignore the downward spiral of this economy, I may be wearing tennis shoes soon.)

But I have so much time to ponder my future. The work that I am doing now (gardening, cooking, decorating) does not require focused thought and so I have time to let my mind wander in other directions. To overwork garment analogies I guess I am waiting for the other shoe to drop!

Are There Blogs in Heaven?

Maya's Granny

Blogroll #4

I have been meaning to do this for some time, but since it requires a little research and more time at the PC and more time coding in Blogger I have put it off until now. But today is the day and some folks are going to get rolled since they visited my blog before I got to theirs. I got this idea from Hoss over a year ago when he profiled those bloggers that he read or that commented on his blog. If you want to read about other bloggers that I read or that visit my blogs (or used to, as bloggers come and go like good friends), go to my right sidebar and select the blogroll links near the bottom the green section! Now for some new bloggers.

BearNaked has a fetish with teddy bears and the photos alone that accompany each of her posts are charming and will bring a smile on your gloomiest days. She blogs from Canada and therefore knows more than most of us about bears. She found me rather than me finding her and that is most flattering.

Another blogger who has stopped by my place is Beverly who is a neonatal nurse of longstanding. Doesn't that sound like one of the most important jobs in the world? Such a profession lets you know she is a woman of great courage. She writes from Tennessee and leads a very traditional southern grandmotherly life...except for a few surprises---like she once kissed Elvis!

Ernestine is on a Journey to Mindfulness. She has had to say goodbye to a farm where she could garden prolifically and say hello to the city life where she at least is close to her children. She shares my love of plants and has learned about the love of dogs. She also is going through the same thoughtful pauses that I have in having more time on my hands. When you see how young she looks you would be surprised at the age of her grandchildren!

Grannie Annie visited me a while back (only grannies visit me these days!) and I noticed that she had started blogging back in 2005. Talk about cutting edge blog boomers. She is prolific in her writing and there is no way I can keep up with her posts, but I do stop by when I have time. I, like her, have re-instituted my exercise program. I don't run a chicken farm like she does, but if our covenants allowed my husband would have a dozen hens right now.

Mary Lou is retired from the Navy. Lordy, she started her blog entries in 2003! I didn't even know blogger was up and around then. "I'm not sure what type of blog I want here, just brain dumps, or a real log. Do I want to get into emotions and feelings for the world to see? Do I want to write this just for me, or with the thought that others will be reading it also.." Sounds familiar to some of us, doesn't it.

Richard who live in Atwater is also retired Navy and maybe came by way of Mary Lou above? While I worked for an organization that was full of former Navy folks, I really don't know anyone currently in the Navy. Anyway Richard loves birdwatching as I do and seems to be single-handedly feeding every bird in his state. He has some good construction skills, which we could certainly use around here, as he has actually built a shed. We bought ours from the Amish.

I am extremely flattered that "Vishwa" from India also visits my blog. He is young and lives so far away! He doesn't have lots of entries each month, but each entry is well-thought out and well written. This entry about why we write blogs (http://vishymn.blogspot.com/2005/12/where-minds-meet-
and-wisdom-arises.html) got me thinking once again about why I write a blog. Stop buy and take a "Walk in the Drizzle."

Please stop by these blogs if they interest you and please tell them that Tabor sent you!! (Now I won't be blogging for a while as I have lots of blog reading to catch up on.)

The Powers of Observation

If you think that your knees are clicking when you head upstairs, a little detective work my help you realize you are not all that old!

Thursday Thoughts #11

1. This morning Hubby and I had a crab omelette which we made with two of the crabs we recently caught beneath the dock. This is a luxury meal that is much easier to prepare in retirement as picking crabs requires a leisure morning.

2. I have trepidatiously planted one hybrid tea rose in a bed near the front of the house knowing full well that they are like creme brulee for deer. I was weeding around it this morning and I looked up to marvel at the dozen or so pink buds getting ready to open. Then, even before I sighed with pleasure, the plant said, "I'm too hot. I'm thirsty. My feet are getting too wet. There is some strange fungus in that mulch. That salvia is too close to me..."on and on the temperamental beauty ranted.


3. I just noticed that I have not worn my engagement ring in almost a week, a longer time than I have ever had it off. I took it off to work in the garden and to clean and move basement boxes and it seems that I am doing all of this constantly these days and the ring sits in a ceramic box near the sink.

4. I got an email from work yesterday asking me if I remembered my Safeboot password for the laptop I had turned in. I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants.

5. Daughter is coming down this weekend since both of our husbands are otherwise occupied with fishing and/or golfing making us weekend widows. Since my husband is taking my son along for all of the following week, I may get to see his new girlfriend as she drives him down. I am trying to get her to stay the night...it might be a fun girly weekend after all---although there are toddlers involved so we will have to be wise on the wine.

6. I have not had to plan exercising time much this past month. Moving tons of dirt, digging holes, laying out bags of top soil and peat moss and working it all into the mounds of clay-based soil, laying out bags of mulch, lifting small shrubs and trees in containers all seem to be helping me get plenty of weight lifting and aerobic exercise. Just to increase all this fun, I and hubby have put down quite a bit of landscape brick after putting down the bed sand. Below is just one of the beds we have been working on.


7. I finished reading the Namesake but found the Kite Runner more moving and poetic.

8. I live out in "NO-NPR" land and there is a religious radio station that sits right next to NPR on my dial and overpowers the signal. I have spent time trying to get an antenna to capture NPR but have had no luck. I can only really enjoy NPR very early in the morning or while I ride in my car and now the tuner button has broken on that as well!

9. Kafir lime leaves are quite pungent and certainly two different meals (salmon patties and beef with asparagus) using this flavor are enough to satisfy us for quite some time. My tiny Kafir lime tree is also pleased that I have stopped denuding it for a while.

10. I actually did a crossword puzzle yesterday. That may be common fare for some people, but for me it always was something for those who have idle time which I never had. Although I love words and their meanings, I am not very good at crosswords and actually somewhat intimidated by them. I also rarely have the patience to sit and complete one puzzle. I didn't finish this entirely...but I got close!

It Never Changes

Yes, I did do my 'chores' today. Cleaned out the basement and we (me---hubby won't part with anything!) threw away a ton of stuff so that my newly finished basement is more inviting.

But I also passed the afternoon watching Out of Africa. I cried and cried and cried. I cannot watch that movie without bawling my eyes out. (Out of Africa even makes hubby tear up.) It will always be one of my favorites as the beauty of the photography alone keeps me coming back again and again, and I rarely find a movie that I will watch over again.

The movie says so much about how we fall in love and become part of that something (Africa) or someone (Robert Redford's character) that we love so deeply. This just doesn't work, because we bring our own ideas which bring changes and those changes attempt to change what we love, to make it better. And what we love is ever-changing anyway. And eventually we must say goodbye to it all.

Now it is your turn. What movie makes you cry?

Just Askin'

Chancy (For some reason Blogger won't let me link) recently left a comment that got me thinking about my overly aggressive activities that are filling my retirement days. She got me pondering about this space in time I now have. Am I hurtling through this free space so fast because I am waiting to hit another dimension…some great new insight…a black hole…a sudden stop at the brick wall? Am I keeping so busy trying to finish my extra long list because I need to? Is it because I really want to? It certainly isn't because I have to. Is it just habit that all the responsible things on the list are first and all the fun stuff is near the end? Will I ever outgrow this bad habit? Am I afraid that I will not have something to add to the list as I get near the end? Am I afraid to really look at the list and find nothing important is on the list?

Am I afraid that if I have nothing to do, it means I am close to death? That is certainly a morbid thought and I am pretty sure I can’t find this thought in the forefront of my mind anywhere. But then, at this time in my life I misplace almost everything at least once! I do know that I actually feel guilty sometimes that my dear kids have to work so hard and wish I could share my free days with them.

I remember a training course I took where one of the exercises was to write your own obituary. Maybe I need to do that over again.

Am I afraid that if I get some empty space, I mean days here not hours, I will realize my life has become more meaningless and less important? Now that is a heavy thought. If we are not saving the world or running people’s lives are we all that important anymore?

Well, after re-reading the above, I think the reason I am keeping busy is that I am a very depressing old fart.