The world is a whirling place. It stops for no man and as everyone's lives around you also whirl you most certainly will wake up and find yourself in a strange or different place before your whirling is over. Last night I had drafted a blog on how miserable I am at my job and realized before posting, but after the cathartic writing, that people who have truly difficult jobs or even more challenging, no job at all, would not really be interested or sympathetic in my painful office politics or how useless I feel in my waning career these days. (I make good money, I can pretty much do what I want each day...get over yourself, Tabor.) And while I blog primarily for myself and posterity, I also have grown to love and admire co-bloggers and therefore feel some responsibilty in wasting their time. So I deleted the post.
Then, as if this realization was not enough, I was standing in my boss's office talking this morning when one of our guest speakers was brought in for an introduction. This man had had a good career in the environmental sciences in the military and retired in his mid-50's and was currently working on a PhD in another area. One chapter from his thesis was what he was going to talk about to our group.
He was small in stature and not exceptional physically in any way. You would not notice him passing on the street. But his personality was noticable. He was energetic and effusive and charming. There are people in this world that just love life and love what they do and when they stop doing what they do, they find something else to love and you can feel the magnetic pull of that enthusiasm. They always seems to land on their feet and see the glass as half full. In talking about his life and family he revealed that he had two children. One of them was a daughter who had drug problems and also had a two-year-old out-of-wedlock child. He said that she was going to lose custody of this child and after many meetings with lawyers and social workers, he and his wife realized that if they ever expected to see this grandchild again, they would have to adopt her. He clearly was still working through this big decision. The fact that he shared it with complete strangers without compunction puts him in that category of people who have total trust in the world. (Not a category where I have ever had the luxury of being a member.)
He mind was filled with questions about how his physical stamina would be so that he could still be a parent in ten years when this girl was 12. His whole concern was about his energy levels waning...not at all about the expense and scheduling adjustments and personal sacrifices involved in raising a small child.
I have a grandchild that is about the same age, and while I would throw myself at the foot of any judge without a second's thought to beg for custody, I also could not fail to realize all the work that is entailed in raising another human being. All the sacrifices, the compromises, the intellectual effort in trying to find out what is happening in a young person's culture. Trying to understand MySpace, YouTube, Wii and still sharpen the tools to protect that person from all the bad stuff while ALSO defending your gray hair and cane in this youth obsessed culture is not a challenge I would be eager to face.
Several years ago when my daughter was going through a particularly painful divorce, it was speculated that I might have to step in and take care of her 4 kids. The thought of doing that at this stage of my life (even though I still work) was daunting. I cannot imagine how older people do it on a regular basis.
ReplyDeleteAt first I was thinking the same as you. How is he able to share this with total strangers? And then I look at us, blogging to virtual strangers.
ReplyDeleteRaising the child? A daunting task, indeed. I hope that no matter which way he chooses that they don't regret it and it turns out well for all involved. I myself, could never let a grandchild go.
I had my daughter when I was forty, and my husband died when she was six and a half. I can tell you that raising a child when you are fifty, who becomes a teenager when you are 55 is no piece of cake. So adopting a child, were it your grandchild past that age, would make me think twice. I suppose I would do it, but believe me, the teenage part is really something! ;)
ReplyDeleteI still remember those days, even though my daughter has turned into the most charming and adorable woman.
I guess we do what the fates or gods or the "powers of all energies" sends our way. We love life more than death and we love our babies more than our own lives and so we will move forward no matter what the challenge.
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