The older I get, the more I find myself fitting in the mold of an old doddering lady. I always pictured (hoped) that I would become the stylish, skinny, and upper-middle-class grandma; the one that was sharp as a tack and that everyone loved to talk to for a brief time.
Ha! I wish I was skinny, certainly no longer upper middle class with this inflation, and while some days, I am sharp as a tack, other days I wander around in a fog trying to remember what I was planning on finishing before starting dinner. Stylish is something I attempt about two or three times a year. Most days I wander around in old sweatsuits, or jeans and a sweatshirt.
Yesterday we had to drive up to the city to visit our financial advisor at my husband's insistence even though I wanted to wait until after the holidays. Hubby's dementia meant he could follow very little of what happened at the hour-long meeting, but hubby was right in that we had not met face-to-face in a few years and it did help personalize our relationship with our advisor. This advisor is the son of our original advisor and has now taken over our account. His father has retired and is now taking care of his wife through a long-term illness, sadly. Hubby also was right in that we got to meet up for a quick lunch with our son and his wife. Sadly we did not see the baby who was in daycare.
Since this filled the whole day, I moved my list of holiday and other things to do, to today. Unbeknownst to me, hubby had volunteered to give a presentation in February as part of our Master Gardeners projects for the public. They are given at the library. I got cc'd in an email from the coordinator since hubby had not been responding to her emails and that is how I learned about the commitment. I explained to him that I could not help with this before the holidays as I just had too much on my list.
That was never going to happen as he insisted he had to start the presentation and download the photos from his phone today. Well, there went the better part of the day! I started to work on downloading photos from his phone (a different model and make than mine) and then have him attach them in an email to himself since my USB connection did not work with his phone. I selected 8 or 10 photos and then asked him to go through that list and delete down to four in the attachment since the email provider would not transfer more than that. An hour later, I thought he was deleting but he had spiraled down to somewhere else and was back selecting photos, or something as he would not show me!
I am afraid I lost my patience as I had so wanted this day to get myself a little better organized. I just now left him with his computer and then heard him calling someone on the phone asking how to get emails off of his phone onto his computer. It may be my busy son who is working from home, I do not know. But he will patiently take him through screen after screen,... perhaps. Or he will tell him to call tonight.
Part of this anger is resentment, I know. Resentment that he does not participate in any of the holiday preparation. He says he "hates" shopping and therefore, never buys any gifts for anyone and has never done so even before his dementia. He says he is not able to wrap gifts, either. He is not a cook, but with dementia, I do not think he should be attempting any of the holiday cooking anyway. Each year I have asked him to help with the holiday greetings that we mail, although I pull together the card design, and the list of addresses, and set him up at the table. I have done this for years and he loves writing a message to friends and family. Fingers crossed this year.
One would think I would be adjusting to this change by now!! And those of you who are wondering why I am taking time to blog when I have so much to do...who knows...guess it is my therapy for the day.
Well, done venting, thank you for listening and I know...I know...the font is off again!!
