You cannot see it and even if someone warns you, how long can you keep your antenna up and your attention sharp. You have a life to live, after all, as you go blindly forward. Being cautious all the time is not the way to live life fully nor is it even being healthy. Yet just when you think you have your balance, it comes at you sideways and you find yourself tumbling and frightened and helpless as you are pushed head over heels. Things are going to be broken and maybe irreparable and most certainly scarred.
I am now in the phase where everyone still has shards of glass and is in prickly pain and is lost in their own thoughts while they lick their wounds. We are all pulling our tools of amazement, shock, anger, bitterness, love, hate, helplessness from the deep dark shed. There are still those of us who naively think we can fix it. Others have drawn their lines in the sand. As our eyes clear we can see down the foggy road and do not like what is ahead. The road is longer than we thought and far rougher and covered in the blood of others as if warning us to turn back. But there is nothing behind us. We can only plod carefully forward. Now looking for my thin, light tool called strength which I can wrap around my shoulders against the cold and loneliness.
(This is not about politics. It is about other stuff which I just cannot write about, but this vagueness helps me, if not you. Two friends have had some tough times this week as have I.)
It's a difficult time for many of us and we can't always discuss what's going on. I think we can pretty well assume, it's emotionally tough for almost everyone. Be kind and back off sometimes is what I try to remember when I see something that annoys me-- personally or globally. When we can offer a distraction, something beautiful, another place in time, I think it helps.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry about all this. Please make sure you have the tool Hope in your toolbox too. What a horrid and frightening mess, but know that I really care.
ReplyDeleteYour 'thin, light' phrase is elegantly written.
ReplyDeleteI put the terrible week we've had down to the eclipse, an infrequent astronomical event. We are hoping for totality to pass soon. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteYou and your friends are in my Prayers
ReplyDeleteI believe, there are times when it feels we are standing outside life, living by our memory of what is suppose to be. It is the Just and Love reliable parts that can help heal us. Even if we don't have any of it left to feel, we know it is there, and we can endure until the misery thaws.
I did think of politics, but I am sorry about your personal difficulties.
ReplyDeleteit's emotionally tough for almost everyone. Be kind and back off sometimes is what I try to remember when I see something that annoys me-- personally or globally.
ReplyDeleteพี่มากพระโขนง
My heart goes out to you and your friends. You may not believe in prayers. but i do so i am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I do believe in the power of prayer.
DeleteYou will find the strength you need.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you're having a rough time. I hope things improve for you.
ReplyDeleteIt may not be about politics but that certainly resonates with me.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are having a difficult time. Sending you good vibes and hoping the situation improves.
Such beautiful writing your pain has inspired. For me it does resonate politically, but only because I am not experiencing the physical and emotional pain you must be in. I hope your strength sees you through.
ReplyDeleteTake good care.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad writing about it helps and in doing so others identify with you and your pain from their own perspective. Be kind to yourself!
ReplyDeleteI am just trying to keep from tripping over the throw rugs in my home:-) Hope your woes are soon gone.
ReplyDeleteIt's lovely writing. I was wondering as I read if it was politics or something more personal. Take care of what you can and know that everything changes again.
ReplyDeletesorry you are having a tough time of it. life can change on a dime. I was thinking of the political landscape while reading, probably because my personal path is pretty smooth right now. I hope yours levels out soon.
ReplyDeleteYou know I'm keeping you in my thoughts. No, you can't always post the ugly things of life in a public blog. Lots of hugs.
ReplyDeleteYes, it has escalated. We are having a meeting on Saturday at dinner. Hanging heavy over my heart all week.
DeleteBlack ice. Been on it literally and figuratively. Take good care.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you are not in a good place at the moment. I hope things improve soon. Beautiful writing and I hope it helps you.
ReplyDeletenot knowing exactly what is going on
ReplyDeletebut sense I have been there and may be at this time
take care, thinking of you
the one who has commenting to me about 10 years
probably the first - thank you..
So poignant and descriptive....Yes, I find myself (and a few others around me) in a similar position. Indeed, "But there is nothing behind us. We can only plod carefully forward". That, for me, means simplifying life, finding peace in the most humble circumstances, not looking to others for validation, etc.
ReplyDeleteTake care, you capture your anguish so well in your words, are you not already facing up to whatever blackens your horizon? X
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