Monday, June 19, 2017

Post Father's Day

Hubby, on the right a month after his knee surgery.
My husband's father's day was filled with activities and love and fun even though we did not leave the neighborhood and the heat was unbearable. We all get along these days, although our politics brought some tension in the past.  Thanks to Trump we are all on the same side.

I was not close to my father although I loved him very much.  I am sure that makes you raise one eyebrow.  My Dad was a quiet and reclusive man and when he lost his hearing in later years, that meant he was frustrated and talked to me even less.  So there is a small shadow hanging over Father's Day when I think of my Dad and my guilt.

My son has wanted for almost two years to become a father and it does not look like that is happening after spending money and going to the doctor.  They do not talk about it and there was some easing in that yesterday when they actually dropped a phrase or two about probably not having kids.  The day was packed with folks, so I did not poke and pry at that tender bit of news. I imagine this was a tough day for them, even though they work at spending time with my daughter's children.

My husband has a friend who was working hard at getting his life back together and starting a new tourist venture in the South Pacific.  He had nine children.  He was 44 and passed away last week from a sudden and totally unexpected heart attack.  That family is working hard at getting through Father's Day, I am confident.

I am sure that there are families that have perfect relationships and that had a love-filled holiday where everyone had lots of homemade food and were thankful when they sat down to eat, or shared a hole in one with their dad, or hiked a cool mountain trail with their dad, or even just shared a beer.  But there are lots of folks for whom this day is a bit of a trial and I raise a glass of wine to them.







18 comments:

  1. True words
    I believe of parents who want children as a Father and Mother needing a kid to go with them. There is love waiting in hearts for great parents like that, some living and some in the process. The World needs good willing parents now more than ever. I say...Love is born in the heart, not the blood. There are some of us that have both, and others that have the Love.

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  2. Yes, it can be a trying hoidat for those with parental issues. Our son and his fiancee came over for a BBQ and we had a good time.

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  3. I always think of those with difficult or no relationships with their fathers as well, Tabor. Not easy I am sure.

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  4. my father died in the night from a sudden massive stroke close to two decades ago I think (can't ever remember the year). we weren't especially close and while I grieved his death I don't really miss him the way so many others miss their fathers. my own family is pretty laid back. the kids call but we don't put much stock in holidays, especially Hallmark holidays. I thought my son would make a great dad but unfortunately he married a woman who can't get pregnant (and has mental issues so it's a good thing they didn't adopt). perhaps your son and his wife could adopt or maybe foster. so many kids out there who need loving stable homes.

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  5. I dislike these days for trying to make it about one day. It brings up sad memories for those who didn't have the relationships they wanted. I remember when my kids were in their teen years and we'd go to church on especially Mother's Day. The lecture would be how it all came back to the mother-- good or bad. I'd go home, head back for the creek and cry because I wasn't hitting the mark. They are joyful days for some and unbearably said for others.

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  6. My heart hurts for those who have lost a child. They can have it tough, too.

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  7. I didn't appreciate my dad enough until I lost him. He was a wonderful, kind gentleman who worked long hours for his family. I never remember him complaining and the most profane word he ever said was "darn it". I wish I knew then what I know now and I wish I had told him more often how much I loved him.

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  8. I would have liked to know my father. I liked G's father and mother. They had a polite and sober veneer my folks didn't.
    We were off to the North county to attend a 60th sobriety birthday party for a determined 85 year old lady. No talk of father's this day, just a hundred and some folks celebrating.

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  9. I had some wine, too, thinking about my own father and how long it's been since we were together. He died in 1979, and I still miss him. :-)

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  10. I think many of our cultural holidays are the invention of commercialism or are at least perpetuated by spending money. Spending time is of more value. And of course we just assume everyone has wonderful family relationships for Mother's Day and Father's Day, when in fact many don't. So we should all just do what makes us and aour loved ones happy. We can make our own traditions.

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  11. Yes, fathers day I focus on memories of my husband, my son as father and stories my mother told me of her father since my father abandoned our family when I was about 5 years old. There are no fond loving memories, any financial support to my Mom, or contact from him tho I learned after the fact that he died the year I graduated from high school. Years later when my mother rewed I called him Pop -- he was emotionally distant but had been so with his own children. I came to think as an adult after he died that life events for him, including the death of his first wife when they were young may have caused him to shutdown. Loving dad's are important for daughters and sons.

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  12. I was blessed with a wonderful father. My husband was not. His father was a horrible man who punished his five sons with a hammer. Thankfully Ron went into the Navy as a very young man and they raised him into a wonderful guy. Plus he had attended a Mennonite school as a child and got many of his great qualities from there. Blessings to all those who managed to turn out well despite bad dads.

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  13. Holidays of various sorts can be difficult for some. All the best to you and yours.

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  14. Not a good relationship with my dad.
    It is what it is and my ex now with his daughter in Michigan (never hear from her) He tells my girls he wants to go back with me - oh my been 40 years - NO WAY
    all of it 98% forgotten.
    Now my daughters, children and hubbies
    it was wonderful at their homes.
    My mothers day was great :)
    Babies, can be
    a long process -for my oldest grand grand daughter
    it is happening and I will be a great grandmother in December
    a Christmas baby....

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  15. There are false values in all these holidays, and sometimes they make us feel guilty rather than happy. Today my daughter travels down to attend the funeral of her stepfather (who she disliked) but it is for the sake of her brother. As an illegitimate baby after the war, I was adopted by my grandfather and inherited 3 stepmothers along the way, which complicated life no end ;). I still love those insidious sentimental cards though!

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  16. There are false values in all these holidays, and sometimes they make us feel guilty rather than happy. Today my daughter travels down to attend the funeral of her stepfather (who she disliked) but it is for the sake of her brother. As an illegitimate baby after the war, I was adopted by my grandfather and inherited 3 stepmothers along the way, which complicated life no end ;). I still love those insidious sentimental cards though!

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  17. My husband and I both had very difficult relationships with our fathers. They are gone now. I try to be extra nice to my husband on Fathers' Day, because he is a great father!

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