I remember a lecture about prejudice that I attended many years ago when I was "probably" in college. A black man gave the lecture and one of the very first questions he asked was "Who in the room was racially prejudiced?" A very few tentatively raised their hands before I cold even get the question around in my mind. Then he went on to say that every single person in the room was prejudiced to some degree because of their background and experiences. He included both black and white people in the room. This was a new concept to me at that time; remember this was almost 50 years ago and I was very young and naive, which brings me to this past weekend.
Easter Sunday was a day my daughter had scheduled for one of her son's birthdays. Her other son's birthday party was on the Saturday! They were both born close to Easter.
Daughter selected a museum in Baltimore for the little guy and allowed him to invite his closest friend from preschool. Since my grandson had mentioned this friend a number of times, I was glad to have the opportunity to meet him. The friend's family came as well...parents and their 2-year-old daughter. We ate at a seafood chain restaurant and then spent time in the museum designed just for children. Exhausting for us old types, but lots of fun as well with all the unusual physical activities.
It was not until well into the afternoon that I realized I had been very careful of my behavior (internally) for most of the day. The mother of this family was black and the father was white. I realized that each time I approached their young boy to help or distract in an activity I was conscious of trying to be as 'politically correct' as possible. Stupid and odd on my part, but I subconsciously kept making sure my actions were balanced and fair and "liberal" between the two four-year-old boys. I did not want a hint of accidental prejudice to show! I did not want to make some mistake. This is a really odd feeling and I have no idea where it came from. (No bleeding heart liberal comments please!)
I am not prejudiced. At least I think (hope) I am not. Then why was I so conscious of the possibility of making a mistake? I will honestly admit in my little old lady white world these days, unlike my younger years, I am not around black children very often. I have a few adult black acquaintances at meetings, etc., but my life is so white bread. ( I am trying to change that with some new volunteer work which is not evolving as I hoped..not even getting off the ground.)
Am I too old for words? Or am I just overly sensitive? Am I a relic of the older generation that millennial types try to ignore?? Am I prejudiced and just don't know it? If you are black, do you sometimes go through this when you are around white kids or is that too dumb a question?
One fact, which is undeniable and which I really do not fear, is that my world is becoming far more plural each day.
It takes so little to offend all people these days that I measure my every statement with strangers.
ReplyDeleteI agree that we're all prejudiced. By that I mean it's part of our DNA to feel uncomfortable around those with whom we are unfamiliar, like birds of a type flocking together. The best we can do is admit this reality and work hard not to act on our prejudices, to find those things that collectively make us all human. Mark Twain might have said it best when he wrote that travel is the best cure for ignorance and prejudice.
ReplyDeleteBeing "politically correct" has gotten totally out of hand. Good post.
ReplyDeleteA thought provoking post. If only more humans took the time to question their core beliefs as you do.
ReplyDeleteI do think that we all have some kind of prejudice as that lecturer said. I think it is when we say, "I am not prejudice, but...." that we get in trouble.
ReplyDeleteI remember being very aware of my prejudices at times when my kids brought home friends that I would not have chosen for them. But then I would get to know those kids and I even got to trust my kids' judgements about their own lives.
Good post, food for thought.
Science has proven it takes us less than a second after looking at a person to make some kind of judgment. We can't help it, it happens so fast. The key, in my mind, is to drag that judgment into the light of logic and put it aside if it is prejudiced or unfounded.
ReplyDeleteMy family is mixed racial and although we don't have a black family next door right now, we did have. The more you are around the 'other', the less they are. then you don't think of them as being careful or different and you treat them like anybody which they are. It really is proximity -- that said, when the 'other' is just racially different and not culturally... then it can be tough.
ReplyDeleteGood post. I agree, we are all prejudiced, it's just the way we are conditioned. I do wish, though, that I didn't feel so guilty after I have been 'careful' not to offend. Half the time I'm afraid there is someone ready to judge my actions.
ReplyDeleteYes, we are relics. Yes, I bet the mom sensed some awkwardness,...but oh, well. I was born before WWII, and my mother, who was born in 1903, said things like, "Don't go out in the back 40 as the Wetbacks are coming through." Oy.
ReplyDeleteWhy is being careful and cautious not to offend considered "prejudiced"? As humans we tend to notice differences more than sameness, and when we lack exposure or proximity to people who are different from us, we tend to proceed carefully at first.
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is.
Isn't it too bad that cautious thought has to enter our brains at all?
ReplyDeleteI think it's likely being in an unfamiliar situation. You have said as much -- that being around other ethnicities is not part of your normal experience. I know that I always find it different to drive into the city and see so many ethnicities, including white people who are of more easterly or southerly Europe. Is this prejudice? Perhaps, but then we reflect upon the human bond and tend to get over ourselves.
ReplyDeleteyeah, we are all prejudiced. we have our likes and dislikes gained through experience. we are all sensitive about things. but I totally get your behavior. I grew up in a totally white world, was not exposed to people of color except our maid so I think I try to treat black strangers with more friendliness than white strangers. is that an act of racism? I don't know. I try not to judge people by their skin color or culture but how they act and treat me. my kids (and grandkids now) grew up in totally mixed environment going to school with an equal number of blacks and mexicans. they have an ease around people of color that I only try to emulate. I still mostly deal with white people so I'm thinking about volunteering at the local crises center but haven't actually done it yet.
ReplyDeleteIt does take *so little* to offend people these days... and due to the Internet and the media, things can get blown out of proportion. I agree that we are all prejudice to some extent depending on where and how we grew up... but I don't think most of us want to be. And prejudices are not just racial, they affect all aspects of our lives.
ReplyDeleteI admit to some prejudice that's been baked in over the years, but I think it's mostly abstract. What I've noticed is that when I'm volunteering at the college and dealing with people of color one-on-one, the prejudice never appears. We're just human beings, working together to try to figure things out.
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty. As someone who grew up in a lily white community, I understand what you're saying. I've recognized myself doing it before, afraid I'd offend someone. I'm grateful my kids grew up in a more colorful world!
ReplyDeleteI am surrounded with multi-racial folks all day around here, n I just treat everyone the same. I don't single anyone out, or avoid talking about stuff in the news lately, just talk normally. The more different folks around, the more you get used to it.
ReplyDeleteI like that this town is less segregated than most.
I never thought of myself as being prejudice as a history of black drivers in our business years ago and accustom to being around them.
ReplyDeleteI ok'd an overnight stay for my young son years ago, told his father was an attorney. My daughter asked me if I knew this family was black. I did not
and did feel a little uncomfortable at first and was ashamed of myself...
Yes, I always use a strap. Unfortunately, the camera has to go from it's bag to around my neck. That's the dangerous time.
ReplyDeleteSo my wise mother taught us to see and appreciate differences. She did suggest, however, that it was entirely acceptable to have a strong prejudice against eggplant.
ReplyDeleteI think the speaker was right, we all have prejudices to some degree. We notice people that are different than we have had exposure to. Nothing wrong with that, the way it is in life. I refuse to be apologetic, because I'm white.
ReplyDeleteSooo very tried of all the PC stuff. Isn't it strange that the thought wardens are often the most thoughtless.
Leaving comments allows a freedom I don't always feel on my blog that wears my true name. I grapple with this issue you speak of too, and it reminds me of saying I'm not a feminist because I never felt discriminated against when of course it is intrinsic in our culture and so a no-brainer. What I expressed to friends on my walk yesterday that I haven't said on my blog was that in New Orleans for the first time ever I barely felt that undercurrent of racism. The black people seem happy and at ease (everyone does), look you in the eye, joke etc. It caught me off guard and I loved it. It felt very healing for me and opened my eyes to what we live with and don't hardly question. The Big Easy, yup. Oh, got a post coming up about the little black boy I fell in love with (he pursued me) that I will let stand for some of the healing I experienced.
ReplyDeleteIt's not really about us. That is the message I take away from Toni Morrison, who was responding to the kind of things that people say to her about her work. We crowd Blacks and don't let them alone while paradoxically trying to keep them at a distance.
ReplyDelete