Our garden group is starting its meetings once again after a two month hiatus. I find that it takes all my willpower to go forth on these cold gray evenings and attend these. Hubby who starts to fade without something social happening, even if it is just chit-chatting some stranger up at the pool, is the opposite of me and ready to go a half hour before we need to leave. I sulk out of the house like a dog being told he has to sleep in the dog house.
I dread making small talk and am so stupid to think it is all about me. I think I have the small soul of an artist wanting to be on the other side of the glass observing human nature rather than being observed. Hubby is an open book and when we were first married I kept feeling as if my clothes were being stripped off of my body piece by piece as he stood beside me telling personal tales to people I hardly knew. For him it was sharing and for me it was giving away ammo and increasing my vulnerability and taking away my "mystery." I am sure that a psychiatrist could have a field day with this by exploring my youth and my relationship with my parents and maybe siblings.
It is all silly stuff, I know. But I do envy those who sit right down in the crowd and are so comfortable with the brash and the quiet and the smart and the dumb, fitting in everywhere and being welcomed with open arms by everyone and not noticing the eye rolls when a joke is retold.
Yet, if you saw me at the meeting not long ago you would find that I am the one who volunteers a comment at least half the time, I am the one who talks with those on each side of me about their holidays, I am the one who looks like she is a social butterfly having a grand old time. And when I am finally back home, I find that indeed I did have a nice time and it was good seeing faces I had not seen in some time and I am glad that I went but will forget all of this before the next time.
I also don't like to do group things but function fine in them when I feel I should. I think it's true of a lot of introverts. Some think to be an introvert means shy, but it doesn't at all.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is more of an extrovert, can talk on the phone for long times while I hate the phone and only find it worthwhile when it's essential-- or my kids or grandkids. He also though does well when he's not around people.
I am more like you but not so good once I get out. Sad to say.
ReplyDeleteI don't think of you as an introvert. However, I share your sensibilities in social gatherings unless I'm with dear and trusted friends. My husband is much more likely to chat-up strangers. However, neither of us yearns for more commitments and social interactions. We tend to be home-bodies.
ReplyDeleteMost of my life I've been the "life of the party, always ready with an amusing joke or story, but the danger in this is that eventually people don't take you seriously, and that can be a problem when something serious arises.
ReplyDeleteYou are like a butterfly, unfolding when you get into a group. I'm the person who talks to everyone around me and loves to be with people. Hubby is the quiet one.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit like you. Have to be dragged out of the house to socialize but once there enjoy myself immensely. But as I get older I think I really am happier left to myself.
ReplyDeleteI love people and have no problem talking to strangers, but I haven't always been that way, and even now, I'll often talk myself out of going somewhere, preferring to just stay home, especially when it's yucky outside. Rarely do I regret going, though. I wish I would remember that and quiet my internal homebody!
ReplyDeleteI envy the people who can do that, too. The only way I can do it is with French people, because somehow the fact that the connection is via Skype, rather than F2F, makes it easier to open up to them. Not sure why that is. The result is that I have more French friends than local American ones.
ReplyDeleteI am very much like you! I am an introvert and dread social outings but them I feel the need to make everyone e else around me comfortable. It is really about forgetting self. Oh, and my garden group restarted just today !
ReplyDeleteI am so like you
ReplyDeletelike to stay home
but when I push myself
to get out
I love to talk to people, outgoing
and have enjoyed myself.
I had lived in my home for 21 years with the ability to work and take care of my family without meeting my neighbors. We were all nodding acquaintances. Then Ron came along and met everyone on the block and beyond and soon there were knocks on the door with people wanted to know if Ron was home.
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, these "traits" do slide up and down frequently and over a lifetime. A lot of it can be attributed to tolerance, venue and group size.
ReplyDeleteThen again... some will say "I'm full of it". :)
I used to be just like you. I'd hide at parties, and only talk when I was good and drunk. LOL Years later, after vast doses of speed, I cleaned and sobered up then found I was changed. I could noow comfortably talk with anyone. Enthusically. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, G and I do think those two are opposites. They do look so alike tho.
I am better in one-to-ones or very small groups. I am hopeless at small talk, have to almost rehearse it so I sound normal. A huge amount of work.
ReplyDeleteHuge gatherings can intimidate unless I'm in charge. I almost need a map if not.
XO
WWW
oh yah, me too. doesn't take much to talk me out of going anywhere, especially after dark in the winter but I do have a good time once out.
ReplyDeleteIt appears now that my county in PA might escape most of this storm that the weathermen are salivating over. I really cannot stand listening to them as they sensationalize every flake of snow. I am concerned, though, for those further north up the coast who appear will get the brunt of this "storm of the century".
ReplyDeleteI don't think it silly, at all. Some days I have to force myself to go out with friends (family no problem). Some nights with friends I found that I enjoyed myself, other night I was counting down the minutes until I could escape.
ReplyDeleteI would think that in your first years of marriage the fact that your husband told personal tales, may have caused some friction. Seems you two worked them out. I admire that.