Two months ago one of our volunteers started giving so much of her time to the various group's projects. When I asked about it to a friend, I was told that her husband had died recently without any warning.
My neighbor emailed me last month that the bearded man that jogs down our road every evening from another neighborhood had died of a heart attack.
My dear husband had his fishing trip cancelled two weeks ago because his fishing buddy had a "little" heart attack and is now awaiting surgery on that.
My neighbor on the right side needs to have back surgery to alleviate some serious pain, but he has to have surgery on an embolism near his heart first.
I missed the busy sound of the neighbor on my left side this week and find from a phone call from his wife that he had a "hard" pearl shaped blockage in an artery and had to have bypass surgery. He is still in a lot of pain.
I used to joke with my husband that if he kept going down to check on his trees in the ravine he needed to let me know because he could pass out and I would never know where he was. This is no longer a joke. I admit that I think about how I would deal with life if he passed on before me. I envision we have decades ahead of us, but no one really knows how much time they have, do they? I wonder if I would have the strength I see in the women around me and the bloggers in front of me.
(About fifteen years ago I told my son at dinner that I hated when the phone rang because I was afraid that one of my parents had passed on. He looked at me with that insightful realization we all get at sometime in our lives. Both parents have since passed on, but I still hate the sound of the phone ringing in the early evening or at night. )
I hear you loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteI've been having the same thoughts. My husband is out of town for a week, and I'm bearing up OK but the cat is going crazy. He yowls and yowls and won't let me alone.
ReplyDeleteYou share with words
ReplyDeletemany of my thoughts.
If the phone rings in this cottage late at night
my heart beats rapidly as I pick it up.
A new habit
the phone is always in my pocket
as I tend the garden and probably
more changes to come.
Now when I pick up the weekly local paper notice almost every month a familar name
appears in the obituary.
Me too, have a frail sibling and several frail friends. Planning to get out this summer and visit. Don't want to be too late.
ReplyDeleteI agree: A jarring phone in the middle of the night can prompt the worst thoughts possible.
ReplyDeleteI dread phone calls for fear it involves one of the kids or grandkids. I've seen the bad news come at all ages regarding friends and relatives. A few were shocking; some expected but it never gets easier. I've been thinking some of this too-- that life could end so abruptly. Our neighbor in Tucson found he had an embolism and surgery was scheduled for heart surgery the 30th. We haven't heard and hope it all went well. Scary stuff.
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to see or hear of old friends dying, and though sad, most have had good long lives. I don't think one can ask for more.
ReplyDeleteYeah. This is a brand new stage of life. I don't like it, but it is only going to get more intense with every passing year. Pretty hard to know how to prepare for it, but I guess it's best to treasure each day.
ReplyDeleteMy father-in-law is 96, in full possession of his faculties, but everybody who was close to him is gone, only the "younger generation" exists for him now. Still he is upbeat & looks forward to every month.
I think about death too, and wonder what I would do if my husband went before me. I haven't answered that question yet, counting on being able to put if off for quite a while. One never knows.
ReplyDeleteI have a long list of depressing losses I've been avoiding blogging about recently myself-
ReplyDeleteLife never comes with a guarantee. The only way to honor any loss is to continue on living as best you can in spite of it.
The listing on my blogger dashboard:
ReplyDeleteTick-Tock--How Do You Measure Time? One Day at a Time.
Yes, that is how it is done. You find the strength you didn't know you had.
Get hubby to take the cell phone with him when he goes down there. Sue makes me take ours even when I go to the corner store, and AFAIK I am in good health -- at least in terms of vitals if not arthritic degeneration.
ReplyDeleteoy...kinda scary to be surrounded by so much heart problems...of course my dad had a heart attack earlier this year which brought it really close to home for us....
ReplyDeleteI have already lost my parents, both siblings, and recently a dear friend, (and 2 relatives this spring). WE are the older generation now. Yes, it IS scary, but something we must deal with at our age(soon to be 69). How? Certainly not worrying about it. I think enjoying each day and staying in contact with family and friends as much as possible. Being aware that our time is limited and cherishing those we care about...
ReplyDeleteI felt just like you do before it happened. Then it happened.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes. I work with so many older folks at the store. One day they just don't come in, and it is really awful. I'm so much older than G that this has worried me from the start. He insisted it didn't matter, but it does. I saw this as a problem with my mother and husband number 3 when he had to caretake her for so very many year.
ReplyDeleteBooks. Yes, shelves of the darned things downstairs. I'll wait a week or so before I begin on one of those bookcases. Why am I doing this? Not only do I like breathing, but the dust attracts mold, and the mold will ruin the books.
I am alive and breathing. My loved ones are seeing the sunrise. Experienced,careful climbers fell to their deaths from Mt. Rainier this week. Life is this moment. Nothing more, nothing less.
ReplyDeleteI can certainly relate to this post. I'm always worried about my husband and his heart, especially since he's been diagnosed with a heart problem. And then there's mom. I'm now so used to having her here that I expect her to be with us forever.
ReplyDeleteI still dread the phone ringing and relive hearing about my brother Jim dying(the shock of my life)every time.
ReplyDelete