Addictions and Fancies

I sincerely believe that anyone who has a passion for living also has an addiction or two or three.  Some compelling desire that follows he/she around, sits on their shoulder, makes them rearrange their day to accommodate space for the addiction, forces them to be distracted, and in general, can sometimes annoy others around them who do not understand this inner call.  Responsible life interferes with most of us making these undernourished addictions into fancies rather than compulsions.  Others, less responsible, go on to become famous by following their addictions...or destitute and alone.

When I was a small child I was addicted to make believe friends and stories.  Each day when I could get away from chores and family I could return to my little world of Flash Gordon where we traveled through space and solved problems as I explored the mountains near my home.  I was also addicted to the outdoors and spent most of my free time playing in the Rocky Mountains.  My other addiction was collecting things such as rocks and minerals, little dolls, comic books, and maybe some other items that I have now forgotten.

When I was in middle school it was collecting and listening to LP and SP albums of my favorite musical groups and singers.  These coming of age years were stressful as they are for most people, so I also spent much of my time reading as an escape to other worlds.  Getting books at the library was an essential orgasmic experience.  I played with monthly calls to draw and paint, although I was not very talented.

In high school I became addicted to friendships.  Being with my BFFs was important in figuring out who I was.  I continued my love of reading and added writing as as a compulsion.  I also began my love of photography with the gift of a camera, but with little money for film and developing it was not allowed to blossom into a true addiction.   I continued my addiction to hiking in the great outdoors, although I had moved to the flatlands by this time, and that involved walking or biking around farmland.

In college I took an introduction to writing class and that fueled the tender love that I had with writing in my youth into an addiction of sorts.  I had infrequently had periods writing poems when in middle school, but now that I had the rules and exercises I wrote something at least once a week and actually enjoyed the writing assignments in all of my classes.  I also took an elementary drawing class and got an A which left me feeling I might actually be able to draw!  I did not nurture this fancy in those years, as perhaps I should have.   I was also addicted to dancing and went every weekend if I had the money or the boyfriend with money.

While newly married, and living in the South Pacific on a tiny island, I discovered the symmetrical beauty and texture of sea shells and became addicted to collecting them on weekend boat excursions to various reefs.  I most often collected shells that had died, but I must admit that I also collected many live shells and destroyed their lives just so that I could admire their skeletons on my shelves. I also drew them to fuel my drawing addiction.  I collected and cataloged hundreds.  My reading addiction continued and I added underwater photography to my fancies.  (I won't talk about the newly-weds addiction to each other, because that has more to do with survival of the species and we all have that.)

When I had my two children, they became a very compelling addiction.  Even on exhausted days when I needed a break from their little antics, I was so addicted I could not keep them out of my mind or heart for a second. The withdrawal from being in their lives on a daily basis was a bitch.  (I now find that I go through withdrawal during the weeks I am away from my grandchildren while recovering from the exhaustion of those times.)

During my career years my little free time was filled with reading, some travel when it was affordable, and outdoor camping and hiking satisfied my continuing addiction for the outdoors.  I still toyed with writing, but as an addiction it left me unsatisfied when I would review what I wrote in spurts of time.  (I personally think it is much harder for women than men to indulge in those addictions begun in their youth if they have a house and family to manage.  Many men, not all, continue spending hours working out, at sports, hanging with their buddies or whatever, and do not respond to pressure or guilt to spend more time with family and household as they hone these addictions.)

As an elder I find the freedom to pursue addictions both wonderful and intimidating.  Just because you love something, does not mean you can do it or that you will be rewarded because you are good at it.  My outdoor activities continue but with a cold and serious eye to my aging body and what it will let me do.  I can no longer sleep on the cold hard ground, and my youthful fearless biking gives way to an honest review of how long it takes to fix something that gets broken from a fall.  My old eyesight is forcing me to be so much more careful as a photographer and age also means you no longer have a super steady hand.  Thank goodness for IES lenses.  Reading is still a love, but I cannot sit for hours with a book in hand as I used to and the freedom to read more than one book at a time also tests my weaker memory skills.  AND writing has gone from actually writing something...to blogging!  Although I keep toying with the idea of actually creating a collection of writing of some sort.  My gardening addiction (which I guess I always had but never knew) continues, but I no longer feel guilty if I have to hire someone to do the heavy stuff.  It is still my garden.

So what addictions and fancies do/did you have and have you had to make compromises?