One of the most important and powerful things in my life as I age is that file of shared memories I keep nearby and open at the oddest moments to peruse. While we remember the dark and sad times in our lives, I think that we most often allow our minds to turn to those happy and meaningful events that we shared with those we love. These are our restoratives and reminders that our life has been good. I realize that they do not have to be monumental periods in my life. The memory can be studying a spider spinning a web with a two-year-old on your hip, brushing the pollen from the pants of a 5-year-old tree climber just before he boards the bus for school, the sweet/sad memory of a little girl sitting on her metal lunchbox as she waits for the school bus. I also have a few big memories such as the memory of an evening in Hawaii standing on a hotel balcony overlooking the beach with a rising moon when my husband presented me with a new diamond to replace the one lost so many years ago and which was too expensive to replace at the time, or that time my husband, who greets life with endless enthusiasm, woke me at 2:00 A.M. during a camping trip so that I could see the tropical reef at an exceptional low tide under a full moon.
But lately, being a bit greedy, I have been having regrets for all the memories I have not been able to make. Life moves on with those I love who live outside my house. Their days are busy and full of tales and I am not there to see or hear them. I might get a shortened version of the more interesting or dramatic, but the little memories are only for those who were there. I have missed the grandchildren's first days at school and all the stories they might have shared when they got home and sat for dinner. I have missed the weekend and after-school learning or successes they experienced. I have missed the daily jokes and get-togethers of my own brothers and sisters that live so far away. I wish I could be there for the new challenges they have tried as they move into the later part of their lives.
I also think about the memories others missed. My third grandchild will not know all the early fun times we had with his brother and sister over the years before he arrived and while this is natural and inevitable, it does cause me pause as I realize we all have missed so much stuff. I then think of those whose families are broken and how difficult it must be to keep continuity to shared memories when some must be kept away in a quiet place that is visited only when everything is perfect. It is a tricky dance and full of land mines when skipping over these memories.
I know that I am reaching that time in my life when memories are going to be the most important tools I have and need to fill the sometimes big empty pauses in each day. Looking back can be such a bittersweet time, can it not?
Yes it can!! I think of those missed moments as well and yearn for them. So I really cherish the times I have with them and hold them dear to my heart.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart with me.
Hugs
Sue
Ann
So true! I cherish the memories I have of my children as they grew up, but sadly, I wish I had written more moments down on paper because I have forgotten so much over the years.
ReplyDeleteYes it can. I cherish and hold my memories as close as I can , as often as I can.
ReplyDeleteLike Bihoux, I wish I had kept a daily journal to look back on.
You expressed this so very well. I just had a very similar conversation with my husband on Friday night--how I was feeling sad abut all the family stuff that we miss.
ReplyDeleteWell said. My eldest is a 14 hour drive away now, and when he marries in about a year, they will live up there. All the daily things will not be part of my experience, only what i get to share when i visit.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking this also last night as I realized how the eldest grandkids are in high school. One is very near but when I visit is usually sequestered in her room under a mountain of homework, or out doing something. Lovely to have those long hugs when we meet up though.
ReplyDeleteTabor, you nailed it at the beginning, “Life has been good.” Happy good memory making Monday.
ReplyDeleteOne advantage (?) of me having my children in my late thirties and early forties is that they - are - still - here! :) Yes, I dream of them being on their own so that I can have more freedom, but I listen to those of you who have gone before me, your precious memories, and it is then that I remember to treasure the now.
ReplyDeleteA beautifully poignant post!
ReplyDeleteA pensive post but an honest one. Life is often made from hard choices and we all must roll with the punches. I envy you your grandchildren since I'm not likely to have any but I think I can understand what you're going through. I wish you peace and serenity.
ReplyDeleteTrue it is Tabor. I am grateful for the memories that I have and wish I could retain more. As I've gotten older I've begun taking more pictures.
ReplyDeleteTabor, thank you for your words.
ReplyDeleteSo many wonderful memories I have.
So many happenings at this time of life that I cannot be a part of.
New baby arriving in Michigan. The daughter of my special neice soon to be married - and I will not be a part of these celebrations. My little girls who I adore - I have missed special events they are part of. This saddens me - so the memories of the past are even more special then these regrets..
Ah memories! We do miss a lot but sometimes that can't be helped. Pictures help though, letters help, phone calls are good. I try to keep in touch with all my children and their children at least once a week. I am writing my memories down for my kids, making books of words and photos so years from now, they will be remembering me :)
ReplyDeletethere is a poem by shel silverstein. i can't quote it but it talks about saving memories in the freezer so when you are old you can pull them out, thaw them and warm your feet in a tub of them. i like that idea.
ReplyDeleteWe're a society that tends to move around a lot more than previous generations did. That creates distances between siblings and between parents, their children and their grandchildren. But we also belong to an incredible time when we can see each other on our laptops, phones or desktops. We can talk real time and reach each other via text at any time. We have made the best of it.
ReplyDeleteYes, I, too, miss the memories I will not have with family scattered elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteI think the highly emotional moments of our lives are the ones most likely to imprint themselves into our memories -- some positive and some not so -- such is life.
Good and bad memories pop out at me daily. They are like breathing. Can you imagine not having any memories? How very sad for those who don't.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that happened when I had my stroke was that I lost my memory. Now days I live mainly in the now. My journals always surprise me with all that's in them for there lives my memory. Since I discovered photography, I have begun to remember more.
ReplyDeleteThe sad and miserable memories I have to let go....it's amazing that I do remember some of them. They say that those of us who lived through abusive childhoods often have fragile memories like mine. Perhaps my excellent forgettery isn't all due to the stroke.
I certainly remember you two. :)
i think that the missed moments can make us miss all the more...at least that is the way i reconcile them in my head...you know you will miss shots...so make the ones you make matter....memories are def treasures i try to keep and share with my sons....
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