Monday, June 13, 2011

Motivation

Sometimes too much of a good thing is too much of a good thing. All of the days in my life are now Saturdays with only an errand or two on the agenda and the rest of the day to play.  No one thinks about being in such a situation some day when they are working a 50-hour workweek.  Let me give you a glimpse of the future so that you will not wander around with that deer in the headlights expression when you get here...you WILL someday.  What can happen is that, first, you lose total track of time.  You head off to your Thursday haircut and are surprised that everyone looks a little too directly at you when you walk in the door.  Then you find out that today is actually Wednesday and you hairdresser doesn't come in until Thursday...tomorrow!   Congrats, you just gained one whole day to your week of playtime.

I gain days and lose days with abandon.  They melt like snowflakes on the desert floor and I sigh with guilt when I lay my head against the pillow each evening realizing that one more jeweled snowflake has melted away and will never be seen again.  This also leads one to become a stranger to that feeling called motivation.  One does what one wants to do, NOT what one should do or needs to do or must do or even has to do.

I wander around my yard with either a camera or a garden trowel in hand until the angle of the sun reminds me that I should be thinking about dinner or calling a family member or getting the details together for that trip that is coming up.  It is like I was released from some time travel machine in a fantasy land and then the machine starts blinking reminding me I am back on the clock.

I used to work with lazy people like me.  I hated how they got the same pay check as I when all they did was show up to work and then wander from one office conversation to the next until the afternoon sun told them they had to do a few things at their desk before they headed home.  Retirement will not seem strange to them.

I, on the other hand, was full of motivation.  This motivation got me nowhere, but it certainly was overflowing in my spirit and probably irritated the hell out of other people around me at my work and certainly made my family roll their eyes on the weekends.  I could cram more items on a Saturday to-do list than anyone I knew, and just like the energizer bunny, get the majority of them done before the sun set.  I once painted an entire new 3,000 square foot house - primer, trim and stain - on just a few weekends.

Now my motivation is hiding somewhere.  I have a bedroom that has had spackle spots and faded paint for several years, I have floors with carpets that need cleaning, I have a fall car trip to plan, and I really, really, really should clean out a closet or two since I can no longer tightly close the doors!  But it looks like we just might get a nice sunset this evening down at the dock...so I will follow hubby who is checking on the crabs and then a couple of hours later my hunger will eventually make me walk back up and start dinner.  (THAT's where my motivation is, in my stomach.  Who knew?)

(And of course I went to here  to read Moannie's version of aging after finishing writing this!  We are both so cheerful these days!)

13 comments:

  1. In exactly one year, I will be released into this fantasy land of yours. I look forward to it with a mixture of pleasure and dread. Without the structure of a five day week, I imagine that I will lose the sense of routine that keeps me centered and efficient right now. Let's not call it "lazy" let's call it...um...relaxed?

    I guess it was better that you showed up a day early rather than a day late for that hair cut!

    ReplyDelete
  2. One must learn to go with the flow! I now embrace my days off as if they are golden. I think nothing of reading a book for hours, or taking 2 hour naps. Of course, I work 2-3 days each week (most of the time) but I will not flounder in complete retirement when it comes, I will revel in it. You and I have both worked very hard in our lifetimes, and we deserve to be able to poke around doing almost nothing (and not feel guilty!)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah, yes....fantasy land. That is where I am. I told my family that I never thought I would like being 63 years old, but, I love it!
    On another topic....your crazy birds. My sister-in-law told me that they have a crazy bird that dive bombs the sliding glass door, not once, but, repeatedly! I just said, Yes I have a blogging friend with one too. She was floored. I thought that was funny!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You've described this life perfectly. I too was one of those motivated worker bees. So organized it must have driven the ones that only really showed up on payday crazy.
    It's been a big adjustment...the wandering gardener, star gazer, occassional blogger...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can enjoy my leisure time until guilt creeps in. "Why am I not doing something?" I was raised on the theme that "Idle hands are the devil's workshop", so I search out a project. My husband, who had no problem adapting to retirement, often says to my, "Can't you just sit still for a minute?" And I am getting a little better at it.

    You really hit the nail on the head with this post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm always fascinated by how I can spend the day doing what I used to cram in at lunchtime and on the weekend.

    Course, it's goodness for both of us that I have the time to do these things. More time for what we want, less 'gotta remember to...' time.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well, dear you, if you are happy, who cares. If I were not allergic to dust, I probably would live spackled and free too. Good to see you in any form. I'm working on a sonnet called excuses myself. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am on a sort of temporary retirement these days, and I can see what you are saying here.Too much of something really does become too much, even if it is something you have craved for. I craved for time. Now that I have it, and am even using it to do the things I wanted to but couldn't when I worked full time, there is a part of me that feels I could do so much more.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lucky you to have such time without money n survival worries,
    I haven't had lost days since summer vaca as a preteen. I've been working since I was 11-

    I won't get to retire unless I get to earn more really quick! Single life is different, n I'm under-empolyed. The economy isin't letting me get more art out there either. It's always rent first- all else later. Can't count on SS - too little to live on.

    "Lazy" has always been a 4-letter word to me- but I have backed up chores too, due to just trying to keep up with damage control- this week is more ants again! n work laundry (covered with goo).

    Sounds to me like you are enjoying your days not being stressed out- Good for you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've always wanted days on end with no schedule planned. Now I get that more and more. Grocery shopping day is a big outing (and a chance to take pictures in places other than my yard). Babysitting my grandsons once a week really gives the week some structure. Going on story interview a few times a month keeps me on my toes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh my, I am a little like you and then a whole lot of me never stops.
    The day ends and I wonder what have I done - but I have sure stayed busy.
    Pulling weeds, taking pictures, writing, phone calls from children, time to eat, some cleaning, some gardening and on and on. I have not retired as of yet and want to and I am years ahead of you. Is it because I live alone?

    ReplyDelete
  12. You sound like me except I didn't have the career away from home. I like the freedom and am always in shock when too many things get piled up and I have schedules for awhile. I try to avoid that as much as possible but there are a few things, like grandkids, that are worth letting loose of the freedom; but as soon as possible I am back to going with the flow

    ReplyDelete
  13. Unbelievable---you've described my days to a 'T'. Today I had to ask myself three times (and it is only 10 a.m.) what day it was - they tend to fall into each other - more so in the summer when I have no quilt club or guild meetings.

    ReplyDelete

Take your time...take a deep breath...then hit me with your best shot.