I have been alone since the fifth of the month and will be alone until the end of April. My husband is thousands of miles away attempting to start a business. It is a long shot, but since it has become the project that helps him get out of bed each morning, I am letting him fly with the goals (not gulls). I personally think the project has a snowballs chance in hell of going anywhere, because it has a large philanthropic component and not a serious profit motive and is being done in a foreign country. He put in some money he made from working on a special project years ago. He has a partner that is more than matching this money. Tens of thousands of dollars (not hundreds of thousands which are really needed to start any business) and I see the money disappearing into the air. This is their last ditch effort after several years of planning, negotiating, talking, getting permits, etc. My husband is not a business man, he is a scientist and a dreamer.
If it is successful he will have to travel at least three times a year and be away for weeks at a time. I do not worry about my loneliness; although I don't like being alone that much, I am adaptable. I worry about an old man flying in a plane for 15 hours at a time! I worry about his wanting me to go with him on some of these trips. I have no desire to sit in an apartment in a remote village far from my home with little to do. A week of photography and then I want to come home. I want to garden and be with grandchildren. I worry about the work this house and yard need.
If it is successful he can make a little money. We do not need a little money. Although with inflation just around the corner and with the government blase about releasing/overseeing the controls on investment regulations, we may need that money as a cushion after all. I keep thinking it can go towards my grandchildren's education or my son's house someday. (Rumor has it that the market is priming for another big dip.)
As you can see, I have much ambivalence about this whole thing that has been five years in the planning and is now coming to a head. I kept pretending it was not going anywhere, but I misjudged my husband's stubbornness, as I have most of our married life. These are the last years of our lives together and my energizer bunny of a husband is not comfortable retiring and watching the sunset. Therefore, he should be allowed to live his life the way he wants...but while I have eagerly followed him all over the world in previous times, I no longer want to do that either. Do I dare hope that it fails and that he finds working here in the community rewarding? I must teeter on this wall for at least the length of another a year. Are those eggshells I see on the ground below me?
Haven't you learned to wish for the opposite to get what you want? Love the way you hooked us with the title then kept us reading all the way through to see what the heck this had to do with eggs? LOL
ReplyDeleteMy few words
ReplyDeleteI understand
my heart goes out to you...
You're in the breaking eggs stage of this salad? You seem to have a good grasp of your priorities and boundaries; and respect for your husband's wishes. I think it will all be delicious in it's way. But we don't know, all we know is now. My mother says "Worry is interest paid on money not yet borrowed." Wishing you a worry free journey.
ReplyDeleteI quite understand the dilemma. And especially the worry factor. No, we never want to wish those we love to fail at what turns their crank. The best you can hope for is that you can both live happily with however it turns out.
ReplyDeleteYes, i can see your dilemma.
ReplyDeleteIs it possible that both of you have things as you would like? For him to succeed in this last attempt at doing something he finds worthwhile and for you to do your own thing at home and with the family.
Why shouldn't that be so? Marriage is compromise.
He would surely be unhappy if his endeavour fails and you wouldn't want him to be that. Equally, if the thought of travelling makes you feel uncomfortable, don't.
Good luck to both of you. It's not such a huge problem, is it?
My only question is one i have asked myself many times. Why do we, as women, always feel it's us who must adjust to what they want? It's universal at least in my age group. I don't have an answer for why it's that way. Is it the Biblical curse? *s*
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find the balance between the needs of you both. I admire couples that are comfortable enough to individuals. It seems you are.
ReplyDeleteMight I mention a compromise? When he goes, you go along for a week or two for taking those photographs or sight seeing, then fly home to tend your garden and family. Or fly down a couple weeks before he returns and fly home together. The best of both, perhaps?
I hope this endeavor works out well for both of you. If he has been dreaming of this, he needs to follow it. It would be a good time for you to try something new.
ReplyDeleteAnd, cook meals for yourself, you are worth it. When and if I am ever alone, I am not leaving on sandwiches.
Yes it is all about compromise, but sometimes the compromise takes us down a long strange path and it takes much effort to return. I found some frozen turkey in the freezer and with fresh vegetables, seasoning, barley I am enjoying turkey soup for lunch. It is a substantial batch so will be eating it for a while, I guess.
ReplyDelete"Letting go isn't about giving up. It's about accepting that there are things that cannot be." unknown author
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful and terrible dilemma. Those may be eggs - but they may also be hard boiled already. In my mind, you can dare to wish for failure - but I wonder, is that truly you, in your heart?
ReplyDeleteAnd on the other hand, it doesn't sound like you believe that your husband will be happy working in the community.
The difficulty is that we don't know. We can't fathom how it will work out - or not - or how it will make us feel / think / believe.
The gift is that we don't know. Things are often different than we understand.
So my heart is with you as you support your husband, and I will send good thoughts to him as he travels as well.
My mother, having been moved over 20 times in 25 following my Dad's career as a research biologist finally said "enough." He listened and took a job where she wanted to be and while he still traveled, she stayed put until the end of her life. It worked for them, and when he returned from his travels they were like newlyweds, not so much when he was home all the time. She said it was their separations that sharpened up what it was they liked about each other. May you chose what makes you happy and garner the rewards for both of you.
ReplyDeletethat was 20 times in 25 years (ack)
ReplyDeleteWow. This is at once scary and invigorating for you. I can absolutely see this happening to me. Let's see how it unfolds.
ReplyDeletefrom reading your blog, i gather you have a strong marriage with mutual love and trust. for whatever reason, it sounds like your husband needs to be doing what he's doing now. perhaps this can be a special time for you, too: plan a new garden, tackle a big project at home, plan some special times with your grandchildren. it's a good thing you're doing, Tabor - have faith that you can make it work.
ReplyDeleteYou certainly have an up in the air life at the moment. Me, to keep us together, I would go with him, But that's me. I see G heading off to get a promotion even if he doesn't want one, and me putting everything in storage. Hugs from here. Follow your own dreams and please keep us updated. We care.
ReplyDeleteSince I have not been to far away places, I think I would like it.....and yet the comfort of my own bed is so inviting sometimes....
ReplyDeleteEnjoy working in the yard!
Apparently, you are two opposites who attracted each other at some point. I would love to travel more, but since my husband had a stroke, that is nearly impossible.
ReplyDeleteIf he makes money on that deal and you don't need it - I can use a bit of it - LOL
With a few tweaks this could have been me that wrote this. Once again, our lives parallel. My husband is a visionary who sometimes bites off more than he can chew.
ReplyDeleteWow! Deep.
ReplyDeleteI see on your profile that you may be a decade older than me, so this topic is especially interesting to me.
My first thought was: shouldn't he be over that by now? :)
I guess some of us dream our entire lives...I still have my dreams.
Maybe he needs to persue his dream in order to live peacefully...so that you can continue to "stand" him. lol
And you continue to do what you love. Hopefully, you'll fill that alone time with new or enhanced interests.
When he has to go, be in touch with him as often as possible; email, skype, facebook...whatever.
It'll be interesting to hear more on this season in your life.
And, thanks for your visit and wise comment on my post. My blogging time is going through another lull; hope to be back full speed soon.
Don't worry so hard if the project works out or not- It's what he wants to do, n he doesn't want the regret of never trying, I think-
ReplyDeleteCan't blame you for wanting what you do either! i hope he can understand the place is too isolated for you.
Definately find a way to have fun while he's out.
Ah, reality. Yup, eggshhells.
ReplyDeleteRYN: Yes, I do like idle chit chat if the photo's are good. There were two good photographs in that baseball entry....at least I thought so. :) lol