I am probably not the most upbeat person to be around. I do love life and I do find each day an adventure, but I am one of those people who is always thinking too far ahead.
For example, when my daughter was a baby, each time I nursed her, I would think sadly about the day I would have to start weaning her. Then when she became a toddler I would get sad thinking about the day that she would head off to school and how I would miss our hours together. Then, as you can probably guess, the years in junior high for both of my children were filled with my thoughts about the empty nest when they would head out to college and their bedrooms would be filled with dusty prom trinkets and forgotten basketball photos.
I really do try hard to live in the moment. I certainly think that is the healthiest way to get the richness out of each day. Having written that though, it seems I am always hardening myself to what I am going to miss when something good comes to an end. I can remember an really odd moment during (probably) desert storm in the 1980s when I saw a handsome and healthy group of sailors at DisneyWorld on leave. They were having a wonderful time. I was sitting at a table with the family eating a hotdog and suddenly tears filled my eyes and my hotdog became a lump of clay in my throat because I thought about what they would soon be facing. I was embarrassed needless to say, and my husband tried to make light of it so that the kids wouldn't misunderstand.
I really try to be an upbeat person...I am sure that is what my family would say...
Well, you are a "what if....." person, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, but mr. kenju and his mnother never thought they would grow old. That was something that hit others, not them. Both of them are/were very surprised to learn that they would indeed grow old! I, on the other hand, have always known it - and so it doesn't surprise me in the least!
Tabor...You think too much! :p
ReplyDeleteI think you're describing most of us here - at least me, although I suffer from thinking too far ahead and back, both. In my case and the case of a close friend, trying to case out the future is an attempt to make sure everything will be all right - so I guess it stems from insecurity. The only thing I've found to combat it is eastern meditation techniques, which require more discipline than I often have. Thanks for such a self-aware post. MlofFull Fath.
ReplyDeleteAh, its just a self defence mechanism that's tipped a bit too far, that's all.
ReplyDeleteI feel that you may be unconsciously practising non-attachment, in order to mimimise future hurt - as you rightly say. But knowing it, is half way to taking the middle way next time you catch yourself doing it!
I love your wisdoms, and agree with Anonymous.
my mother is just like you describe. when we arrive at her house she is thrilled to see us, but within hours she is bemoaning how sad it will be when we all leave. she loses the joy of so many moments (and days) because she is NOT living in the present moment. it is not about being upbeat, i don't think. it is about not living in the present moment, moments we can never reclaim once we lose them.
ReplyDeletei am guilty of this, too, sometimes. after all i had the world's best teacher, but now i try to raise my consciousness so that i stop myself and stay more in the present. sounds like you are doing the same thing - realizing what you are doing and working to change it. :) good for us!
How lovely to be an animal and have no concept of the future. I share your tendency to spoil lovely things by anticipating their end.
ReplyDeleteCoincidentally I read this today which adresses the subject.
You just described the old me but I was forced to live in the now. I slip up alot and no one likes a 24/7 upbeat lady anyway. ;)
ReplyDeleteI feel so lucky that I don't do this. My daughter, Julie, has you beat -- she started to cry when she held Maya for the first time because one day she would go away to college!
ReplyDeleteI do this.
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