The Times Between Times

A number of years ago I had reached the time in my life where my children were on their own in junior high school but it was also a time before I had become comfortable in my new role as 'loner'. Children had become a nice buffer for me on my adventures. It didn't matter if I got lost or used the wrong product or dressed poorly or made a public mistake. I had two kids that were distracting me and who, in turn, could be used to distract the focus of others on me.

I look back on that transition now and wonder when I got into the habit of using the kids as my invisibility cape. I do remember during the transition when it seemed very strange to enter a restaurant without kids and to sit alone at a table and order and eat food. It was strange to drive in a car and not be distracted by flying cheerios, upset stomachs and arguments about space. It was strange to have free, even though short, afternoons to go anywhere I wanted and do what I wanted at my own pace.

Years ago I was in Raleigh, North Carolina with my husband who was attending a meeting. This left me with free days exploring on my own. I enjoyed walking the town and visiting the farmers' market, but I eventually realized that I would have to take the rental car and do some country exploring to fill the remaining last day. Those of you who are born to explore cannot imagine why it would take courage to do this, but I was very uncomfortable with the thought of going out all by myself in a different car and reading a map all by myself and driving on strange roads. It was a new and different phase in my life.

There was a recreational lake and state park about an hour away and I decided that adventure would be my afternoon trip. I studied the map, used my instincts and made it to the resort without a hitch and with great relief. Weather was still warm and so there were quite a few families on picnics or boating the lake. It was a lovely blue sky day. I explored the lake and then found a path that meandered around the lake. It was a very long path and I knew that I could not make the entire circuit, but I could walk a short part of the way before I had to head back to the city.

I was twenty minutes into my walk when I saw grass movement and then heard a gentle but somewhat familiar noise to the side of the gravel path just ahead. I could not stop myself, but had to get closer to see the source of the noise. I just knew that is was a small rattle snake, but the closer I got the more intense and scary the rattle became. I got as close as I dared. I never had the courage to part the high grasses to see what was below. Yet, I felt very satisfied that I had tested my mettle thus far on so many goals that day and drove back to the hotel with a smile on my face.

Now I am at another time in my life that makes me uncomfortable once again. Twice this past month I have forgotten where I have parked my car when I went to the mall. The first time it took a short while and passing a number of rows before I stumbled on the little beast. The second time I wandered back and forth down the row of cars as darkness started to surround me for quite a while, trying hard to see my little car. Eventually I remembered that this was the row where I had parked the car a few days before on my visit to the same mall and with a little mind bending I finally remembered that I had most recently parked up the hill and on the other side of the store. This could be a small transition or a large transition that awaits me in the coming years and it has given me a twinge of concern.

I guess I will have to take it One Day at a Time as I always do.