Why do most of us fall in love with our grandchildren? I know some grandmothers and grandfathers find the whole experience dreadful, but for most of us, it is exactly like the first time we fell in love. We can't think straight. That face, that smell, that memory keeps creeping into our daily activities, even when we are far from the little ones. That inability not to let some sweet anecdote creep into our conversation with others is everpresent. That syrupy way we bring out each new photo or screensaver whenever we get a chance. I mean we are totally smitten. We have lost control!
I am sure that it has something to do with that genetic scream...those subtle pheromones, the strangely familiar smile, the way the child handles frustration...something that reminds us of ourselves...something that reminds us of our children.
Add to this the knowledge we have of time and how it flies over and above and beyond us with a fury. We have reached the age where we know what is important and what is not. We know that real pain is deep inside us and not that little superficial wound that will be forgotten shortly. We know how to savor the moments.
We also probably view this as a fresh start at the end of our lives. After all, we made all the mistakes with our own children, now we can go through this passage more perfectly (we hope). We will not be judged (Ok, maybe a little by the parents---but face it, they are novices.) We can actually freely interact and push the boundaries with this new life. We know where the edge of the envelope is. We know what will imprint and what will not.
Also, we have that great motivation. We want to be remembered. We want eternity. Just like that "Fame" song, we deep down inside want to live forever. Most of us are not going to be great writers, painters, leaders, inventors. But we hope to live forever through our children and their children in some way.
I find this new passage in my life more intense than I expected. I wish I wasn't so busy!
My grandkids are so old we're on a first-name basis. Maybe I can get that Tabor feeling if THEY have some kids....
ReplyDeleteMy youngest son is getting married this summer. So maybe I'll find out soon enough!
ReplyDeletebeautifully written, tabor!
ReplyDeletealas, grandkids are something i will never know, since i don't have any kids, i have no plans to have any kids, nor do i have the opportunity to have kids. on the other hand, i like other people's kids .. i like to spoil them and send them home to the parents to straighten out. i am the "cool aunt" that many kids don't have, but are in desperate need of.
or so i like to believe.
GrrlScientist
I love your blog for many reasons, and one is that you have given me a different perspective on a number of things - an understanding, if you will. I just couldn't understand why my parents and my in laws are the way they are with my kids, which drove me nuts for a long time. But now I know. They're in love! :)
ReplyDeleteHoss,
ReplyDeleteWhat a good reason to keep on living! You get to do this all over again.
colleen,
I can hardly wait!
Hedwig,
You let me know when you are free and I will loan you my grandchildren when they are old enough to learn about birds...by the way did you see the article on the parrot that broke up the couple by revealing...oh well another blog.
manababies,
You also give me great insight from you end of the baby spectrum.
Well said. I was wondering myself why it is that our 2-month-old granddaughter (our first grandchild) looks so perfect to us and why she is the first thing that I think of when I wake up in the morning and why I babble on about the charming way she waves her legs in the air and the expression on her face just before she goes to sleep ...
ReplyDeleteYour point on wishing to be remembered is well taken. Sadly our granddaughter's other grandfathe died a couple of weeks ago. What touched me most in the obituary and eulogy was the memories of how much his grandsons (his but not mine) enjoyed spending time with him on his boat. I hope one day they can say the same of me and my granddaughter ..